Posted: 6/17/2009 7:07:54 AM EDT
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Oldies but goodies.
15. “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” –Benjamin Franklin 14. “I have taken more good from alcohol than alcohol has taken from me.” –Winston Churchill 13. “Scientists announced that they have located the gene for alcoholism. Scientists say they found it at a party, talking way too loudly.” –Conan O’Brien 12. “I'm not a heavy drinker; I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop.” –Noel Coward 11. “Beer is the reason I get out of bed every afternoon.” –Anonymous 10. “Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.” –Dave Berry 9. “It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.” –George F. Burns 8. “The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass.” –Martin Mull 7. “I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.” –Rodney Dangerfield 6. “Drinking is a way of ending the day.” –Ernest Hemingway 5. “Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.” –W.C. Fields 4. “I feel sorry for people who don't drink; when they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day” –Frank Sinatra 3. “Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic. Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupus... one of those two doesn't sound right.” –Mitch Hedberg 2. “Here's to alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.” –Homer Simpson 1. "Sir, you are drunk." -Bessie Braddock: "And you, madam, are ugly. But in the morning, I shall be sober." -Winston Churchill |
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Quoted: For those of you that don't know Chimay, it's made by Monks in Belgium. On one of the Transverse doors of the Church, carved in stone no less, there's this saying (translated): There is no beer in Heaven; that's why we drink it here.  o/` In Heaven there is no beer. That's why we drink it here. o/` |
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"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this....A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members."
"In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers." |
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Fill with mingled cream and amber
I will drain that glass again. Such hilarious visions clamber Through the chamber of my brain Quaintest thoughts - queerest fancies Come to life and fade away; What care I how time advances? I am drinking ale today. -Edgar Allan Poe |