Posted: 6/24/2004 5:49:31 AM EDT
I've been thinking of trying my hand at writing. Since this place has an abundant supply of critics  I figured I'd post a sample here for feedback.************************************************************** Ahmed was starting to feel the strain in his legs. A mile swim underwater carrying the satchel was quite a workout. However, he was almost at his destination. The Americans had set up a half-mile security perimeter around the oil terminal at Houston. They joked that even the mosquitoes had to get clearance to enter the area. However, Ahmed was no mosquito. He had been training for this moment for the past year. After the recruitment selection process he and nine others attended a basic SCUBA course. Two recruits washed out of that training, unable to overcome their fear of being underwater. Ahmed compared it to flying like a bird does, just wetter and slower. When this phase of the SCUBA training was completed they began a munitions course. They learned the fundamentals of handling explosive compounds and the characteristics of the common types. Detonation methods were covered, from basic fuses to digital timers. Ahmed’s favorite part was the “labs”, in which they assembled explosive devices from the raw components. He liked the way the subject matter forced him to focus, but most of all he enjoyed seeing the results of his work. One of his classmates didn’t quite have the same level of focus. He was sent home minus his hands. “Sad”, thought Ahmed, “but such is the will of Allah.” Now there were seven remaining trainees. Since those who left the group weren’t replaced, he began to understand that they had recruited more people than were needed to perform the mission, whatever it was. All the while the SCUBA practice continued. With full tanks and gear they trained at swimming long distances. As their endurance built up they were burdened with weighted satchels. There were three measured components of these exercises that they were evaluated on: distance, weight carried, and time. Underwater navigation was also drilled in this phase. Ahmed had decided he would swim farther carrying more weight faster than his six remaining comrades. True to his goal, he had the most impressive scores in his class. Surely, Allah was smiling upon him. He and the two other top performers were selected to continue as a team for the mission, which had not even been mentioned yet. The others were split up and reassigned elsewhere. The three men had been directed to report to Building 944 on their base. There were two armed guards at the door who checked their identification, their orders, and then the authorized access list for the day. Ahmed and his two companions were then allowed to enter and told to go to room 6 and wait. The room was mostly bare, furnished with a table and four chairs. Three chairs were against the back wall and the fourth faced them from across the table. “I suppose those are for us,” said Yusef, indicating the three chairs. “let’s have a seat.” They had been waiting in silence for about ten minutes when the door opened and a man in a uniform entered, a kafeeyah covering his head. He carried a large manila envelope which he placed on the table before him. He had the undivided attention of his three guests. “Your tax dollars at work,” thought LtJG Harkness as he let himself drift for a while. He and his SEAL team had been rotated in to take their turn at helping to secure the oil terminal. It was wet, cold, tedious duty. The Coasties had the surface covered. At least he wasn’t getting rained on, he thought to himself. Always look for the bright spot. The divers took 60 minute shifts under the bay. Harkness had 14 minutes to go before he could breathe without a regulator again. Although he had to keep track of the time to manage his air supply, he tried not to dwell on it. Watched clocks tick slower when you’re bored. Through the murky water he thought he glimpsed a shadow overhead. “Probably another nurse shark,” he thought to himself. However, as the shape got closer he could see it was a man with SCUBA gear, about 30 feet higher and on almost a direct track toward him. At that moment Harkness was thankful for the rebreather system. The rebreather took the air he exhaled and separated the CO2 from the oxygen that was expelled. The waste gases were then vented through a diffuser to prevent large bubbles and the oxygen was recirculated to be breathed again. The tiny bubbles from the diffuser decreased the chance of detection and the reused oxygen extended the dive time. As the form drew nearer he took a deep breath and held it, virtually stopping the release of bubbles that might give away his presence. After the intruder passed Harkness slowly exhaled, releasing a cloud of tiny bubbles through the diffuser. He then refilled his lungs with fresh oxygen and began to rise, following the unsuspecting stranger. Taking up a position behind and slightly above the other diver Harkness thought of how he resembled a fighter pilot setting up an attack. He began to close with his quarry. Ahmed mentally calculated his progress. “About 150 meters