[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Divorce and Facebook question.... (Page 1 of 2)
Posted: 2/15/2013 2:45:55 AM EDT
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Here's the short of it. She asks for a divorce on Nov 30. Spent the rest of December, and most of January trying to get it worked out, but it isn't happening. She is done with me, so I check out on the middle of January. Then I catch wind that her family is expressing concerns for her safety a few weeks later because of my past(12 month deployment-OIF, , in addition to being a Marksmanship Instructor, and Army B4 graduate) WTF? Been with her for 20 years, and never did anything more than slap her on the ass like couples sometimes do. AT that point, I said screw it and cut every one of her family off of Facebook. Now they have nothing to read, and can maybe move on to bothering someone else.
She gets PISSED! Says its a huge slap in the face, and blew up at me yesterday. We have an agreeable divorce worked out right now and I want to keep it that way. Not to mention, I don't need her side keeping tabs on me with regards to where I am going, and who I am seeing. I am already seeing someone else at this point, and I think she knows it and may be why she is getting hot about it. So whats the FB protocol when going through a divorce. Did I do the right thing, or am I going to be on some watch list now? |
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Quoted:
Here's the short of it. She asks for a divorce on Nov 30. Spent the rest of December, and most of January trying to get it worked out, but it isn't happening. She is done with me, so I check out on the middle of January. Then I catch wind that her family is expressing concerns for her safety a few weeks later because of my past(12 month deployment-OIF, , in addition to being a Marksmanship Instructor, and Army B4 graduate) WTF? Been with her for 20 years, and never did anything more than slap her on the ass like couples sometimes do. AT that point, I said screw it and cut every one of her family off of Facebook. Now they have nothing to read, and can maybe move on to bothering someone else. She gets PISSED! Says its a huge slap in the face, and blew up at me yesterday. We have an agreeable divorce worked out right now and I want to keep it that way. Not to mention, I don't need her side keeping tabs on me with regards to where I am going, and who I am seeing. I am already seeing someone else at this point, and I think she knows it and may be why she is getting hot about it. So whats the FB protocol when going through a divorce. Did I do the right thing, or am I going to be on some watch list now? create a separate category for them, such as "acquaintances" Restrict the every loving shit out of what that category can see That or just ignore her complaints as her emotional state is no longer your concern. You're done with this marriage. Your responsibility to her ended. Get yourself squared away financially and talk to a good lawyer about asset protection. An agreeable divorce is like driving on black ice. Everything cool one minute, complete chaos the next. ETA: If you are like me and use FB to stay in touch with several distant friends/family, then just be mindful of what your post. Imagine your wife's pitbull lawyer reading it before you hit submit. |
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Quoted: The protocol is to get off Facebook completely until the divorce is final. Why? I deleted everyone connected to my ex, except one friend of mine who only get to see what I want them to see. Everything else is blocked to anyone that isn't a friend. I kept my FB up. Not arguing your intent or position, just curious as to why this is suggested.
