Posted: 1/2/2025 1:56:38 PM EDT
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My parents are getting older (in their 70s) and I'm noticing mental and cognitive decline. They are choosing to stay where they are in their house that they own for now and they are financially well off. My question is what is the law regarding financials/property without a will and with a will? What "procedure" will I have to go through for their finances/property if no will exists? I am encouraging my mother to sit down with my dad this year and make a will but unfortunately both have the "head in the sand" mindset and choose to ignore problems/issues. They also have the "head in the sand" mindset as far as acknowledging cognitive/mental issues. |
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My understanding is that if there is no will, the state decides who gets what. Talk to a decent family attorney now, and get a will made up. I am not an attorney. This may help: https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/intestate-succession-iowa.html |
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Originally Posted By bnz42: My understanding is that if there is no will, the state decides who gets what. Talk to a decent family attorney now, and get a will made up. I am not an attorney. That's what I needed to know. I'm not sure how I can "force" them to make one but being as I am the only child (I know that does not matter in the eyes of the Law) more shit I have to deal with. They have their collective heads so far in the fucking sand that it's unreal. |
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There's more to consider than just the estate. Medical power of attorney, financial power of attorney. Funeral plans (funerals are stupid expensive), cremation, casket, donate the body. Are you already on their checking account (you should be). Know exactly what they own, what the owe, where everything like insurance policies and investments are. If they have a safe, you need the combination. Car titles, car keys, what are the monthly bills, all of that. Collectibles, guns, etc. As an only child the estate will eventually pass to you but with out a will the timing will be at the mercy of the court's schedule. Figure a year at least. Honestly, even with a will it can take a year. In the meantime you have to keep the lights on, the taxes paid, the bills paid. Mom was pretty up front with us. She was an old nurse, and had seen dad slowly decline over the years. She knew her time wasn't unlimited. It was just my sister and me. The kicker on the estate was the family farm. We wanted to sell, others didn't. My share would have been a whopping ten acres, it made no sense to keep it. We asked mom to try and sell it (she had no real interest in it anymore) but she left it to us (me actually) to deal with. Had to force the sale which pissed off the relatives, which I didn't care. Hadn't seen any of them in years. They meant nothing to me. Funeral plans became something of a running joke in the family. Mom was 96 when she died. She said "I don't know who's coming to my funeral, I've outlived everyone I know." We all chuckle about it but it was true. She died during covid (not from covid). There were six of us at the graveside service. My sister and her significant other, my two daughters, the ex, and me. It can be a lot to deal with and it's understandable they don't want to. I'm 68, soon to be 69, and have begun the discussions with my daughters. I have a long ways to go on that, but at least everyone is thinking about. The male side of my family generally crashed and burned early. The female side lasts forever. |
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Originally Posted By Ameshawki: There's more to consider than just the estate. Medical power of attorney, financial power of attorney. Funeral plans (funerals are stupid expensive), cremation, casket, donate the body. Are you already on their checking account (you should be). Know exactly what they own, what the owe, where everything like insurance policies and investments are. If they have a safe, you need the combination. Car titles, car keys, what are the monthly bills, all of that. Collectibles, guns, etc. As an only child the estate will eventually pass to you but with out a will the timing will be at the mercy of the court's schedule. Figure a year at least. Honestly, even with a will it can take a year. In the meantime you have to keep the lights on, the taxes paid, the bills paid. Mom was pretty up front with us. She was an old nurse, and had seen dad slowly decline over the years. She knew her time wasn't unlimited. It was just my sister and me. The kicker on the estate was the family farm. We wanted to sell, others didn't. My share would have been a whopping ten acres, it made no sense to keep it. We asked mom to try and sell it (she had no real interest in it anymore) but she left it to us (me actually) to deal with. Had to force the sale which pissed off the relatives, which I didn't care. Hadn't seen any of them in years. They meant nothing to me. Funeral plans became something of a running joke in the family. Mom was 96 when she died. She said "I don't know who's coming to my funeral, I've outlived everyone I know." We all chuckle about it but it was true. She died during covid (not from covid). There were six of us at the graveside service. My sister and her significant other, my two daughters, the ex, and me. It can be a lot to deal with and it's understandable they don't want to. I'm 68, soon to be 69, and have begun the discussions with my daughters. I have a long ways to go on that, but at least everyone is thinking about. The male side of my family generally crashed and burned early. The female side lasts forever. Mom said that dad has a file in the file cabinet of all the financials. My dad was an asshole and made his final plans and paid them without moms knowing and input. Mom has her head so deep in the sand that I'm trying to give her a reality check but I don't know how quite honestly. She pretty much refuses to paying her final expenses ahead of time. She lost her parents several years ago and had to go through POA and make life and death medical decisions so I am familiar with all that. My parent's are highly dysfunctional and I wouldn't be suprised if they have a dysfunctional relationship so that adds to the shit as well. I need to broach the subject of advanced directives, etc with them/mom as well but like I said with their collective heads so far in the sand it's hard to know how. |
