[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Confidence (Page 1 of 2)
Posted: 12/25/2009 10:35:56 PM EDT
|
Probably a mistake to post this here, but what the hell.
I lack confidence in a lot of things. I'm not a total social retard - I graduated from school with a 3.7GPA and the respect of all my teachers. I'm well respected where I work, and I've held the same job for 5 years. The computer business I run on the side has had several happy customers. My lack of confidence is affecting my personal and professional lives. It leads me to plan ahead obsessively, to avoid risk and not take chances. I run everything I say through a mental filter to avoid offending people. I doubt everything I do, even though I play everything safe. This post, for example, I've started and cleared 3 times. This isn't fun anymore. I don't like being this way. Does anyone here know any ways to build confidence? |
|
Maybe become friends with some slight risk-takers so they can bring some spontaneity and mild risk into your life, and when you realize that it is usually fun, it will become more natural. And even if it isn't fun, it usually doesn't suck.
Good luck. ETA: And posting that here WAS a risk ... good job 
|
|
Quoted:
Weight lifting during the winter, running during the summer. Been doing that as long as I can remember. Why not year round? You can do both at the same time! I think exercise and lifting weights is one of the best things in gaining confidence. You look good, and feel good. |
|
Quoted:
Probably a mistake to post this here, but what the hell. I lack confidence in a lot of things. I'm not a total social retard - I graduated from school with a 3.7GPA and the respect of all my teachers. I'm well respected where I work, and I've held the same job for 5 years. The computer business I run on the side has had several happy customers. My lack of confidence is affecting my personal and professional lives. It leads me to plan ahead obsessively, to avoid risk and not take chances. I run everything I say through a mental filter to avoid offending people. I doubt everything I do, even though I play everything safe. This post, for example, I've started and cleared 3 times. This isn't fun anymore. I don't like being this way. Does anyone here know any ways to build confidence? I think you could fix that by figuring out what you would normaly do, and then do the opposite, all the time. But do it with stangers so you don't fuck up a good relationship. A bar would be a good place to do this. Bring handcuffs 
|
|
I have friends who are risk takers. And by risk takers, I mean they live perfectly normal lives. They drink occasionally, they go on road trips, they have girlfriends. I don't know any risk takers, if by risk takers you mean people who drag race and base jump.
I am, by all outward appearances, a reasonably successful, reasonably smart young adult. I'm not cowering in a corner somewhere. I just...lack confidence. I play life obsessively safe. |
|
Quoted:
Probably a mistake to post this here, but what the hell. I lack confidence in a lot of things. I'm not a total social retard - I graduated from school with a 3.7GPA and the respect of all my teachers. I'm well respected where I work, and I've held the same job for 5 years. The computer business I run on the side has had several happy customers. My lack of confidence is affecting my personal and professional lives. It leads me to plan ahead obsessively, to avoid risk and not take chances. I run everything I say through a mental filter to avoid offending people. I doubt everything I do, even though I play everything safe. This post, for example, I've started and cleared 3 times. This isn't fun anymore. I don't like being this way. Does anyone here know any ways to build confidence? Dude. Ive been right where you are now... I totally know how it feels and you are pretty much at the point where I said FUCK IT. You gotta wake up every day and say today is going to be fucking great. Forget what anybody says or thinks about you beucase they dont mean jack. You gotta love life and cherish it because you never know when its gonna end. Im 100 times more outgoing now, more friends, better attitude in general and better relationships with girls. "How great would life be if we lived a little of it every day" Remember that quote. Hope I helped brother... |
|
You sound like me. In business, risk on next quarter's statement is counterweighted by how much slack you have (and can put back for SHTF) in this quarter's statement.
Life isn't quite so black and white. Which is why you and I are confused by people around us, which brings us to our lack of understanding how to approach social situations. Especially the opposite sex. Business can be researched. Business (feild dependent) has a few tried and true "do a, b, and c" plans that work. Social situations (especially approaching women) have about a billion complex variables, which is where we become confused and overwhelmed with where to begin. There is no "you are here, follow the yellow brick road" path with "do a, b, c 'guide to picking up/dating women for dummies'" kind of manuals for it. What makes it worse is the #1 thing people tell you that you need to be attractive to women is confidence. This elusive substance often accompanies Unobtanium deposits mined for the Space Shuttle Door Gun Barrels, and we simply dont know where to find it. So you haven't left the gate yet. and already all you want to do is turn around and go home. Join the club; today we have 1/2 price memberships.
|
|
Quoted:
<snip> I resemble that remark.  Got any suggestions.
