Posted: 1/13/2011 7:48:47 PM EDT
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11 y/o daughter (looks like 15) has blond hair. She wants to dye it brownish-red.
She told me she assumed I'd be mad and would be against it. I'm not because it's not a permanent change. It's something she can do and if she regrets it, it will eventually grow back. This is in sharp contrast to tattoos and piercings. So I told her that I'm OK with it because it's not permanent. Question: Should I have acted shocked and "grudgingly" allowed it? I wonder if I failed a parenting test and she'll pick something more extreme to get a rise out of me. My concerns come well-founded. Her mother, bless her ignorant soul, is littered with terrible, tacky tattoos. Um, frog on a mushroom smoking a pipe? It looks even worse than you are imagining. |
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Quoted:
11 y/o daughter (looks like 15) has blond hair. She wants to dye it brownish-red. She told me she assumed I'd be mad and would be against it. I'm not because it's not a permanent change. It's something she can do and if she regrets it, it will eventually grow back. This is in sharp contrast to tattoos and piercings. So I told her that I'm OK with it because it's not permanent. Question: Should I have acted shocked and "grudgingly" allowed it? I wonder if I failed a parenting test and she'll pick something more extreme to get a rise out of me. My concerns come well-founded. Her mother, bless her ignorant soul, is littered with terrible, tacky tattoos. Um, frog on a mushroom smoking a pipe? It looks every worse than you are imagining. You've done good. I'm 19 and my my mom passed away when I was 16 and my two sisters were like 11, and 13 or so. They live with my grandmother and they act rebellious. So naturally I step in and do some parenting best I can. They look up to me and saw how successful I was in high school and try hard (well atleast 1, but I figure a 50 success rate isn't all that bad, could be worse). Anyway, they come and ask me things to get a rise out of me and I tell them "You know I was you, I would not do that. You are at an age now where you get to make some of your own choices, you have to remember that all choices have consequences. I can't stop you from making that choice, but I also won't be there to coddle you if you fuck up. ' So far they have listened, and my hands off approach works reasonably well. I remember having no parent(in a way), so having to help parent my sisters when I was even younger. In essence, I take a hands off approach and they seem to respond well to that. Every kid does the same with their parents, the more a parent cracks down the worse the kid will act out. I worked 3 jobs in high school, went to college part time, and had full time high school classes. I paid for all my bills and lived with my cousins, while me sisters lived with my grandmother. I was told by my cousins they don't care what I do I can party all night, or stay out as long as I want. Well the first month I thought it was great no rules, etc. I then realized that when I stayed out all night that when I had to get up and go to work it sucked, and taking tests with out studying sucked. So I imposed my own rules on my self and handled my own affairs worked great. The only requirement was that I had to keep above a 3.0 GPA and I couldn't ever miss school. I think that is an awesome style of parenting if the kid is responsible and mature enough to handle their own business. As a result I moved out and had my own place at 18, and it is pretty great, and the bills, and responsibility was no change. |
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Sounds like you did fine. At that age girls like to do silly things with their looks. If I may suggest that you try to get her to dye it with a non-permanent hair dye, there are some that will wash out in 20 or so shampoos. It will be a better first try to see how she really likes it, and if she doesn't like it she won't have to wait for it to grow out or redye it and screw up her head.  |