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Originally Posted By Ameshawki: There's only so much you can do. They're adults. Consult an estate attorney for advice, have one handy when they do finally pass, and hope for the best. Bad situation but everyone deals with the end of life differently and most don't do it well. I was lucky. Yep. I'm praying God takes them quick and it's not a long medical/dementia battle. I need to prep emotionally and mentally. Getting my ass back in a legitimate church wouldn't hurt either. |
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Along with a knowledgable attorney you need to get ahold of a financial/tax guy that is very familiar with your type of situation as they can advise you on the tax and financial advantages of doing things certain ways. My wife has her name listed as POD (Payable on Death) on her moms bank accounts, CD's, money markets, etc... She is also listed with her mom on the various County Assessors websites for the different pieces of farmland. BUT the big thing she was told was not to transfer her house into my wifes name that she's (we will be) living in due to the stepped up death benefit when her mom passes...HUGE tax implications are involved there. My MIL has dementia/Alzheimer's and is in memory care now, but even before when she was in independent/then assisted living she did not have the cognitive ability for my wife to be able set up a trust for her at the lawyers office. Because of this my wife will still have to deal with Probate Court because of everything that is involved, even with the proactive arrangements she's already made on her moms behalf. Because of this my wife and I have decided that we need to get a trust set up sooner than later so our daughter doesn't have to deal with all this nonsense. Get anything that you need signed by your parents ASAP because if the lawyer doesn't feel that they don't know what all they are signing, or why, they may not sign off on the will/trust at their office. Also even with you listed as the only person on the will doesn't necessarily keep you from going through probate so be sure to check that out. ***I'm not a lawyer*** As something that was told to us by our tax/financial advisor, after we'd already met with the lawyer, about our parents wills/estate and listing all assets, amounts in bank accounts, life insurance, etc... If you are listed as a beneficiary on anything you do not have to list that on the total amount of the estate when you're sitting with the lawyer and deciding on how much the estate is worth. Years ago the Iowa Bar Association got the Legislature (lots of lawyers) to pass a law that everything is to be listed and thus the lawyer makes more due to his percentage of what the estate is worth and I believe in addition to what there normal fee is for an estate. Now I might not be remembering or stating the wording or reasoning about this in its legal manner but I know we were told that if you are listed as a beneficiary on anything you do not have to list it towards the estate. I don't remember if accounts that you're listed on as POD on counts as well or the same as being the beneficiary. This is why it pays to also deal with a competent tax/financial professional before/during the estate process with the lawyer. You may even deal with or know a lawyer that will advise you about the beneficiary part of the estate as there are lawyers that don't agree that it's morally right to add the beneficiary account amounts because that entails no work on their behalf to do anything, the bank/financial institution deals with you directly upon them getting a certified copy of the death certificate(s). ***Once again I'm not a lawyer but take my above advice and get with a professional*** 
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Originally Posted By Ameshawki: There's only so much you can do. They're adults. Consult an estate attorney for advice, have one handy when they do finally pass, and hope for the best. Bad situation but everyone deals with the end of life differently and most don't do it well. I was lucky. You might be able to talk them into just a few things based on what my attorney did for me: 1) All cash accounts should "transfer on death" 2) Set up a waterfall trust for any real estate/personal property. That allows it all to transfer to the trust beneficiary upon death, but remains free of hassles prior to death. Good luck. |
Dave Funk
Past President and now a Board of Directors member Iowa Firearms Coalition.
Past President and now a Board of Directors member Iowa Firearms Coalition.
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Sounds like I need to talk to the attorney with my folks that is IF I can get them to get a will and POA/Advanced directives made which I highly doubt. My folks have never listened to me which is very difficult. Does probate sort out finances as well or ?? My mom has all these high and mighty ideas that she wants to do that she NEVER ends up doing. Latest one is stay in their current house/acreage that looks like shit because they can't or won't do anything and wait until I turn 55 to move into a 3 story "condo" place. Problem is the elderly and stairs do not mix and elevators don't always work. The complex she has fantasized about is one building with multiple units that are called "condos" but it looks more to me like fancy apartments. They have no understanding that there is a reason why I moved out in 2019 so why the blue fuck would I move back in with them. Another issue is that is 10 years down the road so I wish that she would understand reality and not fantasy! |