[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Divorce (Page 1 of 3)
Posted: 7/25/2011 8:08:39 PM EDT
... Looks like I'll be joining the club. 
We have a son together, but outside of him it should all be uncontested. She always claimed she would never keep me from him, but more recently she got a little heated and said that I would never be in his life. I cannot afford an attorney, but I also don't wish to take him from her - She's a good mother and he loves her... I just don't want to lose my parental rights, visitation, etc. I want to have the option of being as much a part of his life as his mother would have. All details aside, we're not working out, tried for years with no real progress. We're just too different I suppose, and I don't want our son to be raised in this environment nor do I want the both of us to keep dragging our feet and live unhappily. I'll be filing in the coming days. Any advice or suggestions? All input is appreciated. |
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There will be 3 categories of replies to the OP. 1) shame on you for not working things out. 2) don't trust the bitch, make war plans yesterday! 3) ...umm....I forgot the third. perhaps the 3rd one is good luck. my divorce was just finalized last week. It was a hell of a ride but well worth it. It took almost 7 month for all this but I had a good lawyer that got me everything I wanted. The difference here was that we did not have kids and I was the one that got the ball rolling. I think you should seek the advice of a lawyer especially if you have a child and you want to stay involved. Just imagine she moved to another state that would be one way for her to make sure you will not see him. I wish you all the best and hope it will work out for you |
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If she's hell bent on going to court and you don't have a lawyer prepare your anus. I went through this same thing last year myself. I borrowed the $$$ from my folks (they hated her anyway and paying for my lawyer was a good way to say "fuck you"). She got some jack of all trades attorney to represent her pro bono. I initially fought for full custody but settled for joint just to be done with it. I don't pay that whore a dime of support, just split the expenses of the children evenly which is the way it should be and have full rights to them. My lawyer assured me I had a good chance at custody and maybe I did or maybe he just wanted to milk every dime he could. Either way shit was getting expensive so I settled.
None of my business but can I ask why the divorce? |
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Welcome to the club. Come on in, pull up a chair. By the way, all the chairs here are very well cushioned. We all have sore asses from the reaming. Pour yourself a drink. No, wait. Pour yourself a whole bunch of drinks. This isn't gonna be over any time soon, so make yourself at home. The arfcom curse is alive and well. |
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Sorry to hear the news.
But this statement I cannot afford an attorney
is danger. There is no other way to say it-what you don't pay now you will pay much more for in the future. (there are cases where this isn't how it turned out, but they are NOT typical). The cost isn't always monetary, either, if kids are in the mix. Best of luck to you, but do realize that attorneys are sometimes worth what they cost. |
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Look, you going to get a bunch of f%*ked up responses.
YOU CANNOT AFFORD to NOT HAVE an ATTY. I have been there, THE ONLY WAY to make sure you get your visitation etc.., is if you have an atty. I could not afford an atty when I realized I was divorcing, but I sold a bunch of stuff, a bunch of stuff, finally got my head right, worked every minute of overtime at work then after 2 1/2 yrs of litigation and $40k+ to the divorce atty (the one I couldn't afford) I got custody of my child, I get child support from her, I built my life back, working on replacing the stuff I had to sell. The point is, I would have gotten ass raped with a fresh pineapple covered in fire ants IF I didn't have an atty. Feel free to IM me, Don't let her deny you of being in your childs life. |
| Your ,''divorce is no big deal'' attitude only works if you are going to give her everything, including the childs visitation schedule. You better think about what you expect her to do and then multiply it times 10 evils once her family and friends get to her. You must not have seen how mean women can get . |
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Fight for full custody and make sure she never sees your boy again. She has already crossed a line and intends to take away your son because she is so full of hate and anger. You need to make sure that she doesn't because she will destroy him if she raises him without you. |
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Your guns need to become your friend's guns, at a very low price.
Does she have easy access to things like investments, savings/checking accounts, etc? Did she know about the balances of them? If you can do it without raising suspicion, you need to empty these accounts and convert the proceeds into something untraceable, like gold or silver. You will take a hit selling them back, but it will be worth it when her lawyer can't divide up those assets. Do it slowly, not all at once, so you can use the "Times are tough, honey" excuse. Even if presented with the opportunity, DO NOT have sex with her. There will be no way to prove it was consensual if she decides to be a devious bitch about it and throw a rape charge. It's your duty as a man - for all other men who have been destroyed in divorce/family court - to destroy her, or make this the most difficult and painful thing she's ever done. Bankrupt her, defame her, ruin her financially and mentally. Thousands of men stand at your back, waiting and hoping for you to take revenge on their behalf. Don't let them down. |
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Quoted:
... Looks like I'll be joining the club.