Quoted:
DUUUUUUUUUUDE You guys are really missing this. OP is a virgin. /thread By choice. Been offered twice. Refused both times. I know I am missing "something" but I sincerely doubt that sex is the only thing in the world that would increase my confidence. Just like exercise. There was a time in my life when I was running 13 miles a day, 6 days a week. I was happier (which might or might not be a coincidence, since I had a new job for 3 months and a sort-of girlfriend), but had no more confidence. Nice jab at me though. |
|
Quoted:
Quoted:
DUUUUUUUUUUDE You guys are really missing this. OP is a virgin. /thread By choice. Been offered twice. Refused both times. I know I am missing "something" but I sincerely doubt that sex is the only thing in the world that would increase my confidence. Nice jab at me though. Nope, he called it. Get laid. |
|
I getsa muh selph usteam frum beeng ripted. <––- lol
Yeh, you can be a gym-fag all you want. Confidence is made with success. If you are successful you should be more confident. You aren't successful where you want to be succesful, therefore, you are a virgin. We can help. |
|
Quoted:
Quoted:
DUUUUUUUUUUDE You guys are really missing this. OP is a virgin. /thread By choice. Been offered twice. Refused both times. I know I am missing "something" but I sincerely doubt that sex is the only thing in the world that would increase my confidence. Nice jab at me though. Well not to diss my favorite past time but you are not going to change by posting on ARFCOM. Get out there man, do some livin and try something new. |
|
Quoted:
I knew I could count on ARFCOM telling me that getting laid was the answer to all my problems. My religious and philosophical objections to that still stand however, and are unyielding. Next option? And military service is not an option. "Hey! ARFCOM. Help me out" The hive "Do A, B, and C" "A, B, and C suck! what else can I do?" The hive "D" "No, I can't do D either" |
|
Quoted:
Join the Marines Fuckin' A. It's what I did. Haven't become a Marine YET though so my confidence is still shit. 
Actually I was where you were at. Had some tough life experience thrust upon me and came out ok through it all. That helped. Had some good experiences I took advantage of, too. I'm still not a huge risk taker and tend to overthink some things but nothing nearly as bad as where I was at a year or two ago. |
|
I think OP is worth some time:
First thing first you have to understand that putting your penis in a woman is the worst possible event to ever happen. Dick is like a drug to women and once you given them a "dose" they become crazed. Fuck that. Unfortunately, you are going to have to put your penis into a vagina frequently for like a year before you can gain enough confidence that you can wreck vagina. Like a passenger train smashing into another passenger train. A hatchet wound, like roast beef sandwich, like "I'm having trouble walking", carpet burn in the inside, prolapsed to the pink sock stage, like punching them in the stomach repeatedly until they pass out from oxygen deprivation. You have to utterly destroy vagina like it is your kyrptonite because it is. Nothing good comes from vagina, at all. Nothing. In fact, clubbing woman for sport would be legal, EXCEPT they have a vagina. It's really this venus fly trap that eats your penis and then devours your soul once it gets you. Mission 1: Go get laid, it's going to be the easiest 4-8 seconds ever. After you are finished in that brief time, do not apologize or say anything except this: "It would have taken longer if you weren't so fat." That will nullify any thoughts of her vagina being magical. Mission 2: Call same girl. Tell her you would love to get together again even though she is fat. Let her know that you can look past that because you are a better person than she is. Repeat Mission 1. Mission 3: ??? Mission 4: Profit. |
|
Quoted: I knew I could count on ARFCOM telling me that getting laid was the answer to all my problems. My religious and philosophical objections to that still stand however, and are unyielding. Next option? And military service is not an option. Good morning Jared. Skiing or snowboarding will help build confidence. Do you do either of these? |
|
Quoted:
Quoted:
I knew I could count on ARFCOM telling me that getting laid was the answer to all my problems. My religious and philosophical objections to that still stand however, and are unyielding. Next option? And military service is not an option. "Hey! ARFCOM. Help me out" The hive "Do A, B, and C" "A, B, and C suck! what else can I do?" The hive "D" "No, I can do D either" There are other ways to build confidence aside from fucking chicks. I'm sure it would help but for religious and moral reasons I've kept from dipping my wick in the inkwell(Ok, so it wasn't THAT hard but I've had my fair share of chances I've passed on). You have to force yourself to take chances. When you fail(and you will) you will discover that failing isn't going to kill you. It's perfectly fine to fail and I would rather try for something I want and fail than never try at all. |
|
Quoted:
Quoted:
