[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Original put-downs: (Page 1 of 2)
Posted: 11/21/2015 4:01:03 AM EDT
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Ever create one on the spot? I have a nephew who is always doing it to me. So one day he came into the house, drew a breath and before he could speak I said, "Hey, how's your pal Beavis?"
Busted out laughing, couldn't even speak for a few minutes. I also lay claim to the one you use to console someone who's just got their ass chewed out by some jerk: "Ignore him, he's been that way since he was a puppy." |
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One time in college, after giving one of my cousins a well deserved chewing out within earshot of my mom and my mom said to me,"Did you have to be such a son of a bitch?" And without thinking I said back,"Hey now, don't be so hard on yourself, you're awesome!" For a couple seconds I thought she was going to throw a shoe at me, instead she just turned, left the room spryly and cracked up. Same cousin said to me later that day,"Why do you hate me?" To which I said truthfully,"I don't hate you, quite the opposite. The thing is you're a fucking idiot, but hey it's very endearing..." |
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Your momma so ugly, even her dildo needs viagra.  Just heard that one today.Quoted:
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I invented your mom jokes. Your momma so ugly, even her dildo needs viagra. Just heard that one today.Your momma so fat, I ran out of gas trying to get on her good side 
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Your momma so fat, I ran out of gas trying to get on her good side Quoted:
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I invented your mom jokes. Your momma so ugly, even her dildo needs viagra. Just heard that one today.Your momma so fat, I ran out of gas trying to get on her good side Yo' mama so ugly... ...Bill Cosby gave her coffee! eta Not original. |
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Quoted: My dad called me an asshole when I was 14 or so. I popped right back with "It's either heredity or upbringing. Either way, it's your fault." Pop was right, I was an asshole as a teenager. My mom called me a "son of a bitch" when I was about the same age. "You're right, I am the son of a bitch!" |
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I went to get my hearing tested. My mother called and asked how It went.
I told her, "Do you remember how you used to yell at me all the time about listening to loud music, and how it would one day ruin my hearing? Well, the doctor said all your yelling ruined my hearing."
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Quoted: Your momma so fat, I ran out of gas trying to get on her good side Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Pics of mom not loading Quoted: I invented your mom jokes. Your momma so ugly, even her dildo needs viagra. Just heard that one today.Your momma so fat, I ran out of gas trying to get on her good side https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hVg5QqJoxuU Don't remember it but went something like this, Woman "You have been talking about mt behind my back" Al " I would have said it to your face but my cars only got half a tank of gas. " |
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Suck my dick and tell me how your wife tastes, I was in kind of a hurry this morning.
I used slobbering dog cock on a chick once. And I was being nice. Then there's always, You Suck Your mother sucks, And your sister woulda sucked but I didn't have five dollars. And of course, every time I get the chance I tell my squid BIL that there's a Marine fucking his sister. He really hates that. |
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had a coach that was just a crabby guy and really enjoyed watching us to stadiums until we almost died. It didn't help he looked just like R. Lee Ermy and had a temper too.
When we would leave for the day we would say, "hey coach, see you later" His Reply was always, "ok guys, thanks for the warning".
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Navy guy said something stupid about Marines, I told him I would insult the Navy but I couldn't come up with anything low enough that wouldn't still be considered a compliment.
ETA: To be honest if I could make money talking shit I'd be rich. I've got a million of them honestly. A former boss said something about taking me out back and making me cry over something I said and replied "what are you going to do? Tell me we're related?" Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile |
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My mom called me a "son of a bitch" when I was about the same age. "You're right, I am the son of a bitch!" Quoted:
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My dad called me an asshole when I was 14 or so. I popped right back with "It's either heredity or upbringing. Either way, it's your fault." Pop was right, I was an asshole as a teenager. "You're right, I am the son of a bitch!" My variation was " stop calling yourself a bitch" And then I got whacked even harder.
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Your momma so fat, I ran out of gas trying to get on her good side Quoted:
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I invented your mom jokes. Your momma so ugly, even her dildo needs viagra. Just heard that one today.Your momma so fat, I ran out of gas trying to get on her good side Yo momma so ugly when she looks in the mirror it ducks! |
