Posted: 5/24/2012 6:51:32 PM EDT
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What is your definition of success?
At age 20, I decided I wanted to be a professional musician... Actually, rock star would be the better term. I wanted to roll around on a bus with my bandmates, kick ass in towns all over and get paid for it. I had a good run. Lots of regional and East Coast tours, one of my bands played some pretty high profile gigs and made a decent dent in the regional scene. Sponsored by Jager, small label interest. Still, in the midst of it all I kept a day job, that turned into a very nicely paying engineering gig. Finally, about 4 years ago at age 32, I cycled bands farther down in the priorities chain, ended up marrying a beautiful girl, now have a nice house, enough money to do whatever I want most of the time, have devoted most of my free time to the gym and getting huge, have a growing gun collection, and make a healthy dose of money on the side running sound for bands (A partner and I have a huge mobile rig and LLC). I'm pretty damned happy overall. Still playing, still writing original material with a heavy band, it's just a 3 practices a month, one show every 3 months sort of deal. Not the focal point of life. Today I log on to failbook and my friend Ryan, whose old bands slummed around with mine in the local cesspool for years, looks like he's about to break the big time. His band is getting promo'ed by Playboy, they're touring with huge names, just signed to a good label, have shows on Rockstar Uproar this year, and have major management and promo connections in the biz. The 'real' biz, not the midlevel pay-for-services type outfits. Mind you, last time I saw him, four years ago, he was in a shitty cover band and said 'I am about to just give up entirely'. So four years ago we both stood in the same spot, something made him choose 'fuck it' and throw himself all in, rounded up a couple of great musicians and set out to make it happen, and it is. They sold out a bit to make it happen... It's not the same metal band that used to tour alongside mine, but it's legit. I'm suspecting they'll be a household name inside of 6 months. Four years ago, we were in the same spot, he moved forward toward the dream and I laid it down. I feel like a heel, I've got a great life. I love what I do day in and day out. I'm blessed with a great life and an awesome wife. Yet somehow, as happy as I am for him, I'm unhappy because I feel like a failure, because I'm not living in vans and hotel rooms and playing a different city every night. 
What's your definition of success? What's your definition of failure? Is it possible to be succeeding, while failing? That's what it feels like. |
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Happiness is the true measure of success. It is not what you have or who you are, more of what you are. I feel like I'm both. Like I'm thrilled to be where I am, but the kid in me still pines for that. Or like there wasn't enough time for both. I wish I had a parallel life. If I was on the other side I'd probably be pining for normality. |
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A lot less hazards on the road you have chosen. The game you were in was a young mans game. Enjoy what you did in your youth and be proud of it. Simple things in life and all that.  Oh the brain knows you're right. The balls and heart just get all wonky when something like this reminds me of that old fire. I'm probably better off... I'd end up a Behind The Music OD or something. |
| I think your more successful then he is. at the end of the day if you were flat broke not a penny to your name and you were no one you will still have your wife and family with you. if your friend really makes it big and if he loses it all who will be there for him? because at the end of he day when the chips are down the only thing that really matters is family. I believe that the true success in life is to surround yourself with people who love you in one way shape or form. because thats what matters. at a certain point it seems like the more money you have the bigger problems you have. Plus sounds like you have enough money to live comfortably. and forget living in motels it blows im on the road alot live in motels most of the time. and i would rather be at home. |
| I am not a musician. Can't play a note or sing worth a damn. But even I know alot of the music business is luck. You have succeded in a business based on ability. Somtimes dreams are just that. Not that we don't wish they had come true but it doesn't diminish your accomplishments or who you are because they didn't. Failure? I think not. |
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I think your more successful then he is. at the end of the day if you were flat broke not a penny to your name and you were no one you will still have your wife and family with you. if your friend really makes it big and if he loses it all who will be there for him? because at the end of he day when the chips are down the only thing that really matters is family. I believe that the true success in life is to surround yourself with people who love you in one way shape or form. because thats what matters. at a certain point it seems like the more money you have the bigger problems you have. Plus sounds like you have enough money to live comfortably. and forget living in motels it blows im on the road alot live in motels most of the time. and i would rather be at home. Yeah, that's for sure, I took the safe route. I mean, I beat the dream to death for 12 years. It's not like I caved lightly... But at 32 it starts to sink in, you're too old to be marketable unless a stroke of major luck comes along. As mentioned above, it's a large amount of luck. And it's very much an 'all or nothing' sort of business. You're huge, or you're starving. There's no middle class musicians. I guess it's just that *sigh* tacit admission that I'm growing up, and getting old, that's killing me. |
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You are not happy. The good news is, not ,any of us are. I want to race cars, but the cost to fix them and maintain them trumps wanting to retire as soon as my kids hit college, or at least have the option too. It sucks because you think you want or could be doing something that your heart pulls you to, but your better judgement says "your small fixes are good enough", but you want to blow it up and be a rock star/race car driver/cowboy.
