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Quoted: It worked for me, others will say run like hell. My advice, If you are in it just to get some, then you are in the wrong place, say goodbye ... NOW! If you can see yourself raising the child, then you are in it for the long haul. How do you deal with Baby Daddy is all in how he is and how you are. My daughter's sperm donor did not want to be a dad in this instance so it worked out great for all of us. 1. I have seen sperm donors not care, 2. I have seen them be vengeful pricks using the child as a weapon against mom and the new guy. 3. I have seen the two dads actually become friends and they all work together in what is the best interest of the child. How do you want to be? |
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Quoted: Seriously? You’re quoting Tom Leykis for dating advice? That guys a complete piece of shit liberal anti trump retard who looks like a child molester. Along with general information on life for young men, Leykis's 101 advice mostly consists of his principles of looking out for oneself. He argues that the institution of marriage is flawed and that family court systems are often corrupt because DNA testing after childbirth is not mandatory to prevent paternity fraud,[45] and because courts have forced men to pay child support even after DNA testing has established that a man was not actually a child's father. Other examples of Leykis 101 guidelines include never dating single mothers or co-workers; never cohabiting with a woman; using birth control during each sexual encounter; and immediately ending a relationship if a woman issues an ultimatum. Leykis constantly recommends that young men pursue their career or educational goals and avoid being distracted by serious relationships or marriage at a young age as he was. Leykis describes many women as "dream killers"[46] (i.e., he argues that, in dating or marriage, women will typically prioritize their desires above a man's, and will actively discourage men's ambitions for fear of him leaving the relationship if he attains success). Furthermore, Leykis urges men to live frugally, including avoiding consumer debt (what Leykis describes as "renting money"); never spending more than $40 for a date; and saving cash and investing for the future. such terrible advice 
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my step dad met my mom when i was 2, he never had an issue, and has always embraced me as his son. i work with him, and he always says "yea, my son is on the way over to take care of it" etc. my mom was worth it to him, and they had 2 more kids after they got married. if my dad wasnt still around(funny enough, they became friends over the years) hed have formally adopted me. no one on arfcom is going to make this decision for you, half the responses here have been eject. Woman worth it to you to take the leap? |
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Quoted: She’s pretty awesome. Sexy, funny, educated, good job, independent. The kid is sweet, 3 year old boy. I’ve spent time with both of them but she’s been lying to the baby daddy about me as they are only recently separated. He never put a ring on it, they just stayed boyfriend and girlfriend after the accidental pregnancy. Baby daddy is also an immature, controlling asshole but makes enough to provide for his bastard child. Big nope. |
Several years ago our next door neighbor (about age early 30s) moved to TN to be with a gal a bit older than him who had a 19 year old son and triplet 7 year old girls. The dad had joint custody so she couldn't leave TN. He had to abandon his family's construction business to move south to TN to be with her. I wonder how it all worked out? 
