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Posted: 11/27/2001 5:50:26 AM EDT
Since the other thread introduced cheating, albeit from the other side, I thought I'd take the opportunity to get y'all's opinion on the subject of men who have or do cheat. Watch any afternoon talk show and there are men being busted by lie detector tests indicating that they are cheating on their mates. The standard audience response is, "Once a cheater, always a cheater." My question is this... if you are a man who has cheated in previous relationships is it a given that you will continue cheating in future relationships (because it's part of your nature) or is it that you cheated on that one PARTICULAR person for whatever reason and you don't see cheating as an integral part of any future relationship? One of my co-worker's position is that if a woman presents the right opportunity that a man will cheat. He says that that is what men do and it's a naive woman who would be surprised if she found out her man cheated on her. So, fellows, can a cheater be reformed? Are women fools for trusting y'all? And I'd really appreciate honest answers... use a new nick if you are worried about who might read this. [;)]
Link Posted: 11/27/2001 5:54:44 AM EDT
Once a cheat, always a cheat and I don't care how you break it down. If the right opportunity presents itself, ANY and all men will take a woman up on it. It's genetic predisposition. I studied this once in psychology in college.
Link Posted: 11/27/2001 6:02:20 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/27/2001 6:09:30 AM EDT by riddler]
Originally Posted By Miss_Magnum: Watch any afternoon talk show and there are men being busted by lie detector tests indicating that they are cheating on their mates. The standard audience response is, [red]"Once a cheater, always a cheater." [/red]
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Does this apply to women too?? I honestly (could not)/(have not) cheat/ed on my wife for she is not only a very wonderful, loving wife,...she also is the most unselfish and caring mother. I know that she is the best for me and the kids, so why should I do anything stupid that will ruin everything? Cheating on your spouse is and will always be wrong.
Link Posted: 11/27/2001 6:06:51 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/27/2001 6:03:34 AM EDT by garandman]
Here's my take...
Originally Posted By Miss_Magnum: My question is this... if you are a man who has cheated in previous relationships is it a given that you will continue cheating in future relationships (because it's part of your nature) or is it that you cheated on that one PARTICULAR person for whatever reason and you don't see cheating as an integral part of any future relationship?
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Actually, gender is irrelevant. But I'll frame the discussion as being about the male, cuz that's the way you asked the question. Cheating on your wife (girlfriend is another thing) is an indication of weakness (or possibly complete and total lack) of charachter. It is actually a VERY simple thing - men who cheat on their spouses do not have the ability to honor their own word. I would NEVER knowingly enter into a business deal with someone who I KNEW cheated on their wife. Cheating in the past is a reflection on a person's charachter, and indicates that man MAY cheat in the future. Any woman who marries a man that leaves / cheats on his wife - well, THAT woman is an idiot. However, i reject the notion that men are cheaters by nature. And a previous cheater DOES NOT have to cheat in the future. He CAN be reformed / renewed. I'll provide specifics as to how that can happen below.
One of my co-worker's position is that if a woman presents the right opportunity that a man will cheat. He says that that is what men do and it's a naive woman who would be surprised if she found out her man cheated on her.
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Don't buy a used car from THIS chap.
So, fellows, can a cheater be reformed? Are women fools for trusting y'all? And I'd really appreciate honest answers... use a new nick if you are worried about who might read this. [;)]
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Yes, a cheater can be "reformed" by deciding that they will actually BE a man, and START honoring their own word. But, let the "buyer" beware.... Beyond that, salvation in Jesus Christ is MORE than being "reformed" - it is being "re-created" where we NO LONGER are held slave to sin, but are freed from it. We then have (are given) the POWER to NOT do what we did in our past.
Link Posted: 11/27/2001 6:09:40 AM EDT
I believe some men don't take commitment seriously enough to overcome the strong desire most men have to engage in sport sex. Others do take it seriously and don't cheat. It may be possible for a man who is generally committed to slip up once and recover, but I believe that in general "once a cheater, always a cheater" is accurate.
Link Posted: 11/27/2001 6:12:34 AM EDT
Misfit; I disagree with you... Humans can control their "genetic predispositions", animals can't. Your argument is an excuse for what Garandman has correctly pegged as a character fault. That kind of statement ticks me off as much as the femi-nazi phrase "All men are rapists."
