[ARCHIVED THREAD] - The Official He-man Bashing Thread. (Page 1 of 2)
Posted: 6/16/2011 8:54:56 AM EDT
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It has become apparent that many Arfcomers have been having the same problem I have. He-man. His disgusting behavior as a house guest is intolerable and I will not stand for it.
He-man is a good friend of mine and a lot of people here on Arfcom. But fair warning. Do NOT let him in your house. Don't get me wrong. He's a cool dude, but as a house guest? TOTAL ASSHOLE. First of all, every time he comes over, he blocks the whole fucking driveway. He sticks his stupid fuck of an over sized cat right in front of the entrance. The god damn thing blocks part of the street. God forbid you try and move it. The motherfucker has down syndrome and will not fucking budge! 
To make things worse the retarded feline shits everywhere. I mean EVERYWHERE. I don't know what the fuck he feeds that thing but it reeks of spoiled goat's milk and AIDS. I've told him dozens of times not to do it, half the time he makes me refer to it as "Battle Cat", which pisses me off to no end. Besides his filthy fuck of a cat, he rarely ever dresses nice. He shows up like he's about to shoot a gay nazi bondage porno. What the fuck am I supposed to tell my neighbors? "He's a really good dude, he just wears hairy underpants with a belt to express himself." Seriously, why the fuck does he need that belt to hold up those skimpy underwear? It's not like they're even heavy, they're made out of hair... Every time he's in my house he breaks something within the first five seconds. For some fucking reason he has to bring his god damn "Power Sword" with him and he thinks it has a use for everything. The god damn dog freaks the fuck out every time he comes through the door! I mean, I can't blame the dog. Look at the fucking guy. Imagine you're sitting around thinking dog thoughts and some roided out fuck comes smashing through your door wearing one of your relatives as underpants. I'd fucking freak out too! So typically every time the dog gets all wound up, he feels the need to start swinging his fucking sword around and shouting about "GRAYSKULL" this and "POWER" that. So far he's broken a lamp, and my coffee table. Sooner or later He-man succumbs to what's similar to an epileptic seizure, which is one of his calmer moments. My Wife fucking hates him, and for good reason. Every time we have any dinner conversation he starts freaking the fuck out, screaming about his nemesis Skeletor and how it's his job to protect some fucking castle or some shit. It gets old...it really does. Everyone knows that He-man has been unemployed for almost a year, but that's not going to stop his endless rants. To be honest the only reason I let him over, is because his sister and I had a thing back in the day. We might have made a couple of porno movies, no big deal. I keep him around as a favor to her. Ever since she turned into a crack whore I've felt horrible since I turned her on to it. It's starting to get on my nerves though. Seems like every single fucking time he comes over I catch him tracking cat shit all over my carpet. Plus the kids start crying and don't stop until 3 weeks after he's left. The little bastards have PTSD now ever since they walked in on He-man taking a shit in the kitchen. 
"They don't have toilets on my Planet." You've got to be fucking kidding me He-man.....You've got to be kidding me. |
Hope I'm wrong. At least I'm in.
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For reference, this is the thread where these problems came to light:http://www.ar15.com/forums/topic.html?b=1&f=5&t=1196505
Apparently He-man has quite the reputation for this type of thing. This is not an isolated incident, He-man rates to be bashed. Please, feel free to share your experiences with He-man. He is a disgusting fuck, but we're here to support you. We've all been through the same painful exposure to him. You're safe now. |
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Ummm... 
ETA: was this you last halloween? 
http://i251.photobucket.com/albums/gg286/TGrayman/he-man3.jpg Ummm, ummmmm.........ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.........WTF!!! |
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So a week ago I go over to He-man's "Castle", as he calls it, or what most normal people refer to as a studio apartment illegally built above a convicted sex offender's garage.
I felt bad because I kicked him out of my house and the neighbors called the Cops because he was running around the whole fucking neighborhood half naked at 2am battling his hallucinations.... So we sit down in his pig sty of a living room, of course we have to use "Battle Cat" as a couch, because they don't provide Section 8 types with furniture apparently, and no sooner than when we crack open a warm beer does He-man defecate in his hairy underpants. The poor dumb fuck doesn't have any friends, and he's legally retarded so I try to be cool about it and pretend that his diarrhetic shit isn't over powering the months build up of "Battle Cat's" excrements at my feet. Then as I try to start a conversation, "So He-man, any success taking care of that Skeletor fellow?" He begins to reach into his hairy underpants and begin forming a fecal miniaturette of himself and one of Skeletor, and acting out their most recent battles. That's where I drew the line. I told him I left my Prius running and drove away. On top of that, he owed me $8 and tried to pay me with food stamps. |
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I'm really just concerned for him. I know his childhood was rough and that uncle Skeletor shouldn't have touched him like that, but the dude needs help. I tried to help him get into a rehab but they said they didn't know how to treat someone addicted to a "power sword". They didn't believe me that the damn thing is actually a speedball auto injector, why the fuck do people think he gets so moody when he uses the damn thing?
