[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Dating advice. (Page 1 of 2)
Posted: 3/3/2016 9:13:48 PM EDT
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I have been dating an exceptionally nice young lady who is everything I could ever want in a companion. She has a very good heart and is just a fantastic person all the way around. She is very thoughtful and compassionate, hard working and motivated. She loves children, does charity work & typically helps people more than they help themselves. I cant say enough good about this gal! My only holdup is that she is (in my opinion) overly religious, maybe even fanatical. So much so that she believes that intercourse is only for procreation, if its not for procreation,, its off limits.  But she frequents church and says that it is "non negotiable" to be a member of her same faith if we are to have any type of future relationship. Im not much of the church type. Ive never enjoyed it and generally see church as a money making scam, and I don't believe in an invisible person hiding in the sky that overlooks my every move and gets mad at me when I do things that I want to do, then guilt trip everyone then charge you 10%. I've told her that I will go to church with her when she goes, but Im only going to spend more time with her. I've tried the religion thing before, devoutly, and it just doesn't float my boat. (Very long story) I believe Im a good person and I want her in my life, but I don't want to do something dishonest and get all into her religion if I don't truly believe it. What do I do?? If she could just tone down her radical religiousness I things would be fantastic! I mean, its to the point that I don't think she has ever had a dirty thought in her entire life because its "impure" and "immoral". Its almost baffling to me that an adult can live so innocently. My bottom line is, I want this gal in my life but I don't want to have to change myself to do it. Sorry for the long story..
Thanks! |
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I have been dating an exceptionally nice young lady who is everything I could ever want in a companion. She has a very good heart and is just a fantastic person all the way around. She is very thoughtful and compassionate, hard working and motivated. She loves children, does charity work & typically helps people more than they help themselves. I cant say enough good about this gal! My only holdup is that she is (in my opinion) overly religious, maybe even fanatical. So much so that she believes that intercourse is only for procreation, if its not for procreation,, its off limits. But she frequents church and says that it is "non negotiable" to be a member of her same faith if we are to have any type of future relationship. Im not much of the church type. Ive never enjoyed it and generally see church as a money making scam, and I don't believe in an invisible person hiding in the sky that overlooks my every move and gets mad at me when I do things that I want to do, then guilt trip everyone then charge you 10%. I've told her that I will go to church with her when she goes, but Im only going to spend more time with her. I've tried the religion thing before, devoutly, and it just doesn't float my boat. (Very long story) I believe Im a good person and I want her in my life, but I don't want to do something dishonest and get all into her religion if I don't truly believe it. What do I do?? If she could just tone down her radical religiousness I things would be fantastic! I mean, its to the point that I don't think she has ever had a dirty thought in her entire life because its "impure" and "immoral". Its almost baffling to me that an adult can live so innocently. My bottom line is, I want this gal in my life but I don't want to have to change myself to do it. Sorry for the long story..
Thanks! You won't change. She won't change. Do the math yourself. |
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You won't change. She won't change. Do the math yourself. Quoted:
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I have been dating an exceptionally nice young lady who is everything I could ever want in a companion. She has a very good heart and is just a fantastic person all the way around. She is very thoughtful and compassionate, hard working and motivated. She loves children, does charity work & typically helps people more than they help themselves. I cant say enough good about this gal! My only holdup is that she is (in my opinion) overly religious, maybe even fanatical. So much so that she believes that intercourse is only for procreation, if its not for procreation,, its off limits. But she frequents church and says that it is "non negotiable" to be a member of her same faith if we are to have any type of future relationship. Im not much of the church type. Ive never enjoyed it and generally see church as a money making scam, and I don't believe in an invisible person hiding in the sky that overlooks my every move and gets mad at me when I do things that I want to do, then guilt trip everyone then charge you 10%. I've told her that I will go to church with her when she goes, but Im only going to spend more time with her. I've tried the religion thing before, devoutly, and it just doesn't float my boat. (Very long story) I believe Im a good person and I want her in my life, but I don't want to do something dishonest and get all into her religion if I don't truly believe it. What do I do?? If she could just tone down her radical religiousness I things would be fantastic! I mean, its to the point that I don't think she has ever had a dirty thought in her entire life because its "impure" and "immoral". Its almost baffling to me that an adult can live so innocently. My bottom line is, I want this gal in my life but I don't want to have to change myself to do it. Sorry for the long story..
