Posted: 1/31/2003 8:27:52 PM EDT
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I just need to vent a bit. I'm going through a real tough time. I have a 6 yr old girl that lives with her mom. Her mom is the moral equivelant of a snake. Anyway, she is knocked up by some lowlife dude with no job etc. My girls mom has no income bar the support she gets from me. This guy is on again, off again staying with her. Several occasions mom has left my daughter alone and gone out to who knows where. I never was able to catch her red handed. Well last week, actually 2 weeks ago Monday, boyfriend beat mom up bad. The neighbors actually called the police it was so bad. My little one was witness to this. Mom kicks dude out, he flees police cannot find him. Mom files for PFA police cannot find him to serve. She drops PFA proceedings. Meanwhile my girl is missing school because of these incidents, yes this was the last in a string of beatings. So I call last Weds to talk to my daughter. BF answers the phone, WTF? Mom gets on and hangs up on me. I can't take any more. I find out that my daughter told a bill collector or somebody that called she was alone the day the last beating occurred. This person called DHS in Philly. I also call because my daughter is an emotional wreck over all of this not to mention it is now affecting her school attendance. Well tonight was my weekend, I have joint legal custody and also get her every other weekend. We had planned a huge birthday bash that she was so looking forward to. I call to confirm the pickup and that my wife is on the way to get her. Well my daughter answers the phone scared as hell. She's alone. I call 911 and they send police. Mom gets back with BF before cops arrive. Daughter calls crying, mom screems to hang up the phone. A real mess. Anyway BF leaves threatening message on my phone followed by mom cursing me out to high heaven. All while daughter is crying in the background. So I call police dispatch let them know, they get me my local PD to file harrasment complaint and Philly cops come to escort my wife to pick up my girl. Long story short and leaving out a milion details nobody home, cop takes report, my wife leaves. My stomach is in knots because I know that my daughter is going through living hell right now. She is smart for her age but doesn't understand any of this. I called an attorney and also have made 2 reports to the Child Welfare and Endagerment of DHS. I have to contact the social worker on Monday that is handleing the case. I have to sue for full legal and physical custody of little one and file PFA's against both BF and mom on behalf of daughter as well as wife and myself. I cannot sleep and I feel like I'm gonna die. Anyone have any advice. I can fill in more details if needed. TIA Val |
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No advice, but I really hope they get burned and you get full custody. That's some rotten shit to have to go through - for both you and your daughter. You'll both make it through this. Believe it. In the end, you and your daughter will be happy and together. Stick it out. Hang tough. You're doing everything you should be. Keep it up. It'll be OK. |
| I'm scared. It seems that to get better it's gonna get worse for her. She was so looking forward to her party. She was devastated. She is petrified of her mother. I can only omageine what her little mind is thinking. She is suffering so bad I feel like an ass for letting this go on as long as it has. I have always hoped her mom would grow up, I actually care about her but the line has to be drawn. I mean that there is a point where my girls welfare is deteriorating and hope lies in me being strong for her. I hope I am. I oftem thought that someday she may come to me and ask why I didn't take her from there when she was little and that is the question I do not want to have her ask. She wants to live with me so badly. Her mother has her so scared she won't even call me now. She "got mommy in trouble" is how she put it. She cries that her mom is abused, she cries that her mom hates me, she cries because she's afraid her mom will keep us apart. Its heartbreaking and I feel helpless. |
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Quoted: Hang in there dude. And always ask yourself, what is best you your little girl, at each step. Try to see the long run/big picture. You guys will work out fine. Best advice to be found. Sorry to hear about this mess. Keep us posted and I will help anyway I can. |
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Would it be possible to get your little girl a cell phone that she could call you on if she needed to talk or is scared? Or would that just make matters worse if the ex found out? Otherwise, I've got nothing - expect my fingers crossed for you. I sound like you're doing the right things, though - and the legal system is probably the way to go (aggresively). The more police reports there are, and documented visits from Child Welfare service, the better a case you'll probably have. Good luck. |
| Thanx everyone! It is tough I slept very little last night. Yes, I will pursue this through the system aggressivly. I have 4 police reports from the past 2 weeks alone and 3 reports from child welfare plus others that may have been field. I talk to the social worker on Monday. |