Go hit the range or buy a ferrari if it's in your budget |
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OP, you sound like a success to me. You have a great job, awesome wife, and have things together. You are a successful adult.
I've accomplished absolutely NOTHING that I had set out to do as a youth. I dislike my job in air conditioning, I do it because I need a job. I only got into it because a friend talked me into it, as I had no other direction to go. I was a legal assistant before that, and I just fell into that line of work, but got bored after some years. I was supposed to be career military, like the rest of my family, but that was derailed by a stupid decision I made as a teenager. So I feel like I've missed my true calling, and now must make do with what I have. I make $21/hr., lucky to get 40hrs a week, sometimes. My "wife" and I aren't married because she doesn't believe in it. She thinks its submitting to a man. And she wouldn't take my last name anyhow because her dad is a god, and she must carry his name forever. Our house is in her name because she has very good credit and makes MUCH more than I do because she an Associates, a Bachelors, and an MBA. So she's the boss. We've been together 16 years. Thats only part of the story.......how do you feel now? |
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I think your more successful then he is. at the end of the day if you were flat broke not a penny to your name and you were no one you will still have your wife and family with you. if your friend really makes it big and if he loses it all who will be there for him? because at the end of he day when the chips are down the only thing that really matters is family. I believe that the true success in life is to surround yourself with people who love you in one way shape or form. because thats what matters. at a certain point it seems like the more money you have the bigger problems you have. Plus sounds like you have enough money to live comfortably. and forget living in motels it blows im on the road alot live in motels most of the time. and i would rather be at home. Yeah, that's for sure, I took the safe route. I mean, I beat the dream to death for 12 years. It's not like I caved lightly... But at 32 it starts to sink in, you're too old to be marketable unless a stroke of major luck comes along. As mentioned above, it's a large amount of luck. And it's very much an 'all or nothing' sort of business. You're huge, or you're starving. There's no middle class musicians. I guess it's just that *sigh* tacit admission that I'm growing up, and getting old, that's killing me. Old.  I'm 12 years older than you. No wife. Apartment. Decent, if boring job. But you know what? I am a success. I ain't dead and I ain't in jail and I didn't have to hurt anybody to get what I got. I am proud of these accomplishments. Other people might say so what, but I don't have to prove anything to anyone but myself.
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OP, you sound like a success to me. You have a great job, awesome wife, and have things together. You are a successful adult. I've accomplished absolutely NOTHING that I had set out to do as a youth. I dislike my job in air conditioning, I do it because I need a job. I only got into it because a friend talked me into it, as I had no other direction to go. I was a legal assistant before that, and I just fell into that line of work, but got bored after some years. I was supposed to be career military, like the rest of my family, but that was derailed by a stupid decision I made as a teenager. So I feel like I've missed my true calling, and now must make do with what I have. I make $21/hr., lucky to get 40hrs a week, sometimes. My "wife" and I aren't married because she doesn't believe in it. She thinks its submitting to a man. And she wouldn't take my last name anyhow because her dad is a god, and she must carry his name forever. Our house is in her name because she has very good credit and makes MUCH more than I do because she an Associates, a Bachelors, and an MBA. So she's the boss. We've been together 16 years. Thats only part of the story.......how do you feel now? Better, and worse for bitching. Sorry bro. :( |
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I think your more successful then he is. at the end of the day if you were flat broke not a penny to your name and you were no one you will still have your wife and family with you. if your friend really makes it big and if he loses it all who will be there for him? because at the end of he day when the chips are down the only thing that really matters is family. I believe that the true success in life is to surround yourself with people who love you in one way shape or form. because thats what matters. at a certain point it seems like the more money you have the bigger problems you have. Plus sounds like you have enough money to live comfortably. and forget living in motels it blows im on the road alot live in motels most of the time. and i would rather be at home. Yeah, that's for sure, I took the safe route. I mean, I beat the dream to death for 12 years. It's not like I caved lightly... But at 32 it starts to sink in, you're too old to be marketable unless a stroke of major luck comes along. As mentioned above, it's a large amount of luck. And it's very much an 'all or nothing' sort of business. You're huge, or you're starving. There's no middle class musicians. I guess it's just that *sigh* tacit admission that I'm growing up, and getting old, that's killing me. Old. I'm 12 years older than you. No wife. Apartment. Decent, if boring job. But you know what? I am a success. I ain't dead and I ain't in jail and I didn't have to hurt anybody to get what I got. I am proud of these accomplishments. Other people might say so what, but I don't have to prove anything to anyone but myself.I'm 36 now, that was 4 years ago that I made that call. But not necessarily old in the grand scheme of things, but WAY old for the music industry to be 'making it'. The only guys in their 30's typically playing are the ones that got there in their early 20's. |
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This is comin from a guy who hates drama but was in a band for about 3 years that did play around the local scene a lot and even got a couple gigs opening for some household name bands.
