Posted: 7/15/2005 12:25:39 PM EDT
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Okay a little BG on why I think I may have a depression problem. As a kid I was active. I liked to run around play do shit kids do. But of course in the wisdom of all mighty public school in the early 90's when this whole drug kids shit got really going I was given ridilin, wellbutrin, and Lithium. Now this went on for some time up until about 99 when I said fuck this and simply quit taking the shit. Any how during this time when I was 14 my father passed away, was rather horrible to watch and when he died I watched them cart him off into the van with the red blanket over it. I wanted to cry but simply couldn't and felt horrible. Well all wise family decided to send me to live some where else for four weeks right and I mean with in a few days after for I can deal with my father dying. As if sending me away from my family is going to help me with the loss of part of my family  Any how two years later my mother gets brain cancer. She is given 3 years to live, when I heard this I really dont remember reacting all that much it was more of a "Oh" thing. I love my mother and cry when she is upset but at that time It just felt normal. Well thank god for Cali because the doctors in Cali saved my mothers life something NV couldnt do at the time. So yeah I cant hate those yuppies to much.  Any how I was watching Philadelphia last night and at the end of the movie when the tom hanks dies I just wanted to cry and scream and cry some more. I think because it reminded me of my father dying. So do I sound Depressed. 
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Well I was giving a little history and how I couldnt really show the emotions I felt. And yes I do the same shit today. Like I said I wanted to cry badly but couldnt. It was like it would have killed me to do so. |
No, we aren’t supposed to be happy all the time. Some stuff makes you feel like crap and some stuff makes it so you don’t even feel like you can feel. It’s ok thought because those are the lows that will make the highs seem so good when they come along. |
No. You seem to be normal. I didn't talk about my mom's death for years (cancer). I was married for 12yrs before I told my wife everything I went through. I'm glad your sharing this its good for you. Shok |
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Not to sound like a shrink, but sometimes an initial reaction is to supress pain or even ignore it in the first place, and you can forget about it for awhile. Then later something will trigger it, and for some reason it just starts to hurt. A lot. That seems to be my issue. |
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Cancer is such a long, lingering experience (sometimes) that when the end comes a part of us is glad the loved one is at peace. This is not how most of us expected to relate to the death of a family member so we feel guilty to some extent. I hope when I go, there will be enough illegal aliens driving around like maniacs that it will be quick and relatively painless. I don't want to be in a nursing home with some 90 year old prune-woman hitting on me. |
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Check out some medical sites online about depression. IMHO, You are clinically depressed only if the state of emotional down-ness lasts for over 2 weeks for no apparent reason. In your case, you have an objective reason to feel bad. Not being able to cry doesn't necessarily mean things are messed up. Men especially have the tendency to not cry until much later - something about our ability to compartmentalize current woes until we're safe to melt down into a puddle. Now there are various causes of depression - the "I feel bad for no apparent reason" depression is likely due to chemical imbalances that can either be corrected by lifestyle (diet, exercise) or medicine. The ultimate cause can be environment (bad diet, no exercise etc) or genetics (predisposition). Then there is the whole raft of psychological issues - coping with stress, changes in life (death, loss of job, moving away from home, getting married, having babies...serious chances in routine) Sometimes bad things happen to us that guarantee stress and a bit of depressed moods. Other times it's our attitude or thought-reaction to bad things that contribute to depression or keep it going long after the initial stimuli are gone. Listening to depressing music, reading depressing literature, wallowing in thoughts of "woulda, coulda, shoulda, but didn't" can all make a basically healthy person fall into a depressed mood. Those kinds of depression most often require therapists to help you out of the mental cul-de-sacs you wandered into. Other types of depression require therapy AND medication. Get thy self to a therapist for evaluation - it's the quickest and cheapest way to know. |
My biggest problem is I keep things bottled up. I lost my paternal Grandmother and one of my best bro's within 2 weeks of each other this Dec/Jan, and I didn't even cry. My wife thought I was a callous bastard, but I have been through so much in my 41 years of life I feel I don't have any tears left. But don't hold the emotions inside, cause it will f&#k you up, trust me, I turned to alcohol while in the MIlitary and it darn near killed me. |
