Posted: 8/12/2014 8:07:35 AM EDT
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Yesterday Robin Williams killed himself, he suffered from depression. I don’t like talking about it, but during some periods of my life I have dealt with similar issues. I am going to post thing in hopes that it may help someone else.
I’m no professional, but I am walking around today. Some things that helped me are: Seek God – remember God loves you and has a plan for your life. Get off of all substances that cause addiction – serious, all of them, completely off, forever. Surround yourself with positive people who care about you; not manby-pamby enablers, but genuine friends who are fun and lift you up. Focus on someone in your life that can’t get along without you; a spouse, a child, a pet, some reason to wake up tomorrow. Get yourself out of situations that will make you more depressed - economic, social, job related. Focus on tomorrow; think about how much good lies in your future, call it what you want (positive thinking, visualization, self-hypnosis), it works. Change your outlook – you are not a victim, you are a warrior and a winner, you will beat this thing Remember this never ends; keep doing the things that helped you get through. My life’s biggest worries are that I will listen to the sleepy demons that still whisper their lies to me every day, or that my children may inherit some of these thoughts / behaviors that I have struggled with. I have been kicking this for the last 20 years (& no drugs), and I plan on kicking it’s @$$ until I’m done. If I can do it you can too. I’d rather not get flamed over this, but this is GD and I’m a big boy. I doubt you will see any further response from me or for me ever to bring this up again. |
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I've struggled with crushing and debilitating depression at times in my life. Many of your suggestions are parts of my personal puzzle to get back on track.
It's one of those "vicious cycle" kinds of maladies. The more depressed you become, the more your life (and happiness) suffer *as a result* of your depression giving you less hope and, consequently, causing you to be more depressed, repeat. People who say shit like "just suck it up" or "just be happy" have no frame of reference from which to opine. |
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I've struggled with crushing and debilitating depression at times in my life. Many of your suggestions are parts of my personal puzzle to get back on track. It's one of those "vicious cycle" kinds of maladies. The more depressed you become, the more your life (and happiness) suffer *as a result* of your depression giving you less hope and, consequently, causing you to be more depressed, repeat. People who say shit like "just suck it up" or "just be happy" have no frame of reference from which to opine. As if it is something you choose to be. I would consider myself intrinsically happy, but there are times it is an uncontrollable force in my life. I wouldn't say I struggle like most, but I can sympathize due to the levels I do deal with it. Like OP said, paraphrased, keep your head down and one foot in front of the other with the nature of a warrior. |
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Good advice. Unfortunately, difficult for many. I have wrestled with depression for over 40 years and have tried many therapies to try and deal with it. As far as I am concerned, medicine is still in the stone age with respect to treatment. The drugs that are available have so many side effects, many of which serve only to aggravate the depression. Counseling requires a significant emotional investment on the part of the patient to be helpful and you are at the mercy of the counselor in a fragile state. It is expensive and poorly covered by a lot of health care plans.
There is no cure except the one that Robin Williams took. |
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Not sure if anyone can embed, but.... this guy helped me more than I can describe. No one else can get through to me like he does for some reason. http://youtu.be/YN-3ohljcCc?t=4s |
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My longtime lover, wife, friend, etc, etc, has suffered from depression all her life, and so do her kids (from another husband) and I've been there all along watching and trying to help. Here's a thought, and yes, it might be a depressing thought. If you suffer from depression and think the cause may be genetic (about 50% according to Stanford school of medicine) you might want to consider adoption rather than passing along the illness. Because from what I've seen, it's a total bitch and it never, ever goes away. I know I'll get flamed for that, but I've watched this shit for 25 years and it's impossible to not think it.
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Good post and advice OP.
