[ARCHIVED THREAD] - ... (Page 1 of 3)
Posted: 5/31/2016 5:10:16 AM EDT
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You can not save her. Eject........ No no, no romantic issues at play. Literally just a friend..I know I'll likely end up being another person in her life who knows about this, but 'allows' it. Just seeing if anyone has been able to talk some sense into another in similar situations. It's almost rhetorical as I'd bet there is no helping until she wants it.....sadly. |
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I got tat phone call one night. It was my Sister. I knew I didn't like tat mf, I didn't know this shit was going on. Got out of bed with wife, went over, called her on cell phone and told her cone out front door. He was right on her heels and meet my stainless 1911. "Leave my sister alone or get dead". RO next day |
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No. Not at all. But, thanks for trying. She's a smart girl, in med school, young and had her family turn her back on her. I have no ulterior motives other than to not see this destroy her life before it even starts. |
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Any good deeds you do for her will not go unpunished.
Been there myself, and have watched numerous other men go through the same charade. In my experience, she will end up going back to her dirtbag, or find a new dirtbag to abuse her. All the white knighting will be for naught............ |
| Do you like extensive legal problems, cause this is how you get extensive legal problems. Its all fun and games till your charged with assault and battery against her "abuser", your in court, you look over at the prosecutor, and SHE is standing on his side of the courtroom, with the guy that was whippin her ass, getting ready to help put you in jail. And BTW, an expungement for that shit after the fact ain't cheap. Just ask my brother. She does not want your help, she wants your pity. She loves the drama, or either he wouldn't know where to find her to keep "roughing her up". Then again, maybe you like the drama just as much as she does. In that case, carry on... |
| If she does not want help all you are going to do is get wrapped up in the drama. Ive been in LE for over a decade and the phrase "Love will prevail" is used to describe these types of relationships where they go back time and time again regardless of what happens. |
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Any good deeds you do for her will not go unpunished. Been there myself, and have watched numerous other men go through the same charade. In my experience, she will end up going back to her dirtbag, or find a new dirtbag to abuse her. All the white knighting will be for naught............ That's why I'm reluctant to get in any deeper than I am. I wish I didn't even know, but thought maybe I could talk some sense into her. Doesn't seem like there's any easy solution that doesn't involve her taking action. |
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No no, no romantic issues at play. Literally just a friend..I know I'll likely end up being another person in her life who knows about this, but 'allows' it. Just seeing if anyone has been able to talk some sense into another in similar situations. It's almost rhetorical as I'd bet there is no helping until she wants it.....sadly. Quoted:
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You can not save her. Eject........ No no, no romantic issues at play. Literally just a friend..I know I'll likely end up being another person in her life who knows about this, but 'allows' it. Just seeing if anyone has been able to talk some sense into another in similar situations. It's almost rhetorical as I'd bet there is no helping until she wants it.....sadly. Be very careful here, or you may get dragged into it as well. Her ex may perceive you have a romantic relationship with her and that could end up badly for you. You can't help someone who won't help themself. |
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Do you like extensive legal problems, cause this is how you get extensive legal problems. Its all fun and games till your charged with assault and battery against her "abuser", your in court, you look over at the prosecutor, and SHE is standing on his side of the courtroom, with the guy that was whippin her ass, getting ready to help put you in jail. And BTW, an expungement for that shit after the fact ain't cheap. Just ask my brother. She does not want your help, she wants your pity. She loves the drama, or either he wouldn't know where to find her to keep "roughing her up". Then again, maybe you like the drama just as much as she does. In that case, carry on... No, sir. I have enough shit in my life without hers. Our relationship is one where she confided in me with this...as many other people in our circle of friends do on various things... and I was just spitballing some possible ways to talk sense into her. |
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I have a friend who was in an abusive relationship that she escaped. She is now away, but the abuser has not left her alone and surfaces randomly and roughs her up. Her family encourages her to not say anything due to his career and she depends on them at this point in her life so she goes along with it. I'm trying to get her to file a RO, and she seems on board, but that just may be due to the fresh wounds. What do you do? I've offered any help I can, but she just feels that when he loses everything he will have nothing left to lose and it will be worse. Feeling this angry and helpless sucks...anyone been in a similar situation? THAT is fucked up.It should be her "FAMILY" who encourages her to put an end to physical abuse. |
