Posted: 12/14/2004 9:34:27 AM EDT
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I don't understand why people that have 1 kid in day care would purposely get pregnant with a second child. If both parents are working and the kid is being raised by someone else for most of the week then why go have another one?? I find that extremely selfish. My friend and his wife just found out they are pg with their second child. They both work 50 hours a week and their son splits the week between both sets of grandparents. OK so he isn't in day care but he still isn't being raised by his parents. They have been trying to conceive their second child because his wife wanted to be done having kids by the time she is 30 (she just had her 30th bday). Well I just don't think that people should force babies to fit into their schedule. If they aren't going to make the sacrifice to scale down and stay home to care for their children then stop breeding. Add to that I talked to my friend and his wife and I told them as mother of twins I know how incredily unfair it is to have 2 kids under 2 at the same time. I try my best but obviously neither one gets the 1 on 1 attention they deserve and it kills me. UGH. It just pisses me off when people bring babies into this world to satisfy their selfish ego's then hand them to someone else to raise. yeah yeah I know I am being judgemental. |
Please slap your friend next time you see them. I'm nearly 30 and not even married. |
| Oh trust me it is one of my biggest pet peeves. I truly feel sorry for the grandparents. They raised their kids and should not have to raise their grandkids. Oh don't get me started. I have a couple of sister-in-laws that can't be bothered to raise their kids. Arghhhh!!!! |
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You mean in these progressive times, there are still people who raise their own kids? Why would they do that when they can hand them over to a stranger making minimum wage? The only reason to have kids in the first place is so you can show off their pictures at work and put them on your Christmas cards, right? </sarcasm> |
and household chores </more sarcasm> oh damn it, I posted in the women's forum again......sorry |
ha ha ha we sucked you in! |
lol.....dern it....... |
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This is probably reason number one that I do not have children. There is no way I could afford to quit my job and I REFUSE to put my child in daycare or ask my family to be responsible for my child. QuietShootr was essentially raised by his grandparents and while he loves them dearly, I know that it was a strain on them and I would never ask that of my family. Don't even get me started on daycares...I visit about 10 of them each month and have very few good things to say about them. The nice ones with caring workers are certainly in the minority. 
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I worked for the first year of lilgh's life. But in my defense, MrGH stayed home during the day, I stayed home evenings. We made it work so he never seen daycare. When MrGH bid days and got it, I quit work. A lot of belt tightening, very little gun and ammo money, but we are all happier for it. And for the record, I was 37 when he lilGH was born... arowneragain... 30 is NOT the cutoff for kids. You can have healthy happy kids later in life too. We are currently trying for another little one before I hit 40. Not to many more mths until we give up though. I agree with the original intent of this message... if you can't raise them, why have them? |
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yep, and let me also say, I don't regret my "late in life" baby at all. He has been the bright spot in many of my days. |
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DpC, Don't know how you do it with twins as I've one 15 month old that I wonder if I give enough attention to. He's home with me; I, like you, have become judgemental of couples who do not make the effort to give hands on care to their children. But... I'm from a broken home. My mom had to work. It affected us dramatically, and not in a good way, but what could she do? We had a series of babysitters, most bad. Remember being amazed at one babysitter's house because I got someone's undivided attention. I liked it, but... it was because I'd been stung by a bee. |
 that's so sad 
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| I agree that too much daycare is too hard on children and should be avoided. My husband works full time, and I am a student. I waited until my daughter was in kindergarten to start school, this allows me to take classes while she is at school. My husband is at home during the day, if she needs to be picked up early from school, he is here to take care of her. By the time she is home from school, I am done with my classes, and we spend the evening together while my hub is at work. This way there is at least one parent at home all day and night long. It is possible to work out your schedules to meet your children's needs. Sure we would have more money if I worked in the evening after school a couple nights a week, but then our daughter would be jumping from one grandparents house to another while I worked. |
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I, personally, would LOVE to be home with my 19-month old son all the time, but I can't. His father and I are not married yet (please don't kill me for that, we are engaged!) and do not live together. We are as broke as broke can be. When we got pg, I knew there was no way I could have an abortion, so we carried on with the pregnancy. My son and I live with my parents, who watch him while I am in college. I believe that an education is a very important thing, and if someone is there to help you to attain that goal, you should go for it! My fiance works two jobs so that we can get married and someday soon live together. We are doing all we can to get our lives together, but are very thankful for the help we are receiving. Believe me, I do NOT want my child being raised by my parents or anyone else, but at this point in time, there is not much of a choice avaliable. It is either this or I give up my education. As soon as I get home from school, I take care of my son, no matter what the problem. He is the light of my life, and I would not change a thing. BTW, I think that sometimes daycare is good for a child. It teaches him social skills that he will probably not learn at home, by himself. As long as there is a loving, responsible person watching after your child, it can be a good thing. 
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aw, no worries, sweetie--we all have our moments my nephew is in childcare and my sister and BIL have been very careful about who they select to watch him--he enjoys it most days and is a very social little guy--my sister is a teacher, so she is off work all holidays and during the summer i dont fault their decisions, but like ML, its one of the reasons i dont have kids--id want to be a SAHM 
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I met my husband on his 30th birthday.  DPC, rant on honey!  I know I'm blessed to be able to spend so much time with my kids so I'm lovin' every minute of it.  Ain't kids great?! |
First there are exceptions to every rule and you are one of them. Good luck and good job! Next don't get "suckered" into the whole persona that socializing is so necessary. True kids need to be around other kids and they need to have interactions but really this could be easily done in a controlled setting such as a play group or church. Young preschool age children bennifit far more from the loving nurture of parents and grandparents than that of a daycare setting. This security is their foundation for their future. I homeschooled my children for many years and heard time and time again how they needed socialization. What exactly about having inmoral behavoirs and disrespect crammed down my daughter's preverbial throat so important to her upbringing? Granted we all have to learn to get along with @sswholes and you [unless Mom's really PMSing] don't get that at home as well BUT really how much of this do our kids truly need to become secure, responsible, productive adults?  Patty |
+1 I AM 30 no wife, no kids. Haven't even started, and she wanted to be done by now?! Good grief! |
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This is why people should not have kids until they are old and wise enough. My wife and I were both working, pulling in alot of money. We bought a house that we could carry on 1/2 of my salary alone. We knew she would be home raising kids, and I would be working. Pregnant with our second child, I lost my job (got a big severance though). Found another one that paid about 75% of my former job within 1 month. I won't be buying another BMW anytime soon, but good planning allowed us to keep on trucking. We don't have as much play money, but we do well. TXL |
There is a huge difference between your situation and two college educated adults that both make $50K a year and refuse to give up their careers for their existing child, then choose to bring a second child into this world knowing they have no intention of taking care of that child. Editing to add: my husband just recently took a pay cut and a demotion so that we could move our kids to a state with a better educational system and an overall better environment in which to raise them. We didn't even think twice about earning less money. |
DpC, do not feel this way; I am sure you are a great mother. Your concern over this indicates that. Having twins is not the same as having two children less than two years apart. Twins are special and so are the people who are 'chosen' to be their parents. At the age they are now I would not even worry about this; as they get older you and their father may wish to spend time with each child one on one. Twins have a special bond - they have each other. I will just about guarantee that in a few years you are going to feel like an outsider to some extent when they twins are around if they have a typical twin relationship. You will do fine; just keep your faith. You are extremely fortunate to have been chosen to be the parent of twins. |