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Quoted: Mom is smoking hot, almost out of my league. Kid is 3 and pretty chill. Dad is a fucking asshole but white collar and not trashy. He’s local and they stay in close contact. To clarify we’ve been seeing each other and going out for about 6 months. She doesn’t need me for money as she works a good job but she has already told me she loves me. I'd make sure you line up well together in regards to how a child should be raised. I've been down this round with several women, but luckily I ejected before it was too late. Note that as you get older it becomes harder and harder to find a woman without kids. Having said that, my son-in-law is my grandsons stepfather and he's doing a great job. My grandson loves him very much so I'm very grateful that he's in their lives. It can be done. Being a stepfather is a tough job. Make sure you love her. Smoking hot is great, but not the best way to pick a woman to have a future with. If she's smoking hot and a crazy bitch get the fuck out ASAP. |
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OP, why did you refer to the kid as "his bastard child"? I know it used to be a legal term and all, but is there an instinct telling you something your heart (or eyes) don't want to hear? Problem with Kid being #1, is when the Kid is ALWAYS #1, even when it is wrong ,even when there are significant legal, emotional/behavioral problems, the mother choses the defective Kid over you, when you both should be a united front. They would rather sabotage the relationship than stand together to "plumb up" the Kid's anti-social or pernacious behavior. |
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Eject! Eject! Eject! Run, Forrest Run!!! Your gut is sounding the alarm, which is why you started this thread. Listen to your gut. You’re still young enough to find a gal who isn’t a single mother so don’t settle for this one who is already being dishonest. You are very likely about to get into a world of shit if you continue to listen to your little head. A quick cautionary tale. About 12 years ago my brother hooked up with a gal who had 3 kids from 2 ex-husbands. Against all advice, he married her 11 years ago. At that time, he was a health nut, worked out/ ran 4 or 5 times a week. Ate healthy, made nutritious smoothies and took vitamins and all that stuff. He had a daughter with this two time loser. Three and half years ago she got a restraining order on made up bs and had him evicted. She took him for almost everything he had. Almost immediately after the divorce was final, she moved in with the Jody she‘d had on the down low. She gave him hell on visitation. She does everything to make him miserable. My brother is now a broken man, seriously. He’s become an alcoholic and out of work since the start of the pandemic. He’s now homeless and living in cheap motels and his car. I fear that he will soon be dead. Just the other day he called me and asked me, “how did I end up like this?”. It broke my heart. Do what you want to do but don’t say you weren’t warned. |
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Quoted: She’s pretty awesome. Sexy, funny, educated, good job, independent. The kid is sweet, 3 year old boy. I’ve spent time with both of them but she’s been lying to the baby daddy about me as they are only recently separated. He never put a ring on it, they just stayed boyfriend and girlfriend after the accidental pregnancy. Baby daddy is also an immature, controlling asshole but makes enough to provide for his bastard child. Damn a sucker really is born every minute. If she was attracted to an immature, controlling asshole, and has been dating you for 6 months but only recently broke up with a long term boyfriend, with no time to heal,well what does that say about you? You are attracted to this mayhem. Figure out why and go through some serious personal growth or prepare for pain. |
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Try to determine whether any of the people you will have to deal with are train wrecks. With everyone on social media these days, you can probably find some clues before you actually meet them. ETA: After scrolling through more posts, I see there are already clues. Best of luck. |
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How long do you get along with her family? Take a good look at her mom. There is a significant chance she will have a lot of traits and attitudes of her mom. Likewise, look at the boys father. That boy will often act like that guy, even with zero influence from him. |
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Quoted: Along with general information on life for young men, Leykis's 101 advice mostly consists of his principles of looking out for oneself. He argues that the institution of marriage is flawed and that family court systems are often corrupt because DNA testing after childbirth is not mandatory to prevent paternity fraud,[45] and because courts have forced men to pay child support even after DNA testing has established that a man was not actually a child's father. Other examples of Leykis 101 guidelines include never dating single mothers or co-workers; never cohabiting with a woman; using birth control during each sexual encounter; and immediately ending a relationship if a woman issues an ultimatum. Leykis constantly recommends that young men pursue their career or educational goals and avoid being distracted by serious relationships or marriage at a young age as he was. Leykis describes many women as "dream killers"[46] (i.e., he argues that, in dating or marriage, women will typically prioritize their desires above a man's, and will actively discourage men's ambitions for fear of him leaving the relationship if he attains success). Furthermore, Leykis urges men to live frugally, including avoiding consumer debt (what Leykis describes as "renting money"); never spending more than $40 for a date; and saving cash and investing for the future. such terrible advice Quoted: Quoted: Seriously? You’re quoting Tom Leykis for dating advice? That guys a complete piece of shit liberal anti trump retard who looks like a child molester. Along with general information on life for young men, Leykis's 101 advice mostly consists of his principles of looking out for oneself. He argues that the institution of marriage is flawed and that family court systems are often corrupt because DNA testing after childbirth is not mandatory to prevent paternity fraud,[45] and because courts have forced men to pay child support even after DNA testing has established that a man was not actually a child's father. Other examples of Leykis 101 guidelines include never dating single mothers or co-workers; never cohabiting with a woman; using birth control during each sexual encounter; and immediately ending a relationship if a woman issues an ultimatum. Leykis constantly recommends that young men pursue their career or educational goals and avoid being distracted by serious relationships or marriage at a young age as he was. Leykis describes many women as "dream killers"[46] (i.e., he argues that, in dating or marriage, women will typically prioritize their desires above a man's, and will actively discourage men's ambitions for fear of him leaving the relationship if he attains success). Furthermore, Leykis urges men to live frugally, including avoiding consumer debt (what Leykis describes as "renting money"); never spending more than $40 for a date; and saving cash and investing for the future. such terrible advice All advice coming from a guy whose been married and divorced 4 times and admitted to felony assault for beating up wife 3.
