[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Funerals (Page 1 of 2)
Posted: 8/3/2013 5:07:04 AM EDT
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So I recently attended a funeral (parent of family friend) and all of a sudden it hit me: The service seemed to be more about a marketing job for Jesus than an honoring of the deceased. The preacher-man spent more time telling us to come to Jesus than anything else.
This really rubbed me the wrong way, I'm not there to be preached at or shamed into changing my evil ways, I'm there out of honor and respect for the family friend and to support them in their time of grief. So, what say ye, Arfcom? Is there a place for preachiness at a funeral? And I'm not talking about incorporating religion into the service, I'm talking about he officiant really going off and treating the service as an opportunity for a sermon. |
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I would assume the message and tone has more to do with the person who died and their family's wishes than the preacher going rogue and inviting everyone to be born again.
If you were there to pay respect, just think that it was their way to express their concern for your salvation. That's a pretty loving message whether you like it or not. You have to respect that. I hope you understand what I'm trying to state here... |
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Full blown militant atheist here, I have attended 2 services in the past year. Show up, be respectful, pay respects, leave, and forget about it. A funeral service is not the time or place to judge differences of opinion. All I'll say from my observations is that I don't want those kinds of services for myself. Cremate me and do something cool with the ashes.
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Depends on the religious denomination of chuech it's part of. If it's at a funeral home then it depends on the religious denomination of the minister they brought in to do the job.
Southern Baptist or more evangelical, fundamentalist religions, yeah - the funeral is 10% the deceased and 90% Altar Call. Most liturgical religions (Catholic, Episcopal, Lutheran, Presbyterian) are more about the mass for the soul of the deceased and less about converting you. |
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I would assume the message and tone has more to do with the person who died and their family's wishes than the preacher going rogue and inviting everyone to be born again. If you were there to pay respect, just think that it was their way to express their concern for your salvation. That's a pretty loving message whether you like it or not. You have to respect that. I hope you understand what I'm trying to state here... Quoted:
I would assume the message and tone has more to do with the person who died and their family's wishes than the preacher going rogue and inviting everyone to be born again. If you were there to pay respect, just think that it was their way to express their concern for your salvation. That's a pretty loving message whether you like it or not. You have to respect that. I hope you understand what I'm trying to state here... Quoted:
Full blown militant atheist here, I have attended 2 services in the past year. Show up, be respectful, pay respects, leave, and forget about it. A funeral service is not the time or place to judge differences of opinion. All I'll say from my observations is that I don't want those kinds of services for myself. Cremate me and do something cool with the ashes. Good answers. Agreed. |
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So I recently attended a funeral (parent of family friend) and all of a sudden it hit me: The service seemed to be more about a marketing job for Jesus than an honoring of the deceased. The preacher-man spent more time telling us to come to Jesus than anything else. This really rubbed me the wrong way, I'm not there to be preached at or shamed into changing my evil ways, I'm there out of honor and respect for the family friend and to support them in their time of grief. So, what say ye, Arfcom? Is there a place for preachiness at a funeral? And I'm not talking about incorporating religion into the service, I'm talking about he officiant really going off and treating the service as an opportunity for a sermon. 1. It was the service the deceased chose. 2. For a LOT of Christians, it's not about them. The funeral is a "victory dance" due to what they believe Jesus did for them. they want it for you too. 3. My funeral will most likely sound like you described. It is in essence, my last opportunity to evangelize to those I care for. Don't like it, don't attend. |
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The funeral is for the relatives and friends of the deceased. A big part of that is the passing of their loved one from the physical world to the spiritual world. If you're attending a religious based funeral, religion is going to be a central theme of the service. If you're not religious, you'll have to sit through it on behalf of the others. |
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It depends on who is performing the service.
