Posted: 8/18/2009 8:10:47 PM EDT
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Well...I never thought it would come to this, but my fiance and I are having THE big fight about this deployment. I know you are all gonna call me crazy for what Im gonna say about our relationship, but here it goes.
We started dating in college almost a year ago exactly and I instantly knew that this girl was the one. So after about 3 months of us dating I got the word that my National Guard unit was deploying to Iraq for a year (Im here now) and I cared about this girl enough to tell her that even though I wasnt on the Mobilization roster, I was thinking about volunteering for the deployment. She told me that it was my decision to make and that she would stand by any decision I made, so I volunteered and a couple months later I asked her to marry me. I know it seems sudden but I truly love this girl, and I know she loves me just as much. But now 3 months into me being in country, she just moved to Texas for a job she got right after graduating college, and we decided that when I come home on leave (which is a couple weeks away) that we would go ahead and get married and not wait till I got home. Her parents on the other hand, completely thought it was the wrong idea and basically have shunned her from the family, coupled with the fact of moving far away from home and away from my parents, she is having a hard time dealing with this and now isnt sure that us isnt such a great idea. I dont know what to do with this, this is my first deployment and I never thought I would have to deal with this. Anyone who has ever been deployed before and been through this have any good advice? Thanks guys, Im having a hard time dealing with this and any advice would be greatly appreciated. |
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Bud...
You both need to have a sit down. Her family shunning her over this is going to hurt her...alot. She's already away from family for work. And you're leaving soon for a year...yes? She is in a storm of emotions atm. Myself...Unless I knew she was the 'one'....I'd break it off and let her breath....if you truly think she's the 'one' then you two need to talk it out a bit...you're going into harms way and she has lost the support of her family....if your family is ready to pick up the slack...you two may be okay. If not....things will likely come apart. You're in a spot that I am glad I am not in. Best advice I can give you is to sit down with her...and talk it out. Just remember, with the info that you have given, it sounds like she'll be on her own and feeling alone, quite a bit. If she still wants to get married? Then get her involved with other wives in the unit as you can. |
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Quoted:
You already chose the Army by voluntarily deploying and she's already getting cold feet after 3 months, 3 fucking months. Maybe its not meant to be. Any way you feel about it, getting married while on leave is a bad decision IMHO. A few years ago a guy I know got married while he was on leave. He & his girlfriend had been having pretty much the same problems you've mentioned. Not long after he returned to Iraq, she emptied the bank accounts & found herself a boyfriend. |
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Slow down my friend. If there is a shadow of a doubt...DO NOT GET MARRIED.
I have the tee shirt and scars to prove that this is a bad idea. It also cost me half of everything I had. You are probably young. Things seem important when you are young and you tend to be in a hurry. If she is the real deal she will be there when you come back to CONUS after deployment. If you want a military career and she is trying to talk you out of it you will have a short marriage and lots of resentment when it blows up. Step back and evaluate. Good luck. |
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Quoted:
Slow down my friend. If there is a shadow of a doubt...DO NOT GET MARRIED. +1 The best advice I heard on this topic was "Don't marry the one you think you should marry. Marry the one the know you can't live without". Your descriptions certainly fall short of that, at least from her perspective. I'm here on my third tour, and can tell you that I know several folks who got married on leave or at mobilization station (as Guardsmen). What I can't tell you is that any of them worked out. 
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If it's meant to be; then she will still be waiting for you when you finish your tour. Unfortunately, marriage doesn't mean that much anymore - you only need look in your local bar to see how both single and married people respect marriage vows.
Wait until your tour is over. If she's still there and you're still into each other then you will have made the right decision and it may well be time for wedding bells. If not; then better to know now. |
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Marriage does not cure problems in a relationship. DO NOT GET MARRIED WHILE HOME ON LEAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Let the relationship run it's course. If you are still together upon you tour completion, then good. Then give the relationship another 7-9 months (get readjusted with each other). If after this time, all is well, then marry her. As someone posted previously. I can not tell you how many soldiers I have known in my career that got married before deployment, on R&R Leave, etc to later find out they had no money, no car, and were $20,000 to $50,000 in debt. I had one soldier who reenlisted in Iraq and recieved a $32,000 bonus. Guess how much he got to spend? ZERO. His wife was running the town taking her friends out partying, buying them $1,000 tats, etc...... She spent his bonus money, and everything he was making a month. She sold his truck,TV, Guns, Furniture, everything. He came home and had nothing. (General Power of Attorney's are hell). All of us NCO's went and bought him some clothes, so he could atleast not be in uniform while he went home on leave to his parents. We also bought his plane ticket. Where was the wife when he got home????????? She contacted him about 5 months after he was home, saying she was sorry and wanted to get back together. Of course she was broke. |
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dont get married, ever. If you really think she's the one then shack up, have kids, live life. If you truly love each other you can have a real commitment without being "married"
Marriage is just a mechanism by which you invite the government in and someone can take half your shit. |
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I'm happily married but in this case I have to say don't get married yet, give it time to see if she can make it through a whole deployment. Young love/lust is a great thing but you need to see if it will mature into the enduring love that will see both of you through the challenges that come up in every marriage. |
