[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Chili Rant (Page 1 of 4)
Posted: 3/18/2013 10:28:38 PM EDT
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You know what? This chili shit has been pissing me the fuck off. Normally I don't give a shit as I'll eat it both ways but holy motherfucking ballsack texas. What the fuck is wrong with you? The rest of the mother fucking goddamn world eats their fucking chili with motherfucking beans but you got to be the special fucking bastard child don't you? You are more wrong than two boys fucking in church. You are about as retarded as a fucking short neck giraffe. Fix your fucking self.
To the rest of the world I would like to apologize to you all for texas. They seem to think they know how to cook but we all know that diarrhea is better than that meat stew bullshit they attempt to pass off as chili. But it's our fucking state dish! NO THE FUCK IT AIN'T. There is one thing texas is known for worldwide and that's good motherfucking bbq. Ask any fucker on the face of this earth and they will tell you they would eat a bag of dicks for texas bbq. Fix your shit or I'm going to come over and open up the gates of hell and drag you screaming bastard cooks into the deepest blackest coldest depths of hell. done |
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Chili doesn't contain or incorporate beans. Beans can be, and often are, a side dish to a bowl of red. But there still ain't no beans in chili. There are beans in Chili With Beans... Do you even listen to yourself. There's chili. With beans means chili has been adulterated. Chili. That's it, just chili. Anything after that is doing it wrong. |
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Quoted:
You know what? This chili shit has been pissing me the fuck off. Normally I don't give a shit as I'll eat it both ways but holy motherfucking ballsack texas. What the fuck is wrong with you? The rest of the mother fucking goddamn world eats their fucking chili with motherfucking beans but you got to be the special fucking bastard child don't you? You are more wrong than two boys fucking in church. You are about as retarded as a fucking short neck giraffe. Fix your fucking self. To the rest of the world I would like to apologize to you all for texas. They seem to think they know how to cook but we all know that diarrhea is better than that meat stew bullshit they attempt to pass off as chili. But it's our fucking state dish! NO THE FUCK IT AIN'T. There is one thing texas is known for worldwide and that's good motherfucking bbq. Ask any fucker on the face of this earth and they will tell you they would eat a bag of dicks for texas bbq. Fix your shit or I'm going to come over and open up the gates of hell and drag you screaming bastard cooks into the deepest blackest coldest depths of hell. done Texas is not solely known for its BBQ. Other southern states have kick ass BBQ, too. It's our chili and brisket that rocks. |
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Quoted:
You know what? This chili shit has been pissing me the fuck off. Normally I don't give a shit as I'll eat it both ways but holy motherfucking ballsack texas. What the fuck is wrong with you? The rest of the mother fucking goddamn world eats their fucking chili with motherfucking beans but you got to be the special fucking bastard child don't you? You are more wrong than two boys fucking in church. You are about as retarded as a fucking short neck giraffe. Fix your fucking self. To the rest of the world I would like to apologize to you all for texas. They seem to think they know how to cook but we all know that diarrhea is better than that meat stew bullshit they attempt to pass off as chili. But it's our fucking state dish! NO THE FUCK IT AIN'T. There is one thing texas is known for worldwide and that's good motherfucking bbq. Ask any fucker on the face of this earth and they will tell you they would eat a bag of dicks for texas bbq. Fix your shit or I'm going to come over and open up the gates of hell and drag you screaming bastard cooks into the deepest blackest coldest depths of hell. done 
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Chili doesn't contain or incorporate beans. Beans can be, and often are, a side dish to a bowl of red. But there still ain't no beans in chili. There are beans in Chili With Beans... Do you even listen to yourself. There's chili. With beans means chili has been adulterated. Chili. That's it, just chili. Anything after that is doing it wrong. Nope, just because you don't like doesn't make it untrue. The rest of the country recognizes that there is Chili Without Beans and Chili With Beans. Sorry Texas, deal with it. |
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The below is a link to the fucking WORLD champion's chili recipe. I DARE you to find any beans in his shit.
