Posted: 11/6/2007 8:54:29 AM EDT
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Is it possible to have a civil divorse??? We are on that road and I am trying everything I can to keep it together. She is not convinced she wants to go to counseling. It would not bother me but she thinks she can just move out of state with my son, putting him 6+ hours away. As soon as I say no we will have a blood bath on our hands. She will come after my bussiness and as soon as I am working my ass off for nothing more than giveing her money I will walk away from it and it will come to a grinding halt. Nothing left for anyone, and two guys loose their jobs. I'll likely be ruined financially and unable to provide much for my son. If I let her move out of state I work more to pay her child support and pay for the cost of visiting my son. My weekends consist 12 hours of driveing assuming she meets me halfway without incident. Thats also assuming I can get away because I have to work more to make more to pay her and build the company. Also she could be legally entitled to 30% of the damn thing as I acquired 60% after we got married. Then when I work all the time have no $$ and never see my boy, I walk away from it to move closer and two guys lose their jobs. Any one have experience or advice for me. I expect to speak with an attorney soon. I want to get along with her and do my part but I have to have access to my son or its no deal. |
As for your business, sell it to someone you REALLY TRUST for $1.00. That way, if she goes after it, give her the $.50 she deserves. Most divorces are not nice. I caught mine in bed w/ her co-worker while I was undergoing surgery for cancer. Long story short, she got screwed so bad she had no idea which way was up. Best advice I can give from someone in your shoes, get a lawyer, get one now, and FILE FIRST. It's easier to tell her what you want, than to ask for it. If you're at the point you want a divorce, it's over. If you have any guns you want to get rid of or other valuables you collected while you were married, sell 'em to same friend from above. Of course, all this is predicated that you're in a no-fault state and everything is 50/50. If you have a Glock 26 you wanna get rid of ... let me know  ETA: On that note, two things I forgot about. First... why are divorces so damn expensive???? Because they're WORTH IT!!! Second, if you think your wife is being nice...  is what'll happen! Best of luck bud.
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The judge will see right through this one and you will still owe her $$, and it will piss off the judge you tried to hide assets. |
Agreed....not a good move. |
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Going to see my friends divorse attorney on Wed. He came out real well. I have been kicking a few strategy's around but wont set a course of action until I get his advice. My friend said he is real good at laying it all out there. "You need to do this, this, and this, then that etc. When I was a kid I used to try and dig deep holes in my sand box but could never get past the hard earth under the sand, that little plastic shovel would just break. Right now I am diggin deep and searching for a better shovel. I can only hope she falls madly in love with one of these guys. Then, if I am lucky she says fuck it and splits to be with him, leaving my boy with me. I am hopeing to win this war, if thats even possible. Perhaps its more a matter of mitigating the damage. |
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OK, I've been there.... If you come to an agreement and she takes the kid out of state GET IT SIGNED OFF BY A JUDGE before she goes. Once she establishes residency she'll file for revision in that state then you'll be paying for two attorney's plus commuting to hearings. If it's filed in your current state that state retains jurisdiction and she has to come back to make changes. If she chooses to go out of state she's the one that should be paying for or providing transportation. Unless your an ass most states won't let her make it impossible for you to see your son. IMO, forget trying to "keep it together" she's already made her decision and has another option in the other state. Good luck brother. |
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Went thru an ugly divorce just as I was getting out of the Coast Guard. She got a public defender and I had to get an attorney on the little money I was making which sucked the big one. Thank god no kids, just material stuff. I've had several friends and family that have has some HUGE problems. Couple words of advice: Get everything in writing, trust NO ONE that knows her or is on her side of things. Even if your family talks to her, becareful what you say about her. You'd be amazed at what gets back to your wife thru the grapevine. Go to counseling...it looks good in court even if you are only going thru the motions. Tell your kids that you will love them no matter what. Let them know that this is NOT their fault. Kids are always the biggest victims in this and they tend to blame themselves. And finally, do you know why divorce is so expensive? Because it is worth it! Be strong brother and be there for your kids. |
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1- Assume everything you say and do is recorded 2- Dont believe or trust anything she tells you. SHE IS LIEING!!! 3- Get over it, she DOES NOT love your dumb ass, and will manipulate you with your feelings. Unfortunatly she is now the enemy and know all your weaknesses 4- Go slow and really REALLY think about what you are doing. DO NOT agree to anything yet. You will not think clearly due to stress, no sleep, not eating, etc... 5- lawyer up, pit bull bitch female lawer with a reputation. 6 While you are up at night, unable to sleep, study family law in you state. Study your ass off. I knew more about family law than her lawer, I was very nice and smiled with shark teeth. I have been their brother. Pray for guidance. Many states favor shared custody and base support on time spent with each parent. If you keep your head, you may not be as bad off as you think. Save your money for a war fund, sell what every you have, on the low low. You can always buy more stuff. I have 4 kids and have them more than their mother, its great. If you have kids, swallow your pride, develop a game plan, manipulate that bitch. It worked for me, I have never even been into a court room!!!! Do not be a freak, dont beg, maintain your manhood and controll the situation from the outside. You get more flies with sugar than honey. Keep your cool. I am not an english major, so get over my spelling and gramer. |
