Are all relationships transactional? (Page 2 of 2)
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Originally Posted By gearjammer351: I used to show this poem to my students. My favorite line: "true friends are people that benefit you emotionally, spiritually, mentally and regularly"  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88DIPQ2WIegTrue friends help you move bodies. |
"As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly." A. Carlson
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Originally Posted By CDW4ME: This one wants me to put food in the bowl. https://www.ar15.com/media/mediaFiles/302943/1000008109_jpg-3830667.JPG This one wants me to throw the ball. https://www.ar15.com/media/mediaFiles/302943/1000003358_jpg-3830668.JPG This one wants me to go to lunch with her. https://www.ar15.com/media/mediaFiles/302943/1000010368_png-3830671.JPG  Only see your first picture but there's a difference if you're bringing up dogs. The dogs rely on you. But they don't lie to you |
*post contains personal opinion only and should not be considered information released in an official capacity*
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Originally Posted By MeatPopsicle: To say no is to be naive, to say yes is to be sociopathic. Is this the human condition? |
Your boos mean nothing, I've seen what makes you cheer
| The older I get, the less I care. Used to get upset if my kids gave zero fucks about the time/ money I spent with and on them, used to get upset that the wife was increasingly becoming a roommate. Honestly not too bothered by either one, and that seems to upset people more than anything. God is always there, weights, nature and good food are there, and i don't care if I experience any of those alone. |
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Originally Posted By RolandofGilead: That's pretty good, yeah that's a great line. Benefitting from a relationship is a good thing. I don't understand why people things it's negative. I think a big part of it is the altruistic ideal built into our culture - the idea that "selflessness" is the highest virtue to strive for. People feel it, even subconsciously, and even saying that you're doing something for your own benefit seems wrong somehow. |
Of all men’s miseries the bitterest is this: to know so much and to have control over nothing.
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Originally Posted By RolandofGilead: Can someone explain why it's sociopathic to expect your friends to ...you know...be friends? Originally Posted By RolandofGilead: Originally Posted By MeatPopsicle: To say no is to be naive, to say yes is to be sociopathic. Is this the human condition? I'm pretty sure some very popular book had a verse explaining the difference between the absolute amount one's contribution vs one's contribution relative to what they have to give. |
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Originally Posted By voyager3: I'm pretty sure some very popular book had a verse explaining the difference between the absolute amount one's contribution vs one's contribution relative to what they have to give. |
Your boos mean nothing, I've seen what makes you cheer
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Originally Posted By R2point0: And adults can damage it as well. Watch how fast a little kid stops being excited and happy when Daddy gets home if she gets repeatedly ignored. Does that make love and excitement transactional? In a way. But that doesn't make it bad or superficial. Those good things get reinforced by reciprocation, and repressed by lack of it. That doesn't mean a child is doing it solely to get a positive reaction. Originally Posted By R2point0: Originally Posted By K2QB3: Joy does have value, and kids can damage it if they aren't careful. Even that relationship runs both ways, if they're disrespectful or not meeting their responsibilities, there have to be consequences. I'd do anything for my kids if it was what was best for them, but I get as much out of those relationships as they do. My oldest will be 19 next week and is really leaning into her independence, and I'm proud of her for it, but damn. My 16 Y/O is away at school and when she calls just to talk it's the best part of my day. Does that make love and excitement transactional? In a way. But that doesn't make it bad or superficial. Those good things get reinforced by reciprocation, and repressed by lack of it. That doesn't mean a child is doing it solely to get a positive reaction. Of course, it goes both ways. And of course we'd all do anything for our kids, no matter what. The thing is, the anything we'd do depends on that what. Parenting is inherently transactional, even when the love is unconditional. |
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Originally Posted By southerncross: I say no. I think it depends on the type of person you are. I certainly know a number of people who are purely transactional, which I feel is a form of sociopathy. I don't tend to hang out with people like that. These are things I provide my friends, and I don't think it's sociopathic to expect the same in return. |
Your boos mean nothing, I've seen what makes you cheer
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Originally Posted By RolandofGilead: I'm still hoping someone can explain this. You don't expect your friends to provide anything at all? Companionship? Guidance? Advice? A sympathetic ear at inconvenient times? ..aka...friendship? These are things I provide my friends, and I don't think it's sociopathic to expect the same in return. Maybe we're looking at it from different perspectives. I would call something mutually enjoyed by the group, in other words all the things you listed, as part of the definition of being friends. I'm going to do those things whether it is always reciprocated or not. Some people will take advantage of these things and to me, those are the people I classify as transactionally oriented. They're only there to receive something they're not willing to also provide to the group. |