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Originall[u]y Posted By AA4ME33: Mom is smoking hot, almost out of my league. Kid is 3 and pretty chill. Dad is a fucking asshole but white collar and not trashy. He’s local and they stay in close contact. To clarify we’ve been seeing each other and going out for about 6 months. She doesn’t need me for money as she works a good job but she has already told me she loves me. Originall[u]y Posted By AA4ME33: Mom is smoking hot, almost out of my league. Kid is 3 and pretty chill. Dad is a fucking asshole but white collar and not trashy. He’s local and they stay in close contact. To clarify we’ve been seeing each other and going out for about 6 months. She doesn’t need me for money as she works a good job but she has already told me she loves me. Quoted: She’s pretty awesome. Sexy, funny, educated, good job, independent. The kid is sweet, 3 year old boy. I’ve spent time with both of them but she’s been lying to the baby daddy about me as they are only recently separated. He never put a ring on it, they just stayed boyfriend and girlfriend after the accidental pregnancy. Baby daddy is also an immature, controlling asshole but makes enough to provide for his bastard child. OP, you're just looking for approval, because you've already made up your mind, and you're going to do what you want anyway and stay in the relationship. Isn't that right? Most of us are not saying that it can't work, we're just saying it usually doesn't work. And when it doesn't work, it ends badly and costly for you in wasted time, money, and a lot of hurt. The odds are that you will be playing Russian Roulette with 4 rounds loaded in that 6 round cylinder. Go ahead, spin that cylinder with the barrel against your head and pull the trigger to see what happens. Maybe you'll be the lucky 1 in 3. I'm 66, and have witnessed a lot of this with my own family. A good mother will ALWAYS prioritize her blood baby over you. Speaking from my own experience, the mothers in my blood family have over 3 generations been loving mothers (ie; none were whores, druggies, or imbalanced) having strong maternal instincts, they ALWAYS chose to side with their baby over their man. This is one of the top 3 reasons for divorce. From my own personal experience; 1) My mother loved me like a rock. She divorced my Dad when I was 14. She dated and let her serious men know up front that if they wanted her then they got me too as a prize bonus. 2) My sister married nice brother in law #2, TWICE. (they divorced, remarried, and then divorced again) The first guy who was my original prick brother in law #1 ran off with another woman and left my sister with my 1 year old and 2 year old niece and nephew. My niece never accepted brother in law #2, and after 15 years they divorced a final time. That fool spent 14 years supporting the 3 of them and trying to maintain a happy family. My sister always sided with my difficult niece, and he was not allowed to reprimand her or my nephew. My niece at 15 caused the final breakup. My niece probably learned over the years that my sister would side with her and so she needed not to show my brother in law any respect. So what if he helped raise her and pay the bills over many years? 3) My wife of 42 years has always sided with our blood son who is 31, whether he's right or wrong. (He can be and often is a real asshole) It's another reason why I filed for divorce last week. But, you have your mind set, and you're going to do what you want anyway. I hope when you start this Russian Roulette game, that you are that lucky one who gets the lucky 1 in 3 cylinder that doesn't blow your brains out. Good Luck. |
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Childless single women in their 30's don't usually get to that point because they're stable, patient, or responsible. Some of you need to come out from under your rock and take them down from that pedestal. The last 4 women I dated without kids had their shit together everywhere except relationships. In fact, I literally don't even know a single female in her 30's without kids that isn't a complete fucking dumpster fire in personality. Family, friends, coworkers, or exes. If you can raise a kid that's not yours and she seems like the one, don't seek advice here. Half these guys talking shit haven't touched a woman in 5 years, even the ones that are married. 
