Posted: 3/11/2010 7:02:14 PM EDT
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A few times lately I have chuckled about various 'field expedient' things I have had to do, and it occurred to me we needed a thread where we could hear some stories like that. The ones I was laughing at lately were back when I lived in the bus. First week of July 1997 in Montana (on the way to Oregon), as I recall, we had a flat and could only afford a used tire and the only one we could scrounge was too big for the wheel well, but fit the rim. Solution? OA torch the body parts off that are rubbing, and just try not to cut it all the way to the right!  Come to think of it, on that same trip, night of the 3rd/morn of the 4th my steering pump went out, and the stripper who had hitched a ride with us managed to have a couple of local guys appear with one almost before I had the old one off. Turns out, you can make a LOT of different steering pumps work on a 360 if you have enough washers with you. Damn, that trip was rough. I just remembered that in the 'hills' west of Missoula my water pump sprang a leak from that little seep hole in the bottom- a bad one. As in, we are going to be refilling the radiator from mountain streams by the time that slow sucker got back to civilization if something didn't happen. It took me about an hour to get it jammed in there above the harmonic balancer, but turns out a 1/2"x1.25" coarse thread bolt will plug one of those suckers if you wrap enough electrical tape around it. For months, in fact, I left that pump in there for another year. One time I really had somewhere to be and the tail lights went out. Tricky short (I figured it out the next day, but I had to be somewhere that night), so I had a couple of hitch-hikers sit in the back windows, I shit you not, with two flashlights with red tape over the lenses shining or blinking on command. LOL!!! I had forgotten about most of this stuff until just now. I better stop or no one is going to read all this. I have more, though. Ok, one more, not from the bus. I just remembered that after my sister's dad and I got done working Super Bowl 29 in Miami and were headed to TX in his motor home, the fuel pump went out in the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere MS. Anyway, luckily, it was one of the old school ride with the dog house over the engine, so we found a windex bottle and took the air filter off and just squirted gas into the float bowl as we drove. I do remember that when that little flash fire popped up on top of the engine, somehow my body had jumped to the rear of the motor home before my mind interpreted the event. I may have skipped the OODA loop on that one. As I recall, a patrolman got behind us and escorted us to town, probably expecting us to blow up the whole time, but we got to town!!  (He underestimated the wind sheer on the next leg of that trip when he was trying to get it back to MN and those harsh Iowa winter winds blew it slap over on I-35, but I was not with for that part) |
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My wife came home one evening, and I noticed her tire was losing air. A quick look revealed a drywall screw in the tread. Not having a tire repair kit, I pulled the screw out, wrapped it in teflon tape, screwed it back in, and gobbed some silicone caulk on the head. I aired it up and told her she needed to stop the next morning at the first tire shop she came to and have it repaired correctly.
Three days later  she brings it to the tire shop. The mechanic took one look at it and asked, "Miss, what the heck is this?" My wife sheepishly replied, "My husband's a carpenter." He followed up with, "Well, I gotta admit, it's still holding air."
Just a couple of weeks ago, we had finished one house and were starting another. We currently use foil-backed OSB for roof sheathing, but my boss had used a small triangle scrap of unfaced OSB to fill in a spot. No big deal, we though, until the builder walked through and saw it. He said we had to replace it––no easy task after being nailed down and felted. The lead guy and I begrudgingly walked over to fix it, and the HVAC guy was there, too, holding a roll of foil duct tape. I asked for a roll of the tape, and a few minutes later––presto! Problem solved. Or so we thought...the damn superintendent had seen what we were doing and made us do it the hard way. FFFFUUUUUU.....!!!! 
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I'm not sure that I'd call it "redneck", but definitly a field repair.
Me, my dad, and his friend were going to Padre Island on year, for a fishing tournament. We were in my dad's beach truck. We stopped for gas, and drinks. Filled up the tank, and headed out. About a mile down the road, we hear a loud CLUNK, followed by a dragging sound. The mounts holding up the gas tank had rusted in two, and we were dragging the 35 gallon fuel tank down the fucking road. We pulled into some restaraunt parking lot, and with a bottle jack, some stainless steel shark leader, and a Hunts tomato sauce can (the 1 gallon size) that was pilfered out of the dumspter, we jacked up the tank, wired it up, and were on our way. When dad sold that truck 2 years or so later, it was still working fine. |
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/smilies/smiley_abused.gif[/img] .snip. Man, anywhere along I10 except in Gulfport, is nowhere MS. Good stories. I could post some of Moss Point's finest repair pics when I run up on them. eta: Buddy and I were headed to N. Ala to hunt arrowheads and had to change a water pump on the side of Interstate 65 with a fubared tool kit contained in a hospital wash pan. On the way back his wipers gave out in a driving rain storm and had to use our hands to keep the window clear until we could find a place to rig the wiper arm back together. Almost headed an 18 wheeler on a curve in that rain. We stopped soon thereafter. |
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My favorite story like this happened several years ago when I was leaving work one night.