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"...prevents her from spending like an idiot..." Cancel all credit cards that are joint. IMMEDIATELY DO NOT deposit ANY money into any joint bank accounts. Be very careful of withdrawing the money from joint accounts. If you move it to another account DO NOT put it into your NEW accounts in YOUR NAME ONLY. Either open a seperate account to protect the cash or keep is as CASH. DO NOT SPEND IT on anything that would not be considered a joint debt. The money in joint accounts is either a marital asset or community property (varies by state) but the end result is the same, it is not individually yours or hers, but you BOTH own it. If you spend it on non-joint expenses the judge may force you to replace her portion. Joint expenses would include child support, joint mortgage payments, utility bills up to the data she moved out, etc. |
| I'd have to assume that ANY lawyer that you'd hire would be AT LEAST more literate than some of the geniuses posting advice in this thread. I've been through two divorces and prevailed (if anyone does truly "prevail") in both of them. Hire the best lawyer that you can find and take his/her advice. When you let your emotions make your decisions for you, (like sacrificing your business to "show her.") it'll come back to bite you in the ass. If you think you'd be a better parent than your wife, seek custody of your children. I did, and won, both times. |
I'm a divorce lawyer and you need to speak to one. I usually get reductions in child support for clients that have to travel for visitation, because we take into account travel expenses. Depending on your state's laws, you might be able to prevent her from removing the child from the state. It's tough in NY to get a judge to allow you to move a child out of state away from a parent. |
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just a thought.... The grass isn't always greener on the other side and life was meant to be tough is there anyway this marriage is worth fighting to save instead of fighting to destroy unless she or you are unfaithful you usually can fight thru the hard times and keep your family together however she must realize this also I'm not a lawer/never had a divorce/ and don't really know your situation its just seems a better solution if possible either way good luck |
Totally correct! also do what brickeye says: Hasten thee to a lawyer (Been there done that  )
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My wife and I had a civil divorce. The marraige was in its death throes for a couple of years and after some unforgivable actions on her part we both realized it just wouldn't work. We went to the lawyer together (the lawyer said that was a first in 20 years of practice) with no disputes about property or custody. 60 day waiting period passed and we went to court and said "yes, your honor" a few times and that was that. She's a great -GREAT- mother and there's no open animosity. It sucks, don't get me wrong, but that's what happened. -j. |
I have had friends who got divorced. (I have never been married.) The credit cards get split 50/50, NO MATTER WHO SPENT THE MONEY! So, first thing is to go max out the cards BEFORE she does. |
From all the divorces that have seen if you dont pay at least 10,000 as a retainer then kiss your son, half of your paycheck, and 3/4 of your things goodbye. Sorry, but around here(Texas Panhandle) you need to hire a bulldog. Don't be nice about it, don't feel sorry for her, don't give in to her bs attempts to make it civil because her lawyer reminds her that this is going to be expensive. Once she throws that gauntlet down you've got to force feed it back to her and don't stop ever, your lawyer should keep her lawyer and the courts so mired in paperwork that it will take years to figure it all out. It is a waiting game and you need to act first. Sorry Man, divorce can be really hard. I have personally seen it destroy some men, but those that took action fast and hard faired better. On the other hand if she has any shit on you your life can be made hell, because she's going to use ((any)) leverage possible. Photos, illegal items, illegal activities, police reports of abuse. Women are vicious in divorce, we as the "dumber" animal never see that coming because we see a loving supportive nurturer, and lul ourselves into thinking they could never act like that. I have been friends on both sides of these situations and I have seen these seemingly intelligent fair minded women turn into ravenous greedy victimized shit heads that actually felt good about the exuberant amount of money they got in child support. Disclaimer: I have not been divorced so I have no personal experience. ETA: My wife just read this and agrees with me. But I'm still afraid of her. Again, I'm sorry Daryl Semper Fi |
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I'm going through one now. I'll second some things already said. Divorce is not civil! This is the first thing to keep in mind. File first! Keep the home field advantage! (I didn't) Do not let her take Your child out of the house and You do not move out either! Call the cops on her for kidnapping if she does. (I let her take my Son to try to keep things civil. It will be looked at by the Judge as giving up Your rights) If she is having an affair get photo's (private eye). Some say hide assets some say don't, I say hide what You can. If she don't know You have it now, let a friend "have" it. If You can, get a lawyer. Get on the net and the library and get all the info You can even if You get a lawyer. (I am Going it Pro Se. My lawyer was crap and lost his paycheck to alimony in the initial hearing). Be in for the long haul. Mine has been ongoing for over a year now. Get Yourself a new account without her name and move everything to it. Make the judge take it from You instead of her. If she moves out of town she will have to wait generally 90days in most States to file. File first! If she has an address out of State now, she may be able to file immediately. It really sucks and is an emotional drain. Do what You think is best for Your Kids. 
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