Am I wrong? - AR15.COM

Posted: 12/20/2005 3:27:53 PM EDT

I am sincerely asking for your help. With what you say? Can a man and a woman be just friends? Do think your wife can have a male friend who is just a friend? I will admit I am young (28) married only just 7 years and in trying to sort things out my wife and I disagree. She says yes and I say no. Most of you guys are older then me and I am honestly asking you this question. If I am wrong do you think that I am insecure? I don't trust no man, period and I feel like at some point he's going to try. I feel that men don't waste their time with friendships with women. Personally I don't have female friends and I know me and feel that if I did at some point it would move to more than that. I can only account for how I feel not the female friend. I look at the scriptures and decided to give working this marriage out a shot but gentlemen there are some things in life papa never explianed.

Posted: 12/20/2005 3:32:29 PM EDT

[#1]

Tell her friend you have aids if he flips out choke a bitch.

Posted: 12/20/2005 3:35:21 PM EDT

[#2]

If it bothers you it should bother her enough to stop seeing him. That is married couples go out with other married couples. The single ways are over.

Posted: 12/20/2005 3:37:36 PM EDT

[#3]

yes and no.

i had several female freinds i never dated. still do. That said i can't honestly say i'd never thought about bumping uglies with them at one time or another. Self control and wanting to keep a freindship kept me from pursuing it.

women seem to be more capable of it than guys but that is just an observation.

with your wife it basically boils down to your trust and faith in her. If you can't/don't trust her to say no to another guy, well you married the wrong woman. I trust mine with no doubts an i feel she trusts me the same. The big part is neither of us put ourselves in the position to give the other reason to doubt.

Posted: 12/20/2005 3:38:40 PM EDT

[#4]

Ladder theory.

My link seems broken at the moment

Posted: 12/20/2005 3:40:01 PM EDT

[#5]

Quoted:
I am sincerely asking for your help. With what you say? Can a man and a woman be just friends? Do think your wife can have a male friend who is just a friend? I will admit I am young (28) married only just 7 years and in trying to sort things out my wife and I disagree. She says yes and I say no. Most of you guys are older then me and I am honestly asking you this question. If I am wrong do you think that I am insecure? I don't trust no man, period and I feel like at some point he's going to try. I feel that men don't waste their time with friendships with women. Personally I don't have female friends and I know me and feel that if I did at some point it would move to more than that. I can only account for how I feel not the female friend. I look at the scriptures and decided to give working this marriage out a shot but gentlemen there are some things in life papa never explianed.

No and No.

If you have a problem with it, she should stop hanging out with him.

If it was the other way around, and she had a problem with it, then you should stop.

I've been married for over three years now, and niether my wife nor I purposely hang out with members of the opposite sex alone. It's bad policy.

Posted: 12/20/2005 3:42:26 PM EDT

[#6]

No. Not if it bothers YOU.

And double NO if this a new thing that just came up.

Honey, I'm sorry, I never meant for this to happen.

Posted: 12/20/2005 3:45:28 PM EDT

[#7]

The only female friends I have that I have not considered sleeping with are fairly unattractive. I have considered doing every one of my attractive female friends (the vast majority). But I'm 19 so my opinion may be worthless. Assuming your wife is attractive and her friend is straight, he is thinking about doing her.

Posted: 12/20/2005 3:45:53 PM EDT

[#8]

Let me guess: She says "He's just a friend" and gets mad at you about it.

Posted: 12/20/2005 3:51:25 PM EDT

[#9]

Quoted:

i had several female freinds i never dated. still do. That said i can't honestly say i'd never thought about bumping uglies with them at one time or another. Self control and wanting to keep a freindship kept me from pursuing it.

women seem to be more capable of it than guys but that is just an observation.

Same here. That said, if my wife told me she had a serious problem with one of my female friends, for some reason or another, and it could not be worked out, my wife takes precedence over my friend. Sorry, but marriage is marriage, and that's the way it is.

Posted: 12/20/2005 3:51:57 PM EDT

[#10]

Sounds very familiar to what my EX-WIFE told me about her male friend. He is now married to her.