It's late, and very cold. The windows in my car were instantly fogged up, so genius me decides to roll the window down to stick my head out to see if I can back up. Why call myself a genius, you ask? Because I had a brain fart that wiped out the memory of my window being messing up. Cold Weather + bad window = Broken window mount. So, me being me, I jumped out to get the duct tape from the trunk. I pulled the window back up close to where it was supposed to be, and taped it like a mummy. Yep, a shiny black BMW with a duct taped window is a redneck thing of beauty. |
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I lost the sunroof from my sister's car... at speed... in the middle of a Southeast Idaho winter. There were nothing left but a few glass crumbs and the handle. The car spent a few days with a pizza box duct taped over the gaping hole in the roof to keep the snow out until I found a replacement. My old Acura Integra was white. Appliance White, according to the matching can of Krylon touch-up paint I kept in the trunk. |
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The most recent was about three years ago. I went to my trusty old Volvo 740 to drive to work. I started it up, put it in reverse, and it stalled. Started it back up, and it died right away. I started it up again, kept my foot on the gas, and it would sort of idle.
Lifted the hood, had the wife keep her foot on the gas, and as soon as I stuck my head under the hood I heard a massive vacuum leak. The hose going from the intake to the brake booster is attached to the booster with a plastic fitting. The fitting has a round disc that pops into place and seals the fitting, I guess it is intended to serve as some kind of test or service port. The plastic disc was gone, so I had a massive vacuum leak, the car wasn't going to make it to work like that. I looked at it for a second or two, figured the fitting was an inch or so wide, and started thinking. I checked my pockets but didn't have what I needed, so I asked my wife if she had a quarter, she thought I was telling her the part would cost a quarter, and in a way she was right. She did have a quarter, and I stuck it into the place that the plastic disc should have been, and the car was running like a champ again. I took some electrical tape and made sure that the quarter wasn't going to fall out, and it was still there when I sold it. |
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My own McGuyver moment was a Christmas Eve drive on US58 in VA. The fan belt on the old VW rabbit died and there wasn't even a lit up house in sight. I freaked, then looked through my various trunk stuff and found a bungee cord made out of essentially strips of innertube.
All I had to do was to run the water pump to limp the 7 miles back to the last actual town that I recalled (Broadnax?). The first loop-o-bungee lasted a mile, with no headlights, just parking lights (the alternator was out of the loop). I made the last and final one and limped it all the way back to the town. The mechanic was like 'is this how you got it here?' I was so proud until I had to fork over the 110 bucks for his emergency call out (in 1985 dollars) to the shop. |
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Did this gem the other day...
Scenario: I'm painting a 87 Silverado that I bought 4 months ago. Don't worry, its a piece of shit but the motor is pretty nice 350 carb conversion
Problem: Getting the bed off by myself with just a engine hoist and a few chains. Don't have the money to make some fancy bracket and don't have enough straps to grab the bed anyways. The body work was already done and was worried pulling under the rails would fuck all that up. Solution: weld some shit to the floor and hope for the best. It's getting Line-X'd anyways... and yes the dude who I bought the truck from named it "Cream Puff" as seen across the windshield 
I was so proud
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Shoulda slid it off on some 4 by 4's. if thats aimed towards me I thought of a bunch better ways to do it but I was in a pinch, with borrowed equipment and not a lot of options. Hell it worked. The only reason I took those pics was just in case it failed so I could laugh at myself later |
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I've never been very mechanically inclined.