My experience is that even in the darkest pitch black hole.....Jesus is there. The love of a good woman and horses helped heal me. No one.............NO ONE should be ashamed or embarrassed to tell someone they are depressed. If you are not now-you will be at some point. As for Robin Williams I'm going to suggest that his ex-wives/divorce court killed him. Fuck "Family" courts. All of them-everywhere. |
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Not sure if anyone can embed, but.... this guy helped me more than I can describe. No one else can get through to me like he does for some reason. http://youtu.be/YN-3ohljcCc?t=4s Good post. |
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Many people let the bad things thatt happened in the past ruin the rest of their lives. Let it go. I've heard this type of comment many times. Sometimes by family members who mean the best and are just trying to help, but have no clue how deep and insidious chronic depression is. My younger brother, who I helped raise, suffers from severe depression. If you have lived with someone who suffers from depressions then you will realize that its a lot more than letting it go. Depression consumes the individual, and no matter how many happy thoughts they think its not going to go magically away. Those who suffer from chronic depression cannot will it away, but therapy and medication can make a world of difference. For many, its a lifelong process. It is one of the most heartbreaking things in the world to witness when you loved one is so mired in depression that it looks like they will never get out. I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you mean the best, but are just misinformed about what depression is. |
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Quoted:People who say shit like "just suck it up" or "just be happy" have no frame of reference from which to opine. Well put, I find exercise, hobbies, and talking to someone who can relate to your experiences/emotions is very helpful... Meds have helped those close to me who suffer, but make sure your MD can relate to what you are going through, and if they don't, try to find one that does. |
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I'll wade in before this thread goes completely off the tracks.
Most people who want to talk about depression have no concept or frame of reference, they mistake the 'blues' or generalized sadness for true depression. I can assure you that true, real depression is real and is more evil than anything ever unleashed on this planet. It's my belief that it's the closest thing to the hopelessness of hell that a human can experience on this planet. I could type for hours but I'll just leave it like this. There is hope and there is medication. A properly dialed in medication should leave a person with little to no side effects and essentially should be like taking an aspirin for a headache--the depression just goes away. The medications will not make you kill your family or a zombie. It sometimes take a few medications to figure out which works for you and they take 3-4 weeks to begin working, many people stop before the medication begins working and call it a failure. Sadly, there are a few rare cases where medications just don't work. I read a pretty interesting article about depression brought on by long-term stress. The body's stress chemicals seem to have a very big impact on the brain cells which uptake Seratonin/Dopamine/etc. So to say that it is an imbalance isn't correct as much as it is that your body is being prohibited from using what's there. When a person takes an antidepressant, it causes a flood of those well-being chemicals that somehow cause the uptake receptor brain cells to begin growing again (maybe the extra mood chemicals block the stress chemicals from killing the cells). In any event, the newly grown receptor brain cells take 3-4 weeks to mature and begin receiving the brain's mood chemicals. Hence the delay in anti-depressants working. In any event, we men are really at risk because we consider it a character flaw to be weak. If you are depressed, get help. If you can do it with therapy alone (for the situational depression crowd), do it. If you can't, get some medication and be patient enough to find one that works for you and doesn't kill you with side effects. Stay on the medication for 6 month to a year longer than you think you need it to avoid rebound depression. People who adequately treat the depression fully during their first bout have a greatly increased chance of never having it recur. Those who do not treat it, have a greater chance of it coming back. Get help if you need it guys. There's no valor on letting something take over your life and soul.... |
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Many people let the bad things thatt happened in the past ruin the rest of their lives. Let it go. Its not that. I have had bad anxiety for years now. At first I just assumed it kept me sharp. Problem is, as it grew I became more withdrawn. Its cyclical. Withdraw because of worry enough and soon your life has less meaning and you stop caring about things that used to important. Once things that used to be important no longer matter, nothing else matters...now you have even less to care about. Throw in coping mechanisms (alcohol,etc) and you are soon doing things you never thought would simply because, 'whats the difference?". At least that's where Ive gone with it. |
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How do you deal with someone in your family who has depression that you talk to a lot? I keep telling them to see a therapist and they say they will but they never do. I want to help them but I don't know what to do Follow through for someone with depression is a huge problem. Depression sucks the motivation out of them, so getting them to a therapist is difficult. Encourage them, but do not harp on it. Badgering them is not going to help. When they are ready to see a therapist do everything in your power to make it happen. This is my experience as someone from the outside, those who have experienced depression firsthand can probably give you better advice. When my brother is depressed I usually play video games with him. I know he is depressed and does not want to talk about it, so I do something we both enjoy to hopefully take him out of the vicious thoughts. |