Thanks! You won't change. She won't change. Do the math yourself. Yes, you are both incompatible and you cannot change anyone. You will be miserable chasing a Unicorn and ultimately will fail. |
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Not sure what this procreation only sex thing is about but if she is a committed Christian and your not I really don't know why she is even hanging out with you. Something a bit strange there.
Sex between married believers is encouraged by scripture. 1 Corinthians 7:1 Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. 3 The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. Plus, did you mention if she like guns ? If the LORD is in this he will make a way. Nothing wrong with doing the right thing anyway. When I found the right one I would have walked through fire for her. |
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Thanks for all the replies.
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Bail or be miserable for life because you can't have sex. That or great troll thread Arent most married people miserable? lol Also, I assure you, not a troll thread. Quoted:
did you mention if she like guns ? Yes she loves guns. She even comes ice fishing and duck hunting with me, she is a avid snowmobiler and 4 wheeler and loves the outdoors. Hell, I think she fly fishes better than I do. I think the hardest thing, is I have come to love her family. And my dad (who died in september) got really close to her right before he died. I am honestly willing to be reasonable about most thing, hence the fact that I will actually attend church with her,, but it appears that she isn't willing to bend on anything at all. Its either "your going to do it my way or we wont have a future". I don't really care about the sexless future as much as the good companionship. We really mesh very well. It seems like everything fits about us except the religion thing. and people have told me that "oh, once she actually gets some lovins she will change her mind...". Quoted:
Not sure what this procreation only sex thing is about but if she is a committed Christian and your not I really don't know why she is even hanging out with you. She says she can feel the spirit strongly around me and believes I will change.. 
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When I found the right one I would have walked through fire for her. But would you change your personal beliefs to be with her? |
| This is not an attack, so please don't take it that way, but let's reverse this. She should give up her beliefs and faith to be with you who will not accept her as she is? I don't know what religion or beliefs she follows, so I'm not saying that to stick up for them. In my opinion, faith is stronger than nonfaith. I'm not saying to call it quits, but am saying if you are the reason she chose to leave her beliefs, good chance that it will come back to haunt you later. |
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From the outdoor trips she sounds like a keeper. Pics of her with a gun would confirm that though. haha.
Yes, yes I could, and do, and did change for the right one. You see, LOVE is the Strongest force in the universe. From what you are telling me I believe she was put in your life for a reason. The fact that she is standing firm on her standards and morals is the greatest thing you could ever find in any person. The Lord can use any means he deems fit to draw us to him including beautiful women. Please read Proverbs 31 today and see if she fits the profile offered there. Everyday we make decisions that will change the outcome of our lives forever. Remember , don't let the little head make your decisions for you. |
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Bail Dude. You will be miserable in that relationship. She has a warped sense of self worth caused by her religious views. Not all marriages are miserable, some wonderful, tolerable, etc. They are what you both make of them.
Eject from the relationship. BTW, you would not buy a Maserati without test driving it would you? Think about that when it comes to woman you plan on staying with the REST OF YOUR LIFE. Most know I am not religious but this is more about relationships and less about beliefs so I felt compelled to post. |
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Bail Dude. You will be miserable in that relationship. She has a warped sense of self worth caused by her religious views. Not all marriages are miserable, some wonderful, tolerable, etc. They are what you both make of them. Eject from the relationship. BTW, you would not buy a Maserati without test driving it would you? Think about that when it comes to woman you plan on staying with the REST OF YOUR LIFE. Most know I am not religious but this is more about relationships and less about beliefs so I felt compelled to post. So she is not worth what she thinks she is? That's good to know. Maybe he should tell her that before he decides to bail? |
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Run.
That "feel the spirit around" thing would freak me out, and the "no sex" is just crazy. About the only thing I can think of in the Bible where it says married people should NOT have sex is some of the old testament hygiene rules around menstruation. She's got issues. |
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Run. That "feel the spirit around" thing would freak me out, and the "no sex" is just crazy. About the only thing I can think of in the Bible where it says married people should NOT have sex is some of the old testament hygiene rules around menstruation. She's got issues. This is correct. She is twisting the Bible to say something she wishes is said, but it doesn't. |
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There is no perfect woman, like there is no perfect man.
