Posted: 8/9/2011 11:46:38 AM EDT
| is cheating grouds for divorce or would you work it out. I am asking this for a friend |
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It's a learned mindset, not an isolated incident. If it happens once, no matter how sincerely apologetic the offender is, it will most likely happen again. Safe bet? Cut losses and eject. That said, there are always exceptions to the rules. Each relationship and it's variables are different. |
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Well, it is a Biblical reason to divorce. but its not mandatory. Its also one of the hardest issues to overcome if you try to work it out especially if one party isn't really interested in making it work. You can forgive but you never forget. Once that trust is broken, how do you earn it back? Plus is it the first time or just the first time they were caught? Lord bless them if they can work it out, I hate to see all these divorce/cheating spouse threads, doesn't exactly give me a positive outlook for the future. |
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A few can forgive cheating and successfully save the marriage. Many who try to forgive are betrayed again. Personally, I don't know if I could forgive something so serious enough to stay married. Just recognizing my own limitations.
As far as reason for divorce, yes, I would say that adultery is pretty solid grounds for divorce in most cases. |
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But why is cheating bad? I have asked countless other this question and never got an answer beyond that 'its just wrong.' I was raised being taught it was wrong so I guess it will always be so, but why? I tend to think its geared toward insecurity: someone else can out fuck you, hence you lose your pack hierarchy or you're less of a man. To keep that from happening close off the tempation.
I have known people in open marriages that got a long well: some that are straight laced that still have big issues. Then again I also have known cheating spouses that kept it secret and had good marriages. Thinking along these lines, I'd try to salvage a relationship if I thought I had a lot to gain and give. If you can't get past this as an issue, you won't survive bigger challenges. And there will always be bigger challenges. And i know I'm about to get the thundering dog-pile of indignation but I know a lot here reading this will have their relationships crash on a lot less or the marriages fade into being nothing more that roommate status IF they had something going for them anyway (I see this a lot). Quoted:
A few can forgive cheating and successfully save the marriage. Many who try to forgive are betrayed again. Personally, I don't know if I could forgive something so serious enough to stay married. Just recognizing my own limitations. As far as reason for divorce, yes, I would say that adultery is pretty solid grounds for divorce in most cases. Ah: fucking. The ultimate American Sin. Sex sells, take the blue pill, is that the Sports Illistrated Swim Suit issue for married guys? Heaven help us for being tempted. |
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But why is cheating bad? I have asked countless other this question and never got an answer beyond that 'its just wrong.' I was raised being taught it was wrong so I guess it will always be so, but why? I tend to think its geared toward insecurity: someone else can out fuck you, hence you lose your pack hierarchy or you're less of a man. To keep that from happening close off the tempation. I have known people in open marriages that got a long well: some that are straight laced that still have big issues. Then again I also have known cheating spouses that kept it secret and had good marriages. Thinking along these lines, I'd try to salvage a relationship if I thought I had a lot to gain and give. If you can't get past this as an issue, you won't survive bigger challenges. And there will always be bigger challenges. And i know I'm about to get the thundering dog-pile of indignation but I know a lot here reading this will have their relationships crash on a lot less or the marriages fade into being nothing more that roommate status IF they had something going for them anyway (I see this a lot). open marriages are usually between 2 adults that are open to the idea. and accept that the other will be having sex with others. cheating is when one adult in the relationship is not ok with the other having sex with someone besides the person they are married to. is cheating grounds for divorce? to me, yes. it violates the trust that one, in my opinion, can't ever regain. |
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But why is cheating bad? I have asked countless other this question and never got an answer beyond that 'its just wrong.' I was raised being taught it was wrong so I guess it will always be so, but why? I tend to think its geared toward insecurity: someone else can out fuck you, hence you lose your pack hierarchy or you're less of a man. To keep that from happening close off the tempation. I have known people in open marriages that got a long well: some that are straight laced that still have big issues. Then again I also have known cheating spouses that kept it secret and had good marriages. Thinking along these lines, I'd try to salvage a relationship if I thought I had a lot to gain and give. If you can't get past this as an issue, you won't survive bigger challenges. And there will always be bigger challenges. And i know I'm about to get the thundering dog-pile of indignation but I know a lot here reading this will have their relationships crash on a lot less or the marriages fade into being nothing more that roommate status IF they had something going for them anyway (I see this a lot). Trust, how does it work? Seriously though it is different for everyone. It's a deal braker for me because it destroys the trust. |
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But why is cheating bad? I have asked countless other this question and never got an answer beyond that 'its just wrong.' I was raised being taught it was wrong so I guess it will always be so, but why? I tend to think its geared toward insecurity: someone else can out fuck you, hence you lose your pack hierarchy or you're less of a man. To keep that from happening close off the tempation. I have known people in open marriages that got a long well: some that are straight laced that still have big issues. Then again I also have known cheating spouses that kept it secret and had good marriages. Thinking along these lines, I'd try to salvage a relationship if I thought I had a lot to gain and give. If you can't get past this as an issue, you won't survive bigger challenges. And there will always be bigger challenges. And i know I'm about to get the thundering dog-pile of indignation but I know a lot here reading this will have their relationships crash on a lot less or the marriages fade into being nothing more that roommate status IF they had something going for them anyway (I see this a lot). The simplest answer is the expectation people have with monogomy. In monogomy, the concept of commitment includes the obligation to maintain sexual relations only within the confines of the two people involved in the monogomous relationship. Those who willingly commit to an "open" relationship are by definition not really engaged in monogomy. There you go. No indignation, just a straightforward answer. |
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open marriages are usually between 2 adults that are open to the idea. and accept that the other will be having sex with others. cheating is when one adult in the relationship is not ok with the other having sex with someone besides the person they are married to. is cheating grounds for divorce? to me, yes. it violates the trust that one, in my opinion, can't ever rgain. What defines that 'trust?' Something instilled but not learned? Quoted:
Trust, how does it work? Seriously though it is different for everyone. It's a deal braker for me because it destroys the trust. See above. |
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Ah: fucking. The ultimate American Sin. Sex sells, take the blue pill, is that the Sports Illistrated Swim Suit issue for married guys? Heaven help us for being tempted. For someone who spouts off about facing indignation, you sure have an interesting way of talking down towards other people's standards. You also misunderstand sin. Temptation itself isn't sin, until it's indulged in. I'll let other denominations speak for themselves, but in my upbringing sex itself isn't a sin unless it is indulged in outside the bounds The Lord has set (those bounds being the bounds of marriage). |
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Quoted: is cheating grouds for divorce or would you work it out. I am asking this for a friend Swimmers swim. Runners run. Cheaters cheat. You can't change or fix that. It's what they do. I have never stayed with a cheater. They are only good for sexual humiliation events after the cats out of the bag. (Their humiliaiton, not yours.  ) |
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Quoted: But why is cheating bad? I have asked countless other this question and never got an answer beyond that 'its just wrong.' I was raised being taught it was wrong so I guess it will always be so, but why? I tend to think its geared toward insecurity: someone else can out fuck you, hence you lose your pack hierarchy or you're less of a man. To keep that from happening close off the tempation. I have known people in open marriages that got a long well: some that are straight laced that still have big issues. Then again I also have known cheating spouses that kept it secret and had good marriages. Thinking along these lines, I'd try to salvage a relationship if I thought I had a lot to gain and give. If you can't get past this as an issue, you won't survive bigger challenges. And there will always be bigger challenges. And i know I'm about to get the thundering dog-pile of indignation but I know a lot here reading this will have their relationships crash on a lot less or the marriages fade into being nothing more that roommate status IF they had something going for them anyway (I see this a lot). Quoted: A few can forgive cheating and successfully save the marriage. Many who try to forgive are betrayed again. Personally, I don't know if I could forgive something so serious enough to stay married. Just recognizing my own limitations. As far as reason for divorce, yes, I would say that adultery is pretty solid grounds for divorce in most cases. Ah: fucking. The ultimate American Sin. Sex sells, take the blue pill, is that the Sports Illistrated Swim Suit issue for married guys? Heaven help us for being tempted. If you make a commitment to someone to forsake all others, you promise them to only be with them- then you go back on your word, how is that not wrong? It's simple. Breaking your word is wrong. If you disagree with that, then there's nothing any of us can do to make you see differently. Just remind me to never have any dealings in the EE with you... |
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Ah: fucking. The ultimate American Sin. Sex sells, take the blue pill, is that the Sports Illistrated Swim Suit issue for married guys? Heaven help us for being tempted. For someone who spouts off about facing indignation, you sure have an interesting way of talking down towards other people's standards. You also misunderstand sin. Temptation itself isn't sin, until it's indulged in. I'll let other denominations speak for themselves, but in my upbringing sex itself isn't a sin unless it is indulged in outside the bounds The Lord has set (those bounds being the bounds of marriage). There you go. Letting someone, or some thing, set the boundries of your relationship. I wouldn't put my wife in a bikini and set her loose but, I'd have to work inside the boundries of what society calls 'the norm' and try to get it back on track if she or I were 'to stray.' It is a weird artificial moral boundry: titties are bad, guts strewn across the floor good. My son recounts this cartoon shown from the behind the TV and looking at a family: mom, dad, young kid. A battle was raging and the hero saves the day, slaying the enemy, spilling the blood and saving the day. Only when the hero was getting a kiss did the mom shield the eyes of the child. |
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But why is cheating bad? I have asked countless other this question and never got an answer beyond that 'its just wrong.' I was raised being taught it was wrong so I guess it will always be so, but why? I tend to think its geared toward insecurity: someone else can out fuck you, hence you lose your pack hierarchy or you're less of a man. To keep that from happening close off the tempation. I have known people in open marriages that got a long well: some that are straight laced that still have big issues. Then again I also have known cheating spouses that kept it secret and had good marriages. Thinking along these lines, I'd try to salvage a relationship if I thought I had a lot to gain and give. If you can't get past this as an issue, you won't survive bigger challenges. And there will always be bigger challenges. And i know I'm about to get the thundering dog-pile of indignation but I know a lot here reading this will have their relationships crash on a lot less or the marriages fade into being nothing more that roommate status IF they had something going for them anyway (I see this a lot). Quoted:
A few can forgive cheating and successfully save the marriage. Many who try to forgive are betrayed again. Personally, I don't know if I could forgive something so serious enough to stay married. Just recognizing my own limitations. As far as reason for divorce, yes, I would say that adultery is pretty solid grounds for divorce in most cases. Ah: fucking. The ultimate American Sin. Sex sells, take the blue pill, is that the Sports Illistrated Swim Suit issue for married guys? Heaven help us for being tempted. It's a broken trust. You promised not to spread your legs for another person or stick your dick in another person. It's has nothing to with being out fucked. If I wanted to sleep with other women in my case I would stay single and screw single women. That broken trust can also bring you STD's or a baby that's not yours. My ex cheated and at that point it was adios. Guy she cheated with was cheating on her, she had the nerve to call and tell me a sad story about it.  Told that's what yall cheaters do and these are the breaks*click*
I knew a couple who were swingers and the lady wanted me to do her and the thought had crossed my mind since I was divorced and needed a little pootang at the time but I couldn't in good consciene do it with a married woman. I was going to tell her that but before I could she said her husband said she couldn't because he didn't want her to sleep with a black guy. She said he was scared I was bigger than he was and she still wanted to do it but not tell him. Told her that wasn't my lane so I guess even open relationships has cheaters also. Oh they're no longer together either.
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Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Ah: fucking. The ultimate American Sin. Sex sells, take the blue pill, is that the Sports Illistrated Swim Suit issue for married guys? Heaven help us for being tempted. For someone who spouts off about facing indignation, you sure have an interesting way of talking down towards other people's standards. You also misunderstand sin. Temptation itself isn't sin, until it's indulged in. I'll let other denominations speak for themselves, but in my upbringing sex itself isn't a sin unless it is indulged in outside the bounds The Lord has set (those bounds being the bounds of marriage). There you go. Letting someone, or some thing, set the boundries of your relationship. I wouldn't put my wife in a bikini and set her loose but, I'd have to work inside the boundries of what society calls 'the norm' and try to get it back on track if she or I were 'to stray.' It is a weird artificial moral boundry: titties are bad, guts strewn across the floor good. My son recounts this cartoon shown from the behind the TV and looking at a family: mom, dad, young kid. A battle was raging and the hero saves the day, slaying the enemy, spilling the blood and saving the day. Only when the hero was getting a kiss did the mom shield the eyes of the child. What are you talking about, infidelity in marriage, or how violence vs. sex? They are not the same thing. Nobody said titties were bad, in fact I think most of us would agree that titties are great. What does that have to do with cheating? It's about commitment. You disagree and think it's "artificial" fine, then don't ever make that commitment and you'll be good. I made that commitment, so did my wife and we will hold each other to it. This is the other issue. If you see sex as nothing more than a biological function you probably don't see what the big deal with cheating it. If, on the other hand you think it's something to be shared between two people who love each other then it takes on a new importance...it's something you wouldn't want your SO to share with anyone but you. |
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Ah: fucking. The ultimate American Sin. Sex sells, take the blue pill, is that the Sports Illistrated Swim Suit issue for married guys? Heaven help us for being tempted. For someone who spouts off about facing indignation, you sure have an interesting way of talking down towards other people's standards. You also misunderstand sin. Temptation itself isn't sin, until it's indulged in. I'll let other denominations speak for themselves, but in my upbringing sex itself isn't a sin unless it is indulged in outside the bounds The Lord has set (those bounds being the bounds of marriage). There you go. Letting someone, or some thing, set the boundries of your relationship. I wouldn't put my wife in a bikini and set her loose but, I'd have to work inside the boundries of what society calls 'the norm' and try to get it back on track if she or I were 'to stray.' It is a weird artificial moral boundry: titties are bad, guts strewn across the floor good. My son recounts this cartoon shown from the behind the TV and looking at a family: mom, dad, young kid. A battle was raging and the hero saves the day, slaying the enemy, spilling the blood and saving the day. Only when the hero was getting a kiss did the mom shield the eyes of the child. Yes, in this thing I absolutely let The Lord set that boundary. I am not ashamed of that, nor is it hurting me. |
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My son recounts this cartoon shown from the behind the TV and looking at a family: mom, dad, young kid. A battle was raging and the hero saves the day, slaying the enemy, spilling the blood and saving the day. Only when the hero was getting a kiss did the mom shield the eyes of the child. It is entirely appropriatte to have different reactions towards sex and violence. Especially in regards to what we want impressionable minds to see. Violence is inherantly disgusting, it provokes a negative reaction. You see someone crawling around on the ground with thier intestines trailing behind them suffering mightily you react by thinking "I wouldn't want to be that guy." You don't have to filter that, in fact its healthy to convey to your children that pain, suffering and death are a natural part of thier existence from an early age. They are not likely to go out and gutshot themselves to experience pain. Whereas Sex is inherantly enticing, it provokes a positive reaction. You see a dude feeling up some hot chicks and you react by thinking "Man, I wish I was that dude". That you do need to filter. You can't convey to children the importance of love, Romance and sexuality until they have established sufficient impulse control to handle those things. If you do you will warp the child and it will never be able to handle sexuality responsibly. |
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Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Ah: fucking. The ultimate American Sin. Sex sells, take the blue pill, is that the Sports Illistrated Swim Suit issue for married guys? Heaven help us for being tempted. For someone who spouts off about facing indignation, you sure have an interesting way of talking down towards other people's standards. You also misunderstand sin. Temptation itself isn't sin, until it's indulged in. I'll let other denominations speak for themselves, but in my upbringing sex itself isn't a sin unless it is indulged in outside the bounds The Lord has set (those bounds being the bounds of marriage). There you go. Letting someone, or some thing, set the boundries of your relationship. I wouldn't put my wife in a bikini and set her loose but, I'd have to work inside the boundries of what society calls 'the norm' and try to get it back on track if she or I were 'to stray.' It is a weird artificial moral boundry: titties are bad, guts strewn across the floor good. My son recounts this cartoon shown from the behind the TV and looking at a family: mom, dad, young kid. A battle was raging and the hero saves the day, slaying the enemy, spilling the blood and saving the day. Only when the hero was getting a kiss did the mom shield the eyes of the child. You seem to have a weird idea about how to share ideas. Shane333 made a decision about how he was going to live his life, the rules he chooses to live by happen to be the same I choose to live by. We can choose to stop living by those rules and some do. You seem to be a slave to your perceptions of what other people choose, allowing what you want to be true color your perception of everything and refusing to admit that anything might touch your white tower of Truth. Have fun up there. |
