[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Hidden Dangers of "Wet Ones"... (Page 1 of 3)
Posted: 4/14/2010 6:10:01 AM EDT
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This is a Shorts Story ... top heavy with TMI.
Okay, I have hesitated to tell this tale, but in the interest of public good ... 
So, a while back, there in the restroom, I felt a bit of a tickle down below ... No worries, there in the bathroom was a fresh pack of baby wipes, ripe for the pickin'. Common sense said they were the perfect item to prevent a forest fire. They stung a bit, but I figured anything a baby could handle, well, I too was up for it. The more I used them, the more I needed to use them. A forest fire broke loose and raged below. There came a time near the end where just the touch of the damn damnable things had me shaking like a cat sh*ttin' on a sheet of ice. But if babies could take it .... Then Mrs. L noticed my exaggerated walk, and being her astute self, said "WTF?" ... Busted. I went on to explain to her that I had encountered trouble down below and everything was going to be alright, as I was using the baby wipes she had so graciously supplied there in the bathroom. She gave me her old and familiar " You are dumber than a rotten stump " look and headed off towards the bathroom like a CDC scientist. Okay, Apparently successful in her research, I hear her howling in the back. She emerges with said "baby wipes" in hand. Now, let me explain that she never served in the Navy, but she took a language course in it ... which she used to yell to me that there is a blankety-blank-blank- - -blank - - blank difference between "Wet Ones" and Clorox Cleanups" Uh, who knew. In my defense, they were unmarked - label removed. Yes, yes, it was molded into the lid, don't get technical. Anyhow, the recovery period I won't bore you with the sordid details, but you can suffice it to say this ol' owl won't make that mistake again. 
If the telling of this prevents just one similar episode ... 
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We ran out of TP here (college house) in our upstairs bathroom and my roommate resorted to doing the same thing.
Only he was FULLY AWARE that they were Clorox wipes. His was a one time use kinda deal...but still had a similar experience. Said it was not very comfortable. |
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I read this out loud at work a few minutes ago and there is not a dry eye in the house!! No ... not from heart felt sympathy pains as you might expect but from HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER!!  ...  ...  ... eta: The folks that were trying to maintain some composure lost the battle with this line... Now, let me explain that she never served in the Navy, but she took a language course in it ... |
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Quoted:
Quoted:
Imagine how bad it would have been if you weren't a Texan, and instead some Yankee who's not used to spicy food etc. Ah, inevitably, a thread about a top tier AR accessory manufacturer's sphincter turns into a N vs S thread. Oh come on, I'm from Wisconsin, further north than you, I was just trying to make him feel better about it. 
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Oh fuck a duck, that is funny! Almost as funny as the guy who came into my ER a few weeks ago with wifey in tow, haranguing him for letting the vibrator (still on, by the way) get too far up his poop-hole and getting sucked up inside. It was a very interesting surgery, considering that after 2 hours it was STILL on - LOL.
The x-ray was priceless. |
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Quoted:
Oh fuck a duck, that is funny! Almost as funny as the guy who came into my ER a few weeks ago with wifey in tow, haranguing him for letting the vibrator (still on, by the way) get too far up his poop-hole and getting sucked up inside. It was a very interesting surgery, considering that after 2 hours it was STILL on - LOL. The x-ray was priceless. Oh come on, I have dropped lincoln logs sized turds that I thought would bust open the sewer pipes...and this guy couldn't just shit it out? |
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i'm not going to laugh...
the sad thing is that i too have made the same mistake... i just didn't post it on arfcom... on a side note, i didn't rewipe more than time or two before i deeided to blade at a 45 and change course of action, mine still had the label attached and at the first "tingle" i read it... those damned clorox wipes should come with a big fucking warning right next to the dispenser holes, so that we don't mess up our dispenser holes... K. |