Link Posted: 11/27/2001 6:15:53 AM EDT
Good question MM. Many men don't cheat on their wives mainly because they have a wife who understands not to hold back on sex cause they are pissed about something. I think if a man is getting it from his wife on a steady basis, even when a situation arises for cheating, he won't do it. Women make a big mistake when they withold sex because her husband [slave] forgot to take the garbage out or some other stupid reason. When a husband and wife are angry with each other and arguing, fighting, the man will still have sex with the wife if she said lets do it. On the other hand, a woman would refuse and probably get angrier if the husband said, in the middle of an argument, lets do it. Why is that? Because, for men its a physical thing, for women its an emotional thing and that will never change. [keep in mind there are exceptions to all rules]
Link Posted: 11/27/2001 6:16:06 AM EDT
Link Posted: 11/27/2001 6:17:03 AM EDT
Link Posted: 11/27/2001 6:18:43 AM EDT
Can't say about other men, I'm at the end of my second marriage and have not cheated on either. I think most men thinks it makes 'em more of a man, personally I don't. You do pose and interesting question though, "[b]if a woman presents the right opportunity that a man will cheat[/b], have had the offers a time or two, for me though without the emotional attachment the sex becomes more of a performance and ego thing. To be honest the first time is always akward so for myself I prefer to [b]know[/b] the person I'm climbing into to bed with. Loose women don't interest me, no matter how good they look. Just my opinion, Mike
Link Posted: 11/27/2001 6:23:20 AM EDT
I'm in the camp with "Once a cheater, always a cheater". I've known a few guys that cheated on their girlfriends. They would be found out, and move on to the next girlfriend. Cheated on her, too. Thought it was a big joke. I think it's all in the mentality.
Originally Posted By Miss_Magnum: One of my co-worker's position is that if a woman presents the right opportunity that a man will cheat. He says that that is what men do and it's a naive woman who would be surprised if she found out her man cheated on her.
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B.S. I've been in some of those "opportunities". I've never cheated on my girlfriend, now fiance, and in a year my wife. If you have ANY respect for yourself or your partner, you won't cheat. I would not be able to look at myself in the morning if I had cheated. Also, why throw away a good thing? Also, some of the "opportunities" were ones where she never would have known. Still walked away from them. I couldn't have done something like that to her, or myself. Av. On an added note: guys like that piss me off. They consider a woman nothing more that a notch in a bedpost. They need to learn to respect others.
Link Posted: 11/27/2001 6:24:01 AM EDT
I have never cheated and the very thought would makes me ill. I did a bodyguard job some time ago and got talking with the woman. She had a string of real losers for b'friends. It amazes me that people can be like that at all. My philosophy is that if I am going to start something up with someone else, I have to end the existing relationship first.
Link Posted: 11/27/2001 6:24:22 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Misfit: Once a cheat, always a cheat and I don't care how you break it down. If the right opportunity presents itself, ANY and all men will take a woman up on it. It's genetic predisposition. I studied this once in psychology in college.
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go back to watching talk shows.... I have, many years ago cheated. I do NOT cheat on my wife. I HAVE had very agresive advances made on me by very atractive ladies. I have on several occasions traveled without my wife. I went on a cruise to Mexico just last year. This idea that one a cheater always a cheater is guarbage. I love my wife. I do not do anything that I know would hurt her feelings. If I can't tell her about it, I don't do it. all that wasted money on psyc class.....
