[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Divorce team, assemble! (Page 1 of 6)
Posted: 4/14/2007 5:05:45 PM EDT
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Before anyone says it, I have posted this in the legal forum as well. My wife and I are separating. I want to get a divorce, she does not. The house and my cars are in my name and my name only. I don't expect problems as she wants to stay with me (that is an illogical sentence I know), she doesn't want to screw up her future chances of getting back together (nil). I know absolutely nothing about divorce so could someone enlighten me about the process? We were married in NV (yes, vegas) and live in AZ. One other complication, my parents do not know I am married. Yes I am a  .
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and roger  ETA: OP is not the bad guy--I don't think---the judge might. |
jj
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I work for a law firm that does tax law in AZ. We work with some very good divorce attorneys handling the messy tax side. IM me if you want some names. Typically, their retainers are $10,000 and they bill at around $350 per hour. Standard going rate for someone good. |
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Well thank you all for the supportive replies. I am 20, she is 19. We have been married for about a year and a half. A year of that, I was in Iraq. She was very supportive the whole time and I could not have asked for more. I have not cheated on her and she has not cheated on me. Of this I am certain. She is very attractive and has in fact lost weight (about 5-10 pounds) during our time together, though she was never fat. I have never raised my hand against her and have only raised my voice once. She has not done either. I do not drink and she does rarely, though that comes into play at the end of my story. I will cite "trust issues". Without going into it too deeply, she used to have, well, breakdowns where she would go somewhere to think/cry/be somewhere else. She wouldn't tell me where she was or that she was even going, she would just disappear. I had just gotten back from Iraq and this was, shall I say, disconcerting. I explained to her that bad, unhappy thoughts about her demise were going through my head, for to me disappearance at night = death. She would apologize, say she'd never do it again, then do it again. Sometimes she wouldn't be having a breakdown, she would be doing some other completely legitimate thing, but she "forgot to tell me" and "couldn't find her cell phone" or had some other excuse as to why she couldn't let me know where she was. I hope this does not sound controlling, for I never told her where she could or could not go, other than askeing her not to work at Hooters while I was deployed, and telling her that driving to San Diego and back in one day would be a bad idea. I simply asked that she tell me where she was, because I was worried about her. She did this while I was deployed, though I never found out about it, because my parents took care of it. They actually called the cops once, so I do not feel that I am embellishing the story at all when I say that her disappearances were worrisome. The past few weeks she has been working a lot, as I found out her parents had abruptly stopped helping her financially and she had to pick up a lot of slack. I said this was fine, if she was to come home late (she trains horses) to please let me know ahead of time and update me every once in a while as to whether she was alive or not. I would have gladly helped her financially, but she "didn't want to stress me any more" and did not tell me. The past few nights, she was out late doing things, each night she didn't call, but in her mind this was okay because she was "with people". I told her I didn't know that and was worried about her. Each time, I told myself that "no, she wouldn't do this to me again, she promised she wouldn't." Well yesterday she wanted to drive up to Phoenix (2 hours away) with a female friend to eat dinner with her friend's relatives, then return that night. Apparently she had too much to drink (probably 2 glasses of wine, knowing her) and made the commendable decision not to drive back home while drunk. We had just had a serious discussion about all I posted above, and she promised she would tell me where she was, and I trusted her. Well she did not contact me in any way until this afternoon, to say I was worried was an understatement. I hope this clears the air about what is happening. I do not fear her trying to take possession of any of my things. I left the house with her in it so she could pack, she left all of my valuables and firearms, including 14 ARs. She is a good person, she still loves me, I still love her, I just cannot live like this anymore. We have talked for hours and hours and hours over many days and weeks, but the problem remains. Perhaps she will change after a bit of separation, and we will get back together and remarry in a ceremony people actually know about. |
An edit to my above post: the "breakdowns" stopped a few months ago. We talked about some issues and that has not occurred again. |
So then why are you divorcing her? You said you don't think she is cheating when she leaves. You're going to break a vow because she occasionally doesn't phone you when she goes somewhere?
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Okay Sparky, listen up. You remember those vows you took? Especially the "for better or for worse" part? Well, this is the "for worse" part. You say that you are sure that there is no infidelity. Okay, good. Anything short of that is stuff that you are required to help her get through. Why? Because you swore an oath before God, that's why. It appears from your posts that you haven't even attempted to figure out what's at the bottom of her behavior. That's a good place to start. Insist on counselling; if she does not want a divorce, that may be a good way to get her in to the counselor's office. This isn't a game of tag, son. This is a marriage. You can't just call "Olly olly oxen free" when things get too tough. Trust me, I know. |
Wise words. Listen to this man. |