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Originally Posted By southerncross: Maybe we're looking at it from different perspectives. I would call something mutually enjoyed by the group, in other words all the things you listed, as part of the definition of being friends. I'm going to do those things whether it is always reciprocated or not. Some people will take advantage of these things and to me, those are the people I classify as transactionally oriented. They're only there to receive something they're not willing to also provide to the group. Meaning the relationship you want(and me too) is in fact transactional. You want it to be transactional in both directions, and when it's not, you bail (so do most of us) |
Your boos mean nothing, I've seen what makes you cheer
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Originally Posted By NCPatrolAR: A transactional relationship is "I did X for you so now you owe me Y" That is why it is viewed as a negative outlook Or... Well, maybe I do. "I gave you friendship, and now I want the same in return or I'm out" Actually makes sense to me. |
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Originally Posted By whollyshite: If all you want is to be left alone, then why are you worried about the mechanics of relationships? Being left alone doesn't have to mean you're alone. The meaning of my original statement was regarding people having expectations of someone. That's why I think everyone wants something in the end. I don't really consider myself as having friends. I'm someone that has acquaintances that will eventually ask something of me. |
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Originally Posted By tc556guy: Only see your first picture but there's a difference if you're bringing up dogs. The dogs rely on you. But they don't lie to you Originally Posted By tc556guy: Originally Posted By CDW4ME: This one wants me to put food in the bowl. https://www.ar15.com/media/mediaFiles/302943/1000008109_jpg-3830667.JPG This one wants me to throw the ball. https://www.ar15.com/media/mediaFiles/302943/1000003358_jpg-3830668.JPG This one wants me to go to lunch with her. https://www.ar15.com/media/mediaFiles/302943/1000010368_png-3830671.JPG Only see your first picture but there's a difference if you're bringing up dogs. The dogs rely on you. But they don't lie to you I was being a smarty britches. I care for the dogs and get companions in return; I doubt they see the relationship as transactional, I don't. My wife of 36 years is my best friend. She goes to work while I stay home and when I bought a new car or motorcycle she said, "You deserve it". If our relationship was transactional I am winning. |
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"Wouldn't want to / Nobody volunteer to" get shot by _____ is not indicative of quickly incapacitating.
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I can see it both ways. On the one hand, if your partner stops offering respect or love, most partners would eventually leave. So, that denotes some conditional boundary for a certain amount of reciprocity. Having said that, people often do selfless things all around you without any expectation of reciprocity. A few years ago, we came upon an accident and I saw a woman giving chest compressions to a cyclist on the road. When I ran up and said 'I can help take over compressions if you need', we switched off every few minutes. After the ambulance arrived and took them to hospital, neither of us saw each other or the patient again. |
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Men, in general, want women that can cook, clean, do laundry, take care of kids and have sex while laughing, and enjoying time they spend together without fear of them being unfaithful with their bodies, time, or money. Women in general want a man who can protect them, provide for them, gift them things, listen to them, respect them, put babies in them, etc without fear of them being unfaithful in all the same things, laugh and enjoy time together. Guys want friends who like the same things and (depending on the guy) that they can either control/boss around or learn from, while having fun, and maybe a mix of both for most guys. Ladies don’t want friends. They all hate each other lol. Yes, I’m GenX I do not understand modern life at all. |
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Originally Posted By HKPDW: Yes - for the most part. Women marry for a lifestyle, not love. |
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Originally Posted By Pallas: That’s my experience. I quit drinking, quit hearing from my friends. Lonely friend finally got a gf, quit hearing from him. Etc, etc. This has jaded me, because I see how things are, and am becoming the same. If someone has nothing to offer, I no longer waste my time. I used to go above and beyond for people. Originally Posted By Pallas: Originally Posted By Explorer225: Friends or romantic are we all just looking for what's in it for us? Personally I just want to be left alone and I try to treat others the same way. Your thoughts? That’s my experience. I quit drinking, quit hearing from my friends. Lonely friend finally got a gf, quit hearing from him. Etc, etc. This has jaded me, because I see how things are, and am becoming the same. If someone has nothing to offer, I no longer waste my time. I used to go above and beyond for people. Same. |
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Sounds like the people that say ‘No’ are overlooking the fact things like companionship, loyalty and friendship have value. They are looking at it from a cold, scorekeeping perspective in terms of tangible things…I gave you X therefore I expect Y from you. Truth is there is really nothing we do that’s selfless. Donating to charity, volunteering.. we do that because helping makes us feel good. Doing what’s right is good for the soul. So yes, everything is transactional even when what you receive is a clean conscience |
