[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Did I just commit adultery? (Page 1 of 4)
Posted: 6/24/2006 10:34:37 AM EDT
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I am married and my life sucks. I didn't want to get married but was given an ultimatum, I didn't want to be alone so I got married. I thought this is the hand I was handed so deal with it. I am very unhappy. I work in a predominantly male profession. Most of the few females here are batting for the other team. There are 2 fairly attractive, younger, single, females I work with. Turns out they are roommates and best friends. A little over a month ago one of them approached me out of the blue. Turns out she has been watching me for the last 2 years! We talk in passing all of the time but she just got the courage to tell me how she felt. I told her I was married which put the brakes on but before I knew it she had my number and was calling me here and there. That grew into talking everyday and going out a couple times after work for a beer. Last night we were going to meet up for something to eat when I got off. She called and said she didn't feel like going out but I could stop by and she would cook for me. I said cool. After a good meal she gave me a tour of her house that ended in her bedroom. She said I couldn't leave without at least a kiss, which lead to a little 'touch and feel' like school kids. She wanted to keep going but I stopped it, I just couldn't. There was no intercourse or oral of any kind. I feel guilty as hell now but I did like it. Would that be considered adultery? Should I tell my wife? I feel screwed no matter what I do. ETA: I can't spell. |
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Dont stick with a marriage you dont want to be in. If you like this new girl go for it. Kick the old one to the curb and enjoy your new life. Truth be told, it sounds like your wife now is kind of a overbearing bitch if you were given an ultimatium in regards to marrying her, but I mean no disrespect by that. Simply how I read it. |
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If you tell your wife what happened, it will lead to a divorce. What you should do, instead, is just tell her that lately you've been thinking about other women since you're unhappy - but you don't want to do anything because of your commitment to her. This is the truth and all she needs to know, it might also help you guys with your marriage. And, seriously, consider marriage counseling. |
We are going to need some more back story on the marriage. If you are unhappy, and can't get over that - then you need to be honest w/ your self and your wife and end the marriage. Life goes on. |
Your wife doesn't need to know. You don't need to kill yourself. You can pray if you like, but I never found that helped much. I (nor probably anybody else here) wants to push you into something you don't want to do, but you are saying you hate your marriage, you were forced into it, and you are finding more attractive women who are apparently in love with you and with whom you are interested. Marriages don't always work out. Sometimes it's for the best. |
+1 Billion |
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1. DON'T TELL YOUR WIFE! You do not want to lose leverage in case of a diviorce. 2. If you really are that unhappy, and you don't have kids, file for divorce yesterday. If you are in a smaller town, get a consult with as many of the top divorce attorneys as you can. You just found out that you in fact do have options. As much as she convinced you of it, your choices are not just your current wife or be alone, |
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Are you religious? Do you have kids? My personal recommendation is to quit living in the past, start fresh with your wife, get counseling and improve your marriage. Make WHATEVER changes you can to increase your communication, etc. Spend some time thinking up some nice things you can do for her, put them on your calendar (about every quarter). Show an interest in her life... Make the most of what you have now. Don't think the grass is greener... Remember, love isn't a feeling. That's infatuation. Love is being a man and following through on your promises even if you don’t feel like it. It is mature. Be mature, do the right thing and fix your problems. |
| Don't tell your wife, just file the paperwork for divorce and try to get your shit together. Telling her and staying together will only result in your still being unhappy. Sure, you may be alone for a little bit, but your unhappy anyways, so what can you really lose? |
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DO NOT TELL YOUR WIFE unless you want to have a divorce or you think she will understand(yeah right). Do you really want to stay married? Lock up the guns if you tell her and make sure shes not driving, ironing, or carving a ckicken. And, dont know if this would help, but if you are going to divorce, give your car, guns, clothes, furniture, dog to a friend that will give them back after the wife takes all the other stuff. Good Luck. 
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So I've already sinned once but wouldn't a divorce be another?head.gif Not that I want to be with this other girl the rest of my life or anything but this whole thing has just got me to thinking how unhappy I am. |
DO NOT tell your wife... why make her suffer?... YOU are the one who screwed up. You live with the guilt. Why tell her? Honestly... what GOOD will it do? |
I dont understand this line... was she pregnant and her dad held a gun to your head? How is one given an ultimatum into marriage? |
+1 You don't get married to somebody in the first place that you don't even want to be married to.  Get a divorce and get it over with. It'll probably be painful but in the end things will be better.
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The "sinning" part is the least of your worries (or at least should be). How long have you been married? Your first priority is to decide if you want to stay married or not. Work on this first. Make a decision... The wife doesn't need to know about the kissing incident (at least not yet). |
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Goldcollector...I've been divorced and I can tell you it no picnic. Adultery is a progression, it never just simply "happens" It's obvious that you have been thiking about this for a long time. You need to ask yourself why you got married in the first place. You say that yoiu were forced into it. Was your wife pregnant? Did you feel that you loved your wife and would spend the rest of your life with her? If you left your wife for this woman how would this be better? Shed some light on whats really going on ok? |
It sounds like your wife is uber-religious. Telling her you cheated on her would be like setting off a nuke in a F5 tornado... |
As opposed to living this way for the rest of your life, or until she leaves you. What about bringing kids into this marriage? Please, apparently the only thing that you lack is the courage of your convicitions! |
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First off, just take a moment and try to relax. If you have children, or if you don't... it doesn't matter. DO NOT stay in a miserable marriage "for the children". File for divorce. Move on. Spend some time with this new girl. Do NOT rush into anything, especially marriage. Find what makes YOU happy. Live your life on your own, without fear. Relax. Keep a calm head. Stay frosty. S |
The other girl isn't even an issue. Murphys law is pretty much that she (or any other female) will lose any interest in him once hes single. The real issue is that he was talked into a marriage and is living unhappily because of it. If theres no kids involved, why shouldn't he get divorced? |
Yeah funny how people change. It seems to me like you both have changed, maybe she has grown up and you haven't or it could be the other way around. Now to the matter at hand... You have to be honest with yourself and ask yourself...do you want to be married to this woman for the rest of your life? (your wife) If youre answer is no, then do yourself and your wife a favor and call it quits....before the adultery starts a sexual relationship. If on the other hand you feel guilty about your infidelity against your wife and after 8 years you don't want to leave her...then you need to be upfront with your wife and put the cards on the table. Whatever you do, be a man and make your decision. |
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Well, whenever you are wondering if you cheated, ask..."Self, can I tell my wife about this without her crying." You don't pass the cry test. Now if you feel TRAPPED in your marriage, then bail and get out now before you have kids in a loveless pit of a marriage. I can't imagine wanting to spend the rest of my life with someone I wasn't head over heals for. YMMV. |
If more therapists and counselors had an attitude like yours, people wouldn't be so screwed up all the time. [Denis Leary as counselor] Shut the fuck up... next! [/Denis Leary as counselor] - BG |
What? You did not want to get married but you were given an ultimatum and instaed of doing what you want you let the fear of being alone talk you into something you did not want to do. Dude, you need to get a back bone first, then get divorced. Then you can start living your life. Otherwise just put on a skirt and lay down and die. |