Link Posted: 11/27/2001 6:24:53 AM EDT
Every man I've ever known who cheated did it more than once and with multiple people. It didn't matter if it was with their best friend's girlfriend or whomever. Cheating on your girlfriend is a lack of character. It means you can't honor your own commitment. Cheating on your wife and kids shows a huge lack of character. It means you don't respect your word, your wife who you made your commitment to, or the children that you fathered. I do not ever put myself in the position where something could happen that hurts my marriage. It's amazingly easy to stay faithful when you remove the blatant opportunities for temptation. It also helps that I don't do anything without taking my wife and children into consideration. God Bless Texas
Link Posted: 11/27/2001 6:27:46 AM EDT
Originally Posted By rainman: Good question MM. Many men don't cheat on their wives mainly because they have a wife who understands not to hold back on sex cause they are pissed about something. I think if a man is getting it from his wife on a steady basis, even when a situation arises for cheating, he won't do it. Women make a big mistake when they withold sex because her husband [slave] forgot to take the garbage out or some other stupid reason. When a husband and wife are angry with each other and arguing, fighting, the man will still have sex with the wife if she said lets do it. On the other hand, a woman would refuse and probably get angrier if the husband said, in the middle of an argument, lets do it. Why is that? Because, for men its a physical thing, for women its an emotional thing and that will never change. [keep in mind there are exceptions to all rules]
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you mean, women come up with reasons to not have sex? I thought that was what I do ment.
Link Posted: 11/27/2001 6:27:52 AM EDT
Take me, f'rinstance.[:D] I cheated like a dog on the first wife. But when I fell in love with the current Miz Hun (1981), I have been as loyal as a puppy to her! What's the diff? I haven't a clue, other than I really, truly, deeply, madly love Miz Hun. Period. Can I ever imagine myself cheating? Hell, yeah! But that's [u]all[/u] I do! Do I think I might [u]ever[/u] cheat? I surely think I won't, but if the opportunity suddenly 'presented' (a sexually charged term if ever there was) itself. You know, trapped like a rat in a warehouse full of cheese. Well, I am human. [u]And[/u] a Hun! Eric The(IStayOutOfWarehousesWithCheese!)Hun[>]:)]
Link Posted: 11/27/2001 6:31:25 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Misfit: Once a cheat, always a cheat and I don't care how you break it down. If the right opportunity presents itself, ANY and all men will take a woman up on it. It's genetic predisposition. I studied this once in psychology in college.
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Originally Posted By Chas: Misfit; I disagree with you... Humans can control their "genetic predispositions", animals can't. Your argument is an excuse for what Garandman has correctly pegged as a character fault. That kind of statement ticks me off as much as the femi-nazi phrase "All men are rapists."
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Actually, under the evolutionary model, men ARE in fact pre-disposed to cheating, as their evolutionary role is the propagation of the species, via impregnating as many females as possible. I don't make this stuff up - i read leading wvolutionists and their dissertations. Now, for moral people able to rationally argue a point [;)] that means men have a DUTY to cheat, otherwise the species will NOT reproduce as quickly as possible, and future evolution will be slowed. One evolutionist I read even went as far as to say that this evolutionary "force" gives explanation for rape. Wacked out stuff. Of course, evolutionists will say I am trying to apply morals to evolutionary theory. Well, pardon moi....[;)] In the evolutionists world, morality doesn't apply here. Makes ya wonder where ELSE they think morality doesn't apply. [;)] Under the creation model, men DO have a sin nature which enslaves them, and urges them to sin. Which is NOT to say that some men haven't reigned in their sexual urges, and live completely faithful, honorable lives in their marital relationships. Its just that their sin nature evidence itself elsewhere. But, ALSO under the Creation model, men have a DUTY to God, to acknowledge His son Jesus Christ, who will give them victory over sinful urges. Which is NOT to say that Christians / creationists are perfect . FAR from it. In fact, the Chrsitian sinner is WORSE than the unsaved sinner, as he has the ABILITY to not sin, but he chooses to anyway.
Link Posted: 11/27/2001 6:36:06 AM EDT
Hmm.. interesting.. kind of split down the middle on the possibility of reform or not. Now here's a question for those of you who had cheated in the past and are now in a committed relationship... did you tell your current partner about your past infidelity? If you did, how did she take it and what motivated you to tell her?
Link Posted: 11/27/2001 6:43:49 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/27/2001 6:38:29 AM EDT by Jarhead_22]
I cheated on a girlfriend, once, when I was 15 and it was with her best friend. Ouch. I have had opportunities since then, especially as a "geographical bachelor" stationed in Arizona while my wife lived in Los Angeles, and as a field tech out on the road for 12 days out of 14. It just never seemed like that attractive an idea to me. I guess a little self-awareness and self-knowledge comes with growing up and becoming a man. It would be possible to ignore that and go ahead and cheat, but not to look at myself when I shave in the morning, or look at my wife when I go home again. Did I mention that I'm a terrible liar? I turn red and sweat. I would never be able to beat a polygraph. [}:)] Edited to add: No, I never mentioned it to my wife. I was 15 and it's behind me. I met my wife when I was 25 and had gotten my head out of my ass. What possible reason would I have to mention it?
