[ARCHIVED THREAD] - I am going through hell (Page 1 of 2)
Posted: 11/30/2010 2:55:40 PM EDT
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I am at a very low point right now. I have done some very bad things to a woman that I love dearly and I am having a hard time living with the guilt. i am a horrible person.
And after this woman has given me second chance after second chance she is finally done with me and moving on. We have a wonderful 9 month old daughter and I cant help but think that they would both be better off if I was gone. The last year has been full of extreme highs and devastating lows for both of us. I didnt realize during this time that I was the one to blame for every low point. I have been so selfish. i now see everything that I have done so clearly. Everytime I hurt her. I have destroyed every dream she has ever had. I have always felt very strongly that some people dont deserve the air that they breath and now I am one of these people. I have ruined three lives. I dont reallly know why am typing this out. Maybe for pity or help Im not sure. |
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Quoted:
I am at a very low point right now. I have done some very bad things to a woman that I love dearly and I am having a hard time living with the guilt. i am a horrible person. And after this woman has given me second chance after second chance she is finally done with me and moving on. We have a wonderful 9 month old daughter and I cant help but think that they would both be better off if I was gone. The last year has been full of extreme highs and devastating lows for both of us. I didnt realize during this time that I was the one to blame for every low point. I have been so selfish. i now see everything that I have done so clearly. Everytime I hurt her. I have destroyed every dream she has ever had. I have always felt very strongly that some people dont deserve the air that they breath and now I am one of these people. I have ruined three lives. I dont reallly know why am typing this out. Maybe for pity or help Im not sure. Sack-cloth and ash, man. BTW, we are all selfish. Get your ass to church. |
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Quoted:
It's never too late to turn around. It may be hard, but it can be done. Realization is a big step. This. It may well be too late, but at least take the shot and try to fix the situation. In 10 or 20 years from now you don't want to look back and regret you didn't give it one last best try. |
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Quoted:
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It's never too late to turn around. It may be hard, but it can be done. Realization is a big step. This. It may well be too late, but at least take the shot and try to fix the situation. In 10 or 20 years from now you don't want to look back and regret you didn't give it one last best try. Good advice! |
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Agree with Greenhorn.
Do not expect her to welcome you back like nothing ever happened. But first resolve within yourself your guilt by accepting it, turn from it and forgive yourself. That sounds backwards but you have to reconcile with yourself before you can be reconciled with another person. I would get some sound counseling from a professional you can trust. A good marriage counselor can help estranged couples to reconcile starting with an individual like you. She sounds like she is somewhat longsuffering but reached her limit. She will be cautious at first and need distance from you to observe if you have really changed. That change is a process - if it involves another female, you have to drop that. Cut it off completely and remove all of the associations and connections from it. You cannot likely be reconciled to her unless you are accountable to her - where you are, what you are doing, when you will be home, etc. Same thing if its just so called friends and gambling, wasting money on cars, etc. Transparency and accountability. But first of all dude, you are a man - just flesh and blood. You have to completely come to grips with not only the effect of what you have done but face to face with what you did, why you did it and then take action to do the about face and avoid it at all costs. You have to come to the place where you can forgive yourself and take active steps to prevent it from happening again. Just my .02 worth - I am not a professional counselor of course. But I am not nor will I judge you. You do that - and start making the changes. Most of all, seek out good counsel and help. |
| Well, I do have sympathy for her. At least she is moving on and hopefully focusing on giving a good life to the little girl. You should be proud at least to realize that she gave you chance after chance and letting her get out from under you is the best thing. Good luck. |
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Quoted:
I am at a very low point right now. I have done some very bad things to a woman that I love dearly and I am having a hard time living with the guilt. i am a horrible person. And after this woman has given me second chance after second chance she is finally done with me and moving on. We have a wonderful 9 month old daughter and I cant help but think that they would both be better off if I was gone. The last year has been full of extreme highs and devastating lows for both of us. I didnt realize during this time that I was the one to blame for every low point. I have been so selfish. i now see everything that I have done so clearly. Everytime I hurt her. I have destroyed every dream she has ever had. I have always felt very strongly that some people dont deserve the air that they breath and now I am one of these people. I have ruined three lives. I dont reallly know why am typing this out. Maybe for pity or help Im not sure. Don't even think of committing suicide, man. For damn sure that won't solve anything. You had some good times with her, right? You're never gonna feel that again if you blow your head off. I understand where you're at, dude. Been there, done that. It's been 2 1/2 years since she left, and I'm just now starting to look around again, and think about dating. Yes, it's a devastating hit, but you will work through it, and you'll be wiser for the experience. On that note, you're not the first person to screw up a relationship, and you're not gonna be the last person, either. It's part of life, unfortunately. Send me an email if you want. If nothing else, I'm a good ear for you to sound off on. Take care, bro. |
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Been there man.