Oh, and that fucking cat, can you actually believe he snorts its piss to get high? I shit you not, he claims its from one of its glands but I saw him take a rock outta the litter box and snort it like China white. How the fuck do you help someone addicted to cat piss and his childhood based homoerotic "battles" with his uncle? Daniel |
Sometimes my wife and I like watching the original intro for laughs. It's the funniest ego-trip. |
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You think you got it bad? My job is so fucking unbelievable. I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with: First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. yeah, ok, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. She is extremely self-centered and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe. The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in heat. But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the fucking stoner. This guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work. He probably hasn't been sober anytime in the last ten years. and he's only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big fucking dog to work. Every fucking day I have to look at his huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonalds and Burger King, every fucking day. Anyway, I drive these fucktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shit. |
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I'm really just concerned for him. I know his childhood was rough and that uncle Skeletor shouldn't have touched him like that, but the dude needs help. I tried to help him get into a rehab but they said they didn't know how to treat someone addicted to a "power sword". They didn't believe me that the damn thing is actually a speedball auto injector, why the fuck do people think he gets so moody when he uses the damn thing? Oh, and that fucking cat, can you actually believe he snorts its piss to get high? I shit you not, he claims its from one of its glands but I saw him take a rock outta the litter box and snort it like China white. How the fuck do you help someone addicted to cat piss and his childhood based homoerotic "battles" with his uncle? Daniel Not to mention at an early age he never was quite, "All there." One afternoon when he was 15, he comes home from school early and smashes through the door of She-ra's bedroom. Where I am, in all my glory really giving her a run for her money. I had her all twisted up like a pretzel and she's SCREAMING! "OH GOD, OH GOD, FUCK!" Well dipshit thinks that I'm murdering her, and for what's it's worth she was having a near death experience...., and he jumps on me trying to pry me off. His retarded ass starts screaming, "GET OFF OF SHE-RA, BY THE POWER OF GREYSKULL UNHAND HER!" I'm screaming back at him, "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE YOU FUCK STICK!" That went on for at least 2 hours until I finished. I swear that guy is like sling blade and Conan the barbarian rolled into one. I hope he gets ass cancer. |
| OP, this is a longshot but do you happen to have the He-Man comics done by the 3-82 Ops NCO when they were in Iraq in 2007-2008? They were mostly done in PowerPoint and were some of the funniest things I have ever read. Alas, the were on the SIPR side of their portal and I was unable to bring them home. |
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I'd get banned if I posted the video, but I'm sure you can search for CKY's take on He Man and Skeletor.
arrr uhhhhhhhhh guhhhh Who's there? ah uh ah *grunt* Now get outta here. huuh, you fool get the fuck out! mmhhhm You ready? You Goddamn better believe it. Then take your drawers off, and work your legs. Open your ass up like a keg. Let me tap it, I must have it, hmm. Furry fool, you are mine. I'll drink your ass like wine, and when semen pours all over your head you know you must be dead. Skeletor I knew ya groove, and shake it so damn good and when you cum on through my hood I'll give you a piece of wood. You furry fool i know, and i will not disagree, but there's one thing we don't like and it starts with He- man, oh no I don't know which way to run or turn. Don't worry Skeletor, your pants on fire my cock will burn. My cocks on fire, for more dick! You know Skeletor... Yes, my head is so damn thick like yours. No brain inside, just a lot of fucking fur, and if i ripped it off, you'd find a boy and call him her, right? No Skeletor, that's not what I'd do. I'd bend you over and shoot, hhhhhaaa, chocolate goo.. in your asshole. Lemmie lie. Lemmie tell the truth. Now who are you? I don't know. Let's break it true, now, shake your ass c'mon beastman, shake your furry fur off. I can't it's made of fur. Bitch well then whack me off. Grab your hairy palms. Hairy, hairy indeed. They're hairy as fuck. Rake some leaves. Ahh, what ever you need. Now we're drunk, *snarl* we'll be in jail. But, I'll rape you master. It never fails. He's always got my ass on his mind, and it's sure