Posted: 4/14/2012 6:49:52 PM EDT
How do you deal with it? One of my troops died yesterday, and I'm consoling the rest. I don't really feel anything, as I've lost countless friends. He was a good kid/Airman...but I can't seem to feel anymore.
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I wish I could offer something but I can't.
RIP airman, and I hope you can find the right words for your men Aiden. I know it has become a bit cliche but from the bottom of my and my family's hearts and on bended knee, thank you for your service that we may all live free and without fear. |
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It can be an unbelievably hard thing to deal with, but I've always heard to think of the departed as in a better place with no more pain to suffer anymore. Then try to think of the good times and celebrate the individual.
Still hurts and for many though, time is the only thing that helps. My deep condolences to you and your team. |
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My advice: Write your letter to the family. Be direct and truthful, but temper it with mercy. If your guys are hurting take 'em out for a beer and encourage them to talk about it. Get it out. Give 'em a day or a weekend. Then back to business as usual. You're a leader so lead. Life goes on. |
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I lost an airman two years ago. As a first line Sup I went about business as usual. Unfortunately I. Didn't grieve until much later. And it cost me. Take care of your troops first and rely on your fellow NCO's for your needs.
Also, may I ask what happened. Feel free to PM me if you need to talk or need to get something off your chest. PRAYERS. |
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Quoted:
How do you deal with it? One of my troops died yesterday, and I'm consoling the rest. I don't really feel anything, as I've lost countless friends. He was a good kid/Airman...but I can't seem to feel anymore. I don't deal with it, it doesn't really affect me anymore at all. Honestly Ill just sit down with my xbox and a bottle of whisky and forget about it. I'm just numb I guess. I used to care but now I don't, and maybe thats normal.
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The last funeral I went to in theater, I went back and posted some comments that got me banned from here for a while. I wouldn't recommend that course of action.
You're dealing with a grab bag of un-fun emotions. Fear Anger Frustration Sadness and maybe a sense of futility. Everybody deals with those things differently. For you, I can only say that your guys need you to be the example. At least on the outside you gotta pick up your gear, mount up and get on, while trying to remember the good stuff about the guy who died and not focusing on the bad feelings too much. For your guys, it's gotta be individual. Just make sure your junior leadership (unless that's you) knows their guys well enough to see if they're not hacking it in time to get them some help. I've been lucky so far. 4 years in IZ, and not a scratch, but I'm a fobbit when I deploy. Most of the time I'm pretty safe. When the alarms go off, I try to put it in perspective to keep from letting it rattle me. At the end of the day, we're all worm food. It's how we deal with shitty situations that counts. Do we keep ourselves moving and make ourselves an asset to the man next to us or do we let it get us into a mental place where we become useless? Thank you for being there for all of us. Thanks to your guys too, and most especially to the families of the fallen. Take care of each other and be careful. Come home safe and soon. |
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We have no idea what dreadful things a person is spared by death. However a man dies, the future might have held things far worse.
If you are a believer, you know that when the deceased next opens his eyes, he will be in surroundings more marvelous than we can imagine. If you are not a believer, you know that while you suffer a grave loss, the deceased suffers nothing. ETA: If you need to talk in an anonymous and completely confidential setting, IM me and I will talk to you any time of the day or night. I claim no expertise, but people often come to me to discuss things like this. God bless you. |
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Like others, I wish I knew what to say. It's hard to give advice in situations like these. I was stationed at Kadena AB from 07-09. A month before I PCS'd, a good buddy of mine deployed; he was EOD. I PCS'd and was on station for about 6 months when a mutual friend of ours had contacted me through the Internet and told me that [our friend] had been killed in an ambush 3 months prior. When he left, his wife of 1.5 years had just found out she was pregnant with their first child. I was more surprised than anything but it really sucked to not know someone so close had died without ever knowing.
It's just a part of life, man. Sucks to say but....shit happens. We all deal with it in our own way, which is what makes it so difficult to hand out advice. I tossed a tear in private after I had found out.....partly because I PCS'd to Altus, OK and it is the WORST base in existence. I had never encountered worse leadership in my entire life. It was all around a low point in my life. Make it through the way you know how and show support for those impacted the greatest. It'll pass and you can be rest assured you'll be in this situation again. Best of luck and sorry for your loss. |
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It's weird isn't it?
My friend died in 2003 in Iraq and sometimes I forget he's dead. When I look at pictures of him it like almost shocks me that he looks so young in the pictures and I now look so old. It's like he's frozen in time somewhere in the past waiting for me. I wont think about him for weeks or even months sometimes and then suddenly for some reason something reminds me. Sometimes I feel like I can call him up on the phone, but I can't. I don't know how you're supposed to deal with that? All I do is take one breath after the other and keep on going. Sooner or later we'll all be dead, but we'll be older and grayer than them. What you go through as a friend or superior or whatever is nothing compared to what their families go through. |
| After sipping my whiskey, I re-read mylast post, no disrespect to the dead, only hope to the living. Short time on this planet. Many die honorably, many die peacefully, many die suffering, many die deserving it. I don't try to figure it out, someone of a higher pay grade will |
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I have had this problem and it shook me for a while because it was a stupid and senseless waste. I ranted and railed against the ignominy of it all and then I realized something. He signed up for the job just like I did and me thinking his death was useless was putting down his decision to be there in the first place.
Time will heal it. Stay strong brother. |
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I have a very balanced approach regarding death. I know that it's just a door to another stage of existence. I also know that everybody gets a dose of it eventually. Since it's irreversible, your only rational alternative is to learn to deal with it. Adapt and adjust or end up broken over it. CJ |
| Lost one of our guys in Iraq two months before we went home and I know I still think about it everyday. Best advice I can give is to remember that you are still alive and that you have to keep driving on. Anything less and you insult the memory of those who have died. |
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How do you deal with it? One of my troops died yesterday, and I'm consoling the rest. I don't really feel anything, as I've lost countless friends. He was a good kid/Airman...but I can't seem to feel anymore. I don't deal with it, it doesn't really affect me anymore at all. Honestly Ill just sit down with my xbox and a bottle of whisky and forget about it. I'm just numb I guess. I used to care but now I don't, and maybe thats normal.
I care, I care a lot...I worry about how this effects my other troops. Many of them are young, and have not seen much death. I'm trying to console them, but it's difficult. I tell them I know how it feels, because I do...but I just don't feel anymore. It's odd. |
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Only thing you can do is let your guys know that they can talk to you.
In the words of my Dad " Son, I may not be the smartest man, and I may not know the answers, But I've got two ears." Just letting them know that they have someone to listen will help them out a lot. |
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How do you deal with it? One of my troops died yesterday, and I'm consoling the rest. I don't really feel anything, as I've lost countless friends. He was a good kid/Airman...but I can't seem to feel anymore. I really do understand what you say about not being able to feel anymore. My phone number is in your IM box (in a minute), if you have convenient phone access and time for that give me a call. I don't mind if you save my # for some other time. |
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Quoted:
How do you deal with it? One of my troops died yesterday, and I'm consoling the rest. I don't really feel anything, as I've lost countless friends. He was a good kid/Airman...but I can't seem to feel anymore. See it all the time. Had a cardiac arrest die last night. I make light of it internally, and move on. |
| I had a friend die on the jobsite last year. Electrocution. Very hard time for his and our family, but in the end, no matter what I or you or anyone else believes, just know that he's no longer suffering. All that's left is for us to endure, and live out our lives with the good memories we have of them until our number too is called. |