more,” he thought. He turned with a start, wide-eyed, when he felt a tap on his shoulder. There behind him was another diver. Where had he come from?! Harkness held his left hand out, palm toward the other diver, and pointed toward the surface with his right. He figured an invitation to come along the easy way would be a reasonable start. However, Ahmed hadn’t come this far to take the easy way. When Ahmed started to reach for his knife Harkness grabbed him, gave him half a spin and was suddenly on Ahmed’s back. Pulling his tanto blade he smoothly severed the intruder’s air hose. Ahmed tried to inhale, but his lungs filled with water. He struggled, but quickly weakened and his consciousness faded to black. The Coast Guardsmen hauled Ahmed’s seemingly lifeless body into their boat. Harkness pulled off his diver’s mask and told them, “He’s only been out for about a minute- get some air into him! I don’t want to lose this guy!” Ahmed’s mask was stripped from his face and resuscitation began. Soon he was coughing water out of his lungs. As soon as he started to regain consciousness he was handcuffed. As the boat headed for the dock Harkness looked down at him and said, “No virgins for you today.” The wet Arab closed his eyes, knowing he had failed. |
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Yusef cursed the cold, wet air as the Boston Whaler bobbed in the waves. The winter weather on the Gulf coast wasn’t snow and ice, but the dampness made it miserable today. As soon as Ahmed returned they were going to head straight back to the cabin and build such a fire. At this point he didn’t care if they burned the cabin down, as long as he could be warm. He asked Ali for a time check, then quickly calculated that Ahmed should be about halfway back now. It was a pretty straightforward plan. Crossing the U.S./Mexico border was much easier than they had anticipated. The northbound Mexicans had a well developed system going. The combination of cash and a lack of loyalty to the United States made for a ready supply of experienced guides. Posing as businessmen on vacation they had booked a stay at a cottage with an outfitter for a week of fishing. Too bad they had to kill him, but they couldn’t afford to have witnesses running about. The idea was to pose as fishermen and insert a diver carrying a satchel charge well outside of the port’s security perimeter. Ahmed’s job was to infiltrate to an oil tanker and affix the explosives to the hull, then quietly leave. After making it back to the boat they would head straight out to sea to rendezvous with a freighter in international waters. The thump of helicopter blades focused Yusef’s attention. They had heard and seen helicopters patrolling in the vicinity of the port, but the growing thumpthumpthump told him this one was coming straight toward them. He turned to warn Ali, but his partner’s gaze was already fixed on the approaching aircraft. “Relax,” Yusef said to Ali, “We are fishermen on holiday. Be friendly and wave.” He hoped his words would calm Ali. Subtly, he prepared for the worst. The Blackhawk slowed to a hover about 100 meters from the boat. The crew was obviously checking them out before coming closer. The two men on the boat smiled and waved to the helicopter. Ali continued waving while Yusef picked up a fishing rod, trying to look the part. A voice from a loudspeaker said, “Prepare to be boarded. Move to the rear of the boat and place your hands behind your heads.” Yusef understood the situation. Ahmed wasn’t coming. They could not outrun the helicopter, and weren’t going to meet with the freighter. That left one thing to do. He reached down and opened the duffel bag at his feet. “Place your hands behind your head…” the voice from the helicopter insisted. Yusef connected the wires. “Move away from the bag!”, the voice commanded. Yusef turned his head and looked back to the helicopter. He quietly said, “Allahu akbar,” and flipped the switch. The boat was replaced by a bright flash followed by an orange fireball. The blast caught Major Dixon, the Blackhawk pilot, by surprise. As the helicopter rocked he struggled to maintain control. In a few seconds he had reestablished his hover. All that was left of the boat was small bits of debris scattered on the surface of the water and a fading cloud of smoke. Dixon called to his crew chief, checking on the squad of Rangers in the back of the helicopter. “We didn’t lose any- they’re all still here, Sir,” came the reply. His copilot, Captain Franks, stared wide-eyed at the spot formerly occupied by the boat and asked, “Why?” Dixon replied solemnly, “Not ‘why’, but ‘how?’ How in the world can we intimidate people who think it’s their purpose in life to die trying to kill you? There’s nothing more for us to do here. Take a GPS fix and pass it on to the Coasties. Let’s go home.” (whoops- formatting doesn't copy from Word!) |
Bwahahahahaha! Thats exactly what I thought! You could go into a little more detail on whats in the satchel, how the breather works and the Blackhawk tech stuff. Also, you could go into more character description of the SEAL if hes going to more than a minor player. |