Link Posted: 11/27/2001 6:44:28 AM EDT
The whole thing boils down the trust and morals. If you cant trust your wife/girlfriend than I think that is more likely that you will cheat. I also think that cheating comes when the relationship is falling apart. I believe anyone is capable of changing.
Link Posted: 11/27/2001 6:45:46 AM EDT
I'm surprised there aren't more "thumpers" jumping in here...with all the "Character" assasinations going on here. IT'S A CHOICE. I've never cheated, (either with girlfriends or my wife)though I can't say it about them... some cheated on theirs with me...some cheated on me.... oh well.I have in the past been given opprotunities to cheat on my wife (after we got married and during the 9 years we dated). I haven't. Even during the many times we were not in the best situations, relationship in the dumps so to speak, and the opportunities seemed...well, opportune. I didn't do it because of any religious imperative (far from it)... just because it was wrong for ME. it was my choice. the women I'd been with that cheated with me...was their choice. As a married man, it's my wedding vow and marriage I either honor or not. I'm not a good looking guy, wasn't popular in high school, like sex as much as the next guy... and should be jumping on any opportunity that comes by. BUT, I don't. some of you can call this stupid. I say it's just my choice. No_Expert.
Link Posted: 11/27/2001 6:47:43 AM EDT
Link Posted: 11/27/2001 6:48:24 AM EDT
Originally Posted By No_Expert: I'm surprised there aren't more "thumpers" jumping in here...with all the "Character" assasinations going on here. IT'S A CHOICE. I've never cheated, (either with girlfriends or my wife)though I can't say it about them... some cheated on theirs with me...some cheated on me.... oh well.I have in the past been given opprotunities to cheat on my wife (after we got married and during the 9 years we dated). I haven't. Even during the many times we were not in the best situations, relationship in the dumps so to speak, and the opportunities seemed...well, opportune. I didn't do it because of any religious imperative (far from it)... just because it was wrong for ME. it was my choice. the women I'd been with that cheated with me...was their choice. As a married man, it's my wedding vow and marriage I either honor or not. I'm not a good looking guy, wasn't popular in high school, like sex as much as the next guy... and should be jumping on any opportunity that comes by. BUT, I don't. some of you can call this stupid. I say it's just my choice. No_Expert.
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edited to add. My wife is in her second marriage, her first one sucked and she cheated on her husband with me. we've been together 11 years now. longer than several of her mother's marriages combined.
Link Posted: 11/27/2001 6:48:56 AM EDT
I never cheated on my wife when we were married. I don't cheat on girlfriends. If the relationship isn't strong enough to preclude me cheating, the relationship isn't worth being in. Overseas (Korea, 1yr unaccompainied tour), I saw plenty of folks cheat. They were the same folks that cheated back here in the states. The people that didn't cheat (and there were plenty of those as well) were the same folks that didn't cheat back in the states. I don't buy off on the "target of oportunity" being impossible to resist. I'm sure you experienced the same thing in the Navy. I believe that people can make mistakes and recover from them. The real question is why the mistake was made? Was it because of lack of character? Then they probably will always cheat. Was it poor judgment in being in the wrong relationship to begin with, and further compounding that with more poor choices in dealing with that? Then maybe they won't cheat in the right relationship, but you still have to dock points for being too stupid to deal with wrong decisions correctly in the first place[:D] Are women fools for trusting guys? Certainly not. I've never been in a relationship that I didn't trust the other person. I choose who I get involved with. I've never chosen a women I couldn't trust. I've chosen plenty of incompatible, crazy wenchs, but never one I couldn't trust. I think SOME women are fools for choosing poorly when it comes to the quality of men they choose. Ross
Link Posted: 11/27/2001 6:59:55 AM EDT
Link Posted: 11/27/2001 7:00:30 AM EDT
You got this thread backwards. For young married adults in their 20 and early 30's the female partner is more likely to be the cheater.