World Champion Chili recipe 
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Nope, just because you don't like doesn't make it untrue. The rest of the country recognizes that there is Chili Without Beans and Chili With Beans. Sorry Texas, deal with it. When you order spaghetti, do you expect it to have meatballs? Or do you order spaghetti with meatballs? |
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Hey, if someone puts in the effort to make a pot of chili with beans and is nice enough to serve it to me, I'll eat it and enjoy it. It's just not really chili. I'm pretty sure Sheldon Cooper covered this pretty thoroughly. LOL! I need to find that youtube clip. 
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The below is a link to the fucking WORLD champion's chili recipe. I DARE you to find any beans in his shit. World Champion Chili recipe OP is silent as the grave. |
Every time some lead paint chip eating, short bus riding, window licker posts here about chili having beans reminds me of the ending scene of Goodfellas. Henry Hill is disgusted at his Federal Witness Protection location, stating he cannot get decent spaghetti, what they serve is egg noodles covered in ketchup. And he feels like a schmuck.  |
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You, sir, are my hero. |
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Quoted:
You know what? This chili shit has been pissing me the fuck off. Normally I don't give a shit as I'll eat it both ways but holy motherfucking ballsack texas. What the fuck is wrong with you? The rest of the mother fucking goddamn world eats their fucking chili with motherfucking beans but you got to be the special fucking bastard child don't you? You are more wrong than two boys fucking in church. You are about as retarded as a fucking short neck giraffe. Fix your fucking self. To the rest of the world I would like to apologize to you all for texas. They seem to think they know how to cook but we all know that diarrhea is better than that meat stew bullshit they attempt to pass off as chili. But it's our fucking state dish! NO THE FUCK IT AIN'T. There is one thing texas is known for worldwide and that's good motherfucking bbq. Ask any fucker on the face of this earth and they will tell you they would eat a bag of dicks for texas bbq. Fix your shit or I'm going to come over and open up the gates of hell and drag you screaming bastard cooks into the deepest blackest coldest depths of hell. done You talking about that dry ass sliced beef they sell down there in North Mexico? 
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Quoted:
You know what? This chili shit has been pissing me the fuck off. Normally I don't give a shit as I'll eat it both ways but holy motherfucking ballsack texas. What the fuck is wrong with you? The rest of the mother fucking goddamn world eats their fucking chili with motherfucking beans but you got to be the special fucking bastard child don't you? You are more wrong than two boys fucking in church. You are about as retarded as a fucking short neck giraffe. Fix your fucking self. To the rest of the world I would like to apologize to you all for texas. They seem to think they know how to cook but we all know that diarrhea is better than that meat stew bullshit they attempt to pass off as chili. But it's our fucking state dish! NO THE FUCK IT AIN'T. There is one thing texas is known for worldwide and that's good motherfucking bbq. Ask any fucker on the face of this earth and they will tell you they would eat a bag of dicks for texas bbq. Fix your shit or I'm going to come over and open up the gates of hell and drag you screaming bastard cooks into the deepest blackest coldest depths of hell. done 
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That's awesome! "Real chili has no beans in it, but you're from a foreign land, so your ignorance is forgiven." |
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Hell, I guess I missed that... Chili IS the OFFICIAL state dish of Texas. Because it originated here and we know what it is. And pecan pie is the OFFICIAL pie of Texas. Wanna guess why?
Those are actually codified as law here. That's how serious it's taken here. It's the law of the land. |
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Quoted: Hell, I guess I missed that... Chili IS the OFFICIAL state dish of Texas. Because it originated here and we know what it is. And pecan pie is the OFFICIAL pie of Texas. Wanna guess why? Those are actually codified as law here. That's how serious it's taken here. It's the law of the land. Yep. And pecan pie made from native pecans is beyond awesome. But those are a bitch to shell. Not nearly as bad as black walnuts. |