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Quoted: All advice coming from a guy whose been married and divorced 4 times and admitted to felony assault for beating up wife 3. Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Seriously? You're quoting Tom Leykis for dating advice? That guys a complete piece of shit liberal anti trump retard who looks like a child molester. Along with general information on life for young men, Leykis's 101 advice mostly consists of his principles of looking out for oneself. He argues that the institution of marriage is flawed and that family court systems are often corrupt because DNA testing after childbirth is not mandatory to prevent paternity fraud,[45] and because courts have forced men to pay child support even after DNA testing has established that a man was not actually a child's father. Other examples of Leykis 101 guidelines include never dating single mothers or co-workers; never cohabiting with a woman; using birth control during each sexual encounter; and immediately ending a relationship if a woman issues an ultimatum. Leykis constantly recommends that young men pursue their career or educational goals and avoid being distracted by serious relationships or marriage at a young age as he was. Leykis describes many women as "dream killers"[46] (i.e., he argues that, in dating or marriage, women will typically prioritize their desires above a man's, and will actively discourage men's ambitions for fear of him leaving the relationship if he attains success). Furthermore, Leykis urges men to live frugally, including avoiding consumer debt (what Leykis describes as "renting money"); never spending more than $40 for a date; and saving cash and investing for the future. such terrible advice All advice coming from a guy whose been married and divorced 4 times and admitted to felony assault for beating up wife 3. |
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Quoted: She’s pretty awesome. Sexy, funny, educated, good job, independent. The kid is sweet, 3 year old boy. I’ve spent time with both of them but she’s been lying to the baby daddy about me as they are only recently separated. He never put a ring on it, they just stayed boyfriend and girlfriend after the accidental pregnancy. Baby daddy is also an immature, controlling asshole but makes enough to provide for his bastard child. Sounds like a match made in heaven. It’s certain to work out great for you!  |
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Quoted: It depends. Is this the woman? https://a57.foxnews.com/static.foxbusiness.com/foxbusiness.com/content/uploads/2020/08/931/523/jeff-bezos-mackenzie-bezos-1-AP.jpg  |
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Quoted: Only if she is a widow and only if the dad did not die from "mysterious circumstances". Otherwise nope. This or the father gave up rights. My daughter, step daughter, whatever, is one of the best things in my life right now. She is 19. Though I don't have to deal with another male making dumb ass decisions in her life. He gave up rights about 18 years ago. I am not married to her mother either. 
