Posted: 3/26/2009 5:09:32 PM EDT
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Just got finished watching "Hard Target" on "Comcast on Demand". I annoyed the hell out of my wife during the gun battle scenes because I kept yelling out "BULLSHIT! COMPLETE AND UTTER BULLSHIT!" (Yes, I really do talk that way).
I've never seen combat and don't claim to be a CQB expert, but I think that a FAL shooting rounds into a forest floor that results in 10-foot high explosions and shotguns that throw people 20 feet across a room falls into the category of "complete and utter bullshit". Oh, and Jean Claude van Dam with a mullet didn't help matters..... What an all-encompassing piece of shit this movie was. I want that 90 minutes back. |
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Just got finished watching "Hard Target" on "Comcast on Demand". I annoyed the hell out of my wife during the gun battle scenes because I kept yelling out "BULLSHIT! COMPLETE AND UTTER BULLSHIT!" (Yes, I really do talk that way). I've never seen combat and don't claim to be a CQB expert, but I think that a FAL shooting rounds into a forest floor that results in 10-foot high explosions and shotguns that throw people 20 feet across a room falls into the category of "complete and utter bullshit". Oh, and Jean Claude van Dam with a mullet didn't help matters..... What an all-encompassing piece of shit this movie was. I want that 90 minutes back. 15 minutes in why didn't you turn it off? |
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Just got finished watching "Hard Target" on "Comcast on Demand". I annoyed the hell out of my wife during the gun battle scenes because I kept yelling out "BULLSHIT! COMPLETE AND UTTER BULLSHIT!" (Yes, I really do talk that way). I've never seen combat and don't claim to be a CQB expert, but I think that a FAL shooting rounds into a forest floor that results in 10-foot high explosions and shotguns that throw people 20 feet across a room falls into the category of "complete and utter bullshit". Oh, and Jean Claude van Dam with a mullet didn't help matters..... What an all-encompassing piece of shit this movie was. I want that 90 minutes back. 15 minutes in why didn't you turn it off? I'm one of those people that once I start a movie, I have to finish it... no matter how crappy it is. Criticism, and shouting out my own lines for the movie, gets to be a sport after awhile... kind of like my own, personal Mystery Science Theater. (I know I'm on a roll when I get my wife to laugh hysterically during what are supposed to be "serious" moments in crappy movies.) |
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Your rant sucks. That movie rocks. Soooo, a movie that "rocks" for you includes: 1) 7.62 rounds from a FAL causing 10-foot-high explosions on a forest floor. 2) A millionaire who is paying $750, 000 to be in on a hunt and carries an AK.... with the stock folded.... while standing in a wide-open field 3) A single round from a 12 gauge throwing a guy 20-feet across the room 4) Wilfred Brimly with a cheesey, fake-ass cajun accent, and no oatmeal in sight, taking on a group of heavily armed men.... with a bow and arrow, minimal concealment and no cover. 5) "Professionals" wildly firing, full-auto from the hip... and apparently amazed that they didn't hit their target. 6) This could go on forever... fuck it. 7) ETA: Almost forgot my favorite scene: Bad guy at the end gets a grenade dropped down his pants. He manages to get it out of his pants. Does he then throw the grenade as far away from himself as he can? No... he decides it's a much better idea TO TAKE 2 SECONDS TO REMOVE THE MOTHERFUCKING FUSE FROM THE GRENADE!!!!! Amazingly, he does this, but the fuse goes off and sparks ignite the main charge blowing him to dumb-ass bad-guy Valhalla... oh, but there's a momentary pause giving him just enough time to say "uh-oh". This scene alone stank up the room as much as my dog does after eating chili. Whatever floats your boat, dude. |
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It's a John Woo film.................what did you expect?