I knew I could count on ARFCOM telling me that getting laid was the answer to all my problems. My religious and philosophical objections to that still stand however, and are unyielding. Next option? And military service is not an option. Good morning Jared. Skiing or snowboarding will help build confidence. Do you do either of these? Op needs to get laid first. This is critical. |
|
Quoted:
Mission 1: Go get laid, it's going to be the easiest 4-8 seconds ever. After you are finished in that brief time, do not apologize or say anything except this: "It would have taken longer if you weren't so fat." That will nullify any thoughts of her vagina being magical. Mission 2: Call same girl. Tell her you would love to get together again even though she is fat. Let her know that you can look past that because you are a better person than she is. Repeat Mission 1. Mission 3: ??? Mission 4: Profit. Don't forget to steal all the worlds underpants. Without that, no profit. |
|
Try this––and I just made this up on the fly with no background in the field whatsoever, so keep that in mind––put yourself if a situation where you can take 'risks' without any real consequences.
For example, you're doing it here on arfcom. You said you cleared and re-typed 3 times. Next time, no matter how much you want to change it, post what comes to mind and let it stand. You're taking a 'risk' in that you don't know how the hive is going to react, but at the end of the day there are no real consequences as long as you aren't breaking any laws or posting any personally identifiable information. If you completely screw up here, you can get a new name on a different board and start over. Through experience you'll 'learn' to post 'correctly' on the first try, and that will build confidence. Now, obviously, becoming an Internet ninja isn't going to solve your problem alone, but I'm sure that you and the hive can apply this idea to live-world situations, and eventually you can build some confidence to incorporate into your real life. |
|
Quoted:
Quoted:
I knew I could count on ARFCOM telling me that getting laid was the answer to all my problems. My religious and philosophical objections to that still stand however, and are unyielding. Next option? And military service is not an option. "Hey! ARFCOM. Help me out" The hive "Do A, B, and C" "A, B, and C suck! what else can I do?" The hive "D" "No, I can't do D either" Not to pick a fight here, I'm pretty sure you're trying to help in a tongue-in-cheek way, but if having premarital sex and/or joining the Marines are the only ways to gain confidence, this is a sorry-ass world. |
|
Quoted: I can't argue with this. Quoted: Op needs to get laid first. This is critical.Quoted: Good morning Jared. I knew I could count on ARFCOM telling me that getting laid was the answer to all my problems. My religious and philosophical objections to that still stand however, and are unyielding. Next option? And military service is not an option. Skiing or snowboarding will help build confidence. Do you do either of these? |
|
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
I knew I could count on ARFCOM telling me that getting laid was the answer to all my problems. My religious and philosophical objections to that still stand however, and are unyielding. Next option? And military service is not an option. "Hey! ARFCOM. Help me out" The hive "Do A, B, and C" "A, B, and C suck! what else can I do?" The hive "D" "No, I can't do D either" Not to pick a fight here, I'm pretty sure you're trying to help in a tongue-in-cheek way, but if having premarital sex and/or joining the Marines are the only ways to gain confidence, this is a sorry-ass world. What I'm trying to say is you lack confidence, and because of this, you don't want to do anything that we advice you to do. Take that how you will |
|
Quoted:
I think OP is worth some time: First thing first you have to understand that putting your penis in a woman is the worst possible event to ever happen. Dick is like a drug to women and once you given them a "dose" they become crazed. Fuck that. Unfortunately, you are going to have to put your penis into a vagina frequently for like a year before you can gain enough confidence that you can wreck vagina. Like a passenger train smashing into another passenger train. A hatchet wound, like roast beef sandwich, like "I'm having trouble walking", carpet burn in the inside, prolapsed to the pink sock stage, like punching them in the stomach repeatedly until they pass out from oxygen deprivation. You have to utterly destroy vagina like it is your kyrptonite because it is. Nothing good comes from vagina, at all. Nothing. In fact, clubbing woman for sport would be legal, EXCEPT they have a vagina. It's really this venus fly trap that eats your penis and then devours your soul once it gets you. Mission 1: Go get laid, it's going to be the easiest 4-8 seconds ever. After you are finished in that brief time, do not apologize or say anything except this: "It would have taken longer if you weren't so fat." That will nullify any thoughts of her vagina being magical. Mission 2: Call same girl. Tell her you would love to get together again even though she is fat. Let her know that you can look past that because you are a better person than she is. Repeat Mission 1. Mission 3: ??? Mission 4: Profit. This post deserves to be archived and preserved for posterity. And not because it is good advice. 