How about you take her out for a long hike and lay out everything you just posted here. Walk her through it? I would say your attitude on religion (man in the sky) is pretty disrespectful to her. That said, compatible partners don't need anywhere near the same religious views, if they are respectful to each other. And talk her through the sex stuff, she sounds like someone with strong principals, I wouldn't take that to mean she is a prude. Maybe ask her how important she thinks that is to a successful relationship/marriage. Not knowing her age, there are a lot of women out there pretending to be virgins who are anything but. You definitely want to sort through principal/bullshit/low sex drive. Anyway, like most relationship posts here, you're better off actually asking her all of these questions, rather than a bunch of jaded strangers with too much free time on her hands. |
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This is correct. She is twisting the Bible to say something she wishes is said, but it doesn't. Quoted:
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Run. That "feel the spirit around" thing would freak me out, and the "no sex" is just crazy. About the only thing I can think of in the Bible where it says married people should NOT have sex is some of the old testament hygiene rules around menstruation. She's got issues. This is correct. She is twisting the Bible to say something she wishes is said, but it doesn't. This. If you have to logic-her out of crazyland on this kind of stuff, on the "big" life consequential stuff? Get ready to do this for everything, all the time. She has something funky in her head, you know it's nuts. Your buddies know it's nuts. The stranger buddies on the internet know it's nuts. "I can't have sex because ___made_up_reason__" just screams, "she needs a therapist, something's going on" But she's got some good qualities, and as a result, you open the hood and try to fix her thinking mistakes. IMHO, this is the kind of red flag stuff that you'll hear divorced guys talk about. "I tried so hard, I kept fixing things, I ignored my own needs, it was always me doing the bending, always me doing the forgiving. I was miserable while with her, with small happy moments. Now I can't see my kids, and I'm broke. YMMV OP" Hormones are a tricky thing 
Liking guns and looking cute - is something you can find in many women, that's not special enough to get an auto-pass to the semi finals. Bet you like her a lot, in order to be even considering ignoring the red flags you've already seen. Opinion: Slowly uninvest. Work on yourself Chicks don't want a "Scrub". To them, if you're not somebody, you're nobody. Then, the lady will want you. You'll often notice how women are willing to set their time to your clock, when they like your brand. |
| I'm confused on the sex part. What religion teaches this? The bible clearly teaches that you should not deny your mate. Your body is not your own. In fact divorce is acceptable in cases of abandonment, one such way being refusing your mate intercourse. You sure you are understanding correctly? |
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Personally I would bail. Another poster was right about saying she is twisting the Bible to say something she wants it to say. People who are that ingrained in their beliefs don't change unless their belief system is broken or a traumatic event happens where a response from the higher power doesn't come, combined with the mental instability of grief with the traumatic event it is enough to be a life and belief altering ordeal. You could sit down and have a heart to heart with her and tell her exactly how you feel and see if it makes any change. The only issue is false hope if she says "I'll work on it", you'll keep hoping and she will keep thinking she's changing but she's not.
PS: you could try laying down some pick up lines and talking dirty to her to see if she's digging it at all, if not then refer to the paragraph above. |
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I'm confused on the sex part. What religion teaches this? The bible clearly teaches that you should not deny your mate. Your body is not your own. In fact divorce is acceptable in cases of abandonment, one such way being refusing your mate intercourse. You sure you are understanding correctly? In before the OP's girlfriend is revealed to be a Catholic and either the OP or the girlfriend is misrepresenting or misunderstanding Catholic teaching, which is that sex is both unitive and creative and should be separated from neither of those characteristics. |
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But she frequents church and says that it is "non negotiable" to be a member of her same faith if we are to have any type of future relationship. Had to ponder this a bit more once I noticed were you live. Is she LDS? Most Christian churches should have some freedom to them but if she is LDS then I could see were this could be "non negotiable" to her. 2 Corinthians 3:17 Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. |
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Never understood the "sex is only for procreation" thing, and I've always considered myself fairly religious.
