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Posted: 3/3/2006 12:52:51 PM EDT
Week before Thanksgiving the wife of 19 years wants a divorce. All we do is fight and I can't do it anymore she said. No physical abuse, cheating or drinking. Just doesn't want a relationship anymore. I talk her into trying to work it out so we stay in same house only platonic for now on. After 2 1/2 months of spinning my wheels trying to change her mine she still wants to call it quits. We can do it ourselves without lawyers since no kids. So we split the household items, I keep the house buying her half (house was paid for) and my best buddy (Black Lab of 6 yrs.) all my guns, my investments and my pension. She wants no spousel maitenance and just 3/4 of the savings. She takes all her credit card bills with her. She keeps the Jeep, I keep my truck. She just wants out. This is all her deal and it was the best I was going to get (I'm no fool). Went to bank on Monday to secure a loan (credit score over 800) and she got the paper work from the Court House. Filled it out on Wednesday, filed Thursday. 20 days later saw the Judge (took all of 10 min.) looked through it with a few questions and said OK. Will sign today. Got signed papers yesturday. She is still packing up and that is going well, we get along better now that we split. I'm sure the Judge was baffled by the settlement we presented to him but oh' well, her choice. I make 1400 more a month than she does (2400 vs. 1000) but that's what she wanted.

So I have a loan to pay which I can afford with a minor adjustment in my life. Now she is happy and I'm getting there. I will miss her I'm sure, but the marriage had its problems and it's time to move on.

This is not a fantasy, this happend for real. How did I do?
Link Posted: 3/3/2006 12:55:45 PM EDT
Now you can go back to your real passion! Hookers and blow!!!

Sorry to hear about the divorce.
Link Posted: 3/3/2006 12:56:38 PM EDT
HOLY CRAP! You got screwed. You let her take the Jeep??? J/K



Wow I am in disbelief, this is ARFCOM right? I am still logged in aint I?
Link Posted: 3/3/2006 12:58:38 PM EDT
Fucking troll.
Real AR15.com divorces have a lot more drama.

This thread might get a half a page and the mods won't even look twice at it.
Link Posted: 3/3/2006 1:02:14 PM EDT
mine was final on the 22nd

did she take your silverware?
Link Posted: 3/3/2006 1:03:37 PM EDT
Sorry to hear about the divorce.

What do you do for a living?
Link Posted: 3/3/2006 1:03:53 PM EDT
Not knowing all the math, it sounds like you did alright.

Unfortunately for you your wife caught a case of "just not happy"-itis, which they try to cure by blaming you for being "just not happy" and making you unhappy as well.

The only treatment is living a good life without her. Then one day, when she realizes that she's "just not happy" without you, like she was "just not happy" with you, she'll get the "oh shit what did I do" moment that will make all the crap you went through worth it.


Link Posted: 3/3/2006 1:05:37 PM EDT
glad this went as well as you can hope for.

sorry to hear about the breakup, but you'll be happier in the long run given what you said led up the the divorce.
Link Posted: 3/3/2006 1:05:38 PM EDT
Sounds like you kept a level head through the whole thing. Congratulations. Wish mine had gone that well.
Link Posted: 3/3/2006 1:07:14 PM EDT
A year from now, you'll wonder why you waited so long.
Link Posted: 3/3/2006 1:13:01 PM EDT
1. I am sorry that your marrage is quits. Sounds like you love her still even after the experience of this split.
2. I commend you for being quite civil. You seem to have your emotions under control.
3. You did well.
4. Picking up the pieces of your life in the months to come will be hard. The dating scene after such a LONG term comitted relationship, your marriage, well, the experience can be unnerving. Excersize caution when you become "Hornly" (Horny & Lonely) as there is a breed of woman out there that are nothing short of emotional vampires. Aim VERY high, but ONLY when YOU are ready. You will need time to get over this and there is NO quick fix.
5. Continue to be the GOODGUY, but, don't fall for "sex with the ex", simply move on. Allow for the last remnants of that relationship fade into obscure memory. The absolutely BEST way to avenge yourself is to LIVE WELL.
6. If she EVER decides to change her mind, DONT! Stand your ground and politely decline. Remember every bit of pain you went through during this ripping your life down the middle, if she'll do this once, she'll do this again. Remember, she now sees YOU as "disposable", it's not likely that her views will ever change, and if she says they have, she is lying, simply telling you what you want to hear as an "IN". You don't have to be cold, all you have to do is politely stand your ground.

Best of luck.
Link Posted: 3/3/2006 1:18:02 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/3/2006 1:20:58 PM EDT by Stronghorn]
I"m a retired Firefighter/Paramedic on disability pension. And yes I have lot's of silverware and dishes to eat with. I never drove the Jeep (98 Wrangler 2" lift) anymore because of difficulty with the disability so I won't miss it or the offroad maitenance it takes. My truck is a 96 Silverado with only 55K on it and mint shape. House worth 100K so split half and I can eat the savings she got. I'll be OK guys, thanks....

Best thing is I got the house and the dog (I love that little guy) and I didn't become a prison bitch in the process.
Link Posted: 3/3/2006 1:20:08 PM EDT
Sounds like you made out like a bandit at least from the financial aspect. So many people seem to get stuck with the ex's debt and stuck giving her part of their pension. I would say you got out the best possible way.
Link Posted: 3/3/2006 1:22:52 PM EDT

Originally Posted By KA3B:
Fucking troll.
Real AR15.com divorces have a lot more drama.

This thread might get a half a page and the mods won't even look twice at it.