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Have NO doubt that the absolute BEST thing is your sole custody of your daughter, whatever it takes. Don't forget that during this process. Do not waiver from accomplishing that. Persevere with your goal until the end is reached. Stay task focused and do NOT allow doubt or feelings for Mom to interfere with your task. Do the very best you can, and take some comfort in knowing you are doing all that you can to ensure the safety and well-being of your daughter. While she certainly doesn't deserve this, she will also survive it- especially if she has your support. Good luck. |
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Quoted: Thanx everyone! It is tough I slept very little last night. Yes, I will pursue this through the system aggressivly. I have 4 police reports from the past 2 weeks alone and 3 reports from child welfare plus others that may have been field. I talk to the social worker on Monday. It would seem to me you have enough evidence of an emergency to have the child removed from the home immediatly. Talk to the worker about that, ask the worker to interveiw your daughter alone. Perhaps you can get temporary custody order while case is pending. If you can afford it, get a killer attorney. Find a "fathers rights" organization near you for advice, research the law on your own, it's prolly available on the internet. Good luck! With the worker, emphasize the violence, and that this is an emergency, document everything! |
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This is more of the same $hit again. Nothing new. This is pretty much the only subject that really gets to me. I find it difficult to take sides on issues such as this simply for one reason only. There is an INNOCENT child that has been put into this situation as a result of two reproductive people, not to be confused with adults, that didn't take the time to find out what redeeming qualities each other had before deciding to conceive a child together. I'm giving the benefit of a doubt that at least some thought actually went into it. After the split, the same story line always seems to follow. The innocent child is always caught in the middle. The child is used a a pawn to get alimony. The child is used as a pawn to set visitation rights. The child is used as an excuse to continue personal disputes and bad mouthing each other. They seem to ignore the fact they both are the ones responsible for putting the child in the situation he/she is in but continue to try to blame each other. Always in the name of the child. They think about the child, but always after the fact. The child really comes second after they take care of their own selfish personal initial dispute with each other in court. The child is just a pawn while in court and afterwards. From your post it might seem the child would be better off with you but the truth is, neither one of you really deserves her. You could say I truly take the side of the child. We have too many children being traumatized and hurt by this type of separation of their parents. You are not as innocent as you would like to believe. You've already failed your child as a parent miserable. You've already abandoned her once, Ahole. Do your part for society and at least get yourself a vesectomy. The innocent child gets all my sympathy. This $hit really get to me every time without fail. |
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Document everything no matter how insignificant it may seem at the time. Get a notebook, name, date, time, place, weather, position of stars, EVERYTHING. Get copies of every report, every person you talk to get names, phone #'s, no detail is insignificant at this point. You would or maybe not be surprised how difficult it is to get custody of a child from it's mother. Pray. |
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Hmm Levi, Seems like you are bit out of touch. We were together. It didn't work out. Her mom and I fought endlessly. These things happen, 52% of the time the last I checked. I got joint custody and visitation because I knew I would not be there full time and to ensure that I would have say in how she is raised. As for vasectomy? You have to be kidding! I don't see this as a "who deserves what" situation. FYI I was the one who asked her mother to initiate support orders, and I was the one who gave her more than the order had asked... voluntarily. My daughter "deserves" to have a quality life and upbringing. It is my job to see that she does. I have no spite in mind towards her mother. I would just be fine if she went about her life and left me and the little on alone but I'm a realist and know that isn't gonna happen. I failed how? Because I fathered her? If I follow your open ended reason I could assume you would have her put into the system as a foster child so she could go through life with no stability or family? Take her from either of us because you see these occurances as manipulative devices intitiated by parents out of spite? She's my daughter, the fact that her mother and I didn't work out has no bearing on the fact that I am responsible to see she is given proper care. "Deserve" as you say has nothing to do with anything on my part. I have a "duty" as a father and more importantly a "Dad" to relieve her of these abuses. Yes I have failed as a parent by not standing up earlier to take charge of this situation but as for being a Dad? That is for my daughter to decide not you. Maybe you would be happier if I just dropped everything and left her to suffer? Maybe her mom would leave her alone again