IMO, the "sex is only for procreation" is a big issue if you aren't on the same page. Trying to pressure her to abandon that belief could also backfire in a big way. Then there is the religion issue. IMO, you both need to be on the same page if you're ever going to consider the prospect of marriage. I get that she's a very good girl, but those are two huge issues. |
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Thanks for all the replies. I don't really care about the sexless future as much as the good companionship. We really mesh very well. It seems like everything fits about us except the religion thing. and people have told me that "oh, once she actually gets some lovins she will change her mind...". It might not be a big deal now, but it will become one. Don't count on her changing her mind, either. That's an extremely dangerous view, hoping that she'll change her mind once she experiences sex. |
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There is no perfect woman, like there is no perfect man. How about you take her out for a long hike and lay out everything you just posted here. Walk her through it? I would say your attitude on religion (man in the sky) is pretty disrespectful to her. That said, compatible partners don't need anywhere near the same religious views, if they are respectful to each other. And talk her through the sex stuff, she sounds like someone with strong principals, I wouldn't take that to mean she is a prude. Maybe ask her how important she thinks that is to a successful relationship/marriage. Not knowing her age, there are a lot of women out there pretending to be virgins who are anything but. You definitely want to sort through principal/bullshit/low sex drive. Anyway, like most relationship posts here, you're better off actually asking her all of these questions, rather than a bunch of jaded strangers with too much free time on her hands. Might seem that way...until children come into the picture. Then suddenly it can become a huge obstacle in the marriage. |
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Had to ponder this a bit more once I noticed were you live. Is she LDS? Most Christian churches should have some freedom to them but if she is LDS then I could see were this could be "non negotiable" to her. 2 Corinthians 3:17 Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. Quoted:
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But she frequents church and says that it is "non negotiable" to be a member of her same faith if we are to have any type of future relationship. Had to ponder this a bit more once I noticed were you live. Is she LDS? Most Christian churches should have some freedom to them but if she is LDS then I could see were this could be "non negotiable" to her. 2 Corinthians 3:17 Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. Nothing in the LDS faith teaches that sex is only for procreation. |
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Nothing in the LDS faith teaches that sex is only for procreation. Quoted:
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But she frequents church and says that it is "non negotiable" to be a member of her same faith if we are to have any type of future relationship. Had to ponder this a bit more once I noticed were you live. Is she LDS? Most Christian churches should have some freedom to them but if she is LDS then I could see were this could be "non negotiable" to her. 2 Corinthians 3:17 Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. Nothing in the LDS faith teaches that sex is only for procreation. I can't think of ANY religion that says that...heck, even the Puritans would divorce over withholding from your spouse. |
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I can't think of ANY religion that says that...heck, even the Puritans would divorce over withholding from your spouse. Quoted:
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But she frequents church and says that it is "non negotiable" to be a member of her same faith if we are to have any type of future relationship. Had to ponder this a bit more once I noticed were you live. Is she LDS? Most Christian churches should have some freedom to them but if she is LDS then I could see were this could be "non negotiable" to her. 2 Corinthians 3:17 Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. Nothing in the LDS faith teaches that sex is only for procreation. I can't think of ANY religion that says that...heck, even the Puritans would divorce over withholding from your spouse. In my experience and opinion, when someone believes that sex is only for procreation, it is almost always because of something taught by a parent to them, not from their church. My dad told me of a case involving an LDS man who had been taught by his mother that sex was always evil. Makes me wonder where the mother's issues come from. Anyway, this messed-up young man got married and wouldn't touch his wife for a year. The bride's dad (an LDS bishop) keyed in on something being wrong. When he found out what was going on he intervened and the marriage was annulled. His daughter later remarried and went into her second marriage still a virgin. |
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Quoted: In before the OP's girlfriend is revealed to be a Catholic and either the OP or the girlfriend is misrepresenting or misunderstanding Catholic teaching, which is that sex is both unitive and creative and should be separated from neither of those characteristics. Quoted: Quoted: I'm confused on the sex part. What religion teaches this? The bible clearly teaches that you should not deny your mate. Your body is not your own. In fact divorce is acceptable in cases of abandonment, one such way being refusing your mate intercourse. You sure you are understanding correctly? In before the OP's girlfriend is revealed to be a Catholic and either the OP or the girlfriend is misrepresenting or misunderstanding Catholic teaching, which is that sex is both unitive and creative and should be separated from neither of those characteristics. That would be an interesting twist. |