We have a son together, but outside of him it should all be uncontested. She always claimed she would never keep me from him, but more recently she got a little heated and said that I would never be in his life. I cannot afford an attorney, but I also don't wish to take him from her - She's a good mother and he loves her... I just don't want to lose my parental rights, visitation, etc. I want to have the option of being as much a part of his life as his mother would have. You can't afford to not have an attorney. You can try pointing out to her that if she agrees to a reasonable custody deal, you'll both save a ton. But tell her if she doesn't, you will retain an attorney, and then she'll have to, and at the end there'll still be a "reasonable" custody deal, but a lot more acrimony and debt and a lot less money. |
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It's your duty as a man - for all other men who have been destroyed in divorce/family court - to destroy her, or make this the most difficult and painful thing she's ever done. Bankrupt her, defame her, ruin her financially and mentally. Thousands of men stand at your back, waiting and hoping for you to take revenge on their behalf. Don't let them down. Ummm, yeah. Alrighty then. I'm starting the process too. 2 kids, so far amicable. Same deal with money - we are paycheck to paycheck now, so no one is moving out yet. The only lawyer we've spoken to was one through a prepaid legal plan, and that was just to get a look at the process in our county. I think we are both going along together as long as there's not a major disagreement. I control all the money, and she also has free access to it - there's just not enough there to "squirrel away." We've looked up all the DIY forms and are proceeding that way unless and until we can't resolve something. Then we'll likely go to a mediator first. That being said, GET A LAWYER! The second she threatened to deny you access to the kids is when it went off the path I'm trying to follow. Borrow money, go to your court's Legal Aid office, whatever. Her threat means it's not "uncontested" anymore - don't pretend that it is. |
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Quoted:
... Looks like I'll be joining the club.
We have a son together, but outside of him it should all be uncontested. She always claimed she would never keep me from him, but more recently she got a little heated and said that I would never be in his life. I cannot afford an attorney, but I also don't wish to take him from her - She's a good mother and he loves her... I just don't want to lose my parental rights, visitation, etc. I want to have the option of being as much a part of his life as his mother would have. All details aside, we're not working out, tried for years with no real progress. We're just too different I suppose, and I don't want our son to be raised in this environment nor do I want the both of us to keep dragging our feet and live unhappily. I'll be filing in the coming days. Any advice or suggestions? All input is appreciated. Oh, yes you can. You should have an attorney, come hell or high water. Chances are your wife already has one. Good luck. |
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Yeah, get a lawyer (with borrowed money if neccessary), move your guns out of the house (friend) and stop communication immediately. Been through that shit in 2008.
Women are like hurricanes, wild and wet when they arrive, when they go you don't have a house and car anymore. |
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all you should need
of course, you don't live in Illinois, so maybe this can help: Alaska |
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AK means Alaska.
Over the years, I have read many threads about how a person can not afford a lawyer or how the other person can be rational and the two can do it without. Ok. Do without a lawyer. When your wife decides to leave Alaska and go to the lower 48, you can kick yourself. Oh, so she won't do that? Fine, then she moves to the next major city in Alaska and because you didn't get a lawyer, you can muse on it while you make a few internal, expensive airline trips. Most lawyers are decent. If you have a pattern of paying your bills (and not getting blasted on Friday night at the local bar) most will work with you. |
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Be reasonable, fair, kind, somewhat unemotional, agreeable and good in all your dealings. No matter how bad it gets or how hard that is for you. Failure to do so will only hurt you and lead to your unhappyness.
Never, ever try to screw over or "stick it to" the other party. You are kidding yourself if you think you can win. The courts see this crap day in and day out. They recognize it for what it is. Understand clearly that you have a large responsibility for your child. A good, kind father is much more likely to remain in constant contact with the children. Oh, and don't cheat until the divorce is FINAL. Be good, it's something you can be proud of. |
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She WILL get an attorney and if you don't get one you will lose far more in the long run (both visitation & money) than you will pay for legal bills now.