and somebody would take her, the house catch on fire, she fall down the steps, she wanders off and gets lost, runs into the street, scalded with hot tap water, drowns in a bathtub, any of the tragedies that can kill or injure little kids. I have no desire to get alimony, support, sustainance, compansation of any kind from anyone. I can take care of her financially just fine thank you. And as for "abandoning" her? Buddy I fed her that first bottle, changed her first diaper, was there when she took her first steps, went on the toilet the first time, said her first words, taught her to swim, caught her first fish. And have been in her life even when I was away at college. I've not abandoned her in any form at any time. If not for me she would have been tossed from private school into the excuse of a school system in Philly. She would go unclothed and unfed. Your taking the side of the child? How? If I follow you you would impose your ideals upon others because 1) you have no idea of the facts and 2) you seem dictatorial and closed minded. Putting a child into foster care when she has a parent that she knows and loves and who is stable is just the best solution? Even if that isn't your implication what kind of idiot implies that I'm trying to manipulate people by using my daughter as a pawn when in every court proceeding I've been involved with pertaining to her I was defendent! Obviously you have no idea how much "weight", for lack of a better term, is given to the "mother" in cases of custody, and support. To make it short: Stick to topics you know something about before you interject your fucked up, half assed "opinions"! Vasectomy, funny! Get a fucking lobatomy and do us all a favor...Quit Thinking, your opinions are warped! BTW, I wasn't asking for sympathy either. I just felt the need to vent and put my thoughts to script. It's therapeutic. |
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Val: First, I'll be praying for you and your child. Second, don't let up...keep at the different agencies you're dealing with relentlessly until you win. You will win, just don't give up or do ANYTHING that could be considered illegal, threatening, crazy, etc. Remember, you are the guy on the white horse, the one who will rescue your kid. Be Strong! |
| I was in the exact same situation a few years ago. Long story short, get all the money you can spare, move, take out a loan, sell your guns if you must, but hire a quality P.I.(I had some bad experiences with people who were not qualified but I didn't know). After I got the P.I. everything turned around. I took my-exwife to court and slaughtered her. Without the P.I. this would not have happened. I am not trying to preach and I'm sure you really want your daughter. Yes getting custody away from a mother can be difficult(no one ever ever believes a complaining ex-husband,not police,social workers,or even attorneys-at-liteums)but it can be done. You will be in my thoughts. Good luck. |
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Val, Sorry to hear all this. Wish your family was here in TN, less people, more attention. By your posts, you obviously one stressed dude as would be we all. This same stres will work against you. I know it's hard but you have to channel it to COLD CALCULATING. There are a number of things that you can do but if you really want your little girl, you have to follow AK-Rocketmans advice and become the knight on the white horse. Confronted, hold your cool, later you can put your fist through a wall. Clean up your act. Dress right and go to church. It will go along way to both your credibility as well as add local community support. Whether you believe is between you and God. Resist the urge to kill the guy for it only helps them. To win, you must be a victim which is against a mans nature. That's where the COLD CALCUALTING comes in. Just remember you can make a difference. |
| I can not imagine what you are going through right know, I can only offer you my prayers and some advice, I believe someone already posted it but I will second it.. Get yourself a good P.I. and a good lawyer, also contact your local fathers rights groups, do a search on the web for them.. God bless and Good Luck... |
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Quoted: Val, Sorry to hear all this. Wish your family was here in TN, less people, more attention. By your posts, you obviously one stressed dude as would be we all. This same stres will work against you. I know it's hard but you have to channel it to COLD CALCULATING. There are a number of things that you can do but if you really want your little girl, you have to follow AK-Rocketmans advice and become the knight on the white horse. Confronted, hold your cool, later you can put your fist through a wall. Clean up your act. Dress right and go to church. It will go along way to both your credibility as well as add local community support. Whether you believe is between you and God. Resist the urge to kill the guy for it only helps them. To win, you must be a victim which is against a mans nature. That's where the COLD CALCUALTING comes in. Just remember you can make a difference. Stay cool man. I'll tell you this about chicks....the more cool and calm you are, the worse THEY will flip out. It's unreal. Document every single thing. Hiring a P.I. is expensive, but you will get hard evidence, and that is what matters. If you can stay completely calm and non-threatening while at the same time working the system, it will drive her up the wall and she will cut her own throat. It sounds like you are doing well, a good P.I. and a good lawyer might help get her out of there in a hurry. Levi, that was a little bit rude. Believe me, sometimes things just don't work out. Sometimes people change. Sometimes people will screw you over when you don't necessarily deserve it. Then what? Open your mind. |