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Quoted: Had to ponder this a bit more once I noticed were you live. Is she LDS? Most Christian churches should have some freedom to them but if she is LDS then I could see were this could be "non negotiable" to her. 2 Corinthians 3:17 Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. Quoted: Quoted: But she frequents church and says that it is "non negotiable" to be a member of her same faith if we are to have any type of future relationship. Had to ponder this a bit more once I noticed were you live. Is she LDS? Most Christian churches should have some freedom to them but if she is LDS then I could see were this could be "non negotiable" to her. 2 Corinthians 3:17 Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. Never have I heard of any LDS saying that sex is only for procreation. |
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Never have I heard of any LDS saying that sex is only for procreation. Quoted:
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But she frequents church and says that it is "non negotiable" to be a member of her same faith if we are to have any type of future relationship. Had to ponder this a bit more once I noticed were you live. Is she LDS? Most Christian churches should have some freedom to them but if she is LDS then I could see were this could be "non negotiable" to her. 2 Corinthians 3:17 Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. Never have I heard of any LDS saying that sex is only for procreation. You, like others have completely missed the train of thought with that post. It was not about the procreation thing which is highly odd in itself, but was referring to the non negotiable clause to marry outside of her church. There are churches that do not allow members to intermarry with someone not committed to their faith. Violation yields banishment or disfellowship. |
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From the outdoor trips she sounds like a keeper. Pics of her with a gun would confirm that though. haha. Yes, yes I could, and do, and did change for the right one. You see, LOVE is the Strongest force in the universe. From what you are telling me I believe she was put in your life for a reason. The fact that she is standing firm on her standards and morals is the greatest thing you could ever find in any person. The Lord can use any means he deems fit to draw us to him including beautiful women. Please read Proverbs 31 today and see if she fits the profile offered there. Everyday we make decisions that will change the outcome of our lives forever. Remember , don't let the little head make your decisions for you. On the flip side of that, you need to give the little head a little input on this decision unless you plan on cutting it off later. It's not like you can tell your dick "no" and expect that to be the end of it. |
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You, like others have completely missed the train of thought with that post. It was not about the procreation thing which is highly odd in itself, but was referring to the non negotiable clause to marry outside of her church. There are churches that do not allow members to intermarry with someone not committed to their faith. Violation yields banishment or disfellowship. Quoted:
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But she frequents church and says that it is "non negotiable" to be a member of her same faith if we are to have any type of future relationship. Had to ponder this a bit more once I noticed were you live. Is she LDS? Most Christian churches should have some freedom to them but if she is LDS then I could see were this could be "non negotiable" to her. 2 Corinthians 3:17 Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. Never have I heard of any LDS saying that sex is only for procreation. You, like others have completely missed the train of thought with that post. It was not about the procreation thing which is highly odd in itself, but was referring to the non negotiable clause to marry outside of her church. There are churches that do not allow members to intermarry with someone not committed to their faith. Violation yields banishment or disfellowship. 
You're not as familiar with the LDS as you seem to think you are if you applied that to them. Now, since LDS doctrine about eternal families indicates that being sealed together in a temple is necessary, one can understand the importance that LDS doctrine and culture places on marrying another worthy LDS member. But there are LDS members who marry non-LDS folks every day and aren't banned nor disfellowshipped for it. My sister married a non-LDS man (I believe he comes from a Catholic background, though neither really practices the faith of their childhood) yet she would be welcomed back at church in a heartbeat. Goodness, her husband would be welcomed with her. In fact, for years she's had "visiting teachers" (LDS women from the local congregation) come visit her to see if she needed anything or even just a friend to chat with. Hardly the actions of a church that would seek to punish someone for not marrying within the faith. I've been to Sunday gospel doctrine classes taught by LDS members who were married to non-LDS people. My wife's young women's teacher at church when she was a teenager was Nancy Daines, who was married to Jim Mcmahon at the time. He even attended LDS church meetings from time to time. Now, on an individual level some things like church membership and activity may be non-negotiable. |
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Quoted: You're not as familiar with the LDS as you seem to think you are if you applied that to them. Now, since LDS doctrine about eternal families indicates that being sealed together in a temple is necessary, one can understand the importance that LDS doctrine and culture places on marrying another worthy LDS member. But there are LDS members who marry non-LDS folks every day and aren't banned nor disfellowshipped for it. My sister married a non-LDS man (I believe he comes from a Catholic background, though neither really practices the faith of their childhood) yet she would be welcomed back at church in a heartbeat. Goodness, her husband would be welcomed with her. In fact, for years she's had "visiting teachers" (LDS women from the local congregation) come visit her to see if she needed anything or even just a friend to chat with. Hardly the actions of a church that would seek to punish someone for not marrying within the faith. I've been to Sunday gospel doctrine classes taught by LDS members who were married to non-LDS people. My wife's young women's teacher at church when she was a teenager was Nancy Daines, who was married to Jim Mcmahon at the time. He even attended LDS church meetings from time to time. Now, on an individual level some things like church membership and activity may be non-negotiable. What he was describing sounds more to me like what I've heard happen to Jehovah's Witnesses who've left their faith. |
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You, like others have completely missed the train of thought with that post. It was not about the procreation thing which is highly odd in itself, but was referring to the non negotiable clause to marry outside of her church. There are churches that do not allow members to intermarry with someone not committed to their faith. Violation yields banishment or disfellowship. Quoted:
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But she frequents church and says that it is "non negotiable" to be a member of her same faith if we are to have any type of future relationship. Had to ponder this a bit more once I noticed were you live. Is she LDS? Most Christian churches should have some freedom to them but if she is LDS then I could see were this could be "non negotiable" to her. 2 Corinthians 3:17 Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. Never have I heard of any LDS saying that sex is only for procreation. You, like others have completely missed the train of thought with that post. It was not about the procreation thing which is highly odd in itself, but was referring to the non negotiable clause to marry outside of her church. There are churches that do not allow members to intermarry with someone not committed to their faith. Violation yields banishment or disfellowship. That is not a practice of the LDS Church. I am married to a non-member, have been for close to 20 years. Still a member. |
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What he was describing sounds more to me like what I've heard happen to Jehovah's Witnesses who've left their faith. Quoted:
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You're not as familiar with the LDS as you seem to think you are if you applied that to them. Now, since LDS doctrine about eternal families indicates that being sealed together in a temple is necessary, one can understand the importance that LDS doctrine and culture places on marrying another worthy LDS member. But there are LDS members who marry non-LDS folks every day and aren't banned nor disfellowshipped for it. My sister married a non-LDS man (I believe he comes from a Catholic background, though neither really practices the faith of their childhood) yet she would be welcomed back at church in a heartbeat. Goodness, her husband would be welcomed with her. In fact, for years she's had "visiting teachers" (LDS women from the local congregation) come visit her to see if she needed anything or even just a friend to chat with. Hardly the actions of a church that would seek to punish someone for not marrying within the faith. I've been to Sunday gospel doctrine classes taught by LDS members who were married to non-LDS people. My wife's young women's teacher at church when she was a teenager was Nancy Daines, who was married to Jim Mcmahon at the time. He even attended LDS church meetings from time to time. Now, on an individual level some things like church membership and activity may be non-negotiable. What he was describing sounds more to me like what I've heard happen to Jehovah's Witnesses who've left their faith. Ah, I've known one or two who left the J.W. faith, but didn't ask details about what happened when they left. You may be right. |
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Quoted: Ah, I've known one or two who left the J.W. faith, but didn't ask details about what happened when they left. You may be right. Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: You're not as familiar with the LDS as you seem to think you are if you applied that to them. Now, since LDS doctrine about eternal families indicates that being sealed together in a temple is necessary, one can understand the importance that LDS doctrine and culture places on marrying another worthy LDS member. But there are LDS members who marry non-LDS folks every day and aren't banned nor disfellowshipped for it. My sister married a non-LDS man (I believe he comes from a Catholic background, though neither really practices the faith of their childhood) yet she would be welcomed back at church in a heartbeat. Goodness, her husband would be welcomed with her. In fact, for years she's had "visiting teachers" (LDS women from the local congregation) come visit her to see if she needed anything or even just a friend to chat with. Hardly the actions of a church that would seek to punish someone for not marrying within the faith. I've been to Sunday gospel doctrine classes taught by LDS members who were married to non-LDS people. My wife's young women's teacher at church when she was a teenager was Nancy Daines, who was married to Jim Mcmahon at the time. He even attended LDS church meetings from time to time. Now, on an individual level some things like church membership and activity may be non-negotiable. What he was describing sounds more to me like what I've heard happen to Jehovah's Witnesses who've left their faith. Ah, I've known one or two who left the J.W. faith, but didn't ask details about what happened when they left. You may be right. There were a few JW kids in my high school. Three of them (two were brothers) formed a band. Religious-themed music, very clean. They were good enough that they were in serious discussions with faith-based record labels. One of them (one of the pair of brothers) decided to leave the faith and the other two were forced by their families to shun him. I'm pretty sure he ended up having to move out of his parents' house and stay with a friend. That may not be typical, but I have limited knowledge of JW practices beyond that story. |
