[ARCHIVED THREAD] - effective communication (Page 1 of 2)
Posted: 7/26/2004 9:07:36 AM EDT
| It is apparent that males and females communicate differently. What are some of your "tricks of the trade" for effectively communicating with your significant other/boyfriend/husband/fiance? Did you first establish the "ground rules" for how you were going to communicate in your relationship or was it something that developed with the maturity of the relationship? |
It's developed over time. We both have to make an effort to express ourselves so that the other party understands. For instance: subtlety is lost on my hubby. After 5 years, he still can't tell when I'm joking or being sarcastic unless I wink or something. He also can not read body language at all, so I have had to learn to be more expressive about things. I tend to be more demonstrative of my affection than he is. I'll walk up and kiss his neck or run my hands down his back to say that I love him, but he is not that way. It has taken me a while to understand his way of expressing affection. It was a major source of anxiety in the early days of our relationship because I grew up in a demonstrative home, so I thought he didn't care when he really does. Now I am able to read him pretty well. Funny that a man who can't read subtle cues sure does use them a lot. 
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| <------------gets out pen and paper and anxiously awaits the evolution of this thread, while at the same time wondering why women can't just use words to form sentences when communication is needed, or why women can't seem to understand when communication is needed. |
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I try to always acknowledge my husband's point of view when presenting my own. We defintely agreed to disagree early on and try to reach some sort of middle ground. Doesn't always work but at least we try. I think I am in a slightly different situation because my husband was raised "old school" Asian. His mother is very submissive and never disagrees with his father. So I try to keep that in mind and at the same time I have to remind him he knew I wasn't a door mat when he married me. When that doesn't work I just tell him not to use that sexist crap on me! (ooh he loves that one - NOT!) I think it is very important to let your partner know you appreciate them...whether through words or gesture. Sometimes its easy for one or the other of us to feel like we are taken for granted so its nice every now in then to tell and be told that we appreciate them. |
I have to admit. The jerks on the internet are just as annoying as the ones you have to deal with daily.  If we annoy you then don't go to a freakin' WOMENS forum! |
| i'm a pretty blunt person, and thankfully whatever i say tends to come out sweetly, well at least i think it does. but i did set boundaries for the guy that i'm dating right now and they seem to be working ok. we have always communicated real well, if i had a problem with something he said or did i would wait for an appropiate time and bring it up, calmly mind you, and he has done the same with me. so far it has worked for us. |
Boy, that sounds pretty gay. You come into the women's forum to get in touch with your feminine side? Was this at your boyfriend's request or did you take it upon yourself? |
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Small words (2 syllables or less) and short sentences. Seriously, I guess I'm just pretty direct. I also think about stuff before I discuss it with my husband and I make sure I'm not angry about it when I bring it up. If it's a problem, I try to make sure I resolve the emotion part as best I can before talking to him so it's more about solution than chewing out crazy woman blah, blah, blah. But that's more problem/resolution communication. Did you mean just lovey dovey communication stuff too? |
Oh, you! Too late, you're already on my "good-guy" list. I don't chew out the good guys.
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see guys mike here knows what to do and how to handle things, why can't most of you be like mike? |
Thanks for the great responses! I meant just any kind of communication that actually works for you where the both of you feel like something was accomplished afterwards instead of one or both walking away still not feeling like anything had been said at all. Hopefully that makes sense  |
come over to our shoot in bama aug 7th and will spread more bits of wisdom.
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We discuss things and try to find middle ground. Sometimes we do not agree but we will back the other. When it comes to the kid it has always been we back each other and no going from one parent to the other. We had to learn early on to communicate with each other especially when we worked together 24/7. 
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*angels sing* |
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Communication is critical. I clam up until I pop. Then, he wins, I loose until I calm down, then I win, because I have already heard his side and have had time to come back with an answer. Seriously, we have always had good communication between us. Even when we disagree, we agree to disagree. Works well. Men: are you taking notes? 
