[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Money Problems (Page 1 of 2)
Posted: 3/17/2008 7:19:45 AM EDT
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How do you and your spouse deal with money issues? My BF and I (practically married, joint accts, etc) have been so broke since around Xmas time. And it is mainly thanks to him, had a route canal, had to fix another broken tooth and had about 3 things wrong with his truck PLUS he hasn't been working full weeks (he is a carpenter and it's winter) and on occassion his boss hasn't paid him on time. Neither of us have the best credit but I have worked my ass off the last 4-5 years getting my credit better and my finances stable. Now we have overdrawn our acct 3 times in the last year, I hadn't done that in a very long time. I am just so livid today and am just wondering how you all would handle this situation with your spouse. I know it is suppoed to be "for richer or poorer" but I am sick of taking the hit for his irresponsibilities and bad financial planning.  Just for the record, he is a very good man, hardworking, etc. Not good with money though and I think he needs to look for a new job, he is "self employeed" but has worked for the same contractor for like 5 years. I should have turned this into a huge rant but I won't bother, I just need some advice please. |
 Seriously. How long have you been dating? If you're not married, ejection certainly is a viable option. You need to sit down and ask yourself if you want a man who can provide a good life for you or do you want a man who makes you feel good. If he was a hard working man, don't you think he'd work harder towards financial planning and making ends meet? |
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Get married and get on the same page about money or live separately with separate accounts. You don't have a committed relationship worthy of mariage but you expect a committed financial relationship. Why should he commit to your financial goals and standards if he hasn't had to commit to you as woman? |
If you don't have decent advice and can't not say rude shit stay out of the thread. I didn't say I was pissed at him over any of that stuff. I am pissed because he hasn't stepped up to the plate to find more stable work and take care of endless list of bills. |
We have been together 2 yrs, I don't think we need to split up but I do wish he would try harded to take care of finances instead of leaving it all up to me. And he just always says "you are the one who wanted to take over the bills", the bilsl originally was electric, phone/internet, satallite dish and that was it. Now it's IRS payments, cell phones, dental bills, car insurance, contractors insurance, etc. |
How much is satellite costing each month? Do you need cell phones and a land line? |
 You said you were angry and those were the examples you gave. Nothing I said was rude. If you don't like the answers, don't ask the questions. |
Welcome to life! You want advice, go find a sugardaddy so you never have anything to worry about ever again. The dude works, but its not good enough for you... obviously you aren't doing good enough either, to pay all the bills, how come you aren't looking for something better? Perhaps then, he could attend college to make his way into a better career. Construction ain't easy, life ain't easy, you either cope or bail. |
Our dish is pretty cheap between $40-50 a month. We have the landline cause our cells don't come in well at home and we have talked about getting rid of the cells but really rather not, but we did cut our plans way down so it's a bout $60 a month for both phones. |
| Sit down TOGETHER and list out your income and your expenses. Either figure out a way to increase income or decrease expenses so they are in line with each other. Formulate a plan and STICK TO IT. It's usually much harder to get out of a mess than to get into one. |
Sorry to snap at you, I took what you were saying the wrong way I am just very upset right now and am looking for positive advice. I didn't mean to give the truck and denitst as examples of his money problems, it was more about his job and I was just trying to explain we have had a string of bad luck since the holidays. |
Well said. I actually just got a new job in November that is paying me much more than I was making previously so I am trying to do my part. I know it is not all his fault and i know he is doing the best he can I am just so frustrated and that is why I wanted to hear some advice from all of you, get my head on straight and talk about this AGAIN tonight when we get home. |
How often do y'all go out to eat (including fast food)? most meals? few times a week? few times a month? |
We have done this many times, he doesn't care and he doesn't absorb any of it or give it a second thought the next day. I have been trying to decrease our expenses while in hopes work will be picking up soon and he is getting a raise but in the mean time it has been one thing after the other and him not doing a thing about it. My Dad even offered him some side work, do you think he has bothered to check into it? No. |
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Not very often. We cook a lot at home and tend to spend a lil much on groceries, but not lately. We eat out maybe once every other week or something and it's usually not expensive. |
I have been thinking about saying I want to go back to seperate accts but I don't think that is going to solve the problems at hand. |
Based on what you stated above, I would say you have a boy, not a man. |
The shared finances creates the positive interdependence portion of a cooperative/team relationship, but the individual accountability part is a bit weak. Wouldn't solve them, but it would make him more accountable for his role in all of it. If he is being shielded from his accountability, he will not be as motivated to seek out the side jobs, etc. Thing is, I'm not sure how easy it is to take that step backwards and still preserve the relationship, since it essentially is an "F You, you're on your own", no matter how you slice it. Good luck. |
So, if work is slow for his company then I would bet it is slow for everyone else. If he gives his boss a hard time about getting paid on time and gets fired and can't find another job.... where would you guys be then? My wife is always broke and I give her what she needs. That is what you are supposed to do in a relationship. Get it over it or move on. |
