Posted: 10/11/2006 7:33:39 AM EDT
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Email I received. 1: I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. 2: Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back 3: Half the people you know are below average 4: 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 5: 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot. 6: A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. 7: A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 8: If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain. 9: All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand. 10: The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. 11: I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met. 12: Ok, so what's the speed of dark? 13: How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink? 14: if everything seemed to being going well, you have obviously over looked something. 15: Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. 16: When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. 17: Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. 18: hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now. 19: Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. 20: I intend to live forever; so far so good. 21: What happens if you get scared half to death twice? 22: My mechanic told me, " I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." 23: Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? 24: If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. 25: A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. 26: Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. 27: The hardness of butter is proportional to the softness of bread. 28: To steal ideas from a person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. 29: The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. 30: The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. 31: Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film. 32: If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work? |