This is all-out war, you just don't realize it yet. There will be much advice in this thread from those who have been through it - heed it. Good luck. |
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From the minute it looked like my wife and I were getting a divorce I recorded every conversation, including all phone calls. I bought one of these Olympus pocket recorder. When the phone rang I would put the phone on speaker and record. When we met in person to talk, I had the recorder going in my pocket. Every voice-mail my wife left me I recorded it. It worked great. To get the sound files to your PC you just plug it into USB and copy the sound files. The recorder will appear in My Computer just like a USB memory stick.
I'm not going to go into any details of the conversations, but I got plenty of stuff my wife said on tape that basically ruined her chances of disputing anything with me. The recordings also made her look like an irrational, vendictive, underhanded moron. She tried to blackmail me, which I got on tape. To put a stop to my wife and her attorney harassing me and running up legal bills, I sent a few of the recordings to my wife's attorney. I even copied my wife on the email. Her lawyer fired her that day. That's right.....her lawyer listened to those recordings and did not want another thing to do with my wife, and she dismissed herself from the case. Those recordings allowed me to disprove many claims my wife was making. So...if you're going through a divorce, do yourself a huge favor and record everything. It will save you thousands in legal bills and maybe a lot of your assets. Also, keep every email. The key to making this work in your favor is you really have to make sure you remain calm and rational throughout all discussions and emails. Every email you respond to or send, read it 10 times before you send it and think about if there is anything in that email that can ever be used against you during your divorce. You need to keep every discussion on a business level and rational from your viewpoint. Let your wife lose her cool and make threats and make an idiot of herself. Just stay calm knowing that you are creating evidence that will work in your favor. That's my tip. 
BTW...check your state laws on recording conversations I have a friend that is going through a divorce and a major child custody battle. His wife is a raging alcoholic and he wants to get custody of the kids. I've been telling this guy for months to get a recorder and record their conversations. Last week he told me that during a conversation she threatened to kill him and the kids while they were sleeping. I asked if he got it on tape. His reply was he hadn't got around to buying a recorder. I told him that having that statement by his wife on tape would have ended the custody battle right then and there and saved him $30,000 in legal fees. |
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BTW...check your state laws on recording conversations http://www.rcfp.org/taping/ http://www.custodywarriors.com/public/department64.cfm |
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Quoted:
From the minute it looked like my wife and I were getting a divorce I recorded every conversation, including all phone calls. I bought one of these Olympus pocket recorder. When the phone rang I would put the phone on speaker and record. When we met in person to talk, I had the recorder going in my pocket. Every voice-mail my wife left me I recorded it. It worked great. To get the sound files to your PC you just plug it into USB and copy the sound files. The recorder will appear in My Computer just like a USB memory stick. I'm not going to go into any details of the conversations, but I got plenty of stuff my wife said on tape that basically ruined her chances of disputing anything with me. The recordings also made her look like an irrational, vendictive, underhanded moron. She tried to blackmail me, which I got on tape. To put a stop to my wife and her attorney harassing me and running up legal bills, I sent a few of the recordings to my wife's attorney. I even copied my wife on the email. Her lawyer fired her that day. That's right.....her lawyer listened to those recordings and did not want another thing to do with my wife, and she dismissed herself from the case. Those recordings allowed me to disprove many claims my wife was making. So...if you're going through a divorce, do yourself a huge favor and record everything. It will save you thousands in legal bills and maybe a lot of your assets. Also, keep every email. The key to making this work in your favor is you really have to make sure you remain calm and rational throughout all discussions and emails. Every email you respond to or send, read it 10 times before you send it and think about if there is anything in that email that can ever be used against you during your divorce. You need to keep every discussion on a business level and rational from your viewpoint. Let your wife lose her cool and make threats and make an idiot of herself. Just stay calm knowing that you are creating evidence that will work in your favor. That's my tip.