Posted: 12/20/2005 3:52:38 PM EDT

[#11]

You're going to have to post pics of your wife before we can properly assess the situation

Posted: 12/20/2005 4:05:45 PM EDT

[#12]

I agree with the other (serious) replies. A married couple should never do anything to make the other uncomfortable or suspicious--the old "avoid the very appearance of evil." I predict you are headed for trouble--as implied by CaptainPooby. Sorry.

Posted: 12/20/2005 4:11:17 PM EDT

[#13]

If your wife has never given you any reasons NOT to trust her, it's not fair to treat her with mistrust. However...

It's been my experience in life that your gut feeling is usually right. If you feel it's something to be concerned about, talk to her about it.

Personally, I myself wouldn't 'befriend' another man's wife just because of the appearance of it, both to the woman's husband, and my own wife.

Posted: 12/20/2005 4:12:05 PM EDT

[#14]

It's only a problem if the "Friend" becomes a "Friend with Privleges." Unfortunately there's no physiological sign that this had happened. It'd help if they turned purple if it occurs.

Posted: 12/20/2005 4:12:08 PM EDT

[#15]

Some men and women can be just friends. Certainly, not everyone is capable of that. Only you and your wife can decide what you are comfortable with. My wife and I both have friends of the opposite sex. We never seem to have any issues, but both of us know the others friends, and are always welcome to hang out with them. If it bothers you, then she should stop hanging out alone with the guys.

Posted: 12/20/2005 4:12:23 PM EDT

[#16]

Quoted:
Quoted:
I am sincerely asking for your help. With what you say? Can a man and a woman be just friends? Do think your wife can have a male friend who is just a friend? I will admit I am young (28) married only just 7 years and in trying to sort things out my wife and I disagree. She says yes and I say no. Most of you guys are older then me and I am honestly asking you this question. If I am wrong do you think that I am insecure? I don't trust no man, period and I feel like at some point he's going to try. I feel that men don't waste their time with friendships with women. Personally I don't have female friends and I know me and feel that if I did at some point it would move to more than that. I can only account for how I feel not the female friend. I look at the scriptures and decided to give working this marriage out a shot but gentlemen there are some things in life papa never explianed.

No and No.

If you have a problem with it, she should stop hanging out with him.

If it was the other way around, and she had a problem with it, then you should stop.

I've been married for over three years now, and niether my wife nor I purposely hang out with members of the opposite sex alone. It's bad policy.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

Posted: 12/20/2005 4:35:46 PM EDT

[#17]

Propriety matters, even if it's an old fashioned Victorian age custom.

When your marriage is doing fine, both of you are happy and content, then being around "friends" of the opposite sex is not harmful.

However, anyone who's been married knows there are valleys too, and at those times when things don't go well we tend to romanticize or even worse sexualize friendships into something they are not. Soon, pangs of lust pop up, or genuine feelings, and the partner begins to replace you with him.

I used to counsel, and I never found a case of infidelity where it wasn't innocent to begin with.

Men and women can be friends, absolutely, but if you're friends with someone long enough one of you will want to hump the other one. And, in most cases, the humping occurs eventually if given the nurishment that it needs.

Posted: 12/20/2005 4:53:17 PM EDT

[#18]

I'm no expert but I've been married to the same woman for twenty five years. She's never had any "man" friends and I've never had any "woman" friends.

Now, some might suggest a lack of trust in our relationship prevents us from having friends of the opposite sex. But the truth is, lack of trust has less to do with our successful marriage than lack of desire to seek out other company.

YMMV.

ETA I hit it every chance I get.

Posted: 12/20/2005 6:38:59 PM EDT

[#19]

Quoted:
Propriety matters, even if it's an old fashioned Victorian age custom.

When your marriage is doing fine, both of you are happy and content, then being around "friends" of the opposite sex is not harmful.

However, anyone who's been married knows there are valleys too, and at those times when things don't go well we tend to romanticize or even worse sexualize friendships into something they are not. Soon, pangs of lust pop up, or genuine feelings, and the partner begins to replace you with him.

I used to counsel, and I never found a case of infidelity where it wasn't innocent to begin with.

Men and women can be friends, absolutely, but if you're friends with someone long enough one of you will want to hump the other one. And, in most cases, the humping occurs eventually if given the nurishment that it needs.

Well said.

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