|
|
Throwing this out there...
During my psychiatry rotation back in med school I studied the concept of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Its a new approach and is having quite a bit of success. The book that really garnered huge amounts of respect from the competent psychiatric community [a very small community] for its benefits is one called "The Feeling Good Handbook", can't remember the physician author's name... But this approach is very successful, as it does go to the root of your thought patterns, using logical steps and progression, figures out where the disconnect(s) is/are, and ways to correct them slowly over time. Also, side note: keep in mind that all the recent studies have found that exercise is more beneficial for mental health of all forms (ie personality disorders, mood disorders, etc) than EITHER a: medicine alone, OR b) exercise + medicines. So try some moderate exercise regularly. ETA: Just to make it clear, I'm not saying you got specific psychiatric illness. That's what those quack shrinks do: "Oh, you open your car door with your left hand? Wow, you mom must have sexually abused you as a child." Not saying that. Just that exercise helps. Learning new things always jives me. Don't matter whether it's birds, theoretical physics, or politics. Just couple measley ideas to consider... |
|
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
I knew I could count on ARFCOM telling me that getting laid was the answer to all my problems. My religious and philosophical objections to that still stand however, and are unyielding. Next option? And military service is not an option. "Hey! ARFCOM. Help me out" The hive "Do A, B, and C" "A, B, and C suck! what else can I do?" The hive "D" "No, I can't do D either" Not to pick a fight here, I'm pretty sure you're trying to help in a tongue-in-cheek way, but if having premarital sex and/or joining the Marines are the only ways to gain confidence, this is a sorry-ass world. What I'm trying to say is you lack confidence, and because of this, you don't want to do anything that we advice you to do. Take that how you will Yea but telling him the only way to gain confidence is by compromising on his beliefs isn't really a help. He already said it's not going to happen. |
|
Quoted:
Throwing this out there... "The Feeling Good Handbook", can't remember the physician author's name... [/span]. Learning new things always jives me. Don't matter whether it's birds, theoretical physics, or politics. Just couple measley ideas to consider... I may have to check this one out too! If it is the one I found on eBay the author is David D. Burns M.D. |
|
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
I knew I could count on ARFCOM telling me that getting laid was the answer to all my problems. My religious and philosophical objections to that still stand however, and are unyielding. Next option? And military service is not an option. "Hey! ARFCOM. Help me out" The hive "Do A, B, and C" "A, B, and C suck! what else can I do?" The hive "D" "No, I can't do D either" Not to pick a fight here, I'm pretty sure you're trying to help in a tongue-in-cheek way, but if having premarital sex and/or joining the Marines are the only ways to gain confidence, this is a sorry-ass world. What I'm trying to say is you lack confidence, and because of this, you don't want to do anything that we advice you to do. Take that how you will I went the premarital sex route. It worked out well. Especially after I knocked her up, married her, went to Spain for a Honeymoon, and then was there for every second of labor and cutting the cord. I am king shit. I still feel scared sometimes but every tribulation and obstacle that I have encountered has been overcome. I also know that if I do not take a risk sometimes, that nothing will ever happen. One other thing: The hardest thing I ever learned to do was say "no". "no" to my wife when she was being overbearing, "no" to bosses, "no" to my parents. Learn to say no. |
|
Accept failure.
Don't fear failure. The baddest MFers I know have failed, gotten back up, and failed again. It is through failure that strength is built. You fear failure. Go fail, and go at it again, and again. Confidence is conquering demons, be they physical or mental. OBTW...keep going until you suceed!! 
|