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Quoted: Quoted: Here's the short of it. She asks for a divorce on Nov 30. Spent the rest of December, and most of January trying to get it worked out, but it isn't happening. She is done with me, so I check out on the middle of January. Then I catch wind that her family is expressing concerns for her safety a few weeks later because of my past(12 month deployment-OIF, , in addition to being a Marksmanship Instructor, and Army B4 graduate) WTF? Been with her for 20 years, and never did anything more than slap her on the ass like couples sometimes do. AT that point, I said screw it and cut every one of her family off of Facebook. Now they have nothing to read, and can maybe move on to bothering someone else. She gets PISSED! Says its a huge slap in the face, and blew up at me yesterday. We have an agreeable divorce worked out right now and I want to keep it that way. Not to mention, I don't need her side keeping tabs on me with regards to where I am going, and who I am seeing. I am already seeing someone else at this point, and I think she knows it and may be why she is getting hot about it. So whats the FB protocol when going through a divorce. Did I do the right thing, or am I going to be on some watch list now? create a separate category for them, such as "acquaintances" Restrict the every loving shit out of what that category can see That or just ignore her complaints as her emotional state is no longer your concern. You're done with this marriage. Your responsibility to her ended. Get yourself squared away financially and talk to a good lawyer about asset protection. An agreeable divorce is like driving on black ice. Everything cool one minute, complete chaos the next. You might want to post a how to for that. I found it a PITA to figure out. |
| Stay off the facebook and ALL social media till the divorce is finalized -- dont load her laywers gun for him. One of the first place my wife goes to research wives/husbands business partners,employees, potential media "poster children" in domestic cases,business cases etc is social media these days. You'd be surprised what she turns up on people who KNOW that they are involved in a divorce/lawsuit/interview process. |
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Here's the short of it. She asks for a divorce on Nov 30. Spent the rest of December, and most of January trying to get it worked out, but it isn't happening. She is done with me, so I check out on the middle of January. Then I catch wind that her family is expressing concerns for her safety a few weeks later because of my past(12 month deployment-OIF, , in addition to being a Marksmanship Instructor, and Army B4 graduate) WTF? Been with her for 20 years, and never did anything more than slap her on the ass like couples sometimes do. AT that point, I said screw it and cut every one of her family off of Facebook. Now they have nothing to read, and can maybe move on to bothering someone else. She gets PISSED! Says its a huge slap in the face, and blew up at me yesterday. We have an agreeable divorce worked out right now and I want to keep it that way. Not to mention, I don't need her side keeping tabs on me with regards to where I am going, and who I am seeing. I am already seeing someone else at this point, and I think she knows it and may be why she is getting hot about it. So whats the FB protocol when going through a divorce. Did I do the right thing, or am I going to be on some watch list now? create a separate category for them, such as "acquaintances" Restrict the every loving shit out of what that category can see That or just ignore her complaints as her emotional state is no longer your concern. You're done with this marriage. Your responsibility to her ended. Get yourself squared away financially and talk to a good lawyer about asset protection. An agreeable divorce is like driving on black ice. Everything cool one minute, complete chaos the next. You might want to post a how to for that. I found it a PITA to figure out. fixing to walk out for work but will see if I can during lunch today. It's not that straightforward but completely worth the time. I have categories for true friends, family, coworkers, and my "acquaintances" group that is basically a dead end other than just padding their Friend count |
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The protocol is to get off Facebook completely until the divorce is final. Why? I deleted everyone connected to my ex, except one friend of mine who only get to see what I want them to see. Everything else is blocked to anyone that isn't a friend. I kept my FB up. Not arguing your intent or position, just curious as to why this is suggested. You do know divorce lawyers can suponea that shit right ?? Doesn't need your permission to see it, just a court order.. |
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The protocol is to get off Facebook completely until the divorce is final. Why? I deleted everyone connected to my ex, except one friend of mine who only get to see what I want them to see. Everything else is blocked to anyone that isn't a friend. I kept my FB up. Not arguing your intent or position, just curious as to why this is suggested. Because a divorce lawyer can still subpoena and get the contents of your "private" Facebook page. And even if you think things are going smoothly during the divorce process there is a good chance they are not. OP's post is a perfect example. People (women and men) do crazy shit. |
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Why do you even care what she says or thinks at this point?
Also, stay off of facebook, at least until the divorce is final!!! That's more than likely at the heart of why you're getting divorced in the first place. It won't matter that much if you block her or her family, they'll still find a way to see your page, ie; previous mutual friend, false identity, etc. |
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Her lawyer can subpena all computer records, FB included.