in fact. When he waxes me, he waxes all night long and that is that. Now, Beastman, Beastman what do you know about taking off your clothes? You're just a slut from down below in Castle Greyskull, c'mon. ahh Skeletor I shaved my legs for you tonight, and if you see my cock I hope you go in fright. ahh Skeletor you made me do some coke, ahhh I'm up all night and its no joke. Furry fool, break dance, take off your furry pants, take off your high heels, and put them in your ass. Now somebody is tip toe-ing, and someone just came in. And someone's pretty fat. Beastman's pretty thin! I've got AIDS, Beastman AIDS, and I'll spread it into every good boy and girl today. Watch me give you cum stains in your fucking drawers. Beastman watch your mouth, we don't need that language any more. C'mon Skeletor, don't you wanna see me work it now? Beastman show them how you're going to get my ass and plow. Now stick your cock inside, like Rake Yohn fucking said. That faggot fuckin` douche bag only knows how to give head. Two men, in bed, his face is getting red. Ahh listen to everything i fucking said. *grunts and snarls* ah Beastman, do you, know how to end this song? |
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I'm really just concerned for him. I know his childhood was rough and that uncle Skeletor shouldn't have touched him like that, but the dude needs help. I tried to help him get into a rehab but they said they didn't know how to treat someone addicted to a "power sword". They didn't believe me that the damn thing is actually a speedball auto injector, why the fuck do people think he gets so moody when he uses the damn thing? Oh, and that fucking cat, can you actually believe he snorts its piss to get high? I shit you not, he claims its from one of its glands but I saw him take a rock outta the litter box and snort it like China white. How the fuck do you help someone addicted to cat piss and his childhood based homoerotic "battles" with his uncle? Daniel Not to mention at an early age he never was quite, "All there." One afternoon when he was 15, he comes home from school early and smashes through the door of She-ra's bedroom. Where I am, in all my glory really giving her a run for her money. I had her all twisted up like a pretzel and she's SCREAMING! "OH GOD, OH GOD, FUCK!" Well dipshit thinks that I'm murdering her, and for what's it's worth she was having a near death experience...., and he jumps on me trying to pry me off. His retarded ass starts screaming, "GET OFF OF SHE-RA, BY THE POWER OF GREYSKULL UNHAND HER!" I'm screaming back at him, "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE YOU FUCK STICK!" That went on for at least 2 hours until I finished. I swear that guy is like sling blade and Conan the barbarian rolled into one. I hope he gets ass cancer. He was kicked outta the special ed class for killing a kid with cerebral palsy due to him thinking he was a "mechanical monster sent by Skeletor to destroy me"! What the fuck did Mikey ever do to him? I mean shit, the kid had CP and rolled around masturbating all the time (and judging by the size of his cock God has a sense of irony) but he was harmless! Daniekl |
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Quoted:
I'm really just concerned for him. I know his childhood was rough and that uncle Skeletor shouldn't have touched him like that, but the dude needs help. I tried to help him get into a rehab but they said they didn't know how to treat someone addicted to a "power sword". They didn't believe me that the damn thing is actually a speedball auto injector, why the fuck do people think he gets so moody when he uses the damn thing? Oh, and that fucking cat, can you actually believe he snorts its piss to get high? I shit you not, he claims its from one of its glands but I saw him take a rock outta the litter box and snort it like China white. How the fuck do you help someone addicted to cat piss and his childhood based homoerotic "battles" with his uncle? Daniel Not to mention at an early age he never was quite, "All there." One afternoon when he was 15, he comes home from school early and smashes through the door of She-ra's bedroom. Where I am, in all my glory really giving her a run for her money. I had her all twisted up like a pretzel and she's SCREAMING! "OH GOD, OH GOD, FUCK!" Well dipshit thinks that I'm murdering her, and for what's it's worth she was having a near death experience...., and he jumps on me trying to pry me off. His retarded ass starts screaming, "GET OFF OF SHE-RA, BY THE POWER OF GREYSKULL UNHAND HER!" I'm screaming back at him, "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE YOU FUCK STICK!" That went on for at least 2 hours until I finished. I swear that guy is like sling blade and Conan the barbarian rolled into one. I hope he gets ass cancer. ROFL....Can't breath.....ROFL You sir deserve +2 internets today.... |
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So He-man, fucking asshole, borrows my lawn mower.