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If the roles were reversed and you were the kid, I am sure you would want your "normal" parent fighting like a freaking demon, on your behalf. She obviously needs and depends on you to be her father. Keep fighting and remember that your arfcom family is here for you... WAS |
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[b]Cut to the chase - have you told all this to an attorney?[/b] I don't want to have to go through the thread again to look for some hint. Did you or not, [b]Valkyrie?[/b] You are seeing a social worker? On Monday? That's just great. Pointless, but wonderful. See an attorney on Monday, instead. It may be expensive, but so is that private school. The lesson you [u]may[/u] learn by [u]not[/u] acting promptly might be even more costly than you might ever imagine. And it's likely your daughter will be the one to pay the price. One more day in that situation may be one day too many. Eric The(EnoughIsEnough)Hun[>]:)] |
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Valkyrie, Sorry to hear about all this. My advice: Fight tooth and nail, fight with every dollar and legal method available to get your daughter out of that situation. I was in an almost similar situation about 15 yrs ago. It resolved itself just 8 days ago. Been thinking about starting a thread... Yep, I'll start a thread: "Never, ever, give up on 'em" |
| Eric, yes I have spoken with an attorney. I was to see him yesterday but the weather caused us to cancel. I have to set a new appointment for this week. I am going to seek full legal and physical custody. And yes the more calm and cool I am the more her mother goes berserk! I will keep everyone updated. I have a million things going on right now but this is the priority. |
| I was in the same situation (i.e. I was the kid) a few years ago. I thought there was no way to get out of it. I was a little older, but not too much. It is true that the court favors mothers, and wrongly so IMO. It sounds like you genuinely care about your child, now get a lawyer and get to work! I'm in a [b]much[/b] better situation now and thank God every day for that. Just keep calm, and keep in mind that everything you do should be in the child's best interest. Once again, keep calm, and set a good example for your daughter. |
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Quoted: This is more of the same $hit again. Nothing new. This is pretty much the only subject that really gets to me. I find it difficult to take sides on issues such as this simply for one reason only. There is an INNOCENT child that has been put into this situation as a result of two reproductive people, not to be confused with adults, that didn't take the time to find out what redeeming qualities each other had before deciding to conceive a child together. I'm giving the benefit of a doubt that at least some thought actually went into it. After the split, the same story line always seems to follow. The innocent child is always caught in the middle. The child is used a a pawn to get alimony. The child is used as a pawn to set visitation rights. The child is used as an excuse to continue personal disputes and bad mouthing each other. They seem to ignore the fact they both are the ones responsible for putting the child in the situation he/she is in but continue to try to blame each other. Always in the name of the child. They think about the child, but always after the fact. The child really comes second after they take care of their own selfish personal initial dispute with each other in court. The child is just a pawn while in court and afterwards. From your post it might seem the child would be better off with you but the truth is, neither one of you really deserves her. You could say I truly take the side of the child. We have too many children being traumatized and hurt by this type of separation of their parents. You are not as innocent as you would like to believe. You've already failed your child as a parent miserable. You've already abandoned her once, Ahole. Do your part for society and at least get yourself a vesectomy. The innocent child gets all my sympathy. This $hit really get to me every time without fail. levi How uncalled for !!!!!!!!!!!!!! I would say "you SUCK" but that would be against the form rules. Hell,levi you suck. Someone had to say it. Damm uncalled for [:(] Valkyrie Stay cool and follow the advise of getting a lawyer and recorded keeping. |
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Hang in ther brother, the situation sucks right now, but as the others have said,get the little girl out of there. Best of luck on a tough mission.Stay the course. Don't beserk, fuck the BF,and the mom. One oddball thing you do,threatens your right to have firearms and the little girl.It Don't matter who's right or wrong they smell weapons and they smell blood. The DCFS is out to get you, especially if they know you own firearms. So above all stay cool. Again best of luck. Get out to the range some,that always helps me,snap back |