Posted: 1/3/2009 8:50:44 AM EDT
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i need your thoughts on how to improve this essay:
The Earth at Risk? by: Jordan Snell The theory of global warming is feared by everyone in one way or another. If true it is possibly to late to do anything about it. If false we could be about to make a multi-billon dollar mistake. Global warming is the warming of the earth which is causing the ice caps to melt. Global warming is false because the green-house gases do not measure up, it is cooling and causing unneeded lawsuits. First the green house gasses do not measure up. In an article on whatreallyhappened.com the author states “water vapor is the single most potent green house gas in the atmosphere, trapping more heat than carbon dioxide and methane put together.” The claim global warming is caused by carbon dioxide is proven false right there. In fact water makes up 60 to 98% of total green house gasses. That means if 95 percent of the green house gasses are water than that leaves 5 percent for everything else. Humans use .28 percent meaning out of the whole pie. Humans create .117 percent of all the carbon dioxide in the atmosphere. Are humans really going to be able to do anything about the natural cycle of mother earth. Second for the last year the earth has been cooling, thus the ice caps are growing. In fact temperatures last winter stayed below -30C. Consequently the ice is 10 to 20 centimeters thicker than the previous year. So now is it global cooling? Finally, global warming has caused unnecessary law suits. The Weather Channel founder John Coleman while speaking at a conference on climate change said he wants people to sue the people who sell carbon credits. He himself is going after Al Gore to shed new light on what he says is “the greatest scam in history.” Al Gore the non-official spokesman for global warming was invited to speak at this conference but, he backed out last minute. The conclusion can be drawn from this that Mr. Gore thinks global warming can wait if he does not want to go up against John Coleman. Global warming is a problem that affects us all in one way or another. It has been proven wrong by: green house gases that don’t measure up, the earth is cooling, and causing unneeded lawsuits. With such high stakes we can not afford to be wrong about global warming. |
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Global warming is a good thing and always has been.
The Medieval warm period was a Global WARMING time. The Roman Empire was during a Global Warm period. Civilization itself was born during a Global Warming period. When the planet warms up crops grow like crazy. That means lots of food and babies don't DIE. Find and read the book: THE LONG SUMMER by Brian Fagan and you will know more about the CLIMATE than does 95% of everyone else. The global warming advocates only want to make you a slave. |
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It would help if the OP could list the grade level (9th?) and what exactly the teacher asked for in the original assignment.
Take a look at what the Sun has been doing over time, and the impact on temperatures on other planets. Also, take a look at measurement error with thermometers. |
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why? would i not have passed 8th grade. FYI i had a 4.0 that year It is now what is written, it is how it is written, and this essay is written at a very low level with poor word choice and sentence construction for anything beyond 10th grade. Also, Information is nice. But information without references is worthless. Lets take this: "Finally, global warming has caused unnecessary law suits". What law suits? Did you specifically mention any? Any references at all? "If true it is possibly to late to do anything about it." Really? Why? " Global warming is false because the green-house gases do not measure up, it is cooling and causing unneeded lawsuits." Do not measure up...What does that mean? And, here are the lawsuits again. You have some data included in your essay. Did you make them up yourself. If no, where are they from. Information without attribution is plagiarism. "In fact temperatures last winter stayed below -30C." Not where I lived they didn't. This is a new paragraph and there is no link to any other info in the paper. Where are you talking about? The ice caps? My back yard? My suggestion: Find some papers that relate to this subject and read them. Find out how scientific opinion papers are written and write in a similar style. ETA: " He himself is going after Al Gore to shed new light on what he says is “the greatest scam in history". Don' use the first "He" Use Coleman instead. Also, don't make people guess who the second he is in this sentence. Use names, it is less confusing. |
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why? would i not have passed 8th grade. FYI i had a 4.0 that year It is not what is written, it is how it is written, and this essay is written at a very low level with poor word choice and sentence construction for anything beyond 10th grade. Also, Information is nice. But information without references is worthless. Lets take this: "Finally, global warming has caused unnecessary law suits". What law suits? Did you specifically mention any? Any references at all? "If true it is possibly to late to do anything about it." Really? Why? " Global warming is false because the green-house gases do not measure up, it is cooling and causing unneeded lawsuits." Do not measure up...What does that mean? And, here are the lawsuits again. You have some data included in your essay. Did you make them up yourself. If no, where are they from. Information without attribution is plagiarism. "In fact temperatures last winter stayed below -30C." Not where I lived they didn't. This is a new paragraph and there is no link to any other info in the paper. Where are you talking about? The ice caps? My back yard? My suggestion: Find some papers that relate to this subject and read them. Find out how scientific opinion papers are written and write in a similar style. There, I fixed one of your grammer mistakes. Quit ripping this kid appart guys, just looking for some nice constructive input. Not all the sacastic responses. And to you Nuggetman.. Posting this in GD was a mistake, should have know what types of people lurk in this forum. 
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There, I fixed one of your grammer mistakes. Quit ripping this kid appart guys, just looking for some nice constructive input. Not all the sacastic responses. It was not a rip you f-n moron, it what was telling him what was needed to improve his essay. This is the same information I would give to any of my students to help them learn how to write for success. The correction of my error was nice, but shows only your stupidity. I was not asking for help. Get a life, and maybe go back to school, or just shut the fuck up and help someone who is asking for it. I see you didn't offer anything constructive to this thread. Fucktards everywhere these days I guess. |
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why? would i not have passed 8th grade. FYI i had a 4.0 that year It is not what is written, it is how it is written, and this essay is written at a very low level with poor word choice and sentence construction for anything beyond 10th grade. Also, Information is nice. But information without references is worthless. Lets take this: "Finally, global warming has caused unnecessary law suits". What law suits? Did you specifically mention any? Any references at all? "If true it is possibly to late to do anything about it." Really? Why? " Global warming is false because the green-house gases do not measure up, it is cooling and causing unneeded lawsuits." Do not measure up...What does that mean? And, here are the lawsuits again. You have some data included in your essay. Did you make them up yourself. If no, where are they from. Information without attribution is plagiarism. "In fact temperatures last winter stayed below -30C." Not where I lived they didn't. This is a new paragraph and there is no link to any other info in the paper. Where are you talking about? The ice caps? My back yard? My suggestion: Find some papers that relate to this subject and read them. Find out how scientific opinion papers are written and write in a similar style. There, I fixed one of your grammer mistakes. Quit ripping this kid appart guys, just looking for some nice constructive input. Not all the sacastic responses. And to you Nuggetman.. Posting this in GD was a mistake, should have know what types of people lurk in this forum.
That's not a grammar mistake, that's a typo. The OP asked what we thought about the essay and how to improve it. Sacrifice did an excellent job of pointing out why it was poorly written and ways to improve it. I think he did it in a nice way (or at least, nicer than a teacher would have been) and was not "ripping" the OP apart. |
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There, I fixed one of your grammer mistakes. Quit ripping this kid appart guys, just looking for some nice constructive input. Not all the sacastic responses. It was not a rip you f-n moron, it what was telling him what was needed to improve his essay. This is the same information I would give to any of my students to help them learn how to write for success. The correction of my error was nice, but shows only your stupidity. I was not asking for help. Get a life, and maybe go back to school, or just shut the fuck up and help someone who is asking for it. I see you didn't offer anything constructive to this thread. Fucktards everywhere these days I guess. Do you call your students "F-n morons" too? Your just as much of an asshole for "ripping" me a new one, after simply asking you guys to take it easy. I suppose your one of the fucktards that appear everywhere too. Internet tough guys at work here. The bold face really throws me for a loop too. I'm backing down graciously. |