Link Posted: 3/3/2006 1:42:11 PM EDT
Mine was very similar. We had a modest savings, but since I worked and she didn't I chose to keep my money. We had a kid, also, which I have custody of.

The only thing it cost me was ~$1000 for the lawyer to do her thing. Best money I ever spent.
Link Posted: 3/3/2006 1:43:18 PM EDT
Congratualtions! Now get out there and come to some local MN ARFCOM shoots!
Link Posted: 3/3/2006 1:56:05 PM EDT
That's pretty similar to how my divorce transpired.
Link Posted: 3/3/2006 2:08:00 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/3/2006 2:10:29 PM EDT by psyops4fun]
RESPECT to you!

No soap opera in my life story but both of my former husbands are now my best, most reliable friends. We matured into friendship post divorce(s), just as we matured out of marriages based on hormones and little else. No kids, and separate finances of course made things more civilised each time.

Best wishes to both of you, and I tend to wonder if the "best" may indeed be yet to come!
Link Posted: 3/3/2006 2:34:58 PM EDT
Hey Bro -- I feel for you man. More than you know. Keep your chin up. The next few months are going to be real rough. But after a year or so you'll wonder why you even were sad about it. Don't give up!
Link Posted: 3/3/2006 2:38:12 PM EDT
I guess one of these days I should tell ya'll how mine is going.

Maybe not...
Link Posted: 3/3/2006 2:43:37 PM EDT
You did quite well. I would not be ashamed of securing a result like that for you in negotiation or at trial in a contested case. You gave up 1/2 of your half of the savings, but it won't take long to "make" that back through paying no alimony. At $2400 : $1000 and 19 years of marriage, you would've faced a real risk of permanent periodic alimony of $500 - 1000 or more had the case been contested.

Sorry you got divorced, but within that context, you did fine. Good luck in your new life!
Link Posted: 3/3/2006 2:49:19 PM EDT
MY DIVORCE WAS FINAL 2 WEEKS AGO FRIDAY !! We were married 8 years and together for 12. Believe me, I understand. I got the house she got the car. (about even actually since we hadn't had the house that long)
Im considering moving back to Kali from AR. (I hate this place) Unfortunatly house costs are insane there. Im still undecided what to do.

Anyone know of any good copier /color specialist technician jobs around?
Link Posted: 3/3/2006 3:23:30 PM EDT
Link Posted: 3/3/2006 3:28:34 PM EDT
Divorce question: once a divorce is "final" can a spouse change their mind and sue for a different (read: additional) equity distribution? Or is "final" final?
Link Posted: 3/3/2006 4:28:30 PM EDT

Originally Posted By TheCynic:
Divorce question: once a divorce is "final" can a spouse change their mind and sue for a different (read: additional) equity distribution? Or is "final" final?



Once appeals, motions for rehearing, motions to vacate, and any other direct attacks on the final judgment have been disposed of, the divorce is said to be "final" and equitable distribution (i.e., distribution of property and allocation of debts) cannot be revisited*. Of course some people mean by "final" only that the ink is dry and it's legal to remarry.

Child custody and child support can be revisited any time there is a substantial change in material circumstances. The amount of alimony, though not entitlement to alimony, can be revisited any time there is a substantial change in material circumstances.


* This doesn't mean that the judge can't take your stuff and sell it for your ex's benefit if you won't pay your alimony.
Link Posted: 3/3/2006 4:40:41 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Stronghorn:
Week before Thanksgiving the wife of 19 years wants a divorce. All we do is fight and I can't do it anymore she said.



hey that sounds like my story,must have been something in the water,she is still moving all her stuff,as quick as i pack it..but thru it all we have been civil and gone our seperate way,yet became closer....................
Link Posted: 3/3/2006 6:13:29 PM EDT

Originally Posted By UH_SALT_RIFLE:
HOLY CRAP! You got screwed. You let her take the Jeep??? J/K



Yeah, but he cut the top off first.
Link Posted: 3/3/2006 6:16:29 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Stronghorn:
This is not a fantasy, this happend for real. How did I do?



Sounds like you did better than most.
Link Posted: 3/3/2006 8:32:10 PM EDT
Stronghorn, you did OK as far as the distribution of assets is concerned. The Wizard made some good comments, especially #6. Also, I would not be surprised if your Ex has another guy you don't know about... IME, women seldom leave one relationship without having another already lined up.
Link Posted: 3/4/2006 5:03:39 AM EDT
No, there was no one else at the time. But she has them calling her already now that she is free. She is very good looking at 45, 5'2'', 120#, fit and can look and be sexy as hell. But there is a personality behind that also that will come out. Lots of guys won't put up with that like I did for 20 yrs.

I wish her good luck, but I am moving on with my life now too.
Link Posted: 3/4/2006 5:11:19 AM EDT
let the games begin.. congrats on a new life.
Link Posted: 3/4/2006 5:14:06 AM EDT
Link Posted: 3/4/2006 5:18:44 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Stronghorn:
No, there was no one else at the time. But she has them calling her already now that she is free. She is very good looking at 45, 5'2'', 120#, fit and can look and be sexy as hell. But there is a personality behind that also that will come out. Lots of guys won't put up with that like I did for 20 yrs.

I wish her good luck, but I am moving on with my life now too.



You are right about the "But there is a personality behind that also that will come out. Lots of guys won't put up with that like I did for 20 yrs.".

Whenever you feel down about the loss of your relationship with your ex, don't forget that part.

Sounds like you handled everything well concerning the division of assets and best of all--no attorneys!!
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