After my split I thought long and hard, and thought some more. I realized the way I treated her sometimes was the very reason things were so bad other times. You have made a huge step in the right direction....you realized your mistake. Now, pick yer ass up, and make BOLD BIG MOVES to change!! You cannot do ANYTHING like you used to, change it all for the better. Show her you mean business by selling things, doing things, committing to things, and making those things a reality. |
| Don't allow yourself to feel guilt. It can be a very destructive emotion. You realize you have done wrong. Learn from your mistakes and pay the price you have incurred. You are just now learning what that price may be. It may be too late to save what you now so desire. However, be optimistic, life will again offer you many opportunities for fulfillment. These dark experiences, and what you learn from them will help build your character and value system to become the man you want to be. |
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Alot of us have been down this road of realization and guilt. Unfortunately it's a vicious cycle you can't help but repeat. Most of this is caused by your own depression and unhappiness. I too have been down this road. I have gone to Dr's , prayed, and thought of leaving to separate myself from the people I love. I'm bi-polar. It's good one day and terrible the next. I have come along way. I use self control to realize things are not as bad as they seem. I don't take any medicine, I don't like it.
In the end. My kids are the MOST important thing. They need a stable home. A Dad and a Mom. Being married , making a living, Raising kids, keeping a wife happy. It's a very hard thing. Life is a hard thing. Sometimes it takes losing things to relize what's important. |
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Good luck, doesn't sound as if it'll turn out the way you want but I think you already know that and understand why. If you did do something pretty seriously F-up after being given a second chance, then you need to understand that it's time to work on changing yourself for the better for your little girl. To do anything less isn't an option. You sound like you didn't learn the first time, maybe it's time to the second time.
If you can't be the man your woman needs or deserves, then at the least, be the Dad you should be to your little girl. Quit talking about suicide, do you really want to lay that BS at your daughters feet down the road? Damn, quit thinking about yourself first. You can't change the history of what you have done but you dang well can change the future for both you and your daughter. That sounds like a pretty important thing to do. |
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Well, learn from your mistakes, and do better. You can't change the past, but you can do better as of right now. Forgive yourself for being selfish, and make it a point to look for ways to be selfless. ETA: Ya jack wagon! Exactly this. You pick right now to turn it around and be better. She may stay, she may not. Doesn't matter. You owe it to the kid to suck it up and be a man. Offing yourself is certainly not the right answer. Look at it as a personal challenge if you have to. Man up. |
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Real men don't let their women get away. Real men don't let their douchebaggery cause their kid to go through Hell. Real men don't post their sympathy-begging whine on the internet, while their family leaves. Real men turn their lives around and do whatever it takes to be a real husband and father. So sit there and think it out, but don't take all night. Quit drinking; leave the one-man pity party; ask God for some help; and man up. Church - it's what you and your family need. God will provide direction for your aimless drifting life. |
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A man is not defined by his failures, but by how he responds to his failures. It is time to rise from your failures. You have recognized them, which is the first step. Now you need to forgive yourself, and work to better yourself. The ball, as always, is in your court.
I have been in the pure dumps of failure. If you need to talk, IM me. |
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You've got to man up. First, if you want your family to stay then make sure they know it. Second, if you have betrayed someone's trust (and they give you a second chance) make sure you EARN it back. Take small, tangible steps at first so the family (and you) can see progress. If you promise to quit drinking, you better damn sure you have quit. Throw out ALL the booze and show her your hiding places. Same for porn. Or gambling. Or whatever. Spending money like a drunken sailor? Give her your ATM card for a month. If it's women, stay the hell away from other women. Do like Billy Graham did and never be alone in a room with another woman (I don't know how he pulled that off but he did). Third, be the best husband/father you can be. Take the initiative in family activities. Fourth, be prepared for a long row to hoe. She may forgive you in weeks, or months or years. But she will never, ever forget. You'll be carrying that scarlett "A" till you die. Just consider it a huge life lesson and use it for a reminder of what NOT to do. It's a fine line between mending fences with the wife and just handing her you balls for the rest of your life. Do it the right way. |
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From what you describe, you seem like a real dick. However, realizing you're a real dick means you don't have to always be a real dick. Your future is wide open; do not squander it. "yeah but sometimes dicks fuck assholes and sometimes they fuck pussys" |
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Quoted:
I am at a very low point right now. I have done some very bad things to a woman that I love dearly and I am having a hard time living with the guilt. i am a horrible person. And after this woman has given me second chance after second chance she is finally done with me and moving on. We have a wonderful 9 month old daughter and I cant help but think that they would both be better off if I was gone. The last year has been full of extreme highs and devastating lows for both of us. I didnt realize during this time that I was the one to blame for every low point. I have been so selfish. i now see everything that I have done so clearly. Everytime I hurt her. I have destroyed every dream she has ever had. I have always felt very strongly that some people dont deserve the air that they breath and now I am one of these people. I have ruined three lives. I dont reallly know why am typing this out. Maybe for pity or help Im not sure. It's easy to think "We'll, if I leave the scene, they'll do better without me." It's much harder to be the man who steps up to the plate and decides he will be the asset, the one who helps, the one whose option isn't to either hurt or get out of the way, but to bring up those around him. You might have been a dick, you might be the worst person in the world, but if you are truly sorry, you won't bow out, because that isn't enough. You need to be a positive force, and that's much harder than simply saying "I quit." |