Posted: 3/4/2003 10:43:12 AM EDT
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Joke of the day. Seems we could all use a good laugh. Got one? OSAMA Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and for all. They sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would have 5 years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. Osama found the biggest, meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and bred them with the meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from the litter, and removed his siblings, which gave him all the milk. After 5 years, they came up with the biggest, meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were 5 " thick and nobody could get near it. When the day came for the dog fight, Bush showed up with a strange looking animal. It was a 9 foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for Bush because there was no way that this dog could possibly last 10 seconds with the Afghanistani dog. When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of it's cage, and slowly waddled over towards Osama's dog. Osama's dog snarled and leaped out of its cage and charged the American Dachshund---but when it got close enough to bite, the Dachshund opened its mouth and consumed Osama's dog in one bite. There was nothing left of his dog at all. Osama came up to Bush, shaking his head in disbelief, "We don't understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for 5 years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and the biggest, meanest Siberian wolves." "That's nothing,", said Bush. "We had Michael Jackson's plastic surgeons working for 5 years to make that alligator look like a weenie dog." GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!!!!!!! |
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As we all know, the Taliban considers it a sin for a man to see a naked woman who is not his wife. So, this Saturday at 2:00 PM Eastern time all North American women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists. Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this national anti-terrorist effort. All men are requested to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their house to prove they are not Taliban and they think it's okay to see other women nude and to show support for their fellow sisters. And since the Taliban also does not approve of alcohol, a cold six-pack at your side is further proof of your anti-Taliban sentiment. The United States of America appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and applauds your participation. God bless America! IT IS NOW YOUR PATRIOTIC DUTY TO PASS THIS ON |
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Dear John Letter An Army Ranger was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he received a letter from his girlfriend, in which she explained that she had slept with two guys since he had left, she wanted to break up with him, AND she wanted back the photo of herself she had given him. So the Ranger did what any squared-away Ranger would do. He went around to his buddies and collected all the unwanted photos of women he could find. He then mailed about 25 pictures to his girlfriend with the following note: "I'm sorry, I can't remember which one you are, but please take the one that belongs to you and send the rest back." |
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Hill & Bill Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physical, only to find out that she's pregnant. She is furious. Here she's in the middle of her first term as Senator of New York and this has happened to her. She calls home, gets Bill on the phone and immediately starts screaming; "How could you have let this happen? With all that's going on right now, you go and get me pregnant! How could you? I can't believe this! I just found out I am five weeks pregnant and it is all your fault! Your fault! Well, what have you got to say?" There is nothing but dead silence on the phone. She screams again,"Did you hear me?" Finally she hears Bill's very, very quiet voice. In a barely audible whisper, he says, "Who is this?" |
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Quoted: As we all know, the Taliban considers it a sin for a man to see a naked woman who is not his wife. So, this Saturday at 2:00 PM Eastern time all North American women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists. Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this national anti-terrorist effort. All men are requested to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their house to prove they are not Taliban and they think it's okay to see other women nude and to show support for their fellow sisters. And since the Taliban also does not approve of alcohol, a cold six-pack at your side is further proof of your anti-Taliban sentiment. The United States of America appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and applauds your participation. God bless America! IT IS NOW YOUR PATRIOTIC DUTY TO PASS THIS ON [bounce] Volunteering to work traffic control if this plan catches on. |
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Quoted: Dear John Letter An Army Ranger was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he received a letter from his girlfriend, in which she explained that she had slept with two guys since he had left, she wanted to break up with him, AND she wanted back the photo of herself she had given him. So the Ranger did what any squared-away Ranger would do. He went around to his buddies and collected all the unwanted photos of women he could find. He then mailed about 25 pictures to his girlfriend with the following note: "I'm sorry, I can't remember which one you are, but please take the one that belongs to you and send the rest back." |