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Have her get the RO, letting him get away with it is enabling it. Get a RO, get her to get a gun if she doesn't have one so if he's still a douche put him in the dirt. Scumbag. He'll only get more bold the more he gets away with it. She's had him arrested before, I saw the paperwork...her family pressured her out of going to court to finalize the charges. He's done this to other women and has never been brought down. And he's fixated on her for some reason... |
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THAT is fucked up.It should be her "FAMILY" who encourages her to put an end to physical abuse. Quoted:
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I have a friend who was in an abusive relationship that she escaped. She is now away, but the abuser has not left her alone and surfaces randomly and roughs her up. Her family encourages her to not say anything due to his career and she depends on them at this point in her life so she goes along with it. I'm trying to get her to file a RO, and she seems on board, but that just may be due to the fresh wounds. What do you do? I've offered any help I can, but she just feels that when he loses everything he will have nothing left to lose and it will be worse. Feeling this angry and helpless sucks...anyone been in a similar situation? THAT is fucked up.It should be her "FAMILY" who encourages her to put an end to physical abuse. Yep, I told her that her family is no better than he is....not sure she liked hearing the reality of it as she's basically homeless without them. |
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Quoted: She's had him arrested before, I saw the paperwork...her family pressured her out of going to court to finalize the charges. He's done this to other women and has never been brought down. And he's fixated on her for some reason... Quoted: Quoted: Have her get the RO, letting him get away with it is enabling it. Get a RO, get her to get a gun if she doesn't have one so if he's still a douche put him in the dirt. Scumbag. He'll only get more bold the more he gets away with it. She's had him arrested before, I saw the paperwork...her family pressured her out of going to court to finalize the charges. He's done this to other women and has never been brought down. And he's fixated on her for some reason... |
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is he a leo? Quoted:
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Have her get the RO, letting him get away with it is enabling it. Get a RO, get her to get a gun if she doesn't have one so if he's still a douche put him in the dirt. Scumbag. He'll only get more bold the more he gets away with it. She's had him arrested before, I saw the paperwork...her family pressured her out of going to court to finalize the charges. He's done this to other women and has never been brought down. And he's fixated on her for some reason... Nope, just a career that her family sees as very prestigious and takes lot of schooling. While he beats their daughter. |
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No, sir. I have enough shit in my life without hers. Our relationship is one where she confided in me with this...as many other people in our circle of friends do on various things... and I was just spitballing some possible ways to talk sense into her. Quoted:
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Do you like extensive legal problems, cause this is how you get extensive legal problems. Its all fun and games till your charged with assault and battery against her "abuser", your in court, you look over at the prosecutor, and SHE is standing on his side of the courtroom, with the guy that was whippin her ass, getting ready to help put you in jail. And BTW, an expungement for that shit after the fact ain't cheap. Just ask my brother. She does not want your help, she wants your pity. She loves the drama, or either he wouldn't know where to find her to keep "roughing her up". Then again, maybe you like the drama just as much as she does. In that case, carry on... No, sir. I have enough shit in my life without hers. Our relationship is one where she confided in me with this...as many other people in our circle of friends do on various things... and I was just spitballing some possible ways to talk sense into her. Well, its like this. If this guy isn't able to beat some sense into her, apparently with repeated attempts, there is certainly nothing you can say that will talk any sense into her. I would file this under "shit I don't want to be involved with." Best I got for yah. Good luck. |
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Nope, just a career that her family sees as very prestigious and takes lot of schooling. While he beats their daughter. Quoted:
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Have her get the RO, letting him get away with it is enabling it. Get a RO, get her to get a gun if she doesn't have one so if he's still a douche put him in the dirt. Scumbag. He'll only get more bold the more he gets away with it. She's had him arrested before, I saw the paperwork...her family pressured her out of going to court to finalize the charges. He's done this to other women and has never been brought down. And he's fixated on her for some reason... Nope, just a career that her family sees as very prestigious and takes lot of schooling. While he beats their daughter. Totally not surprised he's done it to other women. He sees women, her family, and the law as stupid and he'll get more bold as he continues to get away with it. Let her know that. ETA: Fuck him and whatever career he has. Doctor? |
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Sounds like you can't really do anything except be an outlet for her frustrations.