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Follow through for someone with depression is a huge problem. Depression sucks the motivation out of them, so getting them to a therapist is difficult. Encourage them, but do not harp on it. Badgering them is not going to help. When they are ready to see a therapist do everything in your power to make it happen. This is my experience as someone from the outside, those who have experienced depression firsthand can probably give you better advice. When my brother is depressed I usually play video games with him. I know he is depressed and does not want to talk about it, so I do something we both enjoy to hopefully take him out of the vicious thoughts. Quoted:
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How do you deal with someone in your family who has depression that you talk to a lot? I keep telling them to see a therapist and they say they will but they never do. I want to help them but I don't know what to do Follow through for someone with depression is a huge problem. Depression sucks the motivation out of them, so getting them to a therapist is difficult. Encourage them, but do not harp on it. Badgering them is not going to help. When they are ready to see a therapist do everything in your power to make it happen. This is my experience as someone from the outside, those who have experienced depression firsthand can probably give you better advice. When my brother is depressed I usually play video games with him. I know he is depressed and does not want to talk about it, so I do something we both enjoy to hopefully take him out of the vicious thoughts. I talk to them nearly every day. And I hear all of their problems and all of the negativity and it's getting exhausting for me. The negativity really brings down me mood too. On one day when I seem to be making progress with them they go right back to where they were the next day. It's been going on 2 years now. I don't badger them about seeing a therapist, I kindly suggest it and let them know it will help them. I've even offered to pay for it. |
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I talk to them nearly every day. And I hear all of their problems and all of the negativity and it's getting exhausting for me. The negativity really brings down me mood too. On one day when I seem to be making progress with them they go right back to where they were the next day. It's been going on 2 years now. I don't badger them about seeing a therapist, I kindly suggest it and let them know it will help them. I've even offered to pay for it. Quoted:
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How do you deal with someone in your family who has depression that you talk to a lot? I keep telling them to see a therapist and they say they will but they never do. I want to help them but I don't know what to do Follow through for someone with depression is a huge problem. Depression sucks the motivation out of them, so getting them to a therapist is difficult. Encourage them, but do not harp on it. Badgering them is not going to help. When they are ready to see a therapist do everything in your power to make it happen. This is my experience as someone from the outside, those who have experienced depression firsthand can probably give you better advice. When my brother is depressed I usually play video games with him. I know he is depressed and does not want to talk about it, so I do something we both enjoy to hopefully take him out of the vicious thoughts. I talk to them nearly every day. And I hear all of their problems and all of the negativity and it's getting exhausting for me. The negativity really brings down me mood too. On one day when I seem to be making progress with them they go right back to where they were the next day. It's been going on 2 years now. I don't badger them about seeing a therapist, I kindly suggest it and let them know it will help them. I've even offered to pay for it. for some people, it is more comfortable to wallow in it than seek help. |
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I talk to them nearly every day. And I hear all of their problems and all of the negativity and it's getting exhausting for me. The negativity really brings down me mood too. On one day when I seem to be making progress with them they go right back to where they were the next day. It's been going on 2 years now. I don't badger them about seeing a therapist, I kindly suggest it and let them know it will help them. I've even offered to pay for it. Quoted:
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How do you deal with someone in your family who has depression that you talk to a lot? I keep telling them to see a therapist and they say they will but they never do. I want to help them but I don't know what to do Follow through for someone with depression is a huge problem. Depression sucks the motivation out of them, so getting them to a therapist is difficult. Encourage them, but do not harp on it. Badgering them is not going to help. When they are ready to see a therapist do everything in your power to make it happen. This is my experience as someone from the outside, those who have experienced depression firsthand can probably give you better advice. When my brother is depressed I usually play video games with him. I know he is depressed and does not want to talk about it, so I do something we both enjoy to hopefully take him out of the vicious thoughts. I talk to them nearly every day. And I hear all of their problems and all of the negativity and it's getting exhausting for me. The negativity really brings down me mood too. On one day when I seem to be making progress with them they go right back to where they were the next day. It's been going on 2 years now. I don't badger them about seeing a therapist, I kindly suggest it and let them know it will help them. I've even offered to pay for it. Just be there for them. Depression help is like rehab......you can force someone to go but until they make the decision for themselve, it will never work. |
