Posted: 5/6/2014 1:55:55 PM EDT
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Going in for a colonoscopy tomorrow as well and endoscopy any suggestion for my stand up routine.
Edit: I forgot the other end |
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go ahead and say your sorry for the epic after farts
ask the Dr. to buy you a drink first go ahead and write "EXIT ONLY" on your butt in sharpie perhaps YES on your ass and then NO on your face request music, Madonna "like a virgin" maybe even something by the Butthole Surfers ask them to find those lost car keys or your pet gerbil ETA: didnt read.... holy crap your getting skewered from both ends how about "when these two scopes meet, no sword fighting please" |
| ask the nurse will you recognize me with pants on... put a sticker above your crotch stating objects may appear smaller than they actually are.. or the great kilroy makes an appearance on your ass.. maybe with the caption Kilroys all else stay out.. temp tramp stamp etc... |
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Load your phone or iPod with a good playlist. Some Barry White, "Like a Virgin," "Feel Like Makin' Love," etc.
When they ask you to do something, preface it with "I don't normally do this, especially since we just met." Ask if your agent will get a pre-release screening, or if you have to wait until the premier in the movie theater. They might not think trying to do karaoke with the upper scope is funny, but the drugs will make you think it's funny. Ask the doc if he was an IRS agent in a past life, as he begins the colonoscopy. If they turn down the lights so he can see the monitor better, make a reference to "mood lighting." Tell your doc, "this will go a lot easier on both of us if you just relax and think of England." <------ doc who has also been on the wrong end of the scope. 
ETA: if you feel that topical comedy is too derivative and mundane, try something creative. Sing the entirety of "99 Luftballoons" in German. Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile |