Posted: 11/16/2011 8:22:17 PM EDT
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If two people who only speak pidgeon english get into an argument, can you call it a squabble?  Your turn. Only puns are allowed. Great or lousy, all are welcome. |
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Following the death of Quasimodo. the Bishop of the Cathedral Church of Notre Dame sent word throughout the streets of Paris that a new bellringer would need to be appointed. The Bishop decided that he would himself conduct the interviews, and went up into the belfry to interview the candidates. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he decided to call it a day, when an armless man approached him announcing that he was there to apply for the post.
The Bishop, incredulous declared, " My Son, you have no arms!" "No matter" replied the man. He then proceeded to strike the bells with his face, producing the most beautiful melody on the carillon. The Bishop was astonished, believing he had indeed found a suitable replacement for Quasimodo. But in rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped, and plunged headlong out of the belfry to his death in the street below. The Bishop, stunned rushed to his side. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beauty of the music they had heard, but a moment before. As they parted in silence to allow the Bishop through, one of the number asked " Bishop, who was this man?" " I don't know his name" replied the Bishop sadly, " But his face rings a bell." |
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This guy goes into his dentist's office, because something is wrong with his mouth. After a brief examination, the dentist exclaims, "Holy Smoke! That plate I installed in your mouth about six months ago has nearly completely corroded! What on earth have you been eating?" "Well... the only thing I can think of is this... my wife made me some asparagus about four months ago with this stuff on it... Hollandaise sauce she called it... and doctor, I'm talkin' DELICIOUS! I've never tasted anything like it, and ever since then I've been putting it on everything... meat, fish, toast, vegetables... you name it!" "That's probabably it," replied the dentist "Hollandaise sauce is made with lemon juice, which is acidic and highly corrosive. It seems as thought I'll have to install a new plate, but made out of chrome this time." "Why chrome?" the man asked. "Well, everyone knows that there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!" |
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I always liked this one:
Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard. He also was quite a spiritual person. Even when he was not on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail. Due to this diet, he wound up with very bad breath. Therefore, he came to be known as a . . . Super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis. |
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Quoted:
Quoted:
So far noone understands what a pun is. Why don't you define pun for us then? Dude, half of the responses are just bad jokes. "A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper." is a pun, note the spelling of "waist". Another example: The ankle was an arch enemy of the heel because the heel had a sole that could neither toe the line nor keep instep. |
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Quoted:
What do you call a guy with no arms water skiing? Skip What do you call a guy with no arms that is swimming? Bob What do you call a guy with no arms playing in a pile of leaves? Russel What do you call him at dinner time? Doesn't matter, he won't come. Same guy nailed to a wall? Art. Same guy on your doorstep? Matt. Same guy after floating in a jacuzzi for three days? Stu. |
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The problem with puns is that sometimes they rely on homophonic action.
Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his friend in the forest? (no homophone required) Did you hear about the cannibal who had a wife and ate (eight) kids? (homophone required) They lose much when typed. |
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Quoted:
The problem with puns is that sometimes they rely on homophonic action. Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his friend in the forest? (no homophone required) Did you hear about the cannibal who had a wife and ate (eight) kids? (homophone required) They lose much when typed. How about the two cannibals eating a clown? |
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Quoted:
Quoted:
The problem with puns is that sometimes they rely on homophonic action. Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his friend in the forest? (no homophone required) Did you hear about the cannibal who had a wife and ate (eight) kids? (homophone required) They lose much when typed. How about the two cannibals eating a clown? He tastes funny. |
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So this Indian obstetrician had a problem. He had two cow hides and three squaws about to give birth. In desperation, since this was the middle of nowhere a couple hundred years ago, he flags down a traveling circus and asks them if they have any hides they can spare, so the third squaw has a place to lie down. Turns out, they have a preserved hippo hide they can spare. He takes it.
The squaws all have healthy baby boys, but it's interesting to note that the two squaws on the cow hides each had six-pound boys, but the squaw who gave birth on the hippo hide had a 12-pound son. Which proves that the son of the squaw of the hippopotamus hide equals the sons of the squaws of the other two hides. I should get a team membership for this. 1911fan |
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Quoted: Quoted: A man walks into a bar with a lizard on his shoulder. Bartender says "That's a mightly small lizard you got there." Man says "Yes, it's my newt." (It'll take most of you all day to figure that one out. )I got it in about 1.2 seconds. What do I win?  1.1 inner nets for you. |
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I made a list of ten puns to see which one suits your thread best.
Much to my dismay............... No pun in ten did. 
#2. Three young men inherit a cattle ranch from their father. They decide to change its name to "Focus Ranch" because......................it's where the sons raise meat. |