Posted: 2/22/2009 11:50:17 AM EDT
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My wife caught the kiddo looking at 'sex ed' videos on you tube.
I had "the talk" with him a few weeks ago, and like my father did... I screwed it up, and was a bit late with the info. "Dad... are you talking about sex?" The interwebz thing is new territory for me. When I was a kid, finding a playboy in the trash was the most awesome thing we had. Now it is a click away, in every permutation possible. I love the net! But, what are you guys doing to keep your kid as innocent as possible for as long as possible. I really don't want my boy thinking that fisting is an option for prom night, and would prefer that he not have the term in his vocabulary at the age of 12. I would value some input here. |
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Quoted:
My wife caught the kiddo looking at 'sex ed' videos on you tube. I had "the talk" with him a few weeks ago, and like my father did... I screwed it up, and was a bit late with the info. "Dad... are you talking about sex?" The interwebz thing is new territory for me. When I was a kid, finding a playboy in the trash was the most awesome thing we had. Now it is a click away, in every permutation possible. I love the net! But, what are you guys doing to keep your kid as innocent as possible for as long as possible. I really don't want my boy thinking that fisting is an option for prom night, and would prefer that he not have the term in his vocabulary at the age of 12. I would value some input here. Mot a dad, but: http://www.covenanteyes.com/ http://www.bsafehome.com/ You could always just either not let him use the internet or not let him use it outside of the living room in the presence of his parents. It's not that hard. Kids did manage to live before the internet.... |
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Be cool at all times when the subject is broached. Talk to him like an older brother...just on this one topic. You want him coming to you with questions, not the boner-afflicted boy-apes he goes to school with.
Answer him directly and check in with him from time to time, since you've already had The Talk. Just answer whatever specific questions he has from here on out. Caveat: Evil Junior is 7. This is all theory. 
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Your son is at the age that his hormones are raging and starting puberty. With my two boys, I gave them the talk and hoped for
the best. He will see/hear all sorts of sex talk from his buddys and older boys in school. Most of them will be lies about conquests but it will get him thinking about the girls and sex. You just have to trust your gut that you and your wife raised him right. He is going to be curious about girls and sex and tell him if he has any questions to ask you man to man (that will make him feel older right there). Answer each question he asks and don't be evasive. |
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Quoted:
Mot a dad, but: http://www.covenanteyes.com/ http://www.bsafehome.com/ You could always just either not let him use the internet or not let him use it outside of the living room in the presence of his parents. It's not that hard. Kids did manage to live before the internet.... Uh, I AM a dad, and I can say what you posted is pretty lousy advice for teenagers these days. If you want him to ignore or laugh at you and end up in a heap of problems, try those options. Oh, he won't trust you anymore either, since you're obviously not trusting him. Resentment, lack of trust... great stuff between father and son. 
Head to walmart and get the latest software for protecting your children. It limits (you set them) what they see.
And there are almost zero ways around them. Ask me how I know... (4 kids). You, sir, are quite mistaken. If your children want to get to something - on that computer or another one - they'll figure out how. I grew up with the internet. Ask me how I know. Ranger, if you're too nervous to talk to the kid about the biological part of it, there's lots of very well-done books about human reproductive biology. There's even a great selection of them set up just for parents like you that would rather have the kid read it. The social side is the hard part... What it comes down to is this - there isn't a fear tactic or scolding in the world that will stop adolescent hormones. You're fighting tens of thousands of years of carefully honed organic biology and subconscious instinct. Ask me how I know (had my son at 19). Your best option: instead of trying to scare your kid out of what our species has evolved to do, arm him well with information and your own positive support. You don't go into combat without intel and a communication link to command... He shouldn't either, figuratively speaking. The better he understands human sexuality and the biology-based dangers out there, the better he can keep himself (and the other person in the equation) safe and healthy. You do not want him getting his "facts" about how to avoid pregnancy or STDs from his classmate Mikey down the street. As far as dating and stuff... parents have been trying to figure out how to 'teach' that since the subject existed. Honestly, I think it just evolves with maturity and being a decent person to begin with. If you teach him to be respectful, honest, consider long-term consequences, and sensitive enough for women to not feel like he's insulting them or ignoring them, most of the rest of it will fall into place on its own. As for your part, knowing when to be there vs when to disappear... different for every parent & kid. Bottom line is that he will grow up and start becoming a man, no matter what you do. The best thing you can do is support him so that the result is a good one, instead of scaring or shaming him and making him feel guilty or terrified of something that every single human being his age that ever existed has been programmed to do. |
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Quoted: Quoted: Mot a dad, but: http://www.covenanteyes.com/ http://www.bsafehome.com/ You could always just either not let him use the internet or not let him use it outside of the living room in the presence of his parents. It's not that hard. Kids did manage to live before the internet.... Uh, I AM a dad, and I can say what you posted is pretty lousy advice for teenagers these days. If you want him to ignore or laugh at you and end up in a heap of problems, try those options. Oh, he won't trust you anymore either, since you're obviously not trusting him. Resentment, lack of trust... great stuff between father and son. Head to walmart and get the latest software for protecting your children. It limits (you set them) what they see. And there are almost zero ways around them. Ask me how I know... (4 kids). You, sir, are quite mistaken. If your children want to get to something - on that computer or another one - they'll figure out how. I grew up with the internet. Ask me how I know. Ranger, if you're too nervous to talk to the kid about the biological part of it, there's lots of very well-done books about human reproductive biology. There's even a great selection of them set up just for parents like you that would rather have the kid read it. The social side is the hard part... What it comes down to is this - there isn't a fear tactic or scolding in the world that will stop adolescent hormones. You're fighting tens of thousands of years of carefully honed organic biology and subconscious instinct. Ask me how I know (had my son at 19). Your best option: instead of trying to scare your kid out of what our species has evolved to do, arm him well with information and your own positive support. You don't go into combat without intel and a communication link to command... He shouldn't either, figuratively speaking. The better he understands human sexuality and the biology-based dangers out there, the better he can keep himself (and the other person in the equation) safe and healthy. You do not want him getting his "facts" about how to avoid pregnancy or STDs from his classmate Mikey down the street. As far as dating and stuff... parents have been trying to figure out how to 'teach' that since the subject existed. Honestly, I think it just evolves with maturity and being a decent person to begin with. If you teach him to be respectful, honest, consider long-term consequences, and sensitive enough for women to not feel like he's insulting them or ignoring them, most of the rest of it will fall into place on its own. As for your part, knowing when to be there vs when to disappear... different for every parent & kid. Bottom line is that he will grow up and start becoming a man, no matter what you do. The best thing you can do is support him so that the result is a good one, instead of scaring or shaming him and making him feel guilty or terrified of something that every single human being his age that ever existed has been programmed to do. Damn good post... |
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You should have mentioned if you and your family have a religious background... it does make a difference.