Anything you post on there could be construed to their agenda or used against you. (Including this thread.) Just like your formal weapons training makes you a danger to her according to her family. Scorch earth is best bet when a divorce is eminent. It is only amicable until she does not get something she wants. Close all banking account and open new ones. Only in your name at a different bank ASAP if you have not already done so. Make sure you have a very very very good lawyer. Even if you never use them, because the moment you need one. You don't want to have to grab one on hand. It is never a problem if you already have a plan. Plan ahead so you don't have |
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Fuck Facebook,damn that site causes more fucking problems than any other in history! While I hate Facebook too, it is the people who use it that create the problems you speak of just like it's the person with criminal intent, that is responsible for the crime, not the firearm they used. OP, it sounds like your soon to be Ex has her priorities all backwards, you did fine, carry on. Also, take the advice yoy will see here and take every precaution to ensure that you come out on the other side of this intact. |
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I would disappear from anything on the .net including arfcom if she knows you are a member. Once it is out there it is beyond your control who sees it. You would be surprised what we get on people for job screening searches. Best to lay really low until everything is final and then be really careful. She could royally fuck you if she or her family decide that a restraining order is needed. A couple of rants on the net that could make you look "extreme" or "unstable" would not bode well for you even if they are a couple of years ago.
Not to mention if any bumps along the way before the divorce is final and she starts thinking about the value of your guns, etc. good luck |
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Fuck Facebook,damn that site causes more fucking problems than any other in history! I guess if your friends suck and you don't know how to behave you might be right. Seems to be a lot of people that fall in that trap. OP: That sucks. From your story it doesn't sound like you and her or her family plan to share lives together so you did the right thing. Sage advice about the info you may be inclined to post...be careful. FB really isn't bad, but then I've never had to deal with malicious "friends". |
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Stay off of facebook til the divorce is final This. Divorce lawyers love using FB as a weapon. Don't even go to "private posts" only - if she's that furious about what you do on FB she might try to find out from friends what you've been saying etc. And change your password & your password recovery words too. |
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Stay off of facebook til the divorce is final This. Divorce lawyers love using FB as a weapon. Don't even go to "private posts" only - if she's that furious about what you do on FB she might try to find out from friends what you've been saying etc. And change your password & your password recovery words too. Court order can get just about anything, even if it's deleted. |
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The protocol is to get off Facebook completely until the divorce is final. First two posts nails it. I'd like to add you should keep your dick it your pants until the divorce is final to. Not for any moral reason but you don't want it brought up in court. Who you a fucking isn't supposed to matter in most states anymore but it can certainly color the judge"s opinion of you. ETA: I'd also restrict or stop posting here and on other forums to. |
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Quoted: for fucking real. this is tought in man college. ANYTIME the big D lingers its ugly head, you sell your shit to a "friend" .. fucking do it, not questions asked, Quoted: Stay the fuck off of facebook til the divorce is final... for fuck's sake do you really need to be told this ??? "sell" all your guns to your best friend. Right fucking now next delete your facebook page completely . you dont realize the 7 degrees (more like 3 degrees) of separation you may have deleted all her family, but someone, somewhere that is still frieds with you, is friends with her or her family more. regardless of what you think, that is 100% fact. DELETE YO' SHIT BRO take this seriously. her cunt bag of a family wants nothing more in the world than evidence that your being a douche to use against you |
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You have 2 options:
Stay off Facebook for a while (there's nothing to keep tabs about if you don't post anything - really, do you have to post pictures of every minute of your life?) If they're still snooping at the shit you've already got on there, you don't have to block them; rather, make a new group of restricted friends. I have all of my distant family (the annoying ones) and mutual friends of my ex (we never married, but dated for 7 years) on the "restricted" group so they can't see any posts but they can still message me if they want. With these, you don't have to block them and make it look like they're blocked, but you can restrict what they see. |
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Here's the short of it. She asks for a divorce on Nov 30. Spent the rest of December, and most of January trying to get it worked out, but it isn't happening. She is done with me, so I check out on the middle of January. Then I catch wind that her family is expressing concerns for her safety a few weeks later because of my past(12 month deployment-OIF, , in addition to being a Marksmanship Instructor, and Army B4 graduate) WTF? Been with her for 20 years, and never did anything more than slap her on the ass like couples sometimes do. AT that point, I said screw it and cut every one of her family off of Facebook. Now they have nothing to read, and can maybe move on to bothering someone else. She gets PISSED! Says its a huge slap in the face, and blew up at me yesterday. We have an agreeable divorce worked out right now and I want to keep it that way. Not to mention, I don't need her side keeping tabs on me with regards to where I am going, and who I am seeing. I am already seeing someone else at this point, and I think she knows it and may be why she is getting hot about it. So whats the FB protocol when going through a divorce. Did I do the right thing, or am I going to be on some watch list now? Bitches be crazy, Facebook makes it worse. |
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Here's the short of it. She asks for a divorce on Nov 30. Spent the rest of December, and most of January trying to get it worked out, but it isn't happening. She is done with me, so I check out on the middle of January. Then I catch wind that her family is expressing concerns for her safety a few weeks later because of my past(12 month deployment-OIF, , in addition to being a Marksmanship Instructor, and Army B4 graduate) WTF? Been with her for 20 years, and never did anything more than slap her on the ass like couples sometimes do. AT that point, I said screw it and cut every one of her family off of Facebook. Now they have nothing to read, and can maybe move on to bothering someone else. She gets PISSED! Says its a huge slap in the face, and blew up at me yesterday. We have an agreeable divorce worked out right now and I want to keep it that way. Not to mention, I don't need her side keeping tabs on me with regards to where I am going, and who I am seeing. I am already seeing someone else at this point, and I think she knows it and may be why she is getting hot about it. So whats the FB protocol when going through a divorce. Did I do the right thing, or am I going to be on some watch list now? Wow another adult thats on facebook with a fucked up life, How shocking |
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Unless you are being a total dick and making threats and such on FB, the worst that can happen is probably simply adding much unneeded drama in your life. Iowa at least is a "no fault" state, and the courts have pretty specific guidelines to follow regarding property division, child support, etc. Opinions, mean words and the general nastiness that comes with the territory thru divorce won't change a thing, except as i said, perhaps making enemies out of family friends and creating a viscous cycle of hate to deal with daily.
Saying bad words and making the other person file a "mean person report" on you won't make you loose your Hummer any more, or any less. j/s, chill the fuck out people... |
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Quoted: Not to mention, I don't need her side keeping tabs on me with regards to where I am going, and who I am seeing. I am already seeing someone else at this point, and I think she knows it and may be why she is getting hot about it. Twenty years of marriage and you already have someone serious that you are seeing a matter of months? Tells me you have been checked out of the marriage for a long time prior to this. No wonder she is pissed at you. You seem to have a history of making stupid mistakes, like seeing someone else before the divorce is final, so there is nothing here that will help you. Hopefully her family doesn't get her to change from an agreeable divorce to a spiteful one where she files a restraining order against you, due to the PTSD that they will make up, you lose your guns and everything else. Nailing another girl before the divorce is over is a sure fire way to make that happen. Enjoy whatever mess you create for yourself.