Ever hear of Windtalkers?..................I rest my case. I watched Hard Target for the comical value! I have also spent alot of time in NO (pre-Katrina) and recognize a lot of the places where the filming takes place. |
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I watched it years ago. I only made it through by waiting for Yancy Butler to get nekkid. She didn't.   Yet another line-item to add to my "List of things that piss me off about Hard Target". This one?: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:6.8.08YancyButlerByLuigiNovi.jpg |
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I watched it years ago. I only made it through by waiting for Yancy Butler to get nekkid. She didn't. Yet another line-item to add to my "List of things that piss me off about Hard Target". This one?: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:6.8.08YancyButlerByLuigiNovi.jpg She used to look like this: 
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You gotta admit, it's pretty fucking cool when Van Damme punches out the snake and then uses it as a trap. I have some problems with that scene, too. Big surprise, huh?  I live in rural north-east Florida and there's about 3 or 4 different types of rattle snakes living in my area. Every Summer I kill about 6 of those bastards*, mostly Pymgys with the occassional Cane Brake or Eastern Diamondback. I have never, ever seen a rattle snake in a tree, only on the ground. Over the years, I've seen plenty of Ribbon Snakes and one Coral Snake in the trees, so it's not like I'm not looking. I could be wrong, but I'm not sure rattlers can even climb trees. Also, for a full-grown, healthy adult with a healthy immune system, a rattle-snake bite is rarely fatal. Never been bitten myself, but have done a lot of reading on the subject and spoken with a couple of people who have been bitten. It would hurt like hell, make you sick for a couple of days, and you'd swell up, but probably wouldn't die. Plus that "trap" didn't seem to provide enough benefit for the effort that went into... and is it even possible knock-out a snake without killing it?
* Before any one jumps on me, I took the time and effort to educate myself on identifying snakes in my area. I don't kill any non-poisinous snakes like Indigos or Kings (I have a beautiful 7 foot Indigo living near my house), and I don't go out looking for rattlers to kill. But, I have a family and dogs, so if I catch a poisinous snake near my house, the penalty is death by ditch blade. |
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Life will go much smoother if you do not look towards Jan Claude whatever movies for reality and then get angry when you don't get it.
Another tip I learned long time ago. Deep inside women hate it when men scream and yell about stupid shit. It is like finger nails on chalkboard. Dear Hollywood, I watched a Jan Claude Van Damme movie the other day. Where is the reality? WTF is wrong with you people? Can't you make your action movies a little bit more like a documentary? I watched the movie but screamed through most of it and now my wife thinks I am a douche. Thanks all you non action documentary movie making assholes |
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You gotta admit, it's pretty fucking cool when Van Damme punches out the snake and then uses it as a trap. I have some problems with that scene, too. Big surprise, huh? I live in rural north-east Florida and there's about 3 or 4 different types of rattle snakes living in my area. Every Summer I kill about 6 of those bastards*, mostly Pymgys with the occassional Cane Brake or Eastern Diamondback. I have never, ever seen a rattle snake in a tree, only on the ground. Over the years, I've seen plenty of Ribbon Snakes and one Coral Snake in the trees, so it's not like I'm not looking. I could be wrong, but I'm not sure rattlers can even climb trees. Also, for a full-grown, healthy adult with a healthy immune system, a rattle-snake bite is rarely fatal. Never been bitten myself, but have done a lot of reading on the subject and spoken with a couple of people who have been bitten. It would hurt like hell, make you sick for a couple of days, and you'd swell up, but probably wouldn't die. Plus that "trap" didn't seem to provide enough benefit for the effort that went into... and is it even possible knock-out a snake without killing it?
* Before any one jumps on me, I took the time and effort to educate myself on identifying snakes in my area. I don't kill any non-poisinous snakes like Indigos or Kings (I have a beautiful 7 foot Indigo living near my house), and I don't go out looking for rattlers to kill. But, I have a family and dogs, so if I catch a poisinous snake near my house, the penalty is death by ditch blade. But you look for accuracy in a Vandamme movie? Come on man... Pretty weak. |