Link Posted: 11/27/2001 7:16:13 AM EDT
Miss_ Magnum, monogamy is an unnatural state. Some have enough will-power to overcome - most of us do not.
Link Posted: 11/27/2001 7:23:50 AM EDT
Originally Posted By 5subslr5: Miss_ Magnum, monogamy is an unnatural state. .
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Why??? "I wanna screw around" DOES NOT count as an answer. [;)]
Link Posted: 11/27/2001 7:29:08 AM EDT
I can honestly say that in over 50 years of marriage, I haven't cheated on my wife. Of course, I don't feel like I've ever had the chance. It's kind of depressing to think that in 50+ years, there hasn't been a single female that wanted to. :( I always wanted the chance to turn it down to prove "what a good guy I am."
a wife who understands not to hold back on sex cause they are pissed about something.
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I think there is something to the above. Over the years, I've noticed that I've had a lot of co-workers complain about lack of sex at home. They are the ones I've seen looking for extramarital attention. (to bring this back to a gun-related topic) My boss complains for weeks after going on a hunting trip that his wife won't let him touch her. To me, that is setting someone-up to be tempted to cheat. I'm not saying it's ok for him to even consider it, but I can understand why he could be.z
Link Posted: 11/27/2001 7:32:29 AM EDT
I have never cheated and will never cheat in a relationship. I am way too insecure to screw around with another woman and besides, if she would screw around with a guy in a relationship, I DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHERE SHE'S BEEN! ! ! Ewwww. . . Wouldn't you just hate to have a one nighter with some woman and the next day recognize her from a genital wart cream commercial? Now I know how Lady Macbeth felt! *Killjoy runs off to the restroom to wash his hands over and over and over again and again and again.*
Link Posted: 11/27/2001 7:32:34 AM EDT
Miss_Magnum, My bride and I (married 10 yrs Xmas day) were both cheating on our spousal units when we hooked up. She and I have had long conversations about our previous marriages in which we did cheat. We came up with the fact that when we were married before we put ourselves in situations which would allow us to cheat "easily" and now we don't do that. In particular, we would go on business trips and go to a bar in a hotel and dance and send out the signals. We both travel on business still, but do not put ourselves into those types of situations. We are faithful and pay more attention to each other than did our previous spousal units, and I think that has quite a bit to do with it also. My 1/50th of dollar [^]
Link Posted: 11/27/2001 7:33:52 AM EDT
Originally Posted By zoom: My boss complains for weeks after going on a hunting trip that his wife won't let him touch her. To me, that is setting someone-up to be tempted to cheat. I'm not saying it's ok for him to even consider it, but I can understand why he could be.z
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Actually, the Bible supports this idea. It SPECIFCALLY commands married people NOT to "defraud" or hold out on each other, so as to tempt their married partner to look elsewhere. God actually created marriage for the purpose of satisfying sexual desire in a manner that wouldn't leave a bunch of children in single parent situations. Or no parent situations.
Link Posted: 11/27/2001 7:35:35 AM EDT
I guess what I've seen (Ross, you mentioned the Navy... right on target) and what's happened to me I have very little trust in relationships. You know when you look back on your childhood and have sudden realizations about what was really going on but you were too young to know? I had one of those not too long ago... goes something like this. I can't recall ONE adult relationship when I was growing up where both parties stayed faithful. And it was embarrassing how blatant it was in some cases... and even more embarrassing when you knew and the other person never caught on!! I've also had I don't know how many VERY married men proposition me and, a few times, outright grope me. Funny, too, how most of them knew how I feel about cheating and they were still willing to take the risk and try. And saying they weren't getting it at home is B.S. I was friends with a few of their wives and the women had higher sex drives than the men. And I do say "was" because I can't even stand to talk to those people anymore, let alone be friends with them... and the sad part is their wives don't know why. It just seems like every time I am made aware of another person breaking their committment it tears away another piece of trust I have in being in a relationship. [:(]
Link Posted: 11/27/2001 7:36:55 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Misfit: If the right opportunity presents itself, ANY and all men will take a woman up on it. It's genetic predisposition. I studied this once in psychology in college.