Obviously, illegal activities like a blanket party are unacceptable, and if she won't defend herself out of fear for criticism from her family, there really isn't a damn thing that can be done about the situation. He's just going to keep beating her. Maybe if a beating were caught on tape, then charges *might* get filed against the perp whether she/her family like it or not. Hell, a video of him beating a woman would probably go a long way to disgracing him amongst his colleagues, such that he would lose prestige and perhaps the respect of her family. So, yeah, maybe you could video tape him beating her. Or hire a private investigator to do it. Other than that, I've got nothing. Good luck. ETA: Her family sucks. Set her up with supportive friends or a substitute/adoptive "family," so maybe she'll disown the biological one. |
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I have a friend who was in an abusive relationship that she escaped. She is now away, but the abuser has not left her alone and surfaces randomly and roughs her up. Her family encourages her to not say anything due to his career and she depends on them at this point in her life so she goes along with it. I'm trying to get her to file a RO, and she seems on board, but that just may be due to the fresh wounds. What do you do? I've offered any help I can, but she just feels that when he loses everything he will have nothing left to lose and it will be worse. Feeling this angry and helpless sucks...anyone been in a similar situation? Unless she is willing to file a RO your time and energy is being wasted. I'd tell her bluntly that unless she files an RO there is absolutely nothing further that you can do to help her, which is pretty much the case unless you are willing to confront the guy yourself and either suffer legal consequences or a beatdown, or are clever enough to give that guy a beatdown and not get the law after you. Also, what the hell is wrong with her family that they put this guys career above her welfare? |
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Unless she is willing to file a RO your time and energy is being wasted. I'd tell her bluntly that unless she files an RO there is absolutely nothing further that you can do to help her, which is pretty much the case unless you are willing to confront the guy yourself and either suffer legal consequences or a beatdown, or are clever enough to give that guy a beatdown and not get the law after you. Also, what the hell is wrong with her family that they put this guys career above her welfare? Quoted:
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I have a friend who was in an abusive relationship that she escaped. She is now away, but the abuser has not left her alone and surfaces randomly and roughs her up. Her family encourages her to not say anything due to his career and she depends on them at this point in her life so she goes along with it. I'm trying to get her to file a RO, and she seems on board, but that just may be due to the fresh wounds. What do you do? I've offered any help I can, but she just feels that when he loses everything he will have nothing left to lose and it will be worse. Feeling this angry and helpless sucks...anyone been in a similar situation? Unless she is willing to file a RO your time and energy is being wasted. I'd tell her bluntly that unless she files an RO there is absolutely nothing further that you can do to help her, which is pretty much the case unless you are willing to confront the guy yourself and either suffer legal consequences or a beatdown, or are clever enough to give that guy a beatdown and not get the law after you. Also, what the hell is wrong with her family that they put this guys career above her welfare? I've said that, she seemed to come around after the latest...but, it remains to be seen if she follows through. I'm not willing to get any more invested than I am...legally or illegally; I don't need any 'fun' in my life. I don't know what'd up with her family....they're an interesting bunch to say the least. If someone laid hands on my daughter that person wouldn't exist. I don't know how her father can ignore it. |
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It's frustrating to watch someone go through this, but they have to do their part. If she won't, you can't do it for her. So sad, but there it is.  Very much this. Offer support and encouragement to do what must be done, but ultimately she has to take the steps herself. Perhaps suggest a large, protective dog like an American Bulldog, German Shepherd, Doberman Pinscher, Akita, or Chow Chow if she's in a situation where she can accommodate the needs of a dog like that. |
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Nope, just a career that her family sees as very prestigious and takes lot of schooling. While he beats their daughter. Quoted:
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Have her get the RO, letting him get away with it is enabling it. Get a RO, get her to get a gun if she doesn't have one so if he's still a douche put him in the dirt. Scumbag. He'll only get more bold the more he gets away with it. She's had him arrested before, I saw the paperwork...her family pressured her out of going to court to finalize the charges. He's done this to other women and has never been brought down. And he's fixated on her for some reason... Nope, just a career that her family sees as very prestigious and takes lot of schooling. While he beats their daughter. Asian background? Something is amiss with her family and her relationship with them, there may be more to the story then you are getting. Been there, done that, [not the abuse part] it was never her family that was screwed up, it was her projecting all her troubles and blaming them for any and everything she did. She fooled a lot of people to include me for awhile. |
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Asian background? Something is amiss with her family and her relationship with them, there may be more to the story then you are getting. Been there, done that, [not the abuse part] it was never her family that was screwed up, it was her projecting all her troubles and blaming them for any and everything she did. She fooled a lot of people to include me for awhile. Quoted:
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Have her get the RO, letting him get away with it is enabling it. Get a RO, get her to get a gun if she doesn't have one so if he's still a douche put him in the dirt. Scumbag. He'll only get more bold the more he gets away with it. She's had him arrested before, I saw the paperwork...her family pressured her out of going to court to finalize the charges. He's done this to other women and has never been brought down. And he's fixated on her for some reason... Nope, just a career that her family sees as very prestigious and takes lot of schooling. While he beats their daughter. Asian background? Something is amiss with her family and her relationship with them, there may be more to the story then you are getting. Been there, done that, [not the abuse part] it was never her family that was screwed up, it was her projecting all her troubles and blaming them for any and everything she did. She fooled a lot of people to include me for awhile. Yep on the Asian part. I kind of lean this way too, something isn't adding up overall. Her father or brother won't stand up to this guy.....something's odd. |
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Have her get the RO, letting him get away with it is enabling it. Get a RO, get her to get a gun if she doesn't have one so if he's still a douche put him in the dirt. Scumbag. He'll only get more bold the more he gets away with it. RO: yes, RFN. Gun: no. Her head is not in the right place. She has to refuse to be a victim first. Not a good candidate for gun ownership. |
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Pretty much everything that needs to be said has been said. All that's left is for OP to change his avatar to a tampon 'cause he's just there to absorb her output. Nah, I'm not in deep, I just know the story and offered support if asked. Not much more to it than that, this confirmed my suspicion that I'm not making any impact on the situation. |
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I'd like to respect her wishes and not. Begrudgingly, but I will. Quoted:
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You might have to go find him and knock him around a little. I'd like to respect her wishes and not. Begrudgingly, but I will. Do it correctly and no one will know how he fell down the stairs..... |
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Quoted: Do it correctly and no one will know how he fell down the stairs..... Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: You might have to go find him and knock him around a little. I'd like to respect her wishes and not. Begrudgingly, but I will. Do it correctly and no one will know how he fell down the stairs..... |
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Do it correctly and no one will know how he fell down the stairs..... Quoted:
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You might have to go find him and knock him around a little. I'd like to respect her wishes and not. Begrudgingly, but I will. Do it correctly and no one will know how he fell down the stairs..... It's what he deserves.....but, she should be the one who pushes him, not I. I don't think she's the type to shoot the cop who shows up to arrest her abusive partner, I genuinely believe her, but I'm not willing to find out. |
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Do you like extensive legal problems, cause this is how you get extensive legal problems. Its all fun and games till your charged with assault and battery against her "abuser", your in court, you look over at the prosecutor, and SHE is standing on his side of the courtroom, with the guy that was whippin her ass, getting ready to help put you in jail. And BTW, an expungement for that shit after the fact ain't cheap. Just ask my brother. She does not want your help, she wants your pity. She loves the drama, or either he wouldn't know where to find her to keep "roughing her up". Then again, maybe you like the drama just as much as she does. In that case, carry on... A little harsh, but regrettably straight on accurate. |
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Does she have brothers? Do you have a few friends you can trust? Do any friends have NODS, plate carriers, IR lasers? Get trusted friends together for a "night shoot". Get abuser to get invited and take him to range. Have a come to Jesus meeting at Range with IR laser over watch for effect.
Or stop buy dressed up like Sgt Sugar cookie with no weapons drawn or brandished and ask him to go for a ride. He might get the hint. Or talk with family, show stays where enabled abusers getting more violent,etc. You and family work together to get a RO. And a nanny cam, arlo cam, deer cam and get his ass on video. If he is a public profile the video will be leverage for him to leave her alone or disappear. I hate guys like this with a passion. Rumor has it that a nurse friend had a violent boyfriend. He beat her. He carried a guy. A few friends and off duty LEO escorted her to get things from home to leave because she was scared. While rumored crew was on scene SD was called to serve RO. He got the picture. |
| Absent any corroboration of of this woman's story about her family's enabling attitude toward her abuser, I'm going to say it was fabricated to excuse her own dysfunctional behavior. Also, the fact that you're seeking advice from GD about how to "talk sense into her" says fairly screams that you haven't a clue about the psychodynamics of either GD or abusive intimate relationships. |
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Any good deeds you do for her will not go unpunished. Been there myself, and have watched numerous other men go through the same charade. In my experience, she will end up going back to her dirtbag, or find a new dirtbag to abuse her. All the white knighting will be for naught............ Came here to post this. |
