Posted: 9/14/2007 3:18:24 PM EDT
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This one wasnt mine, it was made by my friend who works for another agency. Officer was standing outside the bar keeping the peace at closing time. There is a one way street in front of the bar and a vehicle came driving down the street going the wrong way. The officer shined his flashlight on the driver and told him to stop the car but the driver predicably just sped away. So the officer runs back to his patrol car and went looking for the vehciel. He found it about 15 minutes later blowing stop signs and red lights trying to get away. He stopped the car and it was a different guy driving the car! The driver from infront of the bar was now in the passengers seat but both guys were extremely drunk. Both guys got arrested for DUI and seated in the backs of seperate patrol cars. The registered owner of the car was in the back seat but she was too intoxicated to drive so the vehicle had been towed. After the officer filled out the towing paperwork he told the owner she was free to retrieve any property she wanted out of the car and then go. The woman went to her car and while acting like she was gathering her belongings, instead wrote "FUCK you" in 3" block letter with a sharpie on the towing paperwork  . So she get arrested for obstructing and delaying. Now there were only two patrol cars there, she gets stuffed in the back seat with one of the guys and the officer starts redoing the towing paperwork. After a few minutes he realizes he cant see the womans head in the back of the patrol car so he looks inside. She had slipped her cuffs to the front and was giving the driver a blowjob in the back of the cop car.  So they pull her out of the car and remove one handcuff so they can put her hands back behind her back. As soon as the cuff was removed she started fighting with the cops. They pushed her up against the patrol car and drive stunned her with the taser. Well during the struggle the arresting officer leg ended up bewtween the womans legs and when drive stunned she urinated, all over the arresting officers leg and shoe.  Everyone in the car went to jail, the driver got a blow job, the owner got tasered and the cop got pissed on. Thats got to be one for the record books. |
| if you ever get a chance to sit in on a dui check point, do it. its the funnest thing to watch. the cop chases are fun to watch. i went to 1 a couple of months ago and this 1 drunk lady was so drunk she shit her pants while they were doing the dui tests. everyone was laughing at her (not the cops) but the bystanders that were there. |
 ...and then I observed the female suspect performing fellatio on the male suspect, so we got her out and that's when we had to taser her....no, sir, that was before she peed on me. It must have been hard for the supervisor taking the report to keep a straight face. ...and I'm sure the rest of the guys made golden shower jokes for the next six months. |
+1 
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Here's a couple of good ones I might have told before: I had the opportunity to take a handgun class and a couple of officers from Anchorage PD were in it. One was SWAT, and one was a veteran patrol officer. During lunch one day the veteran patrol officer was talking about still having some of his "old" OC around. "Old" OC? I asked. Paraphrasing here: "Yeah...we had to switch a while back because of the barbecue." At this point the SWAT officer starts laughing. "You're going to have to fill me in...what's a barbecue got to do with switching out OC spray?" "Well the old stuff is alcohol based. One night some of our officers got into a fight with a drunk and just peppered him with OC, but it wasn't having much effect. Then a taser equipped officer showed up and hit him with the taser...and the guy erupted into the prettiest ball of blue flame you've ever seen. Everybody looked around with that 'oh sh*t!' look on their face for a second before we finally got him out. So after that we had to get rid of the alcohol based OC..." ---------- At another handgun course a Williamsburg officer told me about his tale of woe. He stopped a drunk who decided to play beat up the cop. Backup arrived in the form of an officer freshly minted from the academy. The new officer was unsure of himself and didn't know exactly what to do when he arrived to find the senior officer on the ground rolling around with the drunk. "SPRAY HIM, DAMMIT!!" the senior officer shouted. And the rookie proceeded to use his OC spray.....unfortunately his aim was off and he sprayed most of a can right on top of the senior officer's head. "Dude, my hair was ORANGE when I finally managed to turn the drunk's head into the stream of OC." They finally got the drunk under control and the senior officer went into the locker room to clean up (he was covered in mud and grime from the wrestling match) and took a shower. He was in the shower washing his hair when he remembered that it was loaded with OC spray, so he leaned his head back to keep any of it from getting in his face. What he didn't think about was the stream of OC rich fluid running down his back and into his nether regions. Paraphrasing here: "All of a sudden that OC hit the crack of my rear end and set my ass on fire....I hopped out of the shower hollering like a nutcase...which of course brought people into the locker room in time to see me hopping around soapy and naked like something possessed. One of the bastards who wasn't laughing too hard to stand up actually started throwing ones at me..." |