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Not sure what this procreation only sex thing is about but if she is a committed Christian and your not I really don't know why she is even hanging out with you. Something a bit strange there. Sex between married believers is encouraged by scripture. 1 Corinthians 7:1 Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. 3 The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. Plus, did you mention if she like guns ? If the LORD is in this he will make a way. Nothing wrong with doing the right thing anyway. When I found the right one I would have walked through fire for her. All of the above, plus you two sound as if you are unequally yoked. That's a deal breaker right there. |
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That is not a practice of the LDS Church. I am married to a non-member, have been for close to 20 years. Still a member. Quoted:
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But she frequents church and says that it is "non negotiable" to be a member of her same faith if we are to have any type of future relationship. Had to ponder this a bit more once I noticed were you live. Is she LDS? Most Christian churches should have some freedom to them but if she is LDS then I could see were this could be "non negotiable" to her. 2 Corinthians 3:17 Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. Never have I heard of any LDS saying that sex is only for procreation. You, like others have completely missed the train of thought with that post. It was not about the procreation thing which is highly odd in itself, but was referring to the non negotiable clause to marry outside of her church. There are churches that do not allow members to intermarry with someone not committed to their faith. Violation yields banishment or disfellowship. That is not a practice of the LDS Church. I am married to a non-member, have been for close to 20 years. Still a member. As you say, not a practice. Agreed. But even to some close nit family's of some faiths it could be an issue to marry outsiders. Guess it all depends were you come from. Of course we have some extreme versions of this in our world now that can be fatal. Was asking that question to try to understand her position or why it would be an issue. Thanks. |
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You are screwed move on...
The religious zealots, if they are hardline and not moderate/accepting, will poison any chance you have with her if you cannot brain wash yourself to praise the leader with the same devotion that they have. /edit I realize this isnt GD and checked after I posted to make sure. I stand by my comment. I have extremely religious friends, one of 30+ years, of various faiths(Ned Flanders types) that are fine because we dont push views on one another. The no sex except for procreation thing is a giant red flag and major clue. |
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You are screwed move on... The religious zealots, if they are hardline and not moderate/accepting, will poison any chance you have with her if you cannot brain wash yourself to praise the leader with the same devotion that they have. /edit I realize this isnt GD and checked after I posted to make sure. I stand by my comment. I have extremely religious friends, one of 30+ years, of various faiths(Ned Flanders types) that are fine because we dont push views on one another. The no sex except for procreation thing is a giant red flag and major clue. Concur with much of this. Note: OP, few people will ever work harder in telling you how happy their (often sexless) marriage is, than someone who is absolutely miserable in one. |
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Sir, The peoples opinion here.... are just that: their opinion. Does she treat you with respect? Is she honest? Does she seem to love you? Do you love her? Do you trust her? Does she trust you? Are you friends? You can't imagine life without her? She makes you want to be better? While sex AND BELIEF are very important parts of a relationship, a relationship should not be based on sex alone. As many couples who have grown together over the years will tell you. Ask anyone who has experienced difficulty in conceiving a child and are forced into a regiment. There is so so much more to it than JUST that. The real question is: Can YOU live with her belief or can you two come to some mutually agreed upon median. Ahhhh... the compromise option, along with honor, fidelity, moral options that aren't even a consideration. I've seen people do this thing... compromise. But you have doubts and you came here because you don't truly understand FAITH. If understanding and waiting for her is a deal breaker then move on;not for your sake but for hers. |
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Quoted: Concur with much of this. Note: OP, few people will ever work harder in telling you how happy their (often sexless) marriage is, than someone who is absolutely miserable in one. Quoted: Quoted: You are screwed move on... The religious zealots, if they are hardline and not moderate/accepting, will poison any chance you have with her if you cannot brain wash yourself to praise the leader with the same devotion that they have. /edit I realize this isnt GD and checked after I posted to make sure. I stand by my comment. I have extremely religious friends, one of 30+ years, of various faiths(Ned Flanders types) that are fine because we dont push views on one another. The no sex except for procreation thing is a giant red flag and major clue. Concur with much of this. Note: OP, few people will ever work harder in telling you how happy their (often sexless) marriage is, than someone who is absolutely miserable in one. |
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Don't marry someone of another faith unless one of you is going to convert to the other faith.
If there is more than one religion in the home, what usually happens is that there is no religion in the home. Children formed in the relationship will suffer accordingly. Just my two cents. |