Good. Y'all are doing better than most. personally, if it were me, I'd cancel the satellite dish. Instead of paying them $40-50 each month, set that money aside in a savings account for emergencies. By this time next year, you'd have $500 to spare. Sure would be nice to have an extra $500 sitting around right now, eh?  What you (and he) really should do, is collect every receipt for everything you buy next month. At the end of the month you should both sit down and add up how much was spent on food, electricity, water, gasoline, insurance, etc. Once y'all have a better grasp of where the money is going, you'll know where to start trying to save money. For instance, if the electric bill is way too high, try to make sure you turn the lights off when you leave a room. If most of your money is going to gasoline, try to find ways to avoid making multiple trips. After making conscious efforts to change your spending habits, do the same thing next month. See if your changes saved you money over the previous month. It will take some time, and try not to get discouraged, but it will pay off in the long run. |
I too work in the construction industry and know how hard it can be. Winter can be very rough on certain segments of the industry and you have to live by the old adage "make hay while the sun shines". Decent money can be made in carpentry, but you two will have to plan for down time. In the northern climates he may be out of work for three or four months annually because of the weather. His portion of the finances for these times has to come from what he makes the rest of the time. If you see a long term relationship with this guy, try not to get angry with him. Instead, use the hard times you are going through now to convince him to save money during the good times. |
That actually has a much better tone to it  Ok so its not all his fault... but you have to stop railing about his job, or he will walk. You can be certain he takes shit all day, and won't respond well to taking it at home too. I don't know why, if he has his own insurance, he isn't hunting out jobs on his own. Being a sub is fine, but he could be doing handyman shit on the side for extra scratch... put an ad in the local community paper... you'll get calls. He's just not in a great career and either, you have to accept that and be prepared to carry the slack, or he has to figure out something else he can do... because even if the seasonal work is great, winters are always gonna suck. He could pick up snow plowing, but if it doesn't snow, winters still suck. If he'd hook up with a company full time, he'd be able to collect unemployment during layoffs. He wouldn't be paying insurance but he'd give up convenience. If he'd hook up with a union job, he'd get a good hourly. Maybe he needs to look into a county job. Road crew or something. Bottom line is that when the economy is hurting, and nobody has much cash, people aren't spending on new decks or additions. I don't know what kind of specific work he does, but construction as a whole tends to slow down when people hurt, and we're definitely hurtin'. |
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I have a hard time understanding how two people can both have jobs and still not be able to pay bills. I'm 25 years old, live on my own. My rent is $1200 a month plus utilities... Satellite, Internet, Water, and Electricity. My cellphone bill is approximately $100 a month. My car is paid off, I have zero debt. I have all of that on my shoulders and I still have enough left over for plenty of food and enough to go out and have fun when I want to. Sounds like to me you have let yourself become stagnant. Apparently you both have jobs that pay nothing. That or you don't know how to balance money very well. Stop being lazy and go get a job that pays the bills. It's not difficult. JUST MAKE IT HAPPEN! No Excuses. I'm really not trying to be rude. The fact is, no one cares about your problems. Only you can care, and only you can fix things. Best of luck. |
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Let him know flat out that HE is responsible for paying HIS bills and stick to your words. If his truck breaks and he doesn't have the money to fix it, well, that's HIS problem. Some guys really need a hard lesson in life to motivate them to work harder or find a better way to make a living. |
Would inserting the Buddy Christ .gif here get me in trouble? |
Thank you. We actually save all of our receipts for tax purposed so maybe I will do that this weekend and then see what we can cut back and check up in a month or two to see if it helped. We do tend to spend money when we shouldn't and I take full responsibility for my part, I have been trying to cut corners for the past few months but we just haven't gotten ahead. |
Thanks, that is exactly what I have been saying. He needs to work extra when he can in the summer instead of slackn off and we need to save in the summer to make up for winter. He is usually never out of work in the winter luckily, his boss usually always finds something for him to do but he rarely even gets 40hrs a week. It's still better than nothing but this winter has really hit hard. |
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"We have done this many times, he doesn't care and he doesn't absorb any of it or give it a second thought the next day." Sounds to me like you already know the answer to your financial problems.... If you really believe what you typed, then you also know that there is no future with someone who does not take issues seriously (when you do). Sounds like he would make a good friend -vs- a good husband, SO, life partner, or what ever you want to call it. It sounds to me like you care more, thus you could be doing a lot better without him. I hope this does not offend you. |
I have explained to him he needs to start branching off on his own and my Dad has even told him to get intouch with a friend of his who used to do carpentry but is basically retired now but has a ton of side work people ask him to do that my BF could be doing. He hasn't bothered checking in to it. He mostly builds Timberframes and restores old houses and barns right now. My Dad is in the Union and had tried to talk to him about it and he isn't interested. He doesn't want to be into any type of commercial work. |
I have done all this already and then all these things come up and he spends money and doesn't even tell me, etc etc etc. It's pretty hard to budget when you have one person budgeting and the other person doing whaterver they want. |
This is a perfect example because when somehting goes wrong and I tell him we have no money he just goes and fixes and says "what was I supposed to do". Well Um... wait til we have the money. It doesn't make sense ya know. |
No it doesn't offend me it's how I feel most of the time, and it's a lousy feeling. I feel I should be sticking by him no matter what, he always sticks by me. 
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You need to get him on board or seperate your accounts. He will throw a fit, but you are ruining your future if you do not. We all understand needed expenses such as medical and auto repair, but if there is no control in uneccesary areas, that is a bad situation. |