I remember watching my 'ol Man wrap a blown auto fuse with the foil from a pack of cigarettes. It worked from what I remembered. Forward a decade or so. My '72 MG Midget had a blown fuse. So I did what any prudent mechanic would do and wrapped it with the cigarette foil. Cranked it up and low and behold, the tach started working. Then I smelled the smoke. By the time I got out and looked into the engine bay, all of the insulation had melted off the entire harness. Now I pay folks to work on my vehicles. |
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Quoted: Did this gem the other day... Scenario: I'm painting a 87 Silverado that I bought 4 months ago. Don't worry, its a piece of shit but the motor is pretty nice 350 carb conversionProblem: Getting the bed off by myself with just a engine hoist and a few chains. Don't have the money to make some fancy bracket and don't have enough straps to grab the bed anyways. The body work was already done and was worried pulling under the rails would fuck all that up. Solution: weld some shit to the floor and hope for the best. It's getting Line-X'd anyways... and yes the dude who I bought the truck from named it "Cream Puff" as seen across the windshield http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k89/cuzzy06/My%20Trucks/l_48da0617238a4b1289cd3765ea06715d.jpg http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k89/cuzzy06/My%20Trucks/GUNS051.jpg http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k89/cuzzy06/My%20Trucks/GUNS053.jpg http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k89/cuzzy06/My%20Trucks/GUNS050.jpg http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k89/cuzzy06/My%20Trucks/GUNS054.jpg http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k89/cuzzy06/My%20Trucks/GUNS055.jpg I was so proud you remind me of my dad. I went into his barn last spring and he had 2 snowmobiles up in the hayloft. it's 30 ft up and the only access is ladder. no idea how he did it. |
| The year, 1976. I'm 16 and broke. So's my dad. I have, to use, a POS Ford Commuter station wagon with a bad muffler and totally rusted out. 390 won't quit. The gas tank was leaking bad––it began leaking not so bad but several days later is was stinking and dripping. I didn't know anything. I clipped ther ubber fuel line and jambed it on the windshield washer bottle and filled that with a gas can. Every 9 miles––and about 100 times for a month untill something else broke and we junked her. |
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Quoted: I've never been very mechanically inclined. I remember watching my 'ol Man wrap a blown auto fuse with the foil from a pack of cigarettes. It worked from what I remembered. Forward a decade or so. My '72 MG Midget had a blown fuse. So I did what any prudent mechanic would do and wrapped it with the cigarette foil. Cranked it up and low and behold, the tach started working. Then I smelled the smoke. By the time I got out and looked into the engine bay, all of the insulation had melted off the entire harness. Now I pay folks to work on my vehicles.  |
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Shoulda slid it off on some 4 by 4's. if thats aimed towards me I thought of a bunch better ways to do it but I was in a pinch, with borrowed equipment and not a lot of options. Hell it worked. The only reason I took those pics was just in case it failed so I could laugh at myself later Only thing that counts. |
Tire blew out in Northern Louisiana, 5pm on a Sunday:
Took the brake line with it: 
It sucked all the fluid out of the other half of the master cylinder when it happened. Drove back to Tampa with a TINY bit of pressure before it hit the floorboard. Was enough to slow me down in rush hour traffic coming into Tampa. The E-brake hated me but I had a 6 speed manual in the car so that was minimal. Fixing the neighbors fork lift leak. OSHA can suck my cock. So can the Grim Reaper. 
More forklift fun, just screwing around with the Porsche 944: 
Also put a 6 speed manual in my 96 Impala with the little forklift ^. Picked up up by the front crossmember and had the rear wheels on those ramps you buy at the auto parts store. Got my ass reamed a new one on that one by the internet experts that swore I should be dead. Unfortunately, I can't find the pictures.
Same car, the throw out fork pivot bolt broke. I drilled it, tapped it for a bigger bolt. Went to a machine shop and had them make me a bolt. It had to be like 8mm thread on one end, some smooth space, then 1/2" or so where it went into the trans. The hole was wallowed out from my butchering it. So I put it in with Red Head epoxy. That lasted a year and a half at least. |
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I had a '79 Datsun pickup that the heater control valve died on in the dead of winter. I went to every junkyard and import auto store trying to find one. I finally went to Lowes and bought an inline water valve and thread reducers to get the OD of the valve to match the ID of the hose.
I used teflon tape on all of the threads and hose clamped it in place. When I wanted heat I had to turn the knob to open the valve. The guys at work made fun of me for it but it worked and was still on the truck when the frame finally broke in two and I took it to the junkyard. |
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Driving the family truckster through TN last winter for a 3-day weekend and we stop for lunch. Go to start her back up and nothing. No click, zip, nothing, nada.
