Posted: 8/16/2016 3:23:56 PM EDT
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Son, you are about to get the education of a lifetime...
My free evaluation will be applied to your intro Your first sentence sounds awkward. A better opening would be something like "Youths seeking alcohol are unquestionably a constant source of derision." This reveal a specific conflict with multiple opinions, of which we can expect to hear your own. Your thesis statement is extraordinarily weak. You state your opinion with no preview of how you intend to support it. Your intro should provide a glimpse into the rest of the essay, but if I read only the intro I am left with no clue of what you are going to tell me next. Something in the form of "Only adults should consume alcohol because XXX, YYY, and ZZZ." is much more informative. |
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"A reason John is attracted to alcohol and other youth are is that it provides an escape from the stress of the world."
John is a pussy. "Stress of the world"? Really? At John's age....the world hasn't even begun to forcibly push it's throbbing dry head of a huge dick into John's tender ass. John isn't going to make it in this world. Find him a safe space quickly.
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It's says it is for an 8th grade reading class, I had to write 300 words. Quoted:
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Son, you are about to get the education of a lifetime... 
Is this a writing assignment for a college class? It's says it is for an 8th grade reading class, I had to write 300 words. you are in the 8th grade and 16 years old? |
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It's says it is for an 8th grade reading class, I had to write 300 words. Quoted:
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Son, you are about to get the education of a lifetime...
Is this a writing assignment for a college class? It's says it is for an 8th grade reading class, I had to write 300 words. Are u in 8th grade? I'm genuinely curious. I didn't know there were members here that young. |
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So OP is an 8th grader that hangs around GD?... Quoted:
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Keep in mind while reading this that this is written for an 8th grade honors reading class this is not supposed to be college level work what so ever. <snip> So OP is an 8th grader that hangs around GD?... I don;t know about the Junior High you went to, but the one I went to makes GD look like a Seminary. |
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http://www.ar15.com/forums/t_1_5/1898063_.html
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Ok so next year I'm going to 8th grade... |
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Heres some advice in red. don't mind the weirdos, it's good that youre seeking writing help
Alcohol and Youth Alcohol and youth is a problem that is a never ending struggle. If it is there, kids will find a way to obtain it, just like John in “The Pigman”. Alcohol can have many negative effects which is why I believe (refrain from "I believe/I think" If you believe it, assert it as the truth) youth drinking alcohol is wrong and should be for adult use only. One reason I believe it is bad and should not be allowed is that youth tend to not be old enough(youth is by definition, not old. Consider rewording) to make responsible choices. Their lack of experience and wisdom could lead to them abusing it and making it a problem. With alcohol abuse comes health issues later in life. Even if they could be trusted to use it in moderation, health issues can still affect them, that is not a decision that you should trust someone who is not even out of highschool yet. Another reason alcohol should be reserved for adults. (would delete, adds nothing to the message. A reason John is attracted to alcohol and other youth because it provides an escape from the stress of the world. For John it gave him an out (slang, consider using something like "an escape")from dealing with his strict parents, or the ever present worry of school. With that feeling comes a price, it muddles the mind and can cause confusion. Think of this, a kid after a drinking alcohol with his mind still on the buzz of being muddied, hops in his new car with his newly acquired driver's license and crashes and kills himself or kills a family that was unlucky enough to be travelling that day, not a good picture is it? This scenario would be far too common if kids were freely allowed to indulge in alcohol. (This hypothetical doesnt really match your overall writing structure. Consider rephrasing it to simply state likely outcomes without asking a rhetorical question With lives being lost and their future along with others being affected it makes sense to have age restrictions on the use of alcohol. Without these rules and regulation more lives would be lost to the dangers of alcohol. |
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Heres some advice in red. don't mind the weirdos, it's good that youre seeking writing help even in 8th grade Alcohol and Youth Alcohol and youth is a problem that is a never ending struggle. If it is there, kids will find a way to obtain it, just like John in “The Pigman”. Alcohol can have many negative effects which is why I believe (refrain from "I believe/I think" If you believe it, assert it as the truth) youth drinking alcohol is wrong and should be for adult use only. One reason I believe it is bad and should not be allowed is that youth tend to not be old enough(youth is by definition, not old. Consider rewording) to make responsible choices. Their lack of experience and wisdom could lead to them abusing it and making it a problem. With alcohol abuse comes health issues later in life. Even if they could be trusted to use it in moderation, health issues can still affect them, that is not a decision that you should trust someone who is not even out of highschool yet. Another reason alcohol should be reserved for adults. (would delete, adds nothing to the message. A reason John is attracted to alcohol and other youth because it provides an escape from the stress of the world. For John it gave him an out (slang, consider using something like "an escape")from dealing with his strict parents, or the ever present worry of school. With that feeling comes a price, it muddles the mind and can cause confusion. Think of this, a kid after a drinking alcohol with his mind still on the buzz of being muddied, hops in his new car with his newly acquired driver's license and crashes and kills himself or kills a family that was unlucky enough to be travelling that day, not a good picture is it? This scenario would be far too common if kids were freely allowed to indulge in alcohol. (This hypothetical doesnt really match your overall writing structure. Consider rephrasing it to simply state likely outcomes without asking a rhetorical question With lives being lost and their future along with others being affected it makes sense to have age restrictions on the use of alcohol. Without these rules and regulation more lives would be lost to the dangers of alcohol. Now it's < 300 words. "F" |
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Heres some advice in red. don't mind the weirdos, it's good that youre seeking writing help Alcohol and Youth Alcohol and youth is a problem that is a never ending struggle. If it is there, kids will find a way to obtain it, just like John in “The Pigman”. Alcohol can have many negative effects which is why I believe (refrain from "I believe/I think" If you believe it, assert it as the truth) youth drinking alcohol is wrong and should be for adult use only. One reason I believe it is bad and should not be allowed is that youth tend to not be old enough(youth is by definition, not old. Consider rewording) to make responsible choices. Their lack of experience and wisdom could lead to them abusing it and making it a problem. With alcohol abuse comes health issues later in life. Even if they could be trusted to use it in moderation, health issues can still affect them, that is not a decision that you should trust someone who is not even out of highschool yet. Another reason alcohol should be reserved for adults. (would delete, adds nothing to the message. A reason John is attracted to alcohol and other youth because it provides an escape from the stress of the world. For John it gave him an out (slang, consider using something like "an escape")from dealing with his strict parents, or the ever present worry of school. With that feeling comes a price, it muddles the mind and can cause confusion. Think of this, a kid after a drinking alcohol with his mind still on the buzz of being muddied, hops in his new car with his newly acquired driver's license and crashes and kills himself or kills a family that was unlucky enough to be travelling that day, not a good picture is it? This scenario would be far too common if kids were freely allowed to indulge in alcohol. (This hypothetical doesnt really match your overall writing structure. Consider rephrasing it to simply state likely outcomes without asking a rhetorical question With lives being lost and their future along with others being affected it makes sense to have age restrictions on the use of alcohol. Without these rules and regulation more lives would be lost to the dangers of alcohol. Thanks |