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fixing to walk out for work but will see if I can during lunch today. It's not that straightforward but completely worth the time. I have categories for true friends, family, coworkers, and my "acquaintances" group that is basically a dead end other than just padding their Friend count Cool, I'd do it, but it was quite awhile back and I've totally forgot how I did it. |
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The protocol is to get off Facebook completely until the divorce is final. Why? I deleted everyone connected to my ex, except one friend of mine who only get to see what I want them to see. Everything else is blocked to anyone that isn't a friend. I kept my FB up. Not arguing your intent or position, just curious as to why this is suggested. You do know divorce lawyers can suponea that shit right ?? Doesn't need your permission to see it, just a court order.. Gotcha, didn't have to deal with that shit, just signed a paper. Good advice. |
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Court order can get just about anything, even if it's deleted. That too. Although it'll be easier for her to just get buddies to screen-grab and forward the pictures. that can set up the precedent for needing a court order to begin with. So even with "restricted friends" you can get your stuff subpoenaed so... it's best to have them get the court order and see, "O it's blank. How boring! We can't use this against him!" Anyone you really want to stay in touch will will understand and give you other less dramatic options. Like going to the bar or going fishing etc. but that's also why i say to change the password & password recovery words - so she can't snoop on her own, or post stuff to make him look bad etc. (especially the recovery word - partners always know the answers to those ... so just make something up that you won't forget) |
| My brother's going through a divorce right now and his soon-be-ex went full retard on facebook. That helped him secure a restraining order against her. She can't have any contact with anyone in our family now. She's one facebook comment away from violating the restaining order, we're just sitting back waiting for the show to start again. We all know she's unable to contain her stupidity for too long. |
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The protocol is to get off Facebook completely until the divorce is final. Why? I deleted everyone connected to my ex, except one friend of mine who only get to see what I want them to see. Everything else is blocked to anyone that isn't a friend. I kept my FB up. Not arguing your intent or position, just curious as to why this is suggested. Because it's a record that can be used against you. Because no good can come from it. Because a lot of bad can come from it. Because you've already said it is complicating things with your ex during the divorce. Why even risk it? Why risk someone posting something that puts you in a bad light? You can live a couple weeks without FB. Seriously, WTF is with people and Facebook? I get it, it's nice to keep up with people. But some people live on that fucking thing and can't stay off it for 5 minutes, even if they are in the middle of a divorce and it is complicating things. 
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lol @ all the Facebook hate. I do second whoever posted about you already seeing someone 1.5mo after you stopped trying to make it work, 2 months after she dropped the bomb on you... I was seeing someone for only 6 years and some 6mo later I'm only now to the point that I could start seeing someone. |
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Like others have suggested, I would "sell" all of your firearms to a close friend for safekeeping. I've read too many stories of people going through a divorce, wife is mad, says she is "afraid" of her husband, police show up, confiscate the firearms until you are declared BY THEM to not be a threat.
And stay off Facebook until the divorce is finalized. |
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Stay the fuck off of facebook til the divorce is final... for fuck's sake do you really need to be told this ??? This. I stayed of fb and was very nice to my ex until paperwork was signed. After that, all bets are off. I did block most of her family and friends after the divorce was final. |
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lol @ all the Facebook hate. I do second whoever posted about you already seeing someone 1.5mo after you stopped trying to make it work, 2 months after she dropped the bomb on you... I was seeing someone for only 6 years and some 6mo later I'm only now to the point that I could start seeing someone. I have no hate on facebook. It's just an useless item to me. I don't need to update my status every 20 seconds or even before when I updated maybe once every 4 months. I really don't want to keep in touch with family/friends. The ones I do I'll text. 
However, there are people that can't help but open their mouths and put themselves in jail or create some sort of drama. They have to get it on. They're compelled for whatever reason and now they can shotgun it to all their "friends." Guess what? I don't care. So I just deleted it after having an account since it first got spread to other colleges. Easy. 
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Facebook used in 90 percent of divorce cases
St. Petersburg, Florida - A St. Petersburg attorney says Facebook and social media are used in 90 percent of her divorce cases.
"You get a little bit of everything that happens on Facebook," said Carin Constantine. "Everything from clients coming in with pictures of the opposing party doing a keg stand with high schoolers... to teenagers drinking alcohol served by a parent... to a picture of a husband at a nightclub dancing with a babysitter." She also says she uses Google Images to snoop for deleted FB pictures and evidence to use. And even if you're only posting to specific friends - THEY might not have their privacy settings set up properly, thus allowing backdoor access to what you post, etc. So, if they find something they can use against you .... all they gotta do is print it up and attach it to the legal documents. |