I attended three in a month at the beginning of summer. In one, the preacher went full Jesus. It was...kind of over the top. He was a hired gun, and did not even know the deceased. The other two were not so much. They knew the deceased, and kept it more personal. Much better services. |
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Don't get me wrong, I was nothing less than the quiet, supportive, respectful attendee. Just really rubbed me the wrong way. Unlike some, I just don't think it's appropriate to evangelize at a funeral. I'm a pastor. In virtually every funeral I've done, the family requested a gospel presentation. For the sake of family members who aren't Christians. |
| Not all preachers are the same. But the death of a Christian is the realization of the hope we have. There is only one source of hope for a follower of Christ and that is Christ Himself. There are different ways of proclaiming his hope, but the best thing a preacher can do is point people to this hope. That is the best comfort they can provide. |
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I'm a pastor. In virtually every funeral I've done, the family requested a gospel presentation. For the sake of family members who aren't Christians. Quoted:
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Don't get me wrong, I was nothing less than the quiet, supportive, respectful attendee. Just really rubbed me the wrong way. Unlike some, I just don't think it's appropriate to evangelize at a funeral. I'm a pastor. In virtually every funeral I've done, the family requested a gospel presentation. For the sake of family members who aren't Christians. +1 |
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So I recently attended a funeral (parent of family friend) and all of a sudden it hit me: The service seemed to be more about a marketing job for Jesus than an honoring of the deceased. The preacher-man spent more time telling us to come to Jesus than anything else. This really rubbed me the wrong way, I'm not there to be preached at or shamed into changing my evil ways, I'm there out of honor and respect for the family friend and to support them in their time of grief. So, what say ye, Arfcom? Is there a place for preachiness at a funeral? And I'm not talking about incorporating religion into the service, I'm talking about he officiant really going off and treating the service as an opportunity for a sermon. Suddenly |
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So I recently attended a funeral (parent of family friend) and all of a sudden it hit me: The service seemed to be more about a marketing job for Jesus than an honoring of the deceased. The preacher-man spent more time telling us to come to Jesus than anything else. This really rubbed me the wrong way, I'm not there to be preached at or shamed into changing my evil ways, I'm there out of honor and respect for the family friend and to support them in their time of grief. So, what say ye, Arfcom? Is there a place for preachiness at a funeral? And I'm not talking about incorporating religion into the service, I'm talking about he officiant really going off and treating the service as an opportunity for a sermon. From someone who works in the field, your analysis is spot on. Very few funerals are about the person, most of it is a sermon accompanied by the reading of survivors. |
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It depends on the denomination for the most part. I usually can tell you how long it will last depending on the denomination. Never miss it much.
I really don't like it when the preacher didn't know the deceased, called them by the wrong name, etc. But then if the deceased didn't attend a church or have any affiliation what should you expect? Funerals are for the survivors, be respectful and comforting. That should be your role there. |
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I attended the funeral of a distant family member a few year back , she was white and had married an Afro Caribbean , her son arranged the funeral and I have to say it was the best funeral I have ever been to, with bob Marley played at the grave side as we filled in the grave . very odd time for me but one I will always remember . |
| What OP says is true. My moms side of the family always uses the same priest, church, and funeral home. Though, IIRC, the last two funerals the viewing was kind of just mashed in with the funeral. My great aunt usually handles all the family arrangements.. She basically has the priest say what he needs to say for it to be proper. But, aside from that, it's just the normal crap involving the family and off to the cemetery. The old church and priest we'd used would make a spectacle of it, that got old very fast. |
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I couldn't care less if they kick my body into a ditch and throw a little dirt on me and laugh at my funeral as long as they glorify my Lord and savior Jesus Christ. It will be because of him that I'm in heaven rejoicing and not the least bit worried about what's going on down here on Earth.
Most Christians share this same sentiment OP. ETA: I find as I grow older that when something strikes a nerve in me, I'd better re-evaluate just exactly what my stance is on it. Whether non Christians want to believe it or not, there is such a thing as the Holy Spirit and conviction to salvation is the only communication he has with non believers. Now you know what that little lump inside is when you hear the gospel. You know, the one that makes you angry. |
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The dead man is dead, he needs no accolades, and if he was a Christian, he wants none.