| In before the anti-drug rants start. You sound like good candidate for chronic depression. My guess is it never really goes away for long. Drugs like Prozac can treat depression just like Micardis treats high blood pressure. Have your family doctor refer you to a doctor who can help you. Family doctors can not get you to the proper dosage level and just don't have the kind of experience you need. Don't suffer needlessly. Life's too short. |
While I'd like to give a big +1 to the above in general, what Olyarms has written doesn't strike me as being depression. Feeling bad about someone you love passing away, or about a deliberate tear-jerker of a movie, is normal. If you are curled up in a ball on your bed for weeks at a time thinking that you'd rather be dead, well, that's depression. Not that it has to be that serious to be labeled "depression", but seeing something that reminds you of a bad past event and feeling bad for a bit sounds pretty normal to me. |
All of this I agree with. but, I would still see a doctor to properly diagnose your situation. Take care of yourself life is too short. |
Don't need drugs, need a way or atleast a better way to vent my emotions. My problem is I cant even vent them. Like I can be sad but cant show it. Even if I try. Its odd but oh well. |
My problem is I cant even cry if I try. I have dealt with the death of my father and many other loved ones. But some times I wish I could shed a tear now and then for them.
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Have you considered the possibility that you have a mild sociapath personality. Do you have trouble feeling empathy for others and veiw people only on the context of how they effect you? |
I feel sad I just cant really show it. I am not a physco, hell I hate even yelling at some one. 
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Sometimes thats just the way it is. I got to the point where I thought I was turning into Spock with no emotions. Feels like losing ones humanity. Do you smoke weed? drink alcohol for the buzz take anti depressants? |
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Well the arfcom doctors have spoken, damn boy, just slap yourself out of this little rut. Yeah right. You bottle it up for a reason. You are not going to "get over" that. Talk to your family physician or someone who cares about you to steer you in the right direction. Sometimes seeking help and taking that first step is the hardest part. If the above is not possible GET Kay Redfield Jamison's "An Unquit Mind". She is a brilliant doctor who has been there and understands things no other doctor or layman could possibly phathom. You will know where you stand and have a little different perspective on life afterwards. Don't bother with her second book. My mother died 3 years ago and my father is dying of cancer now. I can relate, at least a little, to how you feel. If you need help you can get it. |
That sounds fucked up Dude.
Been there done that. I was 13.
Glad to hear it.
Depressed mood does not = Clinical Depression Why do you think you have to cry? Nothing but pop psychology bullshit. If crying works so well how come so many women are on antidepressants?  If you have real concerns see a psychologist. Not a psychiatrist. If you see a psychiatrist you will likely be given medication, then a cocktail. A family doc will also put you on an SSRI, Wellbutrin or Effexor. That's what people come to family docs for, unfortunately. They don't come in unless it is for meds. Docs act accordingly as the patients who do so will just see someone else until they get meds. Just the way it is. A psychologist can help you understand what is going on inside you and hopefully point you toward goals that will improve your situation. Of course they may refer you to a family doc or a psychiatrist for meds if they feel you need them. I would encourage you to do so without meds if you are able and my thoughts on the use of these meds is well known around here. Hoever, neither should you feel obligated to do without meds if you want to try them, or if you truly feel that is what you need. They do work, no question. I took Zoloft for about 10 days or so several years ago to see what it did. It had a definite affect, and early on. I also decided that I would never take them therapeutically. Excercise. It is pointless to dwell on this negative shit so move on.  Yes, I truly believe that you can turn this shit off if you don't let it get too far out of hand. Lay off drugs, alcohol, etc ...bad in the long run. Try not to let your life run you. Run your life. |
"scuse me for being blunt, but if what you said works for you, then you've never been there and don't have a clue. The world would be a rosey place if all we had to do when something went wrong is to say "aw, fuck it" and carry on. Apparently you have never had to deal with a real clinical depression problem, and I'm glad for you. |