BTW...check your state laws on recording conversations I have a friend that is going through a divorce and a major child custody battle. His wife is a raging alcoholic and he wants to get custody of the kids. I've been telling this guy for months to get a recorder and record their conversations. Last week he told me that during a conversation she threatened to kill him and the kids while they were sleeping. I asked if he got it on tape. His reply was he hadn't got around to buying a recorder. I told him that having that statement by his wife on tape would have ended the custody battle right then and there and saved him $30,000 in legal fees. OP ^ this, Could not have said it better myself. I have been divorced almost FOUR years and the BS just keeps coming~It will never end, there will always be something to bitch about. I am over $25K in legal fees and now have the pleasure of Guardian ad Litem so now paying for TWO attys. The X is a nutbag but the courts never want to split up the children from their mother, unless she is laying in a gutter with a dirty needle in her arm. Be polite, be professional and keep a level head in ALL your dealings with her. Save EVERY email and NEVER agree to anything unless it is written down. Learn to be specific about visitation or pick up / drop off times. Give yourself a +/- 20 minute window on getting them or dropping off just in case you get jammed up somewhere (ask me why i know this). Pay as much attention to your child as you can as treasure every moment you have with them. You no longer have the luxury of coming home and have the child run up and hug you when you come home. Remember you are an adult and are setting an example for the child. Don't talk bad about his mother. Be the best role model you can for the child as they are going to be hurt much more than you will ever be. Shorty OUT! |
| I borrowed what money I could, sold off most of my gun collection, etc, to pay for my lawyer. You can not afford to go without one. You two can agree to work out the details yourselves, but trust me it will not work out that way. Dont do it, you will not only be fucking yourself over but your kid as well. |
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If you don't get some type of lawyer and she has one, then say bye to most everything.
Trust nothing to good will. Divorces are typically brutal when you least expect it. A good lawyer knows how to work things. Example: My girlfriend's divorce... They had a house together, timeshare, a car, dog, furniture, Apple laptop, etc. Come signing day the lawyer acts like it's going to be a quick process, slides a sheet over to the husband and says "Just sign here." He does so, then he slides another sheet over,"And here..." Husband says, "Wait, I think I should have my lawyer review these first." Lawyer says "Sure, but I'll keep this one you already signed." First one signed... All property... house was hers.
She ended up with everything, and to be nice offered him one recliner and the Apple laptop. Before you think she was cold... he cheated, didn't have a job for the last 2 years of marriage, was hooked on prescription drugs, and stealing to keep up the habit. I knew them both when all this happened, so not just what I heard. Lawyer up, you won't regret it. |
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It is never UNCONTESTED.
That is a sham to lure you into a false sense of security. While she may not go after everything...her lawyer will. Hide/dispose of everything you wish not to lose. Everything purchased after marriage is joint asset and will be subject to division of property. |
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It is never UNCONTESTED. That is a sham to lure you into a false sense of security. While she may not go after everything...her lawyer will.....she will have a whole team of help from her girlfriends, family, lawyer all telling her how to gain the maximum.... You will have; you & your lawyer....and an uphill battle.... that's it. Hide/dispose of everything you wish not to lose. Everything purchased after marriage is joint asset and will be subject to division of property. Use the cheapest Lawyer you can find.... Expensive doesn't mean good..it means expensive. A marriage is finally resolved after both lawyers feel there is absolutely no more money for them to collect. A Judge will not rule on anything...they will demand a negotiated settlement...read this drags on & on till you are too broke to fight anymore. Divorces will 1st start with the same cookie cutter paper work...meaning: Man gets fucked. Unless you can get at min joint custody....you will not have a good relationship with your child and you will be broke for a really long time. |
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Look, you going to get a bunch of f%*ked up responses. YOU CANNOT AFFORD to NOT HAVE an ATTY. I have been there, THE ONLY WAY to make sure you get your visitation etc.., is if you have an atty. I could not afford an atty when I realized I was divorcing, but I sold a bunch of stuff, a bunch of stuff, finally got my head right, worked every minute of overtime at work then after 2 1/2 yrs of litigation and $40k+ to the divorce atty (the one I couldn't afford) I got custody of my child, I get child support from her, I built my life back, working on replacing the stuff I had to sell. The point is, I would have gotten ass raped with a fresh pineapple covered in fire ants IF I didn't have an atty. Feel free to IM me, Don't let her deny you of being in your childs life. +1 You cannot afford to drop the ball by not having an attorney. Things have changed a whole lot in my state in the past ten years. Here, as a father, it is automatically assumed that you'll have joint custody now. I lawyered up anyways. Just remember, from this point on, it is about your kid. Everything is about your kid. If what you're doing will benefit your child, you are doing the right thing. But, the most important thing by far, is being there for your child, no matter what. |