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I talk to them nearly every day. And I hear all of their problems and all of the negativity and it's getting exhausting for me. The negativity really brings down me mood too. On one day when I seem to be making progress with them they go right back to where they were the next day. It's been going on 2 years now. I don't badger them about seeing a therapist, I kindly suggest it and let them know it will help them. I've even offered to pay for it. Quoted:
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How do you deal with someone in your family who has depression that you talk to a lot? I keep telling them to see a therapist and they say they will but they never do. I want to help them but I don't know what to do Follow through for someone with depression is a huge problem. Depression sucks the motivation out of them, so getting them to a therapist is difficult. Encourage them, but do not harp on it. Badgering them is not going to help. When they are ready to see a therapist do everything in your power to make it happen. This is my experience as someone from the outside, those who have experienced depression firsthand can probably give you better advice. When my brother is depressed I usually play video games with him. I know he is depressed and does not want to talk about it, so I do something we both enjoy to hopefully take him out of the vicious thoughts. I talk to them nearly every day. And I hear all of their problems and all of the negativity and it's getting exhausting for me. The negativity really brings down me mood too. On one day when I seem to be making progress with them they go right back to where they were the next day. It's been going on 2 years now. I don't badger them about seeing a therapist, I kindly suggest it and let them know it will help them. I've even offered to pay for it. What you are describing is what I have gone through and continue to go through with my family members. For the family, it is exhausting and often causes them depression. Seek a support system of your own to help you through this. I cannot emphasize enough the importance of seeking help for yourself in this matter. Whether it is through the church, among professionals, or just through friends, talk to someone about the stress in dealing with your family member. It sounds like you have done all you can with trying to get him to seek counseling. Keep it up, and just always keep that option open to him. I wish I could tell you its going to get better soon, but depression is often a lifelong illness. It can get better and often does, but be consistent with them for the long run. Being there and maintaining your love and support for them through the long years is difficult, but it will help them. If you want any other advice or need to talk send me a PM, and I would be happy to talk to you about the years of experience I have dealing with close family members who have suffered from depression. |
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for some people, it is more comfortable to wallow in it than seek help. Quoted:
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How do you deal with someone in your family who has depression that you talk to a lot? I keep telling them to see a therapist and they say they will but they never do. I want to help them but I don't know what to do Follow through for someone with depression is a huge problem. Depression sucks the motivation out of them, so getting them to a therapist is difficult. Encourage them, but do not harp on it. Badgering them is not going to help. When they are ready to see a therapist do everything in your power to make it happen. This is my experience as someone from the outside, those who have experienced depression firsthand can probably give you better advice. When my brother is depressed I usually play video games with him. I know he is depressed and does not want to talk about it, so I do something we both enjoy to hopefully take him out of the vicious thoughts. I talk to them nearly every day. And I hear all of their problems and all of the negativity and it's getting exhausting for me. The negativity really brings down me mood too. On one day when I seem to be making progress with them they go right back to where they were the next day. It's been going on 2 years now. I don't badger them about seeing a therapist, I kindly suggest it and let them know it will help them. I've even offered to pay for it. for some people, it is more comfortable to wallow in it than seek help. my depression is like that perfectly warm blanket made out of the perfect material...It's easy, comfortable and familiar. ultimately your family member will have to seek treatment on their own. maybe suggest to them to see their family doctor and ask to be put on some kind of anti-depressants. They're not magic happy pills like people think but they do alter brain chemistry and after I was on them for ~6 months is when I finally felt like I could deal with finding a therapist. I didn't want to be on them for the rest of my life so my therapist and I met twice a week when I started coming off the meds so we could track my mood and feelings. I kept a mood journal and jotted down when thoughts would come into my mind. I also used it to try different methods to replace the meds. Right now I workout 30 minutes a day. I don't workout to lose weight or to lift heavy. I workout to get that chemical boost to replace what the medication did. Cleaning also helps me keep my depressed mind out of my way. I found a great site called Unfuck Your Habitat and that has helped me tremendously. When I get depressed I don't clean, I don't shower hell, I usually don't get out of bed for days at a time. But using the 20/10 method of cleaning on UYH I keep up with cleaning a lot better than I used to. Unfortunately there's no quick fix for clinical depression...It's something I fight every single day but I have the coping skills and can do a sort of .... full system diagnostics to determine if my depressed mind is trying to take over. A lot of people start taking meds thinking it will be a quick fix...Then they may go see a therapist and think that will be a quick fix. But it's hard work and you have to put in the work and then *use* what you've learned to keep the depressed mind in line. I hope that your family member can pull through and get the help they need. If there's anything I can do don't hesitate to pm me. |