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I hope you don't pick guys with this in mind. Well, as far as college classes, psych and soci classes in college are pure bs. Sorrey, but I'm in them right now and they are all based on theory and narrow/unscientific expierments.
Link Posted: 11/27/2001 7:37:10 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/27/2001 7:35:01 AM EDT by Ross]
I think there is something to the above. Over the years, I've noticed that I've had a lot of co-workers complain about lack of sex at home. They are the ones I've seen looking for extramarital attention. (to bring this back to a gun-related topic) My boss complains for weeks after going on a hunting trip that his wife won't let him touch her. To me, that is setting someone-up to be tempted to cheat. I'm not saying it's ok for him to even consider it, but I can understand why he could be.z
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The lack of a quality sexlife in a relationship is a symptom of something deeper that's wrong with that relationship (barring physical problems of course). Usually there's something wrong somewhere, but the couple (or usually just the guy) notice it as just lack of sex. It's not a relationship ender, and may be even something quite trivial. It's just that if you see a lack of sex drive, there's a reason. Ross Edited to make more sense
Link Posted: 11/27/2001 7:48:12 AM EDT
You guys have to remember that the human mind is more complex than a set of textbooks can define because everyone's is different. Also, the character flaw theory is the one that holds more water, I have seen buddies with souls of saints that would never think of even holding hands with a woman other than their wife. I haven't cheated, but I have seen and experienced first hand the pain it causes, and I think that some of the people that experience it, whether they caused it, or the partner did, realize that cheating is more suffering than its worth. Just my two pesos, Ice
Link Posted: 11/27/2001 8:13:58 AM EDT
It just seems like every time I am made aware of another person breaking their committment it tears away another piece of trust I have in being in a relationship
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Trust can be a very fragile thing. However, you shouldn't link your trust, or confidence in yourself with the actions of others. Sounds kinda odd, but it goes like this: A person can only be responsible for their own actions. The actions of others are beyond their control. You can influence others, but in the end, they decide for themselves what they will do. The fact that someone is unworthy of your trust should not reflect on your ability to trust others. You may suck at picking friends (which I know to be false, because you have great taste in friends [;)]), but you can't let that affect you trusting others. You can't retreat into an emotional cocoon. If you do so, then it affects your relationships and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Like I said, I luck out in my choice of friends and relations. But I make my own luck in that regard. I may wind up with "the pycho b!tch from hell" a few too many times to suit my tatses, but at least I could trust them not to cheat on me, while they planned my demise. I do pick quality friends. Ross
Link Posted: 11/27/2001 8:16:55 AM EDT
For me it is situation specific. I did "most" of my cheating when I had no business being monogomous, this was high school crap, etc. But even then I knew going in whether or not I would be loyal. Had a "few" where it was just me and her because I had zero interest in other girls "at the time." Then there were others who were just "temporaries", I kept them as long as they wanted to stay. As I got older I had a few girlfriends who would occassionaly bring home strays for us. This kept me from being dishonest anyway. There were still other girls but it wasn't done in a "behind her back" way. Many women of course will not even consider this option. But on to my "current" situation. I am married and have taken "vows" or given my word. This changes EVERYTHING completely. If the wife wants to bring home her best freind, that is one thing. But I'm not out looking for it. I have what I need.
Link Posted: 11/27/2001 8:26:05 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Misfit: If the right opportunity presents itself, ANY and all men will take a woman up on it. It's genetic predisposition. I studied this once in psychology in college.
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Well, I guess I'm less of a man for walking away from those situations. Somehow I'll try to manage... [moon] Av.
Link Posted: 11/27/2001 8:59:07 AM EDT
Men cheat when they do not value what they are getting from a serious relationship more than sex from another woman. Usually is happens because the other woman is giving them more attention than their significant other does.
Link Posted: 11/27/2001 9:55:44 AM EDT
Sounds like Miss Magnum may be back on the market. Hey MM, did some body get busted?
Link Posted: 11/27/2001 10:00:10 AM EDT
Originally Posted By AR15fan: For young married adults in their 20 and early 30's the female partner is more likely to be the cheater.
