Posted: 9/20/2007 7:03:52 AM EDT
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A Cowboy meets an Indian herding sheep in the Oklahoma Hills. Cowboy: "Nice dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?" Indian: "Dog no talk." Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?" Dog: "Doin' all right." Indian: (Look of shock!) Cowboy: "Is this Indian your owner?" (pointing at the Indian) Dog: "Yep." Cowboy: "How does he treat you?" Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play." Indian: (Look of total disbelief) Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?" Indian: "Horse no talk." Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it going?" Horse: "Cool." Indian: (Extreme look of shock!) Cowboy: "Is this your owner?" (Pointing to the Indian) Horse: "Yep." Cowboy: " How's he treat you?" Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking, he rides me, brushes me down often, and keeps me in a lean-to to protect me from the weather." Indian: (Look of total amazement) Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?" Indian: "Sheep lie." |
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A Texas Aggie is in Alaska and walks into a bar. He overhears two burly Alaskans bragging about how Alaskan men are the roughest and the toughest in the country... He walks up and tells the pair that he is in fact from Texas and anything that they can do, he can do better. One of the Alaskans says to the Aggie, "Really? Alaskans can drink an entire bottle of whiskey, have sex with an eskimo woman, and wrestle a grizzly bear all in one night!" The Aggie proudly proclaims, "hah, no big deal, and I'll prove it!" With that he chugs an entire bottle of whiskey and staggers out into the snow. Several hours pass and the Aggie returns. He is completely bloodied and bruised and his clothes are torn to shreds... The Alaskans ask, "what happened?" To this the Aggie replies, "never you mind, now tell me where that eskimo woman is that you want me to wrestle..." - AG |
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A college professor was doing a study. She was testing the discriminating senses and associative skills of first graders by using a simple bowl of lifesavers. She gave all the children the same kind of lifesavers, one at a time, and asked them to identify them by color and flavor. The children began to say: "Red............cherry," "Yellow.........lemon," "Green..........lime," "Orange........orange." Finally the professor gave them all a more difficult determination using honey lifesavers. After eating them for a few moments none of the children could identify the taste as honey. "Well," she said, "I'll give you some clues... Lets see..." it's what your mother may sometimes call your father". One little girl looks up in horror, spit hers out and yells: "Oh My God!!!! They're assholes!" |
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A father sits his 10 year-old son down and says, "Son, it's time we talked about the birds and the bees." Immediately, the son starts crying. Dad asks what's the matter and the son says, "Dad, when I was 6 you said there was no such thing as the Tooth Fairy. When I was 8, you told me there was no Santa Claus." "Now, you're gonna tell me I'm never gonna get laid..." |
 The Indian's humping the sheep! 
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IRISHMAN AND THE MORMON A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips." The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me, too, I didn't know we had a choice." |
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For his birthday, little Joe asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it." The next day the father saw little Joe heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?" Little Joe told him; "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling Mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with a $280,000 mortgage & no bike |