I know for a fact that shit head doesn't even have a lawn because he lives in a child molester's basement, but I decide out of the warmness of my fucking heart to let this crazy fuck take my mower. Now, "Maybe he got a job mowing lawns?" says the Wife. Yeah fucking right. She knows god damn well that He-man is bat-shit crazy. So naturally thoughts of what retardation induced frenzies my lawn mower is going to be used for go through my head. I figured worst case scenario, this dumb fuck is going to dump a bunch of babies into my mower and dull the blades. Big fucking deal, I'll sharpen them shits. Best case scenario, ass fuck is going to knock down a couple inches of cat shit off of his carpet and my mower is just going to smell like a homeless person's crotch rot. 4 fucking months. FOUR FUCKING MONTHS! This motherfucker disappears off the face of the earth. Meanwhile my lawn is looking like a god damn rain forest, I'm driving around looking for this thick skulled fuck. I call his pager, yes that's right rotten shit for brains has a pager, 100 times and finally get him to meet up with me to get my fucking mower back. Of course the thing is fucking destroyed. It looked like he took the god damn thing off-roading in a quarry and then launched it off a fucking cliff while it was on fire and strapped to a weight rack. "What the flying fuck did you do to my mower He-man?" He has the nerve to tell me some dog shit story about how Skeletor combined "Power Swords", which I'm pretty sure is some fucked up ass gay slang, and had an epic battle where my lawn mower became a casualty. Unfuckingbelievable. He-man is a god damned bastard. DO NOT loan him your lawn mower. |
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OP, this is a longshot but do you happen to have the He-Man comics done by the 3-82 Ops NCO when they were in Iraq in 2007-2008? They were mostly done in PowerPoint and were some of the funniest things I have ever read. Alas, the were on the SIPR side of their portal and I was unable to bring them home. No, that sounds awesome though! Ironically, I'm in Iraq right now and I'm going out of my mind. Somehow I think the idea of bashing He-man is the funniest shit ever. |
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So He-man, fucking asshole, borrows my lawn mower. I know for a fact that shit head doesn't even have a lawn because he lives in a child molester's basement, but I decide out of the warmness of my fucking heart to let this crazy fuck take my mower. Now, "Maybe he got a job mowing lawns?" says the Wife. Yeah fucking right. She knows god damn well that He-man is bat-shit crazy. So naturally thoughts of what retardation induced frenzies my lawn mower is going to be used for go through my head. I figured worst case scenario, this dumb fuck is going to dump a bunch of babies into my mower and dull the blades. Big fucking deal, I'll sharpen them shits. Best case scenario, ass fuck is going to knock down a couple inches of cat shit off of his carpet and my mower is just going to smell like a homeless person's crotch rot. 4 fucking months. FOUR FUCKING MONTHS! This motherfucker disappears off the face of the earth. Meanwhile my lawn is looking like a god damn rain forest, I'm driving around looking for this thick skulled fuck. I call his pager, yes that's right rotten shit for brains has a pager, 100 times and finally get him to meet up with me to get my fucking mower back. Of course the thing is fucking destroyed. It looked like he took the god damn thing off-roading in a quarry and then launched it off a fucking cliff while it was on fire and strapped to a weight rack. "What the flying fuck did you do to my mower He-man?" He has the nerve to tell me some dog shit story about how Skeletor combined "Power Swords", which I'm pretty sure is some fucked up ass gay slang, and had an epic battle where my lawn mower became a casualty. Unfuckingbelievable. He-man is a god damned bastard. DO NOT loan him your lawn mower.  You said earlier he lived above the child molester's garage!!! 
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Damn that GIF is so wrong. Funny as shit but wrong. |
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OP, this is a longshot but do you happen to have the He-Man comics done by the 3-82 Ops NCO when they were in Iraq in 2007-2008? They were mostly done in PowerPoint and were some of the funniest things I have ever read. Alas, the were on the SIPR side of their portal and I was unable to bring them home. No, that sounds awesome though! Ironically, I'm in Iraq right now and I'm going out of my mind. Somehow I think the idea of bashing He-man is the funniest shit ever. Oh well. If I ever find them I'll PM you. If you have SIPR access you might want to try looking in the archives of the MND-S or MND-CS portal. |
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Funny stuff.
The best Robot Chicken episode involving the 80's cartoons was when Mum-rah disguised himself as an old lady nanny and snuck into the Thundercats' lair. He walked in on Cheetarah who was licking her legs and crotch like a cat. He stands there in shock then outloud excuses himself to go masturbate. Lion-O then catches him fapping in the bathroom, and as Mum-rah tried to run away, his mummy wraps get caught on Snarf's taxidermied body (he died early on in the episode and they had him stuffed). As Mum-rah runs off embarrased the wraps unwind exposing his sickly bony body. Funniest episode ever. |