You are a success not failure. You have admitted you're happy. Seems to be its rare to hear about a band that ends up being continually successful without some type of major drama or major issues that cause great pain to the people involved. From my point of view it seems you are way better off with your admittedly happy life than someplace that you thought might be great. |
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OP, you sound like a success to me. You have a great job, awesome wife, and have things together. You are a successful adult. I've accomplished absolutely NOTHING that I had set out to do as a youth. I dislike my job in air conditioning, I do it because I need a job. I only got into it because a friend talked me into it, as I had no other direction to go. I was a legal assistant before that, and I just fell into that line of work, but got bored after some years. I was supposed to be career military, like the rest of my family, but that was derailed by a stupid decision I made as a teenager. So I feel like I've missed my true calling, and now must make do with what I have. I make $21/hr., lucky to get 40hrs a week, sometimes. My "wife" and I aren't married because she doesn't believe in it. She thinks its submitting to a man. And she wouldn't take my last name anyhow because her dad is a god, and she must carry his name forever. Our house is in her name because she has very good credit and makes MUCH more than I do because she an Associates, a Bachelors, and an MBA. So she's the boss. We've been together 16 years. Thats only part of the story.......how do you feel now? Better, and worse for bitching. Sorry bro. :( Shit happens, bro!
It is what it is. I"ve been told many times, theres always somebody in a worse spot than you, that usually picks me right back up. Your wife is very beautiful, and you have a great job. Look back at the past with nostalgia, smile, and enjoy your sucess!
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Quoted: http://a1.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/546396_4040905541433_1245643844_4993878_1607457076_n.jpg http://a7.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/s720x720/396518_3128809342894_1344518709_3380340_1376776299_n.jpg http://sphotos.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/s720x720/309103_2518473604882_1344518709_3027575_955395523_n.jpg http://a5.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/s720x720/556592_3743900599791_1344518709_3639563_436708245_n.jpg IDK if facebook linkies will work. But I'll play along on the 'need pics' this time. you sir are............WINNING!  |
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Success IMO is: Get right with God. Solid, respectable relationships with women. Treat them with respect, but don't be a floor mat. Be a good Dad if you've got kids; set a good example for your children. Support them and help them through their mistakes. Reasonably happy and content with work / career. Put in a full effort whatever your job is. Be a CONTRIBUTOR to society, pay your share of taxes. Stay physically fit. Not necessarily Ironman fit. But keep yourelf active and out of the hospital. Try to improve yourself a little bit every day. Don't be petty. Always take the high road. Bottom line: YOU are responsible for YOU. If you don't like the track you are on- YOU can make the necessary changes to get on RIGHT track. 4073 |
| I'm a professional photographer. I regret it sometimes because I no longer enjoy doing it. It has become a job. I don't know you, but you may be lucky you didn't pursue the music. If you knew that you could be famous, single and hate music would you still want the famous? |
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Quoted: What is your definition of success? At age 20, I decided I wanted to be a professional musician... Actually, rock star would be the better term. I wanted to roll around on a bus with my bandmates, kick ass in towns all over and get paid for it. I had a good run. Lots of regional and East Coast tours, one of my bands played some pretty high profile gigs and made a decent dent in the regional scene. Sponsored by Jager, small label interest. Still, in the midst of it all I kept a day job, that turned into a very nicely paying engineering gig. Finally, about 4 years ago at age 32, I cycled bands farther down in the priorities chain, ended up marrying a beautiful girl, now have a nice house, enough money to do whatever I want most of the time, have devoted most of my free time to the gym and getting huge, have a growing gun collection, and make a healthy dose of money on the side running sound for bands (A partner and I have a huge mobile rig and LLC). I'm pretty damned happy overall. Still playing, still writing original material with a heavy band, it's just a 3 practices a month, one show every 3 months sort of deal. Not the focal point of life. Today I log on to failbook and my friend Ryan, whose old bands slummed around with mine in the local cesspool for years, looks like he's about to break the big time. His band is getting promo'ed by Playboy, they're touring with huge names, just signed to a good label, have shows on Rockstar Uproar this year, and have major management and promo connections in the biz. The 'real' biz, not the midlevel pay-for-services type outfits. Mind you, last time I saw him, four years ago, he was in a shitty cover band and said 'I am about to just give up entirely'. So four years ago we both stood in the same spot, something made him choose 'fuck it' and throw himself all in, rounded up a couple of great musicians and set out to make it happen, and it is. They sold out a bit to make it happen... It's not the same metal band that