Posted: 12/24/2002 8:53:55 PM EDT
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Merry Christmas everyone! I only saw 2 Christmas threads, so I thought I'd add my own! Even though not everyone here is christian (hey, not everyone's perfect! [;)]) I thought I'd extend a wishing of peace and happiness for a day of rest and reflection! Here's a song i thought was fitting for today! Mr. Garrison - Merry Fucking Christmas Song Mr. Garrison: I heard there is no Christmas In the silly Middle East No trees, no snow, no Santa Claus They have different religious beliefs They believe in Muhammad And not in our holiday And so every December I go to the Middle East and say... "Hey there Mr. Muslim Merry fucking Christmas Put down that book the Koran And hear some holiday wishes. In case you haven't noticed It's Jesus's birthday. So get off your heathen Muslim ass and fucking celebrate. There is no holiday season in India I've heard They don't hang up their stockings And that is just absurd! They've never read a Christmas story. They don't know what Rudolph is about And that is why in December I'll go to India and shout... Hey there Mr. Hinduist Merry fucking Christmas Drink eggnog and eat some beef And pass it to the missus. In case you haven't noticed It's Jesus's birthday So get off your heathen Hindu ass and fucking celebrate! Now I heard that in Japan Everyone just lives in sin They pray to several gods And put needles in their skin. On December 25th All they do is eat a cake And that is why I go to Japan And walk around and say... Hey there Mr. Shintoist Merry fucking Christmas God is going to kick your ass You infidelic pagan scum. In case you haven't noticed There's festive things to do So lets all rejoice for Jesus And Merry fucking Christmas to you. On Christmas day I travel `round the world and say, Taoists, Krishnas, Buddhists, and all you atheists too, Merry Fucking Christmas, To You! (Clapping) Thank you Mr. hat To all the muslim heathens out there...may rudolph and the gang shit on your mud hut, you moon-god-worshipping-camel-fuckers! |
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Adam Sandler's 'The Chanukah Song Part I' "Okay... This is a song that uhh.. There's a lot of Christmas songs out there and uhh.. not too many Chanukah songs. So uhh...I wrote a song for all those nice little Jewish kids who don't get to hear any Chanukah songs. Here we go..." Put on your yarmulke, Here comes Chanukah! So much funukah, To celebrate Chanukah! Chanukah is the festival of lights. Instead of one day of presents, we have eight crazy nights. When you feel like the only kid in town Without a Christmas tree, Here's a list of people who are Jewish just like you and me: David Lee Roth lights the menorah. So do James Caan, Kirk Douglas, and the late Dinah Shore-ah. Guess who eats together at the Carnegie Deli? Bowser from Sha Na Na and Arthur Fonzarelli! Paul Newman's half Jewish, Goldie Hawn's half too. Put them together, what a fine lookin' Jew. You don't need "Deck The Halls" or "Jingle Bell Rock", 'Cause you can spin a dreidel with Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock -- both Jewish. Put on your yarmulke It's time for Chanukah The owner of the Seattle Supersonicahs Celebrates Chanukah O.J. Simpson - not a Jew. But guess who is? Hall of famer Rod Carew -- he converted We got Ann Landers and her sister Dear Abby. Harrison Ford's a quarter Jewish -- not too shabby! Some people think that Ebenezer Scrooge is Well he's not, but guess who is -- All Three Stooges! So many Jews are in showbiz, Tom Cruise isn't - but I heard his agent is. Tell your friend Veronica It's time to celebrate Chanukah. I hope I get a harmonicah Oh this lovely, lovely Chanukah. So drink your gin and tonicah And smoke your marijuanikah. If you really, really wannakah Have a happy, happy, happy, happy Chanukah! Happy Chanukah!" Adam Sandler's 'The Chanukah Song Part II' Put on your yarmulke Its time for Chanukah So much funnaka To celebrate Chanukah Chanukah is the festival of lights Instead of one day of presents We get eight crazy nights When you feel like the only kid in town Without a Christmas tree Here's a new list of people who are Jewish Just like you and me Winona Ryder, Drinks Manischewitz wine Then spins a draydle with Ralph Lauren and Calvin Klein Guess who gives and receives Loads of Chanukah toys The girls from Veruca Salt and all three Beastie Boys Lenny Kravitz is half Jewish, Courtney Love is half too Put them together What a funky bad ass Jew We got Harvey Keitel And flash dancer Jennifer Beals Yasmine Bleeth from Baywatch is Jewish And yes her boobs are real Put on your yarmulka Its time for Chanukah 2 time Ocsar winning Dustin Hoffmanaka celebrates Chanukah O.J. Simpson Still not a Jew But guess who is, The guy who does the voice for Scooby Doo Bob Dylan was born a Jew Then he wasn't but now he's back, Mary Tyler Moore's husband is Jewish 'Cause we're pretty good in the sack. Guess who got bar-mitzvahed On the PGA tour No I'm not talking about Tiger Woods I'm talkin' about Mr. Happy Gilmore. So many Jews are in the show biz Bruce Springsteen isn't But my mother thinks he is. Tell the world-amanaka It's time for Chanukah It's not pronounced Ch-nakah The C is silent in Chanukah So get your hooked on phonica Get drunk in Tijuanaka If you really really wannaka Have a happy happy happy happy Chanukah! |
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Merry Christmas boys & girls! [<|:d>] One of my favorites; Robert Earl Keens 'Christmas from the family'. mom got drunk and dad got drunk at our christmas party. we were drinkin' champagne punch and homemade eggnog. little sister brought her new boyfriend. he was a mexican. we didn't know what to think of him 'til he sang 'feliz navidad,' feliz navidad. brother ken brought his kids with him: the three from his first wife lynn, and the two identical twins from his second wife mary-nell. of course, he brought his new wife kaye who talks all about AA. chain smokin' while the stero plays 'noel, noel, the first noel.' carve the turkey, turn the ball game on. mix margaritas when the eggnog's gone. send somebody to the quik-pak store - we need some ice and an extention cord; a can of bean dip and some diet rite; a box of tampons and some marlboro lights. hallelujah, everybody say cheese. merry christmas from the family. fran and rita drove from harlingen (i can't remember how i'm kin to them) but when they tried to plug their motorhome in they blew our christmas lights. cousin david knew just what went wrong so we all waited on our front lawn. he threw the breaker and the lights came on and we sang 'silent night, oh holy night.' carve the turkey, turn the ballgame on. make bloody marys, cause we all want one! send somebody to the stop 'n go: we need some celery and a can of fake snow; a bag of lemons and some diet sprite; a box of tampons and some salem lights. hallelujah, everybody say cheese. merry christmas from the family. feliz navidad...! [<|:d>] |