Posted: 12/29/2010 8:33:37 PM EDT
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My wife and I have known each other for 8 years and been married for 3. She is, in a nutshell, a little crazy (she has admitted this herself). She is Chilean, spoiled rotten and irresponsible, and has a problem controlling her temper. She has been on medication for the last 2 or 3 years to try and help her control herself a little better––––with mixed results. Ours has always been a tumultuous relationship, but we've usually agreed about most things that are fundamental, we share common goals and values and we've always managed to kiss and make up. I sat down with my wife before we we were married and told her that if we were to get married that divorce could not ever be an option, she agreed, and that has remained our understanding throughout our ups and downs. We've fought from time to time but divorce has never come up––––––-until today. Today we had an argument that escalated to the point of her screaming profanity at me in front of our 20 month old daughter. This isn't the first time that this has happened but it was definitely the worst. I ultimately told her that I wasn't going anywhere but that if she was so unhappy with me, then she was free to leave (without our daughter) whenever she wished. That only made things worse and now she is threatening to divorce me. Quite frankly, my wife would be an absolute disaster for herself and for our daughter without me ––––––––––––––to the point that I've agonized quite a bit about what would happen to her and my daughter if something happened to me. She knows nothing about finance, how to manage a household and has no marketable job skills (she waits tables a few days a month to help out). I pay and manage all the bills, make about 90% of our household income and manage pretty much everything regarding our household. I don't think my wife even knows how to write a check. I've tried to get her more involved with learning all of these sorts of things but she just isn't interested. I absolutely do not want a divorce but I take anyone's (including my wife's) threats very seriously and I am considering covertly consulting with an attorney to see where I would likely stand in the event that my wife was serious with her threats. I only want to explain my situation to the attorney, discuss options and ask a few questions. So–––––– what is the best way to go about selecting the best attorney, how do I do it and how much is it going to cost for a consultation? |
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As far as selecting an attorney–– ask those who've been through the mill. The opinions of the men who've been through your situation are worth a million times what anyone on arfcom can offer.
I say this because arfcom spans all states and most countries, and divorce laws vary widely from state to state. Don't take the advice of a Marylander if you live in California. Is there ANY chance you can get into counseling before you decide to split up? It will (probably) look much, much better for you in court if you can say you've sought counseling–– AND, if custody becomes an issue, the counselor may be a valuable witness in your favor. Choose your counselor with as much care as you do your lawyer. The smartest (who was going through a divorce) guy I ever met was the one who consulted with about ten or fifteen friends who'd been divorced. The DUMBEST isn't even worth mentioning. Oh, okay, I'll mention him: He decided to share a lawyer with his wife, to save money. He got skinned. |
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Code 99,
You are not married that long. You two are still grinding each other down until you get a perfect fit. Eventually you will become a little like her and she will become a little like you. My first 5 years of marriage weren't easy. We fought all the time and over nothing. I am still married to the same woman 27 years later and I love her more then when we got married. Honestly, cross my heart. I hate to use cliches, but don't sweat the small staff. She cursed you, big deal. As long as there is no infidelity and you are attracted to each other don't give up. Learn how to yield and she will do the same. Too many people give up too soon, you got to roll with the punches. Perfect woman doesn't exist. You have to accept the bad with the good. Sorry for preaching, just my opinion. |
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Call several and ask them if they were getting a divorce who would they get.
Thats what I did and he was worth every cent. My first visit was free but that will depend on the Lawyer. Mine did not require a retainer either. If she has been commited you should get primary custody (excluding one of the peoples republics). You would most likley have to pay support for her. |
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Quoted:
Code 99, You are not married that long. You two are still grinding each other down until you get a perfect fit. Eventually you will become a little like her and she will become a little like you. My first 5 years of marriage weren't easy. We fought all the time and over nothing. I am still married to the same woman 27 years later and I love her more then when we got married. Honestly, cross my heart. I hate to use cliches, but don't sweat the small staff. She cursed you, big deal. As long as there is no infidelity and you are attracted to each other don't give up. Learn how to yield and she will do the same. Too many people give up too soon, you got to roll with the punches. Perfect woman doesn't exist. You have to accept the bad with the good. Sorry for preaching, just my opinion. Just had my 21st wedding anniversary with my wife in December. He's speaking the truth. Heated squabbles with "language" are common during tough times. Lots of spouses talk divorce. I know of several couples who now hitting 18-21 years. Most things can be resolved with several peaceful days, a few kind gestures, a nice dinner, humble loving words, some aromatic candles, and a nice bottle of wine. As a lawyer whose heard most variations on your experience, I will also tell you to value what you have and start courting her again. Once she knows that you value her, things subsidize. Years ago, I was a short term at-home dad with three small children and and small law practice, I can tell you its quite stressful especially if it's your first child. Fighting is just not worth it. She's your partner. Hang in there and don't forget to show her the love. |