I make no apologies for Christian funerals. I don't like the notion of hiring an evangelist to preach a funeral; I very firmly believe a close friend of the deceased should perform the service, if at all possible, but as a Christian it would anger me if the speaker did NOT press the point to the audience that 1) I am in Heaven, 2) I did not get there by my own merits or because of the nice things I may have done that the audience may remember fondly, and 3) I am there because Jesus died in my place under God's righteous, deserved wrath against sin, and as my corpse lays there rotting I am in heaven rejoicing at the sight of my Savior. Funerals are a captive audience, of sorts. If you are opposed to hearing this, rest assured, I will not be angry at you if you just drop by the visitation, comfort my loved ones with whatever words you have, then leave when the preaching starts. Or don't come at all; I am gone, and need no further comfort.  (But I'd love you to stay, because I'd like nothing more than for you to hear and receive the message.... )
On a related note, as a Christian nothing angers me more than hearing a preacher gloss over a person's sinful lifestyle and 'preach them into heaven' when everyone knows there were no signs of spiritual life in the person. I've heard preachers say things like 'XYZ is in heaven now so we all need to ask Jesus into our hearts so we can go to heaven and be with XYZ again'. That is blasphemy, and it sickens me, and if you pull a stunt like that at a funeral, we aren't friends. I *have* heard honest but sensitive funeral services performed by Christians when a non-Christian or nominally Christian person has died. It can be done honestly without being calloused. |
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Don't get me wrong, I was nothing less than the quiet, supportive, respectful attendee. Just really rubbed me the wrong way. Unlike some, I just don't think it's appropriate to evangelize at a funeral. Its what they do, they don't know how to talk about anything else 
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When my Grandmother passed away back in 2002, we had a similar experience. The pastor was a really nice guy, but he hit up everyone asking if they went to church and if not, he would love to see them there. He even hit up the funeral director as she was sitting with us before the service. It was kind of tacky and inappropriate, but we got a laugh about it afterwards.
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A Catholic funeral is supposed to be the SACRIFICE of the Mass offered for the deceased soul. The graces obtained by the offering of that Mass will benefit the dead sinner if he didn't die in the state of mortal sin.
We must assume he didn't, and leave it to God to judge him if he did. A Catholic priest is not to eulogize the deceased unduly in his sermon after the reading of the Gospel at the funeral Mass, although many do to comfort the family. This often becomes extremely embarrassing for those of us who knew that dead Bob was in fact a drunken puppy-molester, and not the fine upstanding family man the priest makes him out to be, even though he probably had never met him because Bob hadn't been in the Church in his life since he was baptized as an infant. But his family decided it was time to pay the pew rent when Old Bob started gacking... Disclaimer: There may be slight Doctrinal error in the above post. I'm tired. |
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It saddens me that y'all have had bad experiences at funerals.
I've been to too many over the past 10 years or so, it's just been that time for some elderly family to pass, and none of their services have been remotely inappropriate or evangelical. Their lives have been talked about, many laughs with the tears, their souls commended to Christ, sympathy extended to the family. I can't find anything offensive in that. |
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I don't go to funerals. Went to a couple as a kid. Viewed through the eyes of someone who hasn't been conditioned to the tradition, the whole thing seemed pretty weird and wrong. So, I don't go, now. When you think about it, the whole thing is weird. Your loved one dies, so we drain all of thier blood, replace it with chemicals, add red tint, all if which distorts their appearance, all for just for a few days, so they can then be buried in a fancy, expensive box. Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile |
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When you think about it, the whole thing is weird. Your loved one dies, so we drain all of thier blood, replace it with chemicals, add red tint, all if which distorts their appearance, all for just for a few days, so they can then be buried in a fancy, expensive box. Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile Quoted:
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I don't go to funerals. Went to a couple as a kid. Viewed through the eyes of someone who hasn't been conditioned to the tradition, the whole thing seemed pretty weird and wrong. So, I don't go, now. When you think about it, the whole thing is weird. Your loved one dies, so we drain all of thier blood, replace it with chemicals, add red tint, all if which distorts their appearance, all for just for a few days, so they can then be buried in a fancy, expensive box. Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile True. Just kick Moms corpse into a ditch and forget about it. |
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Being older I have gone to many funerals. Grandparents, aunts & uncles, brothers, father, friends.