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Actually, that is true and I can attest. My wife did it during our 3rd year. Thought I was working too much and not paying enough attention to her. I guess the situation presented itself to her (I think any excuse is BS, especially in a marriage). Personally, it leaves me with a trust issue. You think you get over it, but sometimes the idea comes back into your head again. The hurt may subside over time, but when you're lying awake at night, thoughts often wander.[>(]
Link Posted: 11/27/2001 10:00:51 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Misfit: I studied this once in psychology in college.
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Yes, but the question is "How did that make you [i]feel[/i]?"
Link Posted: 11/27/2001 10:17:04 AM EDT
Originally Posted By zoom: I think there is something to the above. Over the years, I've noticed that I've had a lot of co-workers complain about lack of sex at home. They are the ones I've seen looking for extramarital attention. (to bring this back to a gun-related topic) My boss complains for weeks after going on a hunting trip that his wife won't let him touch her. To me, that is setting someone-up to be tempted to cheat. I'm not saying it's ok for him to even consider it, but I can understand why he could be.z
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I read a column on-line last week where a woman wrote in upset because she found her husband was masturbating to pornography on-line. Later she admitted that she had been witholding sex and wasn't talking to him, but couldn't understand why he would do that. The guy who answered her said that she was lucky he wasn't screwing around on her and probably left the condom on purpose to get her to at least talk to him. She should get off her high horse and figure out what was wrong with her marriage instead of ignoring it before something went terribly wrong. And I concur. Using sex as a weapon is the quickest way to ENCOURAGE a husband or wife to stray. It's also a symptom of a very sick relationship that needs to be fixed. My marriage isn't perfect, but it's our ability to work together that makes the whole thing work. My wife and I are a team, and as long as we realize it, then there's nothing that's going to stop us. If we let the petty and stupid things start to cloud or judgements, then we're doomed. God Bless Texas
Link Posted: 11/27/2001 10:20:05 AM EDT
This should spell it out: One a month vs. Millions per drop
Link Posted: 11/27/2001 10:20:24 AM EDT
Originally Posted By BenDover: Usually is happens because the other woman is giving them more attention than their significant other does.
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More attention, or less percieved problems. Affairs are like fairy tales and fantasies. They always look good and believable from a distance, but the closer you get, the less likely they are to actually work. Real relationships have problems, no matter how big or small they are. It's dealing with them and getting to the good stuff that's rewarding, but most people never see that beyond the immediate issues. God Bless Texas
Link Posted: 11/27/2001 10:24:06 AM EDT
I can't answer for all men, but I have never cheated on my wife. Been tempted, had opportunities, but it all came down to three stark realities: 1) I love my wife and son too much to inflict that sort of pain on them, should the affair be discovered (and it seems they usually are). 2) I value my marriage too much to endanger it in such a foolish, irresponsible and stupid way And 3) I gave my word when we were married. If for no other reason, I would keep it just so I could be righteously indignant if she ever cheated on me. [;)]
Link Posted: 11/27/2001 10:32:34 AM EDT
Link Posted: 11/27/2001 10:39:30 AM EDT
After reading all this "withholding sex" stuff, I have to say that eventually any man* will get some. If he can't get some at home, he will get it elsewhere. Women should keep this in mind when deciding to use the "cold shoulder" tactic as a weapon. *Except garandman, obviously.
Link Posted: 11/27/2001 10:54:27 AM EDT
Miss Magnum, I don't believe that "once a cheat, always a cheat" crap. I like to think that people can learn from past mistakes and choose not to repeat them in the future. (Not that there aren't any "chronic cheaters" out there.) As to sharing [i]past[/i] mistakes with a new SO to whom I'm totally committed, absolutely not. My wife's sexual relations [i]before[/i] we became involved are [i]her[/i] business, not mine. (I wasn't exactly a virgin when we met either, ya know what I mean?) Leave well enough alone in this area.......
Link Posted: 11/27/2001 10:57:57 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Jarhead_22: After reading all this "withholding sex" stuff, I have to say that eventually any man* will get some. *Except garandman, obviously.
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"And the life which I now live, I live by the power of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me." The Bible I've said it a thousand times if I've said it once.... It is NO credit to me if I attain the standards set for ALL OF US by God's Word. To God belongs ALL the praise.
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