Regardless: Boys they can be trained to be Real Men, or they can end up Teenage Boys Real Men - Carve their own road, they act and behave a certain way, and treat women a certain way, in the way they talk, their actions and their conduct Teenage Boys, cave to peer pressure, and also act and behave a certain way, and treat women a certain way, in the way they talk, their actions and their conduct "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it" From the bible, yes, but really, really good advice to all parents. My advise is to discuss with your son what the difference is between Real Men and Teenage Boys. How women are to be treated, and what corseness in this society does to keep men from acting like men, and instead keeps them as Teenage Boys, some into their 30's or more. Father of 8 children - just my .02 |
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Thanks, y'all.
I have been training the boy to be a man. I am not afraid to talk to him either, even about 'naughty parts'. We have dissected deer, and as any hunter knows... have discussed the rut. And how bucks behave just like 'us boys' do, and why. As I said, a functional knowledge of human procreation is needed, but some of the suspicious fetishes are something from which I would like to sheild him during his formative years. I am curious at how that is possible. |
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Oh, he won't trust you anymore either, since you're obviously not trusting him. Resentment, lack of trust... great stuff between father and son.
Of course he doesn't trust his kids - if he did, he wouldn't have posted this thread. Pro 22:15 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.
Who in their right mind trusts a kid, anyway? 
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Rogue-Sasquatch, Evil_ATF, and Xanadu have offered great points.
I especially concur that with THIS particular subject, being the wise, experienced older brother will go a lot further and be a lot more effective than being a hard-assed dad. Keeping the communication lines open is the most important thing. (father of two boys, one now 20, the other just shy of 17, and I couldn't be prouder of them –– is there a "swelled chest" smilie?) |
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Quoted:
Head to walmart and get the latest software for protecting your children. It limits (you set them) what they see. And there are almost zero ways around them. Ask me how I know... (4 kids). Start -> Run -> CMD - > msconfig -> disable from startup Really not that hard. I got around NetNanny at the age of 11. |
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Quoted: This worked very well for my sex addict father. A long story, but it works. It is amazing the sites it will block.Quoted: My wife caught the kiddo looking at 'sex ed' videos on you tube. I had "the talk" with him a few weeks ago, and like my father did... I screwed it up, and was a bit late with the info. "Dad... are you talking about sex?" The interwebz thing is new territory for me. When I was a kid, finding a playboy in the trash was the most awesome thing we had. Now it is a click away, in every permutation possible. I love the net! But, what are you guys doing to keep your kid as innocent as possible for as long as possible. I really don't want my boy thinking that fisting is an option for prom night, and would prefer that he not have the term in his vocabulary at the age of 12. I would value some input here. http://www.bsafehome.com/ Also, I couldn't get around the damn thing without a password. There was no disabling it or removing it without the password. |
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Quoted: LOL, I tried it, my middle son found a way around it in all of 2 minutes.Head to walmart and get the latest software for protecting your children. It limits (you set them) what they see. And there are almost zero ways around them. Ask me how I know... (4 kids). |
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I put all my kids in private Christian school. I'll let you know if they make it to college before becoming parents.
Honestly its the best thing Ive done for them, the improvement of their education versus public school makes packing a lunch to take to work worth it. As for the net. All I can do is keep an eye on them and monitor their cellphone usage online. Good luck, its the shitheads at school you have to worry about. Theres always a few that their parents dont care about, hence they become shitheads. |
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first tell him about laws first
explain longterm consequences criminally and physically(disease and pregnancy) then teach him to wrap it up good just got to be straight with him and hope he makes the correct choices good luck i fear my dy is coming sooner than i want my parent did the aboves i did screw up but now i know better |
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Quoted:
I put all my kids in private Christian school. I'll let you know if they make it to college before becoming parents.
Honestly its the best thing Ive done for them, the improvement of their education versus public school makes packing a lunch to take to work worth it. As for the net. All I can do is keep an eye on them and monitor their cellphone usage online. Good luck, its the shitheads at school you have to worry about. Theres always a few that their parents dont care about, hence they become shitheads. As one dad to another, don't count on that to keep your kids safe. I went to a private, Christian school until I was 15. I had more dope offered to me there than I did the last three years I spent in public school. Got laid in private school, at school. Never got lucky in Public school. Not saying that yours is the same as mine was, but ... just sayin'
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