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Quoted: Mom is smoking hot, almost out of my league. Kid is 3 and pretty chill. Dad is a fucking asshole but white collar and not trashy. He’s local and they stay in close contact. To clarify we’ve been seeing each other and going out for about 6 months. She doesn’t need me for money as she works a good job but she has already told me she loves me. Smash and dash. |
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Quoted: Mom is smoking hot, almost out of my league. Kid is 3 and pretty chill. Dad is a fucking asshole but white collar and not trashy. He's local and they stay in close contact. To clarify we've been seeing each other and going out for about 6 months. She doesn't need me for money as she works a good job but she has already told me she loves me. Less than three years before she fell and tripped on your dick she loved another dude enough to stick a bastard in her. The Asus laptop I am posting from has a longer, more reliable history. You are pussy blind. Run. |
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It really depends on whether y’all are on the same sheet of music about things. If you’re both there for a good time and nothing more, great. If she’s looking for a long term and you’re just there to wet your wick, move along and don’t waste her time. If you’re in it for the long haul, take it slow. Watch how she interacts with and disciplines her child. Watch how she interacts with her ex. Pay attention to how she supports the relationship between her ex and her child. I will say that you’ve thrown a few red flags out there already. Every time you speak positively about her, you lead with comments on her appearance, and other characteristics almost seem like afterthoughts. You’ve listed several negative qualities of her ex. That means she’s either got a problematic, drama-laden ex that’s already negatively impacting your life, or she’s bad-mouthing him to you. Neither scenario is good. Lastly, you say she’s been lying about you to him. There is no good reason for a grown adult to behave that way unless she considers him a danger to you or her, and that is not an evil to bring into your life. Short of that, she likely considers lying as a first line option for avoiding confrontation or uncomfortable situations, and that comes with a whole host of problems. Tread carefully. |
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Quoted: Huge mistake. While she is your everything. Your #1, You will never ever be anything but second to her. Lol, this saying is retarded. Every woman should put their child/children before their partner, no matter if the partner is the father or stepfather. Shit, I put my son before my wife. Not that I'd actually admit that to her.
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Quoted: Lol, this saying is retarded. Every woman should put their child/children before their partner, no matter if the partner is the father or stepfather. Shit, I put my son before my wife. Not that I'd actually admit that to her. Quoted: Quoted: Huge mistake. While she is your everything. Your #1, You will never ever be anything but second to her. Lol, this saying is retarded. Every woman should put their child/children before their partner, no matter if the partner is the father or stepfather. Shit, I put my son before my wife. Not that I'd actually admit that to her. I've always felt like this is one of the worst mistakes parents make....I don't think it's a retarded saying at all. Let me ask you this- what is one of the #1 causes of absolute misery today? I would argue failed relationships, miserable relationships, and court intervention in them. My number 1 goal is to raise well adjusted men who understand how to have healthy relations with a woman (among many other things). IMO you can't do that if you put them above their mother. You do that by making the spousal relationship the priority, and everything else falls into place. Just IMO. |
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Quoted: fwiw, a lot of folks say that you can solidify your position by putting (another) baby in her. You are a very bad man And for all we know, OP's GF is already angling for another passive income source anyway. Why not oblige her - what could possibly go wrong? |
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Quoted: She’s pretty awesome. Sexy, funny, educated, good job, independent. The kid is sweet, 3 year old boy. I’ve spent time with both of them but she’s been lying to the baby daddy about me as they are only recently separated. He never put a ring on it, they just stayed boyfriend and girlfriend after the accidental pregnancy. Baby daddy is also an immature, controlling asshole but makes enough to provide for his bastard child. Big red flag. I was with you until this. |
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If the woman was a "children are the most important thing in the world" type... I'd probably eject. If she was cool about agreed upon rules and that you in the dating phase would be an adult who got to do some Uncle/Aunt level parenting and then she handled you disciplining her kid well... I'd be willing to take it to the next step. If every fight was something like "THAT IS MY KID NOT YOURS" or any variant of that, I'd eject after a certain number of offenses. |
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Quoted: Other than “don’t” is there any advice that you would offer? How do you deal with the baby daddy? Am I making a mistake? not from just this OP but your other next two posts...  I mean hit it as much as you can Do not drop a load in it, use it for as much as you can and then GTFO. |
| The kid is 3 so you are not dealing with irrational teen, be thankful of that. Avoid baby daddy. You don’t need to know his business and he doesn’t need to know yours. Defer all that deals with kid to mother and baby daddy. Stay detached in regard to everything. I’m not saying be cold hearted. Don’t try to replace him. Concentrate on the relationship with GF. The kid is too young to understand complex relationship issues. That will come in time. You are literally in the “ baby steps” portion of this. |
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I was married to a woman for 7 years who had kids from a previous marriage. You will always, always, be 2nd in line to everything. Now, some will say "as it should be!" and that's fine, but you need to decide if that's fine for you. I'm done with step-kids. MAYBE if they're adults and moved out. MAYBE. |