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Posted: 11/19/2003 7:55:28 AM EDT
I started reading an interesting book about parent-child relationships. I got it used Half Price Books on a whim, but man it is turning out to be a fascinating read.

The book deals with how parents emotionally violate their children by drawing emotional support FROM them, and treating them as an adult way too early. This is especially true in single-parent families, and occurs between opposite-sex parent-child (mother-son, and father-daughter).

The lasting effects on the child is extremely damaging. In popular culture terms, they are referred to as "Mama's Boy" or "Daddy's Little Princess". Children who are singled out by a parent to be a confidant, emotional support, even a spouse-like companion are not strong enough and developed enough to cope with the role imposed on them.

Adults need emotional support from other adults, not from children, who are often a too-easy target of such inappropriate relationships.

Fathers and daughters who spend too much time together as "buddies" is a big red flag, says the author. Also, same goes for single mothers who shield their sons or are over-protective of their sons.

Sick, isn't it. But I wonder how many families have this going on in varying degrees of intensity.

Link Posted: 11/19/2003 7:57:56 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/19/2003 7:58:16 AM EDT by lvgunner777]

Fathers and daughters who spend too much time together as "buddies" is a big red flag, says the author.



Based on that statement, the author sounds like an idiot.
Link Posted: 11/19/2003 8:02:40 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/19/2003 8:05:54 AM EDT by clean_cut]

Originally Posted By lvgunner777:

Fathers and daughters who spend too much time together as "buddies" is a big red flag, says the author.



Based on that statement, the author sounds like an idiot.




The author is a counselor who has had many cases, and is basing this on her experiences. It is commonly pretty harmless, but when the father starts to PREFER the daughter's companionship to his wife's is crossing the line. She points to a case where the father would say to the daughter in front of his wife: "I wish your mother is as funny, as sweet, as etc. as you are."

In the same case, the father and teenage daughter would share the same hotel room, the same bed whenever they traveled, which was apparently often. The daughter says there was no sexual contact ever, but still that gives me the creeps.
Link Posted: 11/19/2003 8:23:22 AM EDT
So, when I call my 5 year old girl "Daddy's little baby girl", I'm committing incest?

What a friggin' joke.

Do yourself a favor, and forget all that crap that you read in a book that you wasted money on.
Link Posted: 11/19/2003 8:33:21 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Hydguy:
So, when I call my 5 year old girl "Daddy's little baby girl", I'm committing incest?

What a friggin' joke.

.



No. But if you go to your 15 yr old daughter to discuss problems you are having with your wife, you are.

From what I can tell, the book addresses improper parent child relationships...


-HS
Link Posted: 11/19/2003 8:34:21 AM EDT
Perhaps the recent pedophile scandals have tainted how parent-child relationships are perceived. That being said, I've had experience with a parent looking for too much emotional support from a child, it wasn't cool.
Link Posted: 11/19/2003 8:34:23 AM EDT
Is it a cigar or is it an extension of the male psyche? Who cares! Spend time with your kids!

We only live once!
Link Posted: 11/19/2003 10:08:38 AM EDT
My GF pretty much raised her son by himself from the time he was 3. At 6, she gave him an alarm clock and told him what time he had to get up and get ready to go to school. She expected him to pull his own weight from the get go, explaining, "my job is to work and make money so we can live in a nice house and have food to eat...your job is to go to school, behave, and stay out of trouble."

He's now a senior at VA Tech studying Aerospace Engineering (yes, he's a rocket scientist lol). He got nominated and accepted to the Naval Academy, but horrific eyesight kept him out; it was his dream to go there, but nothing we could do could budge the Navy on the eyes, so he went to Tech.

He's never caused any trouble...except for the whole motorcycle saga last year...doesn't do drugs, doesn't drink too much, and will probably marry his steady girl friend of the last 2 years when he gets out of college.

He's 6' 4", and did crew in high school...I know he could kick MY ass now lol. He's anything BUT a mama's boy, a real leader, not a follower. He would have been as asset to the Navy had he gone to the Academy.

Link Posted: 11/19/2003 10:16:26 AM EDT

Originally Posted By lvgunner777:

Fathers and daughters who spend too much time together as "buddies" is a big red flag, says the author.



Based on that statement, the author sounds like an idiot.



What he said.
Link Posted: 11/19/2003 10:42:57 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Fenian:
He got nominated and accepted to the Naval Academy, but horrific eyesight kept him out; it was his dream to go there, but nothing we could do could budge the Navy on the eyes, so he went to Tech.




Lot of that going around.
Link Posted: 11/19/2003 10:51:48 AM EDT

Originally Posted By lvgunner777:

Fathers and daughters who spend too much time together as "buddies" is a big red flag, says the author.



Based on that statement, the author sounds like an idiot.



I agreee.

I also want to say this is a big part of what ales our country. The desire to find wrong in others has lead to the whole "big red flag" thing. When I spend lots of time with my daughters, it should a big red flag of a father that cares enough to give all the time he can to them. Not some sick and twisted thing this asshole is spewing.
The exact oppisite is true however, when a parent spends no time with their kids that is when the flag should rise. That is when we have kids growing up without guidence.

Furthermore

The author is a counselor who has had many cases, and is basing this on her experiences

This tells me that "THE AUTHOR" has issues and wrote this book to deal with their own troubles.

Sounds like HORSESHIT TO ME!
CH
Link Posted: 11/19/2003 11:29:08 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Fenian:
My GF pretty much raised her son by himself from the time he was 3. At 6, she gave him an alarm clock and told him what time he had to get up and get ready to go to school. She expected him to pull his own weight from the get go, explaining, "my job is to work and make money so we can live in a nice house and have food to eat...your job is to go to school, behave, and stay out of trouble."

He's now a senior at VA Tech studying Aerospace Engineering (yes, he's a rocket scientist lol). He got nominated and accepted to the Naval Academy, but horrific eyesight kept him out; it was his dream to go there, but nothing we could do could budge the Navy on the eyes, so he went to Tech.

He's never caused any trouble...except for the whole motorcycle saga last year...doesn't do drugs, doesn't drink too much, and will probably marry his steady girl friend of the last 2 years when he gets out of college.

He's 6' 4", and did crew in high school...I know he could kick MY ass now lol. He's anything BUT a mama's boy, a real leader, not a follower. He would have been as asset to the Navy had he gone to the Academy.




that sounds like a really healthy relationship, but it doesn't refute the point being brought up.

treating kids like adults (ie expecting them to take responsibilities seriously and 'pull their own weight') is a good thing and that term is used incorrectly by the author.

i think they mean 'treating kids like adult friends' is harmful. buddies is fine, dropping your f'ed up life in their lap is not. sh!t, i think treating your adult friends as a sounding board ain't a good relationship either.
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