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You seem to have a weird idea about how to share ideas. Shane333 made a decision about how he was going to live his life, the rules he chooses to live by happen to be the same I choose to live by. We can choose to stop living by those rules and some do. You seem to be a slave to your perceptions of what other people choose, allowing what you want to be true color your perception of everything and refusing to admit that anything might touch your white tower of Truth. Have fun up there. Not at all. Mostly being said here is morality. It has been declared to be wrong by some smelly guys in robes about 500 years ago. I don't care that someone lets an oft debated, rarely understood doctrine drive their lives. Hell, I'm from the Deep South. I used to watch the Baptist at work: while the preacher is universally condemning everyone for sins of the flesh and what ever drinking is bad for, the men folk were busy getting juiced out in the parking lot and the daughters were sleeping around. What I am saying here is sex (as defined and used by religion) is power: a tool or weapon to be used for control measures. Ever listen to a Catholic talk about their religion? Their ultimate goal is to breed out all the other religions. Crazy. A basic mammalian desire -like food, water and other basic measures- that has bought bought down kings and countries. And it's nothing more that a simple physical desire, a body function. Trust? Only because someone instilled that in you. Libs are instilling in their children that hunting is bad and unrestricted house searches are good. They'll grow up believing that. However this is the society and times I live in, I have no other choice but to abide in the system, and everyone is brainwashed conditioned share the beliefs and I'm locked into it too. |
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Ever listen to a Catholic talk about their religion? Their ultimate goal is to breed out all the other religions. Thats amazing I've spent some time in Catholic churches listening to people talk about the religion and thats a new one for me. Methinks your engaging in Bole of the hyper variety. |
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Trust? Only because someone instilled that in you. Libs are instilling in their children that hunting is bad and unrestricted house searches are good. They'll grow up believing that. However this is the society and times I live in, I have no other choice but to abide in the system, and everyone is brainwashed conditioned share the beliefs and I'm locked into it too. All you have to do is go find a woman that won't mind if you fuck around. You're not being oppressed. |
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is cheating grouds for divorce or would you work it out. I am asking this for a friend .
1. OP is asking for himself. Think of the ramifications if he is really asking for a friend. a. his friend is incredibly lazy not to bother looking up California law in the library or going to the courthouse. Most Cal. courhouses not only have a packet of forms, there is a procedures list on the internet and free advice on forms is given by lawyers as volunteers at court houses. HINT - google California Court forms. b. he is inserting himself into someone else's marriage - very dangerous The simple answer is "no", not in California. Of course your friend doesn't live in California, right? Oh, he does and you think cheating is an irreconcilable difference, then "yes". Fault divorce went out years ago. |
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Quoted: Quoted: You seem to have a weird idea about how to share ideas. Shane333 made a decision about how he was going to live his life, the rules he chooses to live by happen to be the same I choose to live by. We can choose to stop living by those rules and some do. You seem to be a slave to your perceptions of what other people choose, allowing what you want to be true color your perception of everything and refusing to admit that anything might touch your white tower of Truth. Have fun up there. Not at all. Mostly being said here is morality. It has been declared to be wrong by some smelly guys in robes about 500 years ago. I don't care that someone lets an oft debated, rarely understood doctrine drive their lives. Hell, I'm from the Deep South. I used to watch the Baptist at work: while the preacher is universally condemning everyone for sins of the flesh and what ever drinking is bad for, the men folk were busy getting juiced out in the parking lot and the daughters were sleeping around. What I am saying here is sex (as defined and used by religion) is power: a tool or weapon to be used for control measures. Ever listen to a Catholic talk about their religion? Their ultimate goal is to breed out all the other religions. Crazy. A basic mammalian desire -like food, water and other basic measures- that has bought bought down kings and countries. And it's nothing more that a simple physical desire, a body function. Trust? Only because someone instilled that in you. Libs are instilling in their children that hunting is bad and unrestricted house searches are good. They'll grow up believing that. However this is the society and times I live in, I have no other choice but to abide in the system, and everyone is brainwashed conditioned share the beliefs and I'm locked into it too.  You make a promise, you keep it. Simple as that. |
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But why is cheating bad? I have asked countless other this question and never got an answer beyond that 'its just wrong.' .............. The male is not, by nature, monogamous. We enter into a contract, either legal or de facto, in which the female accepts monogamy, thereby guaranteeing the male that it is his genes that are being passed down and it is his offspring he is supporting. The female is assured that his support is exclusively for her children. Break this agreement and things go to hell. Ever read a thread about some guy who has been roped into paying child support for some other guy's spawn? Don't buy this, then there's the herps! Go google herpes and check out the pics. 
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