Being a christian I appreciate services that point that Jesus is the door to the next life for believers. For my non christian friends and relatives, all I could do was sit and hope they had changed their minds about it before they died. Then pay my respect to the family. Preachers that do services for people they didn't know are generaly fairly boring and generic. I am ok with that. |
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True. Just kick Moms corpse into a ditch and forget about it. Quoted:
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I don't go to funerals. Went to a couple as a kid. Viewed through the eyes of someone who hasn't been conditioned to the tradition, the whole thing seemed pretty weird and wrong. So, I don't go, now. When you think about it, the whole thing is weird. Your loved one dies, so we drain all of thier blood, replace it with chemicals, add red tint, all if which distorts their appearance, all for just for a few days, so they can then be buried in a fancy, expensive box. Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile True. Just kick Moms corpse into a ditch and forget about it. Cremation is a lot better deal for everyone. |
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Funerals aren't for the dead. They are for the living.
Seeing the body of the deceased allows those that knew the deceased to fully accept that person's death as fact. Anything beyond that is culture and custom. So, just respect the culture and customs of the deceased and the family of the deceased as they are the ones who chose the type of service, funeral, wake or whatever you're attending. ETA: If you're not a believer or more of a deist, do what I do. Go to the viewing, see the body, offer condolences, offer any time you have to help the family with whatever they may need help with, and then leave. Obviously, this isn't doable in every circumstance, like when you're close to the family or asked to assist in the funeral itself, but you don't have to subject yourself to the proselytizing if you don't want to hear it. |
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it disturbs me more when the friends and family comfort themselves by saying the departed is in Heaven when the deceased proclaimed many times they didn't believe in an afterlife. I guess funerals where the speaker shows up and says if there is a Heaven this poor soul isn't there and then pisses on the grave saying don't worry just a box of useless bones here don't go over to well either.
To me I learned a long time ago, going to the funeral is a great support to the friends and family - that's the respect you pay to your honored lost - helping their friends and family get by and on with life. |
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My family is Southern Baptist. When my dad died, the ceremony was just right. We actually had 2 pastors. One that was more recent in their church and the other that had been the pastor and was still a very close friend. They said words of comfort from the bible, then people got up and talked about my dad. He had a lot of influence on some of the younger guys there. He was a very good man and it showed in the outpouring of love.
Great. Now I'm crying. Gotta go take a shower or something. |
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The last funeral I was at about 6months ago, was a cousin. His boys who are 35-25 yrs old drove his JD tractor to the church's front door and loaded
him up on a hay wagon which all his kids and grandkids set around the box and that is how he took his last ride to the grave site. About the coolest send off I've been too. |
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My family is Southern Baptist. When my dad died, the ceremony was just right. We actually had 2 pastors. One that was more recent in their church and the other that had been the pastor and was still a very close friend. They said words of comfort from the bible, then people got up and talked about my dad. He had a lot of influence on some of the younger guys there. He was a very good man and it showed in the outpouring of love. Great. Now I'm crying. Gotta go take a shower or something. Exactly. When our Mom passed in '06 we heard stories from people who'd known her that we never knew about. She was a psychiatric R.N. her entire career, the last 15 years or so in juvenile psych care. My sister and I would notice the things she'd buy before every holiday. Lots of food before Thanksgiving, things like bras, panties, t-shirts, underwear, toiletries, things like that before Christmas. She'd just say, "Oh, it's for work.." Even candy and cards and stuff before Valentine's Day. Many of her patients either had no family or were basically abandoned. No one gave them a thought at holidays, or their birthdays. Momma never told me or my sister that this was what she always bought all that stuff for. But at her funeral, and a couple weeks later at a memorial service, so many of her co-workers, nurses and Dr.'s and former patients said such kind words about what a difference those little acts of kindness made. And we never knew. |