Posted: 10/25/2007 12:50:34 AM EDT
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10 years ago I could eat anything. Now I've got to deal with gout and GERD and all the dietary restrictions that come with them. Over the last year or so, I've noticed that mozzarella cheese gives me the worst gas imaginable (worse than bleeding stomach gas). Ate pizza yesterday for dinner. Now I'm blowing the ass trumpet like Dizzy Gillespie. Mozzarella is the only cheese that does this to me. What's next? 
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Try morphine, when they gave it to me after a wreck I didnt shit for however long I was taking it 
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The excessive farting doesn't bother me. It's just a mild nuisance. Now, the aggravated irritable bowel disease that strikes after a nice steak dinner at a nice restuarant - without warning - can be downright inconvenient. Fortunatley, I have only ever shit my pants around good friends, who shit themselves for a variety of reason and arent offended by the matter one bit. I used to work with one of the, and as he passed me in the hall at HP he said "can you send an email on my behalf dude - I just shit my pants, I'm NOT going back to my office, and I won't be back for the rest of the day" The email I sent did not just say he was sick, but it explained in great detail what I knew about his predicament. Disclaimer: cant spell cause Im drunk |
