Posted: 10/17/2006 12:11:36 PM EDT
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Hi ladies, My brother and his wife were pregnant with their third girl and was due the second week of November. My sister-in-law, Stacy, had been feeling ill and had made a couple trips to the emergency room the last couple of weeks. Eact time tests were run, the baby's vitals were checked, and she was released. She went into the emergency room last Thursday morning and the doctors said that she had lost the baby due to a complication in the mother's liver and they had to do an emergency c-section to save Stacy. She was finally moved out of intensive care yesterday and she has been upgraded to serious condition. I got to see the baby...the sweetest little thing with a head full of black hair. She weighed 5 lbs. 8 ounces. Obviously, this was very devastating to the family, especially to my brother and his wife. If the doctors had found out earlier what the problem was the baby could have been saved and my brother and his wife are feeling like they are guilty in some way. I was just wondering if any of you have any advice for parents that go through such a thing that I could pass along. I'm in college, not married, and have no kids so I'm not very good with dealing with this type of thing and have no idea of the pain they must be going through. Honestly, I think I just wanted to vent a little about it...I have always thought the world of my two little nieces before but this has given me a new appreciation. Thanks. Clint |
Really sorry for the loss.  It has to be so hard to go thru almost the complete pregancy and then loose the baby. That happened to my Mom, 41 years ago, and to this day, she has a hard time with it. One thing they didn't do is name the baby. Just be there and listen when they need a shoulder to cry on. Once again, very sorry for the loss.
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| My wife and I lost our baby boy about 3 years ago. She was completely devastated by grief. She found an online infant and pregnancy loss website/forum and it has helped her immensely to deal with it. She's doing well now (we've had another baby since), but she still is a member of the site and posts there quite often. In fact she goes there more than I go to ARFCOM. She has even met a couple of women on there in our area who she's become friends with. I would even go so far as to say that her online "support group" saved her (or at least saved me and my insurance co. alot of money for therapy). If you want to IM me, I'll get back to you later with the website. She's not here right now, but will be home later tonight. I don't know which website it is; that's her thing. I wish them the best. |
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Not many people know what to say or do when something like this happens. The most important thing is to be there for them - whatever that entails. A lot of people tend to avoid grieving parents just because they don't know what to say when they see them. If there is a support group or someone they can talk to, maybe you could offer to babysit your nieces while they go. I am very sorry for your loss. I know it must be devastating for all of you. |
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Everyone has to deal with this on their own in their own way. When I lost my baby I received two cards that really comforted me, I'm not exactly sure why, but oddly as it it was, they upset my husband. The cards were just simple cards from two friends of mine who had lost babies too. They each had a brief note stating that they knew what I was going through. I hadn't known about their lost babies at the time I lost mine and though I would never wish that on anyone - it was a comfort to me. Anyway, one thing that I hated was hearing people say "It probably had something majorily wrong with it" or "IT was probably too perfect" Both statements were fingernails on the chaulk board for me. There is a song that my Priest played at my baby's funeral that helped me too. It is by Garth Brooks. I still cry when I hear that song but it helps me [we women are like that!] Looking back on the memory of The dance we shared beneath the stars above For a moment all the world was right How could I have known you'd ever say goodbye And now I'm glad I didn't know The way it all would end the way it all would go Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain But I'd of had to miss the dance Holding you I held everything For a moment wasn't I the king But if I'd only known how the king would fall Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all And now I'm glad I didn't know The way it all would end the way it all would go Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain But I'd of had to miss the dance Yes my life is better left to chance I could have missed the pain but I'd of had to miss the dance God Bless you all, your family is in my prayers. Patty
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