Pop the hood and the positive battery terminal was a crusty lump of green corrosion. Wash the crud away with a Coke and my toothbrush and half the terminal was gone. There was no way it was going to hold onto the battery post at all. How we got that far I'll never know. So here we are, at some little one-horse interstate exit, with not much more than two gas stations and a McDonalds, and we're not at a gas station. I don't have shit for tools since we're in the wife's van, and all I have is my swingin' cod and a pocket Gerber mini-multitool. Luckily we do have a get-home bag in the van, so I was able to use some paracord to rig up a cat's cradle to put enough tension on the battery terminal to get us to the gas station, whereupon the paracord was promptly replaced with a daisy chain of zipties. It got us another 100 miles without incident. |
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Truck died as we were pulling boat out the water... So we used the boat to push the truck and trailer home. 
http://i76.photobucket.com/albums/j26/louisianarebel14/IMGP0110.jpg YOU FUCKING WIN! 
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I lost the sunroof from my sister's car... at speed... in the middle of a Southeast Idaho winter. There were nothing left but a few glass crumbs and the handle.
I have done that. It happens all of a sudden, don't it? LOL Years ago I was in Atlanta on a contract job in a rented minivan. One of the guys rolled down a window to smoke and poof, the rear glass blew out. We thought at first that somebody took a shot at us but nobody heard an impact or saw anything hit it. Yeah, It happens all of a sudden all right.
I patched an exhaust with a coke can and a coat hanger in my youth. |
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Paracord saves the day. I was 34 mi from the highway and a cell signal. I hit a rock with my cross member and when it pushed up my transfer case it pulled on the shift linkage enough to bust the end attached to my shifter. Luckily I had my tools and some para cord.
What makes it redneck.. that was 1.5 years ago, and I still have the para cord on there! 
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had a 79 honda accord beater years ago and the ignition switch (located in the steering column) crapped out.
replacement switch was over $100, no way was i putting that much into it. 10' of wire and 2 toggle switches, 1spst for the power & 1 momentary for the starter total cost $5, drove the car for two more years. |
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I successfully charged a 12v car battery with a chainsaw.
I grew up helping work on cars, tractors, heavy equipment, ect. with my dad so I 've always had good mechanical aptitude. Hell, I work on aircraft for a living now. Back when I was in high school, my first truck was a 76 chevy truck, inline six cyl. , 3 on the tree. A very easy truck to work on. Anyways me and a buddy was going fishing. We took off with a flatbottom boat in the bed of the truck with only a 12v tolling motor. The place we was fishing was about twenty miles from the nearest house or phone. When we got to the lake, we noticed we had forgotten our trolling motor battery, so we took the battery out of the truck and used it for the trolling motor. By the time we got back to the truck from fishing, we had run the battery down too low to start the truck. We` tried roll-starting but no luck. We were pissed because we knew we would have to walk nearly 20 miles to call for help. I was trying to think of a way to try to start the damn thing and had a crazy idea. I had a chainsaw in the truck because I had cut some firewood early that morning. I thought if I took the bar and chain off the saw, took the belt off the altenator, and put it on the saw sprocket to the altenator, with the key on, it would charge the battery. So here I am standing on the front bumper holding the damn saw up to hold tension on the belt to spin the altenator, while my buddy is laughing his ass off saying it won't work. After about five minutes, (what seemed like an hour) of holding that heavy ass saw up, we put the belt back on and give it a try. The damn truck started, and we both started laughing, saying no one is gonna believe this shit. We got home and we was telling my Dad about what we done, all proud of it and all. He said jokingly "That pretty good thinking, but your still a dumbass for leaving your other battery" 
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Travelling around the country in a schoolbus as old as I was taught me one of life's big lessons:
It Don't Matter What It Used To Be- All That Matters Is What It Needs To Be Now. 
Nothing too fancy, but an AR-15 rear sight spring (the big one) WILL fix the hood release cable on a 1997 Isuzu Hombre: 
I'm also in the process of building my own screen printing press (no AR-15 parts yet): 
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While elk hunting the starter relay on my yeep died waaaaaaaaay the fuck up in the mountains by canadia, no tools with me but I had my AR in case I saw any coyotes and it had a cleaning kit with one of the fold up rods.
Used that to jumper from the battery to the relay. also..... building our new shop 
co-worker forgot his rain coat. 
was over at my parents house a few years back and dad could'nt find a ladder. 
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