used to tour alongside mine, but it's legit. I'm suspecting they'll be a household name inside of 6 months. Four years ago, we were in the same spot, he moved forward toward the dream and I laid it down. I feel like a heel, I've got a great life. I love what I do day in and day out. I'm blessed with a great life and an awesome wife. Yet somehow, as happy as I am for him, I'm unhappy because I feel like a failure, because I'm not living in vans and hotel rooms and playing a different city every night. What's your definition of success? What's your definition of failure? Is it possible to be succeeding, while failing? That's what it feels like. For every Ryan who "might" make it how many musicians are deep fryer operators? A lot. The only "middle class" musicians I see are the guys who make music for the video games I work on and they are bound by the audio directors and even there for every sfx and music guy there's 3 in QA who listen to sound on game for a whole day then go home. IMHO you're doing good keep music as a passion. |
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I'm a professional photographer. I regret it sometimes because I no longer enjoy doing it. It has become a job. I don't know you, but you may be lucky you didn't pursue the music. If you knew that you could be famous, single and hate music would you still want the famous? I sometimes wonder that myself. Had a family friend that was artistic, got into doing stained glass windows in the '70s as art. Did very well, got featured in idk how many magazines and even made a bit of an impact as far as pop culture. Turned it into a very lucrative career restoring church windows and doing custom work for people with $$$. Ended up hating it. Got into computers and robotics as a hobby, started making a name for himself locally as 'the computer guy', turned it into a very lucrative career servicing all the local industry and doing custom gaming systems for people with $$$. Ended up hating it. Last I knew he was about batshit crazy and looking for any sort of release. But it sort of follows your point. I guess somewhere there's a porn star that wakes up and says to himself, 'Man, I do NOT want to go to work today, this sucks'. So I'd imagine the music biz has plenty of that fallout as well. |
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I'm a professional photographer. I regret it sometimes because I no longer enjoy doing it. It has become a job. I don't know you, but you may be lucky you didn't pursue the music. If you knew that you could be famous, single and hate music would you still want the famous? I sometimes wonder that myself. Had a family friend that was artistic, got into doing stained glass windows in the '70s as art. Did very well, got featured in idk how many magazines and even made a bit of an impact as far as pop culture. Turned it into a very lucrative career restoring church windows and doing custom work for people with $$$. Ended up hating it. Got into computers and robotics as a hobby, started making a name for himself locally as 'the computer guy', turned it into a very lucrative career servicing all the local industry and doing custom gaming systems for people with $$$. Ended up hating it. Last I knew he was about batshit crazy and looking for any sort of release. But it sort of follows your point. I guess somewhere there's a porn star that wakes up and says to himself, 'Man, I do NOT want to go to work today, this sucks'. So I'd imagine the music biz has plenty of that fallout as well. I have had 2 jobs that 99% of arfcom would kill for. First was in flight test, flying in the back seat of f15's and f16's on a major Air Force fighter program. Second, my current gig, is photographing the second largest collection of small arms in the world. I'm currently thinking of a career change to being a butcher. IMHO, I think circumstances worked out quite well for you. My problem is, I'm not qualified to be anything but a photographer. |
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The entertainment business is one of the hardest , if not the hardest , in which to rise to the top. Especially the music industry. Many talented people outthere. But only a small % actually hit the big time. Professional sports is the same way.
If you gave it your best shot, then don't feel to bad. Just enjoy what you do. Who knows?, you may hit it one day. GD. |
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if you want to measure success, measure it by your life and your life only (it's the only one that should matter to you). Remember Robert Downey Jr is Iron Man & Sherlock Holmes but in prison he was hanging onto Teabags pocket - Is Robert Downey Jr successful? Good parallel. |
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No 'one path' in your life is going to lead to happiness while all of the others lead to ruin. Time, at least for us right now, is unidirectional. Learn from your mistakes but don't dwell. Basically, you can't affect the past, so until you can, view it as lessons learned, not possible 'what ifs'.
Regret is the brain's long-term manifestation of doubt. Live your life with confidence. If you are truly happy (and only you can answer that) then fuck everything else, most people aren't, even if they try lying to themselves and others, it's obvious and pathetic. |
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might have missed it, but didn't see mention of kids. without them I don't think you have a full picture of life. No, no kids. I wouldn't have been able to pursue that life as long as I did, had I had responsibilities like that. Considering it with wifey, it's sorta now or never. I'll be 37 this year, not a good time to start. |