Posted: 10/18/2004 10:14:04 AM EDT
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There once was a lady named Louise, Her pubic hair hung to her knees. The crabs in her twat, Tied her hair in a knot, And constructed a flying trapeeze. |
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There was a young man from Peru, Who fell asleep in his canoe, While dreaming of Venus, He played with his penis And woke up all covered in goo. There was a young man from Saint Paul Who went to a masquerade ball. Just for a stunt, He went dressed as a cunt, And was fucked by a dog in the hall. There was an old woman from Leith, Who would circumcise men with her teeth It wasn't for fame, Or, love of the game, But, to get at the cheese underneath. |
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There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose c*ck was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin, Wiping sperm from his chin, If my ear was a c*nt, i would f*ck it. There once was an apple-cheeked runt, Who was welcomed with joy at the front, This God's gift to he-men, prevented spilled semen, For his ass was tatooed like a cunt! |
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There was a young man from Marsailles, Who lived on clap-juice and snails, When he couldn't afford these, He lived on the cheese, He scraped from his cock with his nails. There was an old fellow named Paul Whose prick was exceedingly small When in bed with a lay He could screw her all day Without touching the vaginal wall. There was a goucho named Bruno Who said, "about fucking, I do know..." That women are fine, And sheep are divine, But llamas are numero uno. There once was a man from the cape Who fucked a barbarian ape The ape said you fool You fucked up my tool And put all my arse out of shape |
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In the Garden of Eden lay Adam Complacently stroking his madam And great was his mirth For on all of the Earth There were only 2 balls and he had 'em There was a young girl from Hoboken Who claimed her cherry was broken From riding a bike On a cobblestone pike But it really was broken from pokin' |
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There was a man from Darjeeling His prong reached clear to the ceiling So in a light socket He'd put it and rock it And oh man! What a feeling! There were two young ladies from Birmingham And this is the story concerning them. They lifted the frock and tickled the cock of the bishop engaged in confirming 'em! There once was a jolly old preist who was hornier than a wild beast the sins of his mind into some lads behind were often from his soul released There was a man from Pyongyang who had an aluminum wang he had two tin nuts that came with his putz and when his dong hit them they rang Here are my penile parameters set in iambic pantameter: my great manly shaft tow'rs an inch and a half but it's well over ten in diameter There once was a young Hindu gent who said to a lass as he went: "though I'm of lower caste you're a fine piece of ass and you my dear must pay the rent" There was once a fellow named Beene his visage too vile to be seen his poor oft scorned dong lay unused for so long that he lost his left nut to gangrene There once was a widdow named Becker who grew a great red-headed pecker all the townsfolk would gawk at her newly grown cock a fine bird you have Widdow Becker! A man from the small town of Tildon whose boyfriend never fullfilled him a confirmed sex-a-holic said after a frolic "Rectum? It nearly killed 'um!" Under the sands of Karakum lies a horseman in a stone tomb remembered in song for his sixteen-inch dong his horse tripped on it, twas his doom! There once was a fellow named Floyd who had an inflamed hemaroid which when fully blown was hard as a stone and many a phalus destroyed In a young Canadian's crotch there lives a ferocious Sasquatch and one day said he "how long is my Yeti? a whole great Big Foot of debauch!" A senile old fellow of Lowing said "the signs of my age are showing though not yet impotent I'm incontinent: I don't know if I'm coming or going! No matter how lowly your station you stand with the lords of your nation you stand with your king when you beat on your thing In the common great male occuaption A well-known young doctor from wales prescribed pissing on the third rail his colleuges may deem his methods extreme but his patients complain of no ails There once was a fellow named Jock with a most insatiable cock his wife, so I hear out of cruelty or fear keeps it under a chain and a lock At his wedding a young man named Bing was arrested for flashing his thing but the judge understands that poor Bing has no hands so where else could he wear the ring? dead women more often than not are available before they rot though stiff as a rock dead women dont talk so its unlikely that you will get caught so after these last few you've read you can't take your mind off the dead but if your will fails dead men tell no tales (except for new holes, enough said!) A fifteen year-old necrophile said he'd dig six feet or a mile for he had a cold passion for the fetish in fashion And the living had gone out of style! Why do men of the Ku Klux Klan cover as much skin as they can? yes even at night the fools wear the white for they fear they may get a sun tan! There once was a Little Meremaid who wanted legs just to get laid but she was quite perplexed when after they sexed her 'prince' got his coin purse and paid! CJ |
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There once was a man named, Dan He was a great American Man He was so sick and tired Of the Liberal Pinko Liars He said, "Matters are now in my hands!" He thought about much of the time About defeating this treason crime And not after long He remembered a song One with a delightful rhyme! Die, Motherfucker, Die was the title He admired the video much, like an idol So disgusted in the ways America was betrayed By Leftist well-rehearsed recitals! He became so enraged by their actions! Revenge became a great passion! He thought up a bold plan To take back Our land Gathered his guns and food rations! No money he had from the start Only friends with very big hearts So he formed a Tac Team Patriots in O.D. Green! And remembered that war is an art! Hollywood was in for a thrill Where they would take ARs up the hill And pick off by one Michael M**re and his scum! It was only the start of blood spill! CNN, ABC, CBS Were now in a helluva mess! It was time all the lies Were stopped with ZIP TIES! Two-twenty threes told the rest! This story is all ficticious But this Dan's still malicious and vicious He just may saddle up With the Bushmaster Bullpup And try not to look suspicious!  ETA: MODS, please fix this post if it's against the CoC. I'm not asking for trouble, just havin' a little fun! 
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There once was a girl named Dot Who inserted a fly in her twat When you played with her fuzz That fucker would buzz Till you glued his wing shut with a shot |
I have a slightly different version: There once was a couple named Kelly Who now live belly to belly You see, in their haste They used library paste Instead of petroleum jelly. Thomas Pynchon's Gravity's Rainbow contrains a bunch of limericks about sex between men and V-2 rockets. From memory: There once was a fellow named Hector Who was fond of a launcher erector But the squiishes and pops Of acute pressure drops Wrecked Hector's hydraulic connector. or There once was a fellow named Slattery Who fell in love with a battery With that 50 volt shock What was left of his c*ck Was all slimey, and slippery and spattery. or There once was a fellow named Yuri F*cked the nozzle right up its venturi He had woes without cease From his local police And a hell of a time with the jury. You get the idea. |