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i can't make that my aunt is getting married in vegas, and i have to babysit my younger brother and take him to school, while my mother gambles. but i will find another way believe me i will. its going to be great! oh and i am so being sarcastic. |
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oh there are unspoken boundaries that we both have set, i thought you never posted on this board, change of heart or did you just want to see what i was up too? |
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no don't go i like you here
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Well, I thought we had worked through communication, but then my FIL called..... He's putting in for a drawing for an island hunt this year. They've been turned down the past 2 years, so he thinks they have a good chance this year. Hubby wants to go, which isn't a problem at all, but he thinks it will make me mad. Why does he think I'll be mad about it, you ask? Because 3 years ago I got mad at him after he went on one of these 5 day excursions. In his pavlovian male brain, that means all hunting trips will make me mad.  Nevermind the fact that the reason I was mad was that he broke a promise he had made to me months in advance in order to go on said trip. It wasn't some little insignifigant promise, but a really big deal, and I had emphasized that when I made him swear.  I'm not mad about it anymore, and I don't care if he goes this year, but I really thought we had been over that 3 years ago and he understood. <sigh> Men..... Can't live with 'em, but it's a pain in the @ss to dispose of the bodies. There's my rant about my otherwose wonderful hubby. I do love him, but he sure can make me crazy. |
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Six adult pigs can consume an adult in less than 24 hours. But, then again, don't listen to me. I've been single for the better part of seven years. Maybe it has something to do with my reponse when the subject of marriage comes up. Him: So would you get married again? Me: Yeah! I loved being married. I'd get married but I won't get divorced again. ::pause:: I'll put a man in the ground.... but I won't get divorced again.  |
here's a little insight, its hard to tell what he's thinking while online, but he did get a little bit of a tongue lashing later that night on the phone when i called him. we've only been dating for about 5 months, which is the longest relationship of my 22 year old life, and have know each other for a little over 6. everyother man never lasted more than 3 months, so he's a good guy, he just doesn't know the right time to ask things sometimes. so i helped him out a little bit with that the next day when i saw him.  |
i've never been married before or even had any real long term relationships before, well before joker581, mainly because i want to travel a lot and the places i want to go to college are not in this country. and especially with anthropology being my main interest there is no way i can go anywhere with just a bachlors degree, one would need at least a masters. so i never got involved with anyone because i didn't expect any guy to follow me all over the world, but i may have finally found someone who might, and if he is willing to do that he's a keeper. is it sad to be able to see yourself down the road in ten years alone and not not see anything wrong with that? |
WTF OVER? Ok. moving on.... I think the "communication problem" is that females tend to give hidden messages in their tone of voice or eye gestures, etc. Males do not look at that stuff and simply disect the nouns and verbs. If they are wise, the response is "uh huh" or "sure". I have had zero problems communicating with females though email and text, for example, I didn't know half of you were female until recently. (Does that make me gay???  )
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Cuz that only works for so long. then you have to find new ways of placating a woman. Which isn't a real solution to communication. |
Yeah. DON'T HINT AROUND or try and be 'sly'. Very few men will "get it" and you'll end up disappointed. Just be honest and forthcoming. Please. save yourself and us the trouble.
No, but the two boyfriends you're seeing do. |
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Male announcer: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a red zone. Female announcer: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a red zone. Male announcer: The red zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in a white zone. Female announcer: No, the white zone is for loading. Now, there is no stopping in a RED zone. Male announcer: The red zone has always been for loading. Female announcer: Don't you tell me which zone is for loading, and which zone is for unloading. Male announcer: Look Betty, don't start up with your white zone shit again. male announcer: There's just no stopping in a white zone. Female announcer: Oh really, Vernon? Why pretend, we both know perfectly well what this is about. You want me to have an abortion. Male announcer: It's really the only sensible thing to do, if its done safely. Therapeutically there's no danger involved. |
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Hey I was perfectly clear. My husband asked "dont' you want me to succeed in my career? Don't you want to see me be happy?" My response. "No." could I have been any clearer? So how come he got so pissed off?? |